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At the moment i'm having a lot of work done on my house.
So things are getting moved all over the place, and the whole thing is a bit of a mess.
The upshot of all this is that last night I slept on a mattress on the floor.
It was in every way as comfortable as sleeping on a bed.
So my question is; why the fuck do we have beds?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:18, archived)
To put used condoms underneath
and bras

Edit: and wine bottles, a plate of biscuits and a lone shoe
(I helped save b3ta! Hankster, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:19, archived)
And the monsters

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:19, archived)
What Monsters?

(I helped save b3ta! Floppy Donkey crawled out of the ditch., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:26, archived)
He means daddy.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:52, archived)
Surely some other advanced technology could be developed for this.
Like, say, the box?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:19, archived)
Bras, in a box?
Edit:
If the condoms are in a box in the bedside drawer, why on earth would I put a used one back in anyway?
(I helped save b3ta! Hankster, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:20, archived)
Beside a fox?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:21, archived)
This is a terrible idea and I'm oot.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:21, archived)
Why not?

(I helped save b3ta! well, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:19, archived)
Because they serve no purpose whatsoever.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:20, archived)
There are many things that fit that category,
i wouldn't worry about them.
(I helped save b3ta! well, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:21, archived)
I'm sick of people falling for the pro-beddist lobby and their lies.
SLEEPERS OF THE WORLD UNITE, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT YOUR BEDS!
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:22, archived)
Skub?

(I helped save b3ta! well, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:25, archived)
To keep things under.
NEXT
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:19, archived)
Like chastity belts and swollen bollocked 'boyfriends'.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:21, archived)
you biiiiiitch

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:21, archived)
I think I may have to pop him back on ignore before I get entirely out of hand and cause internet tears.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:23, archived)
ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT MYKEY ISN'T GETTING ANY, DESPITE ACTING LIKE HE'S SOME SORT OF SEX EXPERT?

(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:24, archived)
THE WORD IS SEXPERT.
AS ANY BOFFIN WORTH HIS SALT WOULD KNOW.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:25, archived)
I'm no boffin :(

(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:29, archived)
Haha, that sounds like a Scottish person that's not getting any sex.
lololololololol etc.
(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:30, archived)
Actually, I meant to say "pest", not "expert".

(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:32, archived)
Lifting folds isn't a Karma Sutra move.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:26, archived)
World's Strongest Man seems more fitting.

(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:30, archived)
Mykey has so much sex that it's almost ironic that he calls me a slag.

(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:26, archived)
He wants you to be a slag, with him.
But he's too trapped in a sexless relationship to ever face up to this issue.
(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:31, archived)
And too fat for normal, sane women to ever consider touching him.

(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:31, archived)
Bad luck for me.

(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:34, archived)
You must be gutted.

(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:35, archived)
Totally.

(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:36, archived)
I should say so.
I mean, if it wasn't for having me as an internet boyfriend you'd obviously have to resort to interaction with real boys.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:37, archived)
I've been meaning to talk to you about that.
I've been doing snogging with Real Life Boys. Does this count as cheating? They can't fulfil me as much as your pixels do though, I promise.
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:40, archived)
You massive slag.
I demand you make this up to me, a perfect stranger, by providing me with pictures of your tits.
/Mykey/
(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:42, archived)
I think that's fine
I believe that's standard LOLcyber protocol. Although, I'm probably coming to the OMG christmas bash, so you do realise we can only converse through mobile phones connected to b3ta, from opposite ends of the bar? all else would break all the rules of THE INTERNET.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:43, archived)
And that would never do.
Imagine, people talking on the internet AND in real life.
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:48, archived)
So we can put stuff under them
thus making more use of the space.

Possibly.

This is why I have a bed, anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:19, archived)
SPACEPISS!
How is your vagina today anyway?
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:20, archived)
It was angry, now it's stalking minor celebrities in Cheltenham.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:21, archived)
Wearing its deerstalker i hope?

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:22, archived)
But of course.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:23, archived)
I like Futons
but everyone I talk to about them says I'm wrong and that futons are uncomfortbale and too hard.

I find them much comfier than beds.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:19, archived)
I find long grass comfy to sleep on

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:20, archived)
its hardly clean though.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:21, archived)
It is if you clean it first.

(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:22, archived)
Neither's your mattress/futon cushiony thing.
It'll be full of mites, dust, sweat....
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:22, archived)
Futon ga futtonda!
japanese joke
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:21, archived)
Are you calling me Japanese?
you racist.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:22, archived)
You think I'm calling you Japanese?
You laysist.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:24, archived)
So the cameraman doesn't have to bend down.

(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:19, archived)
Ha!

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:21, archived)
He!

(I helped save b3ta! Floppy Donkey crawled out of the ditch., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:27, archived)
because in the old days when we slept at floor level shit crawled all over us,
and the trend of sleeping raised up as continued.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:19, archived)
That's the last time I give the real answer.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:22, archived)
To lose knickers underneath.

(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:20, archived)
AHA that might be where my blue lace ones have got to
I'll check tonight. Ta Limey.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:20, archived)
They're on my head, I've already told you this...

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:22, archived)
Can I have them back?

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:23, archived)
But I look like Spideyman :'(
Do you want me to stop looking like Spideyman? do you? :'(
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:25, archived)
Alright
keep them on but take everything else off.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:25, archived)
Hehehehehe I'm Spideyman :)

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:29, archived)
You should probably give them a rinse first.

(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:26, archived)
They're clean, I lost them when putting stuff back in the drawer.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:27, archived)
Well if he has had them
you will wish he had rinsed them. When that stuff gets ground in, no quantity of Arial Biotabs will get it out.
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:30, archived)
All of this sort of talk is only making me need a lie down

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:31, archived)
I should probably move in with you for helpful little tips like this.

(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:24, archived)
I think you should
I'll feed you and keep you entertained and you can give me tips and teach me Italian.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:26, archived)
Perfick.

(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:29, archived)
Like fat girls.
They lose their knickers underneath too.
(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:21, archived)
So your dog has something to hide under when he's swallowed a sock
and is feeling sorry for himself.
(I helped save b3ta! The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:20, archived)
I have no dog.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:21, archived)
How does it smell?

(I helped save b3ta! The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:21, archived)
When it's a jar!

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:22, archived)
it's a conspiracy that only Futon have tried to defuse
but they were bought off by the big carpentry unions.
(I helped save b3ta! Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:20, archived)
To keep shit from crawling all up in your shit.

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:22, archived)
Word.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:24, archived)
Excel.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:24, archived)
I'll point YOUR power in a minute.

(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:26, archived)
That's a terrible Outlook to have.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:29, archived)
So you can be tied down to them.

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 26 Aug 2008, 16:29, archived)