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Hello Bouncers. JMG's on.
Report in with today's internet events.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 7 May 2009, 15:34, archived)
B3ta broke for a bit
There was the sound of a million lard-soaked tears hitting the floor and some meaty fists pounding keyboards in frustration.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:35, archived)
Oh I love when it comes back on and everyone starts new threads.
It's always like the Olympic 100m final.
EVERYBODY has to start a "WHAT HAPPENED?!" thread.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 7 May 2009, 15:36, archived)
DID B3TA BREAK FOR ANYONE ELSE?

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:37, archived)
Yup. been slow for a few days.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:38, archived)
Crank the handle faster. FASTER.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:39, archived)
Needs more coal
Fire up the starboard boiler Mr Crocker!
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:40, archived)
I suggest making miserable users run on treadmills to power it.
Circle of internet justice.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 7 May 2009, 15:42, archived)
But if the users are in the treadmills, who is going to get upset, online?

(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:47, archived)
I'm bound to find somebody.
I'm very good at that.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 7 May 2009, 15:49, archived)
Aye, that you are laddy.

(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:49, archived)
I'M GOING AS FAST AS EEE CAN CAP'IN! SHE CANNE TAKE ANNYMORRE'd d d d d!

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:41, archived)
She wasn't aware anything was going on...

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:43, archived)
And that's why I stand behind girls on the tube
*licks finger and touches hip to make sizzle sound*
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:51, archived)
You are made of bacon.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:55, archived)
Oh right, is this true?
I did wonder why I had difficulties trying to connect. I was farting about with the firewall for a bit because I thought somebody had added a load of new rules.
(I helped save b3ta! turb0t, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:44, archived)
Nothing has happened today.
Here's some music.
*plays music*
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:35, archived)
Lovely.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 7 May 2009, 15:36, archived)
I don't know Jammy
I've made part of a website work, that's good I suppose, but I've got nothing to fill it with so it can't go live.
(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:36, archived)
Why don't you fill it in with some of your rock climbing photos and tales of your victories or battle in Eastern Europe?

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 7 May 2009, 15:37, archived)
I've done that but it's not a sexy man and climbing website.

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:39, archived)
I'm going to put a face mask on now.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:36, archived)
OH IRELAND!
It's no good for you.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 7 May 2009, 15:38, archived)
Why not?

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:39, archived)
I don't know.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 7 May 2009, 15:40, archived)
Will you be off to fight crime in it?

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:38, archived)
No, but I will fight bad skin with it.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:40, archived)
?
www.the-spine.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/scarlett.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:39, archived)

gunshowcomic.com/d/20090202.html
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:42, archived)
I love gunshow but hasn't been updated for a few weeks :(

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:53, archived)
dickbutt

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:57, archived)
Hehe

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:57, archived)
i only just got here

(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:36, archived)
In the last ten minutes, with the aid of my kitchen white board,
I have successfully solved the last mathematical problem with my dissertation.

I'm on the home straight JMG, I can feel the end.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 7 May 2009, 15:37, archived)
*Firm handshakes*
I'm delighted at your progress.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 7 May 2009, 15:38, archived)
I also just really upset Sunderland,
so, always a bonus.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 7 May 2009, 15:50, archived)
I said something nice about SSG

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:38, archived)
SSG, eh?
Lovely chap. Well grounded.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 7 May 2009, 15:39, archived)
and i have a "very beautiful" girlfriend.

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:42, archived)
TFD said the bit in quotes.

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:43, archived)
"with his hands he could probably hold up to 12 grapes..."

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:41, archived)
i once held twelve golf balls in one hand!

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:43, archived)
only because you want some.
lol.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:44, archived)
oh GOD it's going to be awkward between us now.

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:44, archived)
I wouldn't put my willy anywhere yours has been

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:46, archived)
so three inches inside her should be safe then LOLOLOlololl ahhahahhaaaa

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:48, archived)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:48, archived)
ignore me gobbo, I am a dreadful human being and I'm being deliberately cruel and hurtful now

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:56, archived)
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 7 May 2009, 16:02, archived)
no, don't sulk
if you sulk I'll just have to insult you more
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 7 May 2009, 16:04, archived)
all i want is to be loved!

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 7 May 2009, 16:13, archived)
In OFFLINE news
I got presents from people in my office due to my impending 'nearer to death' day.

More at 11.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:40, archived)
Pffft.
Old.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 7 May 2009, 15:41, archived)
Yeah well
LOSER
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:43, archived)
No, that's you,
Oldie.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 7 May 2009, 15:52, archived)
WE'RE ALL GETTING ON, WITH OUR DAYS.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 7 May 2009, 15:41, archived)
I'm listening to Spotify and having a laugh with the bairn.

(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:41, archived)
I'm gonna be honest Jammy, I'm not having the best of days.
I think I might go for a walk around ASDA, that always cheers me up.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:42, archived)
Have a hug
*hugs*
(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:45, archived)
=)

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:50, archived)
The queen watches two people have sex in a pool.
www.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01398/queen-pool_1398132i.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:45, archived)
What kind of sex are you having if you think that's what it looks like?

(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:47, archived)
It looks like he's taking her from behind.
I would love to go for a swim with the queen. I bet she would play that game where she opens her legs and I swim through them.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:48, archived)
"While you're down there, love."
www.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01398/india-beard_1398146i.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:49, archived)
You scare me
*takes back hug*
(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:53, archived)
Don't make me smear a swastica shit on your head.
www.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01393/head-daubing_1393438i.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 May 2009, 15:56, archived)
I tried to bait Gilgamesh into saying horrible things to me
but he couldn't be bothered
(Goatse not a comedy account, Thu 7 May 2009, 16:01, archived)