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I have to go and host a political fundraiser tonight.
They'll be expecting Eurovision jokes.
When was the last time you were the wrong man for the gig?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:33, archived)
Maybe if you don't do them, you'll go down better.

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:34, archived)
Good theory.
BUT, they're doing a draw where people get countries, and the person with the winning country gets some kind of a prize.
Probably planning permission.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:35, archived)
Christ, that sounds shit.

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:38, archived)
Just get gradually pissed and take the micky out of everybody.
It's worked for Terry Wogan for the last eighty six years.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:38, archived)
Unlike Wogan I'm Irish.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:39, archived)
Oh! Oh! Lidlbidapolitics there laysngenlmen!

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:41, archived)
In my case it's a Lidl bit of politics.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:42, archived)
So "gradually" is impossible?

(PsychoChomp, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:42, archived)
BINGO.
I'm off now, PsychoChomp has thoroughly exposed my weakness to alcohol.
Goodnight, the internet, you were no bloody help.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:43, archived)
good luck
or break a leg or whatever
(PsychoChomp, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:45, archived)
I'm gutted he's not commentating tonight

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:46, archived)
worst thing about eurovison, i'm glad he's gone, i can enjoy the music now without him whining over it

(I helped save b3ta! well, Sat 16 May 2009, 20:08, archived)
Talking of whining
thxforthe.info/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/women-just-have-to-shut-the-fuck-up.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 16 May 2009, 20:09, archived)
shockingly relevant as ever there dave

(I helped save b3ta! well, Sat 16 May 2009, 20:11, archived)
:-D

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 16 May 2009, 20:17, archived)
Someone got my attention at a party on Wednesday saying "Oh! Fran'll know. What was the name of Craig David's first album?"
I didn't know. I now know it was 'Born To Do It'.
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sat 16 May 2009, 19:35, archived)
Now we all know.
AND KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE!

YEAH!
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:36, archived)
Hey kid! I'm a computer
stop all the downloadin'
(I helped save b3ta! ArthurTheRat, Sat 16 May 2009, 20:04, archived)
mimimimimimimimimimimimi
/AC
(I helped save b3ta! OneSullenBrit *air sandwiches*, Sat 16 May 2009, 20:04, archived)
G.I. Fraaaan
...wait...
(I helped save b3ta! OneSullenBrit *air sandwiches*, Sat 16 May 2009, 20:04, archived)
Last week

(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:35, archived)
I'm sorry I'm late folks, I had a choice of about 8 shirts to wear and I had dreadful trouble making my mind up
Well, you're not booing yet so I guess you want to see some more *rips off trousers*.
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:36, archived)
Unlike my late nineties gigs, tonight will feature no stripping.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:37, archived)
...So there's me and Keith Moon breaking in to this little sweet shop..

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 16 May 2009, 19:35, archived)
Who?

(I helped save b3ta! Three Dog Man, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:36, archived)
*Cricket applause*

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 16 May 2009, 19:38, archived)
Are you a teenager, by any chance?

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:40, archived)
Think it through, youngster.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:40, archived)
*facepalm*

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:41, archived)
I've been an idiot on the internet, haven't I?

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:42, archived)
Quick!
Distract everybody with a striptease.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:42, archived)
That certainly would be distracting.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:44, archived)
POSTING CAPS HERE SO PEOPLE ARE DRAWN TO BRAYNDEDD'S MISTAKE

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 16 May 2009, 20:11, archived)
*spangs*

(I helped save b3ta! Three Dog Man, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:42, archived)
Just because I've a beard doesn't mean I'm Graham Chapman.
And in other news, which of our poets were you struggling with?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:36, archived)
I forget, now..
Bugger..

:(
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 16 May 2009, 19:38, archived)
Some of them are shit.
I'll admit that.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:38, archived)

img190.imageshack.us/my.php?image=jmgforme.jpg&via=tfrog
(I helped save b3ta! executiverocker only wears C&A, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:37, archived)
*A STRONG WORDED LETTER TO THE MODS, REQUESTING JMG IS BANNED AND :(*

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 16 May 2009, 19:37, archived)
GOODNESS!

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:39, archived)
I'd pay a good sum to jiggle those for half an hour.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 16 May 2009, 19:39, archived)
can't help but think they'd be around her knees when she stands up.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:41, archived)
Oh my.
You might want to stick NSFW on that. Just saying.
(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:41, archived)
Is that from
www.bigtitsandmankytrainers.com?
(I helped save b3ta! Three Dog Man, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:50, archived)
I am disappointed that the Internet has failed to deliver on that particular niche market.
Afterall, it has given us black amputee toilet hardware handjob porn, so it's not like it's more effort.
(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:52, archived)

www.discovervancouver.com/forum/Colostomy-Sex-t148323.html

SFW
HONEST
(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:54, archived)
I reckon you posted that.
There have to be photos for a porn niche to exist.
(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:56, archived)
just find out what terry wogan said last year

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:37, archived)
That's easy.
I'll just need two bottles of gin.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:38, archived)
"Hey, love. What's on the other side? I can't stand that gay Irish man"
probably
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:41, archived)
The ironing is delicious.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:41, archived)
when i got married last, lol, banter
great times
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:46, archived)
People repeatedly calling you when they're pissed and you're not really is great fun.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 16 May 2009, 19:47, archived)