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Fine. Let's play good news bad news. Bonus points for not being predictable without being irrelevant. Double bonus points if it involves slagging off a popular b3tan.
Good news: You have won an olympic gold medal.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:30, archived)
bad news: but it was still at the paralypmics.... spacker!
edit: olympic

*whistles*
(likeajackhammer, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:32, archived)
hubbity hubbity hubbity hubbity hubbity hubbity HUB HUB HUB and UBARE!
Hello.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:32, archived)
Hello good sir...
how is your good self?
(likeajackhammer, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:34, archived)
Okay, thank you very much.
Not good. Not bad. Okay.
YOU?
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:40, archived)
happy yesterday!

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:41, archived)
Yeah! I know!

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:43, archived)
Bad news: for being French

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:32, archived)
Bad news: it's in the Paralympics 110m wheelchair hurdles.

(I helped save b3ta! wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:32, archived)
I have?
That's brilliant!

What's the bad news?
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:32, archived)
You smell of poo poos.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:33, archived)
Dolphin sympathiser.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:45, archived)
FUCK YOU.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:45, archived)
Shove it in your fucking blowhole.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:55, archived)
Bad news, it's actually a chocolate coin.

(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:32, archived)
Good news, it's chocolate.

(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:32, archived)
Bad news. It's dark chocolate.

(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:33, archived)
Good news, you give it to a lady and she wants to sex you up.

(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:33, archived)
bad news. You're piston_broke.

(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:33, archived)
the end

(likeajackhammer, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:35, archived)
Yes.

(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:35, archived)
Bad news, SickRik rubbed it on his bottom before you got it.

(I helped save b3ta! wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:33, archived)
Good news: it's thursday
Bad news: I don't have a pet bear
(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:32, archived)
It'd only rip your face off
and wear it as a hat.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:35, archived)
Bad news :(

(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:38, archived)
Bad news: You 'won' it by sucking off Kriss Akabusi

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:36, archived)
Bad News:
It's haunted by the ghost of Daley Thompson
(I helped save b3ta! The Neville What what what, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:37, archived)
Bad News:
You have no neck to wear it from.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:37, archived)
some sly comment about me.

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:42, archived)
You tiny ant.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:44, archived)
his bath is a thimble

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:46, archived)
I am weak and am from Oldham :(

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:46, archived)
bad news: you wake up next to Pickle Fairy
Good news: you still have your cyanide capsule
(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:44, archived)
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
IIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:45, archived)
fate worse than death. Poor gonzo...and friz

(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:49, archived)
Can I add that to my /talk book of facts?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:53, archived)
Good news: my boyfriend's coming down tomorrow.
Bad news: then he's going away again and I have four more exams. :(
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Thu 21 May 2009, 10:55, archived)
Good news: No exotic flesh eating diseases have been contracted since I've woke up.
Bad news: I still have Captain Charisma sitting opposite me blathering inanities.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 21 May 2009, 10:56, archived)