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Breakfast innovations.
A thousand years ago, people decided that porridge was for old people so they re-invented porridge and called it Readybrek. It made kids grow Osmonds hair, wear parkas and become radioactive.

Then porridge came back into fashion for lazy, gluttonous morons but because this is the 21st century and people are too fat and thick to cook, they re-invented Readybrek but called it Oats-so-simple and charged people twice the price because it is for grown ups. It doesn't even make you radioactive.

Conclusion: 21st century gluttons are more gullible than seventies children. And seventies children bought the fucking stylophone.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:33, archived)
GMOS GMOS GMOS!

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:34, archived)
i like porridge.
i like porridge with milk and raisins.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:46, archived)
and i always buy some cheap oats and some massive jumbo chunky oats and MIX THEM UP.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:47, archived)
it is never as good as it used to be when my mum made it on top of the rayburn though.
bloody microwave
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:48, archived)
but the microwave helps it be more radioactive
you're NEARLY eating readybrek!
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Fri 29 May 2009, 8:51, archived)
:( and therein lies the problem.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:53, archived)
i haven't had porridge since i was a scout
we used to have it for breakfast when camping but i'm pretty sure there was a whole bag of sugar in each bowl
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:55, archived)
blech sugar on breakfast?

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:02, archived)
sugar on breakfast

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:04, archived)
ew yok WRONG.
breakfast should be savoury, except for fruit and maybe honey or jam.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:04, archived)
or poptarts, where sugar is breakfast

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:06, archived)
gross.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:06, archived)
having said that i rarely eat breakfast recently.
i eat apples and bananas and things when at work, starting about 9.30ish
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:06, archived)
^this^
I often add a handfull of barley flakes
and always dried fruit (usually sultanas)

Always microwaved but it must all be soaked overnight
(I helped save b3ta! CanonCaliber A big bore, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:52, archived)
i mean sultanas but i call them all raisins in my head.
AND OUT LOUD, come to that.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:52, archived)
RAISINS!

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:55, archived)
Is this your way of saying you'd like a bowl of Readybrek?
The stuff tastes like wallpaper paste.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:35, archived)
I just had the leftovers from Baby Shambles' bowl.
It still tastes like porridge. It still has the consistency of wallpaper paste.

Although modern instant wallpaper paste doesn't have the consistency of wallpaper paste. Confusingly.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:41, archived)
I wonder if wallpaper paste tastes like porridge.

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:51, archived)
i want wallpaper paste and newspaper so i can make MESSY CREATIONS.
i have not done that for a few years now. MUST BE TIME.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:51, archived)
only one way to find out!

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:56, archived)
I read that in
the voice of the man who does the E4 voiceovers. It was effective.
(I helped save b3ta! The Neville What what what, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:35, archived)
I like porridge mixed with muesli.
Much cheaper to just buy plain oats and then make your own muesli. And you get fruit and nuts and crunchy bits. Nom nom.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 May 2009, 8:36, archived)
^This
I like loads of dried fruit in mine. Nomtastic.
(I helped save b3ta! Anthropos Was making beer on, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:36, archived)
my favourite combo
is apricot, paw paw and coconut mixed with linseed and grains. And then your oats and milk.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 May 2009, 8:38, archived)
I like
Dried cranberries, sultanas, figs, pumpkin seeds, oats, a fresh banana and a fresh cubed apple. I prefer it with natural yoghurt to milk.
(I helped save b3ta! Anthropos Was making beer on, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:41, archived)
Yoghurt is good in summer if you're not having it as porridge
but I like milk for my porridge. :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 May 2009, 8:44, archived)
PONCY.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:48, archived)
I love you too you friendly buffoon.
:)
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 May 2009, 8:50, archived)
*licks face happily*

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:50, archived)
/wipes spit from face.
I don't know you but you're well fluffy. I like you.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 May 2009, 9:01, archived)
*rolls around a bit*
*stretches in contentment*
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:02, archived)
*dangles something feathery on a string near your face*

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:04, archived)
*bites your leg*

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:05, archived)
no binkyfood for you!

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:07, archived)
mahhhh but i am HONGRY in my tummy.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:11, archived)
I like cornflakes
There, I've said it.
(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:38, archived)
i prefer bran flakes.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:49, archived)
I LIKE WEETABIX WITH MARGARINE AND RAISINS. NO MILK IN SIGHT.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:49, archived)
margarine and jam

(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:10, archived)
One of my old school mates used to have weetabix and water
It seemed like the most tasteless meal and looked quite wrong too.
(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:15, archived)
I bought a stylophone
stop bulling me for my choice of electronic goods/food
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:40, archived)
You'll probably be the first man on Mars.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:42, archived)
You can get stylophones from firebox
I want one. I'm not sure why, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:45, archived)
i feel that way about most of the things on firebox and iwoot

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:57, archived)
It's not good.
Thanks to working for the people I do, I can get a discount on Zorbs. TEMPTING.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:58, archived)
AUDIBLE GASP!
how much of a discount?
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:01, archived)
10 permotherfuckingcent, yo.
I think. I'd best check that at some point, actually.

No, wait, I am right. I get a discount on those red letter days too, so if I didn't buy one and just wanted to borrow one for the day it'd be cheap too.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:03, archived)
i want to go zorbing
like, this much
*holds hands far apart*
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:06, archived)
You're not the only one.
Might ask for my very own zorb for my birthday from Grandpa.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:11, archived)
can he get me one too?

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:14, archived)
Probably not.
He's not all that friendly.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:18, archived)
what's wrong with a good old bit of crumpet in the morning?

(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Fri 29 May 2009, 8:54, archived)
WAHEY.
but after that comes breakfast.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:55, archived)
I had a Stylophone when they first came out
and my mother used to buy porridge from the local shop by the pound in brown bags. I don't like porridge. I do like Stylophones, but only a bit. David Bowie famously used one on Space Oddity. A Stylophone that is, not a bag of porridge.
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 29 May 2009, 9:01, archived)
Could've been either.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:03, archived)
yeah but you had a wheel when they first came out

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:03, archived)
FUCKING CHEEK!
You behave on this interweb please. I was on here when it was still in black and white. Back in the good old days when white dog shit was everywhere.
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 29 May 2009, 9:08, archived)
...Take your porridge oats and put your helmet on

(I helped save b3ta! The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:08, archived)

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 29 May 2009, 9:10, archived)
*stylophone noise*

(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 29 May 2009, 9:11, archived)
I thought it was your pacemaker, sorry
:)
(I helped save b3ta! The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:11, archived)
Ground beef whiskas for Ginger Tom.

(I helped save b3ta! FoldsFive, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:17, archived)
hahaha :)
mornin' fella :)
(I helped save b3ta! The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:18, archived)
4, 7, 9, 7, 9, 8, 7, 5, 4
that's the numbers on a Stylophone for the start of Amazing Grace

it was on the Rolf Harris instructional flexidisc
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:08, archived)
Amazing Grace on the Stylophone would have made the end of Star Trek II much more entertaining

(I helped save b3ta! The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:10, archived)
a Rolf Harris instructional flexidisc would help too

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:14, archived)
I have a flexidisk that came free with Private Eye in 1971
In my opinion it is probably one of the funniest things ever recorded. Peter Cook & John Cleese.
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 29 May 2009, 9:13, archived)
I'm still amazed that Heinz make those little pots of microwaveable beans.
Because baked beans are renowned for taking fucking ages to cook.
(I helped save b3ta! FoldsFive, Fri 29 May 2009, 9:15, archived)