Pity me my friends
As I write this message I am sat in the toilets of a McDonalds.
My body is covered in sweat and my legs are shaking.

I am not cottaging, I am shitting.
Even as I type these words into my phone it is gushing out of me.
It smells awful. The colour and texture is akin to khaki gravy.
( WormuIus, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:28, archived)

lovely, get me a big mac

( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:29, archived)

Quarter pounder FTW

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:32, archived)

just the one?

( moohalaa, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:32, archived)

Some of us dont order the entire menu when we go in there Mooie:(

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:33, archived)

I'm quite sure on the odd occasion you've gotten yourself McMuffled.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 29 May 2009, 18:35, archived)

You'll have to speak up
you're on TURBOIGNORE!
( moohalaa, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:38, archived)

It's a good job you're on block by connection.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 29 May 2009, 19:02, archived)

i had one christmas eve when i was 10, got the shits and ruined my crimbo, sadtimes

( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:32, archived)

Every time i eat one i shall think of you shitting yourself at xmas

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:33, archived)

Can you bear to think of him that often?

( thealternativefact, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:34, archived)

Hold on
Im on my sixth burger now

Vinegar strokes
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:41, archived)

You put vinegar on your burgers?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:42, archived)

Actually i put vinegar on most foods
Its an addiction
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:44, archived)

i shit my he man jimmys :((((((

( mongychops, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:34, archived)

Did your neck sustain any level of burning?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:42, archived)

This is a fantastic advert for McDonalds

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:29, archived)

*points and laughs*
I'm sitting with my laptop and a glass garden table that I just purshashed,
in the sun with icy drinks and some olives and things.
( moohalaa, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:29, archived)

PUFF!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 29 May 2009, 18:31, archived)

I might even put a little pink umbrella in my drink
we have to have a packet of them in our cupboards by law
( moohalaa, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:39, archived)

I am also outside with a BBQ and gin in the sun
It's very nice.
( crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:34, archived)

oooh bbq! I didn't think of that, I might get a disposable one and stick some goodies on it

( moohalaa, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:35, archived)

we're having all the goodies
Anti pasta at the mo. Then maybe some salad things and some hot meats
( crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:38, archived)

Have you ever tried to slam anti pasta and pasta together?
That's how the universe was formed, you know
( moohalaa, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:39, archived)

so I've heard...

( crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:44, archived)

I have no foods. I should start some cooking.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 29 May 2009, 18:58, archived)

I spent the day sitting under my free table parasol.
My cousin bought a load at an auction for £5 each. We checked online and they are worth over £100 each, so he's happy.
( OneSullenBrit *air sandwiches*, Fri 29 May 2009, 19:02, archived)

Taste it. Taste it bitch. Tell me what it tastes like. Mmmm. Yeah. Stick your finger in and lick it off.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:30, archived)

McDonalds, eh?

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 29 May 2009, 18:31, archived)

The toilets are nicer in Burger King

( thealternativefact, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:31, archived)

They come with personalised gloryholes

(Bazongaloid, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:40, archived)

Yes. By nicer I meant more sexually rewarding.

( thealternativefact, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:47, archived)

Which end of the hole
are you normally on then?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:48, archived)

I am the hole.
( thealternativefact, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:49, archived)

If you eat at McDonalds, be prepared to deal with the consequences.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:31, archived)

^ this

(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Fri 29 May 2009, 18:42, archived)

I wasn't eating there
I was in dire need of a poo and it was the nearest place that I didn't feel guilty about defiling.
( WormuIus, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:43, archived)

Oh right.
But still, if you don't want to repeat this experience tomorrow, whatever you do don't eat there.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:46, archived)

yeah
because eating at mcdonalds automatically gives you the shits...
(neorockz :), Fri 29 May 2009, 19:01, archived)

You've got more chance of getting it from their food than anyone else's, bar dodgy half-rotten takeaways.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 29 May 2009, 19:04, archived)

to my knowledge
they have pretty strict controls over cleanliness in mcdonalds, washing hands a lot, wearing gloves when preparing food, machinery maintainence etc.
(neorockz :), Fri 29 May 2009, 19:18, archived)

Get on with it then.

( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:31, archived)

There's a spotty teenage McDonals employee on the other side of your toilet door.
and he's wanking to the sound of your tumultuous strains.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Fri 29 May 2009, 18:33, archived)

Why why why tell the internet?

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Fri 29 May 2009, 18:35, archived)

You missed the words "anything" and "ever".

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:36, archived)

Well, I am a keen Internet Over Sharer, but there are limits...

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Fri 29 May 2009, 18:42, archived)

This is what worries me.
I like Wormulus. He enjoys football, and seems to understand fun on here.
But outside is not for internet.
:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 29 May 2009, 18:36, archived)

It was so traumatic that I needed to share.

( WormuIus, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:40, archived)

you're probably dying of swine flu &
madcows disease

before you leave take some of your movements to the salad bar and sprinkle liberally
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Fri 29 May 2009, 18:44, archived)

Probably SARS and H5N1 too.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:47, archived)

not cool
an already traumatic shit made worse by the surroundings. fail.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:36, archived)

>=(

( WHARRGARBL, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:38, archived)

Did you have fries with that?

( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:39, archived)

your phone is now covered in shit molecules

(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Fri 29 May 2009, 18:40, archived)

And vica versa

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:41, archived)

I don't belive you

(PsychoChomp, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:44, archived)

draw a face in poo on the wall

a downsy face
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:55, archived)

Fascinating.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Fri 29 May 2009, 18:55, archived)