Chris Rock is the best standup on the planet.
You people LOVE to disagree with a new thread.
Here's a cracking opportunity!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)

Books Like Kryptonite to &^%%£&$

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:25, archived)

*Firm handshakes*
It's a shame Mykey doesn't see any of this.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:26, archived)

He would only agree with the statement and not realise it's satirical.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:28, archived)

:(
Oh Mykey!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:29, archived)

'i aint never been to jail'

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:28, archived)

Also Chris Rock in Leathal Weapon 4 is epic :)

Didididid one Didididid two Didididid oh fuck I did the wrong number, better start again! Didididid one Dididididid two...
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:29, archived)

I like piston brokes stuff

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:25, archived)

Have you stopped taking your meds again?

( thealternativefact, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:28, archived)

I'm one of the four b3tans that are unmedicated.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:30, archived)

There are two others?
/unlikely
( thealternativefact, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:31, archived)

they're in my mind

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:32, archived)

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

whoop whoop whoop!
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:35, archived)

But you might need some...
( thealternativefact, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:36, archived)

Nah, I'm sound as a pound in the head I am.
I just sometimes think I'm a peacock, that's all.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:39, archived)

pea wee
( thealternativefact, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:41, archived)

You'd like me to wee on you, wouldn't you?
wouldn't you?
WOULDN'T YOU?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:43, archived)

Don't wee in my hair this time.
It goes all frizzy.
( thealternativefact, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:44, archived)

I AM NOT MEDICATED
canyoutellcanyoutellcanyoutell
( sleepybinky, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:40, archived)

That's because they haven't invented Anti-Rapist pills yet.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:35, archived)

:(

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:37, archived)

What you frowning about?!?!
They can't stop you, you should be HAPPY!
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:40, archived)

He's very tired.

( thealternativefact, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:42, archived)

So, now I'm not only a rapist,
I'm a lazy rapist.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:44, archived)

He's not very funny.
I am listening to Slade.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:25, archived)

They're not very good.
I'm drinking Pepsi.

..and so forth.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:26, archived)

I can't disagree with Pepsi.
I have strawberry milk.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:28, archived)

Drinking pepsi
will give me severe stomach pains.
I can only drink coke.
( turb0t, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:41, archived)

... what manner of fail are you?

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:47, archived)

its no fail
Pepsi is just shit, and poison as far as I'm concerned.
( turb0t, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:51, archived)

my great aunt had a fling with noddy from slade, FACT.
she was his Bit of Fluff.
( sleepybinky, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:27, archived)

That's cool.
I love Noddy Holder.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:29, archived)

one of my other great aunts had early plastic surgery after her gas oven exploded in her face, killing one of her children and severely injuring another.
she was more cool that great aunty kate. she lived in an oldschool terrace back in the day, and in teh day she would do the whole street's laundry and in the night she would do the whole street's baking. she was virtually a WONDERWOMAN
( sleepybinky, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:34, archived)

I watched that Richard Pryor chap on Youtube earlier.
I can see where Chris Rock would get his inspiration from, they're both very funny.

/Sitting on the fence
( Bats, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:26, archived)

Richard Pryor's sketch about fighting Ali and shooting his Car are two of my favourites ever :)

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:27, archived)

I enjoy Chris Rock's work
But I don't think he's made very good films.
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:27, archived)

But but but what about Pootie Tang :'(

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:30, archived)

I haven't seen that
I'm prepared to admit I might be wrong. I just think the ones I've seen (early 90's ones) have been a bit crap.
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:31, archived)

I like him.
I'm going to see Richard Herring record his DVD tomorrow and I'm well looking forward to it.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:28, archived)

We've done stand ups already today JMG.
But even so, I'm a fan of Stewart Lee. And I'm going to see Ed Byrne in November. So, woo. I suppose.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:28, archived)

It is a hot day.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:29, archived)

I have a feeling it will be sunny until about noon on friday.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:30, archived)

and then what?

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:31, archived)

IMPLOSIONS

(thediscokingpin, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:34, archived)

I shall be sure to wear a jacket

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:37, archived)

I have a feeling it'll get dark 4 times before then.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:46, archived)

I disagree.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:47, archived)

You are a polar bear
AICMFP
( turb0t, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:52, archived)

in scotland at this time of year,
it never quite does.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:48, archived)

I was outside last night
at 12.05 and there was a nice glow in the north west sky. It got dark, just, about 12.20.
(thediscokingpin, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:51, archived)

I saw chris rock live.
He was brillo.

Some of the fatter members of the audience almost chocked on their buckets of assorted confectionery when they found out he was black.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:33, archived)

I don't know who he is
so I'm going to assume he's a cunt
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:35, archived)

tits like coconuts

( Lightguy hail satan, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:35, archived)

I only remember him in Fifth Element
and he was pretty annoying. It's a role, fair enough.

But someone said that he plays that role in every film, so i'm lumping him in with that other crock-o-shite 'funny man' Martin Lawrence.
(thediscokingpin, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:36, archived)

He wasn't in the Fifth Element
You're thinking of Chris Tucker
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:37, archived)

In that case
I dont know him, and I don't like Chris Tucker.

Take that Tucker!
(thediscokingpin, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:42, archived)

Jaaaaackie...YOOOOOOOOOOOCRAYZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:44, archived)

Chris Tucker gave both his kidneys to orphan children
But those children grew up to be Hitlers
( Theoban What of it, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:50, archived)

My rage is justified then

(thediscokingpin, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:52, archived)

He was in Fifth Element?
Wasn't that that chap in that Bad Boys movie? The thin one.
( Bats, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:37, archived)

That's Will Smith
oh god, you lot are so racist. "all look the same" blah blah blah
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:41, archived)

P.s. I can do a WICKED Nelson Mandela impression

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:46, archived)

That was Wesley Snipes.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:38, archived)

That was Sidney Poitier.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:40, archived)

That was Stevie Wonder

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:41, archived)

That was Oprah Winfrey

( thealternativefact, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:43, archived)

That was a blacked up Will Mellor

( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:43, archived)

That was Kofi Annan

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:44, archived)

That was Condoleezza Rice.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:45, archived)

That was Peter Sellers

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:47, archived)

That was 19th century Zulu leader "Shaka"

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:49, archived)

That was Darth vader.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:49, archived)

That was Burt Kwouk

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:50, archived)

That was 'The Superfly' Jimma Snuka.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:53, archived)

I only remember him as the thirteeth apostle
who was left out of the bible because he was black.
( turb0t, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:55, archived)

Tim Minchin is coming to Aberdeen.
I want to go see him.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:39, archived)

do so

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:41, archived)

October I think.
I may book tickets when my next pay comes in.
Need someone to go with too.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:42, archived)

I watched everybody loves raymond this morning, and I enjoyed it

YOU HEARD ME
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 15:54, archived)