Right. I'm off to India on Friday.
What invaluable sentences will I need to be able to say?
Already on my list:
'Hot here, isn't it?'
'This is where them Pakistanis come from, then?'
'Have you not got any beef Patel, if that is your real name?'
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:21, archived)

"I'm not racist but..."

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:22, archived)

Hmm.
My dictionary doesn't have racist. Can you rephrase it?
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:23, archived)

"Excuse me! Don't you know how to queue? Honestly!"

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:24, archived)

"I can has cheeseburger?"

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:26, archived)

"Tell me the truth. Was that thing that just bit me posionous?"

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:32, archived)

I wouldn't let one on my bus.

( BindiBaji, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:27, archived)

WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCK OFF BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:23, archived)

Make sure you refer to all people out there as "Pakis"
regardless of race, religion or creed.

It's what some of the english have been doing for years, and they've developed a familiarity with it.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:23, archived)

CHIPS....you know CHIPS!!

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:24, archived)

"I love Slumdog Millionaire Cosplay, those funny mutilated begger kids look well real lol"

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:24, archived)

Also if you feel the need to kiss a girl, get real close, and then bust into song and dance. Everyone will join in too within a radius of 2 miles

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:26, archived)

My loony bun is fine, Benny Lava!

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:27, archived)

and magically change costume a few times during such events

(richard cropper's comedy account Stephen Frizzle is on the sex offenders list, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:27, archived)

God I fucking love Bollywood.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:29, archived)

Also, moist towellettes over there aren't called 'Ghandi-Wipes'

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:27, archived)

aren't they?
fucksocks
(VampirEvil Nobody appreciated my humour, so I'm gone., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:32, archived)

Think how I felt when I went Rock Climbing and though crampons were something you get when you forget to stretch your cunt when on your period before ascending

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:37, archived)

Just remember to pay double for blind kids

( SuperMatt, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:24, archived)

ma chud = mother fucker
ben chud = sister fucker

gorah = whiteboy

i'm sorry i don't have anything useful to add.
(richard cropper's comedy account Stephen Frizzle is on the sex offenders list, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:24, archived)

Ever

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:25, archived)

when dancing you can also say "jai ho!"
and try to blend in as one of them
(richard cropper's comedy account Stephen Frizzle is on the sex offenders list, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:26, archived)

*dances*
*screws in the lightbulb*
*feeds the chickens*
*does the sprinkler*
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:31, archived)

Make the montion for screwing in a light bulb and also shake your head in time to the music.
You are now dancing bollywood style.
( BindiBaji, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:37, archived)

FACT:
The hindi for brother-in-law saalaa also doubles as a term of abuse; to call someone 'saalaa' is to imply that you have fucked their sister.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:27, archived)

tbh, some casts are so inbred
this just goes without saying xD
(richard cropper's comedy account Stephen Frizzle is on the sex offenders list, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:30, archived)

It's quite comforting to know that for once in my life
my pasty white northern skin will mean I am treated like a god for a few weeks.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:30, archived)

So remember not to ask waiters for a salad in that slow clear British way of talking to foreigners
"No, I want a salad... a saaaaa-laaaaaaaaa-GETYOURHANDSOFFME!"
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:30, archived)

My name is Derek I live in Bolton, how may I help you?

( BindiBaji, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:25, archived)

Mera naam Derek hu mai Bolton me rahta hu, kya me aap ki sadad dena sakta hu?

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:29, archived)

Impressive
Is it an easy language?
( BindiBaji, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:33, archived)

If you understand grammar, then it's not overly difficult.
It's easier once you've learnt the alphabet (57 letters, all syllables, no ambiguity like English or French), as it doesn't Romanize to a universal standard.
However, grammatically speaking:
Subject-object-verb ie. I oranges eat.
No articles, ie. a, the
Postpositions, not prepositions ie. Spoon with, not with a spoon.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:42, archived)

I might struggle then.
Being out there must be the bet way to learn. You having lessons?
( BindiBaji, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:59, archived)

Teaching myself.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:08, archived)

MEE NAM DURICK AHAI IV IN BOWLTUN HAOW MAAY EYE HELUP OOO
see
easy
( RedStar returneth, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:45, archived)

"Give me the hottest curry you've got Sanjay, with chips"
( C, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:27, archived)

AS BLAND AS POSSIBLE.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:34, archived)

AND A FORK AND KNIFE!

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:42, archived)

Need... Toilet Roll

( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:30, archived)

I DON'T LIKE CRICKET
OH NO
I LOVE IT
( GrandmaOfShoes, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:34, archived)

I don't like gmos.
That's true, sorry.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:40, archived)

:D
BLOFELD
( vladimir, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:42, archived)

also,
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJD8o5rYiFE
( vladimir, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:48, archived)

Mujhe ko pasand cricket nahi hai
oh no
me pyarta hu
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:47, archived)

lol

(likeajackhammer, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:35, archived)

phonetically spelt:
tusi-bura kuti-hay = you're an evil bitch
(Peter_G, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:36, archived)

better to live a day as a tiger than a lifetime as a sheep
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mrO5a5k1z0
( vladimir, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:39, archived)