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I received the best mail shot spam letter ever today.
SBS INVESTIGATORS

SUE 07795152149
BEV 07764152103
SONJA 07764152100

Then some gumpf about their efficient and enthusiastic service
In the middle of the page is a badly pixelated Charlie's Angels logo with SBS in word art over the top.

It even came bundled with a branded calculator and pen!

I might frame it.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 8:58, archived)
I've sent a text to Sue, Bev and Sonja to respectfully request bumhole photos.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:00, archived)
i hope you actually have

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:05, archived)
lying on the internet is frowned upon, y'know

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:05, archived)
The people demand a scan of this mailshot letter!

(Nalr I'll get the coals, you bring the burgers., Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:01, archived)
THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT ME YOU PLUM.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:13, archived)
Then the people demand the bum pics!

(Nalr I'll get the coals, you bring the burgers., Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:19, archived)
serius bizness.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:06, archived)
i dunno UToL
some people clearly don't understand how replying works
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:17, archived)
ee's all mahhff

(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:05, archived)
he's certainly got no trousers

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:07, archived)
he definitely dont wear pants

(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:11, archived)
he's certainly got no legs

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:13, archived)
well he is a worm

(I helped save b3ta! Neddy shucking chit funt, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:33, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6286189
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:13, archived)
AH! I know you! ello :)

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:16, archived)
Are these Wormulus's other female accounts on here?

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:05, archived)
i'm going to gaz cr3 just incase

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:06, archived)
No, my accounts are
Wormulus
Hermione
Lion-cake
Shitcunt
Northern Wifeb3ta
El Guiri
Police Dog
Igor
BouBees

edit

Meatotomy
Hitler
Marcus De Sade
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:07, archived)
hah!
AS IF you're cool enough to be police dog!
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:08, archived)
I can't wait for the day when someone 'outs' all my masses of comedy accounts
and looks really stupid when they realise that none of them are me.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:10, archived)
have you actually got any apart from the one where you pretended to be a girl for a while because that's not at all creepy?
you don't have to name names, just yes or no
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:12, archived)
This is the funny thing.
The meme started before I had that account! for 3 years I only had one account on b3ta.

Then there was Hermione (later Cock Tuesday), which got banned and ever since everyone has accused hundreds of comedy accounts of being me.

There have even been comedy accounts specifically created to make people think they were me.

After all that I thought why not? and created 2 HILARIOUS comedy accounts that I suspect everyone knows are me anyway.

In total, I have had 4 accounts, at present I have 3.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:16, archived)
i don't know which 2 you mean
i have a second account but i can no longer remember why i created it
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:19, archived)
See, when I did the Marcus one, I started a thread announcing the new Baldmonkey song on Myspace, and then deleted the thread
SCENT THROWING MARVEL
(__, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:43, archived)
i'm not sure anyone will bother, most forum users don't go out of their way to grass up other users over having 2 accounts, i aaume most people would find that behaviour a bit sad

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:13, archived)
I aaume that too

(__, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:10, archived)
hahaha, good one

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:15, archived)
also, you forgot hitler

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:10, archived)
I bet he's Fluzzy

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:11, archived)
and internet lawyerman

(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:20, archived)
oh yeah. that'll be one of the two then

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:21, archived)
Internet Lawyerman is a real Attorney at law.
I'd be careful if I were you, he might sue you.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:21, archived)
he's a walter mitty
common knowledge that
(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:23, archived)
I WAS MARCUS YOU SHIT

(__, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:12, archived)
No, that one was clearly Wormulus
ALL comedy accounts are Wormulus by default.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:13, archived)
hey friz, how you doing mate? things ok? you ok?
wanna have a chat? no pressure, cool
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:14, archived)
Where did this new Friz mini-meme come from?

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:23, archived)
I'm as stumped as you

(__, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:42, archived)
as long as you are ok? that's the main thing here mate, you, being ok?

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:44, archived)
I honestly had no idea how much of an effect I had in your life

(__, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:46, archived)
we've all been concerned about you, it's good to know you are ok mate, sometimes life can be hard, but we are all here for you

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:48, archived)
well you can fuck off for a start
thinking you could ever be el guiri or me you flouncer
(richard cropper's comedy account Stephen Frizzle is on the sex offenders list, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:12, archived)
FROM MY LAIR I STAB AT THEE
By 'lair' I mean basement. By 'stab' I mean 'type words on the internet'
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:13, archived)
Good Morning!
Did you get my Gaz?
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:20, archived)
I have a flounce filter on my gaz´s sorry

(richard cropper's comedy account Stephen Frizzle is on the sex offenders list, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:23, archived)
What was it about my flounce that upset you so much?

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:35, archived)
perhaps he just wanted to be included
poor love
(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:04, archived)
There was nothing in it directed at you
unless you also share an account with one of the people on this list.

Maybe you go out with someone on the list?

Maybe you took the list a little too seriously? Perhaps, and I'm going out of a limb here, you are getting upset over something you have fundamentally missed the point of on behalf of someone else... on the internet.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:08, archived)
think he's gone, dude

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:09, archived)
This is the only sure-fire way to find out.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:11, archived)
I'm getting that a lot today
I think everyone is on their collective internet periods
(__, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:09, archived)
I LOOK HIDEOUS TODAY D':
*eats ice cream*
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:13, archived)
I'm *SCHMOFF* so *SCHMOFF* fat *SCHMOFF*

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:15, archived)
MY TITS HURT

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:16, archived)
Tell me I'm pretty
OH WHAT'S THE POINT YOU DON'T EVEN MEAN IT WHEN YOU SAY IT! *GLUB*
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:17, archived)
EVERYBODY IS LOOKING AT ME FUNNY

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:17, archived)
I sometimes think you and I should team up.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:13, archived)
Our children would be beautiful

(__, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:16, archived)
They would look like oranges with a shoe horn jammed into them

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:20, archived)
BEAUTIFUL I SAY

(__, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:21, archived)
hahaha, good one

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:15, archived)
That's it isn't it.
You're an idiot who has decided to be slef-righteous about my flounce, despite not being on the list becuase at that point I had no idea you existed.

Bless. I'll stop being mean now. I was about to say it's like bullying a Downs, but in point of fact it is bullying a Downs.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:10, archived)
Face: Cushings
Body: Retts
Penis: Prader Willi
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:12, archived)
My comedy account is Piston
My comedy account is Piston
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:11, archived)
That would be the best comedy account ever.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:12, archived)
I even wear a rubber body suit for bashes

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:14, archived)
everyone knows YOUR comedy account
you're clearly karl hysteria
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:15, archived)
man you move quick, i just started of with hi
i was going to ask for bumhole if they replied
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:06, archived)
Do you think that's a good idea
when they are private investigators?
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:43, archived)
they can investigate my privates, if you know what i'm saying, eh
look at my cock and balls and that, eh
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:46, archived)
I think I get what you're saying

(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:52, archived)
so today right
totally shaving my legs and i accidently shaved my fingernail too but dont panic forum because i had two layers of sally hansen on.
(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:00, archived)
There was a big bloody tampon on the window sill in our loo this morning
I don't why I'm telling you oh god I didn't brush my teeth
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:02, archived)
eew that's gross!
i mean who goes out without brushing their teeth in this day and age?
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:03, archived)
sometimes i forget to put them in

(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:07, archived)
well as long as you leave them in a glass of cillit bang
they'll be fine, grandma
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:09, archived)
teeth or tampons?
that could explain the windowsill thing. You're getting ready in the morning, it's all going fine, you spot a lovely pair of shoes in Grazia and BAM! slips your mind, and the little fella is left on the windowsill instead.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:16, archived)
Goin in to claim the rock and roll, boi.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:05, archived)
What do they investigate?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:10, archived)
CRIMES

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:12, archived)
The Salford Business School

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:12, archived)
SERIOUS BEE SLANDER

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:12, archived)
i heard that bees use wasps as their own personal army to attack children
that is just mean
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:16, archived)
you are so getting a letter from BEV, SBS INVESTIGATOR tomorrow

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:19, archived)
i heard they don't even make honey
they just nick it from supermarkets and stick it in the holes in their stupidly shaped houses
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:20, archived)
OH BOY, THIS BEE SLANDER IS GETTING SERIOUS

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:23, archived)
Where's INTERNET LAWYER ARTHROPOD when you need him?

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:27, archived)
quiet, no-legs

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:29, archived)
*stumps you up*

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:34, archived)
i'm not sure but i think that might be terribly perverse

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:35, archived)
the buzzing is fake too
they just carry around tiny tape players with recordings of buzzing that they found on the internet
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:30, archived)
there is no such thing as a bumble bee, they are just greedy fat honey bees

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 9:43, archived)
bumhole bee

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 10:20, archived)