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Janet drained the last globule of slightly oily juice from the edge of the frisbee...
...allowing the final strand of stringy tadpole life-support hang for a few seconds so that it would hit her lips at the exact point as Adam, lapping away between her legs like a dehydrated Labrador could bring her to ecstatic conclusion.

'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH JIZZBEE!' she exclaimed, rapturously as, with the sheer pleasure of it all, one of her tits fell off and bounced off of Adam's gridiron helmet.

Write me some valentines /talk fiction people.
(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 11:46, archived)
Neil man.
:(
(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 11:50, archived)
brayndedds latest underage victim sobbed, pleaded in fact : steven, please dont cum up me, please just stop, i'll not tell anyone
little did the pre teen waistrel realise that this kind of talk only heightened the brummies senses, and sent a penis jolting ecstasy spasm coursing through him, resulting in the white salty liquid shooting forth, forever sullying the childhood memories of the youngster
(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 11:51, archived)
Legless shuffled forwards a few steps.It was his turn next. He waited at the barrier.
He watched as Albert Marshmallow stepped up to the plate.

"So let me get this straight" mumbled Badger, jizz dripping out of both ends. "you're admitting to being a creepy internet stalker?"

Marshmallow looked a little sick in his mouth and nearly went to pull his pants up when Badger screamed "FUCK ME IN THE ARSE OR I'LL SEND THE SCREENSHOTS TO THE POLICE". Marshmallow's tumescence became apparent, and it made Legless quiver. Behind him, the rest of QFTW watched from their Honda Accord, waiting their turn and taking massive drugs to pass the time.
(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 12:07, archived)
You forgot the bit where Rachelswipe ahouts about how much she enjoys sex and Workboresme throws a cat out the window at the point of climax.

(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 12:10, archived)
It could have gone on all day.

(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 12:10, archived)
Well, they ARE all sexual athletes over there.

(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 12:12, archived)
...his hand moved faster and faster, forming a pink blur surrounding his tiny fetid erection.
With a high pitched squeal he hit 'delete' and as the thread disappeared he climaxed, flinging tiny jets of goo over his tear-soaked t-shirt.
(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 12:12, archived)
Broadsword let out a sigh of relief, he had survived another night
A warm dribble of semen trickled down his leg as he stood, bent double, panting with the effort of the battle he had just fought.

Teeth marks etched the sides of his rapidly deflating member, a mixture of blood and spunk dripped out of the end, forming a small pool on the marbled floor.

Across the room, still full of her demon seed, Sammi lay; her extended labia beginning to return to their normal shape, almost like a ship's sails being furled. The rows of saw like teeth began to retract into their recesses, disappearing from sight but always ready to snap loose. The central abscess slowly stopped leaking, the trickle of forest green ichor first went from a torrent to a dribble, and then ceased entirely.

'How many more nights must I face this' wondered broadsword wearily, yet he was still proud. By force of will and strength of cock, he had kept the beast sated for another day. One day the world would know of the trials he faced to keep the monster leashed, one day he would be heralded as a hero. Until then; he had work to do.
(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 12:12, archived)
We should popular page this whole thread, no-one should miss out on any of this.
Particularly not MW outing his latest username.
(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 12:17, archived)
Update your archive!
I need more fail to laugh at.
(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 12:18, archived)
broady, internet hero

(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 12:41, archived)
"You like that baby, don't you," she purred, looking him straight in the eye.
Noit stared. This wasn't quite what he'd had in mind when he signed up to the dating service, but the idea of another valentines alone had been too much to bear. And when the offer came in, it took but a moment to agree.

She swung her hips from side to side. The seductive sine wave quickly spread, until all the flesh from her ankles to her armpits rippled to the beat. Noit was mesmerised, unable to take his gaze from the acres of wobbling mass, quivering like the ocean. The meat mushroom trapped inside his Y-fronts tugged yearningly at the fabric, separating him from the hypnotic quivering mass. He was riveted, captivated by the figure dancing in front of him as he lay on his bed.

Licking her lips, her hands snaked up and down her body, brushing against her collarbone, picking out a smooth trail of downy hair from between her breasts and over the spoil heap of her belly until her fingertips rested against the band of her knickers. The tension was palpable, and Noit's focus zeroed in on the frayed and stained elastic.

First one thumb, then the other, snuck inside the waistband. With a snakelike writhe, she wriggled her hips and the first few millimetres peeled away. Slime like a hungry Alien oozed from her skin, and as the polyester finally gave way, the underwear splashed to ground with a sickening wet thud, as if a butcher had just knocked 8 ounces of fresh steak onto the floor.

"You like what you see?" came the smoky, gravelly voice.

Noit choked. He was winded, so overcome was he by the sexual majesty in front of him. A pop, a spurt and then a fountain of creamy yellow manfat erupted from his loins, instantly turning his pants into a creme brule.

With a cheeky wink, baldmonkey pulled off his wig and tossed it at Noit's spasming, gasping form. "Dry yourself up with this, sugarlips" he quipped, before stealing from the room.
(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 12:23, archived)


(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 12:36, archived)
At least you got a date out of it.

(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 12:44, archived)
Hey, I never said you fucked him

(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 12:49, archived)
ahaha you sick bastard

(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 12:37, archived)
Haha christ. Whole box of kleenex, there.

(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 13:54, archived)
The look of fear in their eyes only heightened her excitement.
She tilted her head back and laughed, a sound of sheer exuberance and excitement. She sobered quickly and raked her eyes across the gaggle of villainy arrayed before her.
"Okay, which one of you punks is first?" A smile threatened to break across her face as she spoke. The leader smiled a cruel smile and was about to speak but the look was exploded from his face in an instant. A tiny, yet perfectly formed, avenging foot wrapped in an avenging ugg boot slammed into his face and shattered it forever.
The fight didn't last long. Those that were able dragged themselves away from the battlefield, bloodied and humiliated. One cried out as he removed his severed arm from his arse but was then silent. Only one remained, one scared and shaking little man. She sneered as she hungrily dragged her eyes over his rake thin and shaking form. He would do, he would have to as she was now so aroused she needed to be satisfied.
The poor victim was wearing his 1997 replica Blackburn Rovers kit, one sock round his ankles, one still proudly hugging his knee. He grasped at the frisbee in his shaking hands like a shield, as if it would protect him. The diminutive destroyer lept forth and grabbed her victim round the neck, dragging him down to her level. She kissed him hungrily and was only more aroused by his whimpering protest.
"Now frisbee pet, you're going to do exactly as I say or I'll kung-fu that pretty little frisbee right up your jaksie. Capisce?" she asked with a cruel smile. He nodded, eyes filled with fear. Jenpots laughed wickedly then pulled her next victim back to her lair.
(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 12:32, archived)
I'd do Janet, true story, I've seen some photos of her where she looks homely, I dig homely like girls more than any other kind.

(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 12:56, archived)
Homely = fat, right?

(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 13:00, archived)
Nah', Nancy From Hollyoaks is homley.

(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 13:02, archived)
Homely = looks like a house

(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 13:06, archived)
Lorraine Kelly?
I'm not THAT fucking old.
(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 14:02, archived)
Haha, nah', they're just an example of homely women who aren't fat.
C'mon Jan, put a fella out his missery, I promise you I'll only be in there for 45 seconds. Or a fustrating 2 hours. It's one or the other.
(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 14:14, archived)
she'd probably break you.

(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 13:09, archived)
"go noit! use harden!". jaction was excited, his first real pokemon battle after that genie granted his wish and made pokemon real! amazing!
but hang on, where had the other trainer gone? you can't run from a trainer battle! confused, noit leapt upon jaction.
"noit noit, noit noit!" said noit. he was a pokemon and had poor english skills.
"noit get off of me, stop using harden!" said jaction. struggling with noit had caused his trousers to fall down.
"noit noit!" noit and jaction both knew what was going to happen. noit used string shot!

watching from the observatory into the mental ward, jaction's parents silently wept as they saw a wet patch starting to form on their son's straightjacket
(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 13:06, archived)
Aww, man.

(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 22:26, archived)
'MORE! MORE' Honked Sammi as her lank hair framed her shining face.
She shifted her hips and pushed her glistening mons, presented like a dog would bring in a dead rat, to her new Master.

The Master, as he was now known, retched at the smell but forced himself to breathe and dive in for another lap.

In between the spastic bellowing, creaking bed and endless ee-ee-ee squeak of his PVC body suit, he was in ecstasy. His new mantle granted power, pleasure on demand, to drink from her furry yet misshapen cup as often as his thirst demanded.

'This is WAY better than being called Supermatt_394' he thought aloud.
(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 13:51, archived)
fuck you, badger.
FUCK YOU.
(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 13:54, archived)

Roses are red
violets are blue
talk likes to chat
about lunch, puns and poo
(, Sat 11 Feb 2012, 14:20, archived)