Should I be angry?
My son just texted me out of the blue and the message started...

Hi mate!

I may be overreacting, but... Mate? Mate? Why don't you just call me by name!!

Anyway, Happy Friday you cunt warts
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 15 May 2026, 16:12, archived)

Tits. Mate.

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 15 May 2026, 16:20, archived)

Might reply
Hello accquantence

I am overreacting aren't I?
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 15 May 2026, 16:27, archived)

Yes

( mongychops, Fri 15 May 2026, 17:03, archived)

"Old Father Breast"

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 15 May 2026, 16:26, archived)

Old?!?!?! 😡

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 15 May 2026, 16:27, archived)

Calm down dad

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 15 May 2026, 16:28, archived)

block the prick

(piss and shit, Fri 15 May 2026, 16:37, archived)

Done
That'll learn him
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 15 May 2026, 16:49, archived)

Moobdaddy

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Fri 15 May 2026, 16:37, archived)

Fat??? 😡

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 15 May 2026, 16:49, archived)

No, not fat, voluptuous

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Fri 15 May 2026, 16:59, archived)

*relaxing* 🙂

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 15 May 2026, 17:07, archived)

My son has always called me mate or dad, or dad mate. I'm not that precious. Grow up

( mongychops, Fri 15 May 2026, 16:56, archived)

Childish? 😡
I was only kidding... I call him mate or dude all the time
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 15 May 2026, 17:09, archived)

This is actually really lovely and imo you might consider feeling blessed that your son messages you in this way. It signifies affection and trust, familiarity and safe-feeling. These are good things and you should bask in them as a cat upon a sunwarmed windowsill. Thanking the universe for giving you this beautiful, this inestimable gift. How wonderful, how impossible: a son, who one day sends you a message, it says "Hi mate!" These are the moments for which the world was made
( vladimir, Fri 15 May 2026, 17:14, archived)

How lovely
What has happened to talk 😂
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 15 May 2026, 17:21, archived)

;)
( vladimir, Fri 15 May 2026, 17:21, archived)

I think "these are the moments for which the world was made" is maybe something I've lifted and fully ingested from A Room With A View, thanks dear Eddie as always xx
( vladimir, Fri 15 May 2026, 17:24, archived)

fyi when I write this kind of thing, it's because I genuinely believe their spiritual and creative essences can read the words, true story
( vladimir, Fri 15 May 2026, 19:59, archived)

even if they could vlad, why on earth would they?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 16 May 2026, 1:23, archived)

I don't know, bored maybe

( vladimir, Sat 16 May 2026, 2:19, archived)

Bored with eternity, not really a surprise if you think about it

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 16 May 2026, 12:41, archived)

*bums*

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 15 May 2026, 18:16, archived)

god wow wow proustian rush
( vladimir, Fri 15 May 2026, 20:00, archived)

Disinherit him

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 15 May 2026, 17:16, archived)

Or what Vlad said. Whatever
Mate
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 15 May 2026, 17:17, archived)

lolololol the contrast of these two replies sitting, for now, together on the screen is absolutely fucking SENDING me
( vladimir, Fri 15 May 2026, 17:21, archived)

And by 'inherit', you mean 'embowel'.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 15 May 2026, 18:17, archived)

embowel embowel they drink it in the congowel

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 15 May 2026, 18:35, archived)

PAPA NIPPLEZ

(morning cheesy arse grease innit, Fri 15 May 2026, 17:31, archived)

"Sir" or GTFO

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Ningles, mateyplops! How are the kids? *smoosh*, Fri 15 May 2026, 17:55, archived)

Faaaaaaaaaatheeeeerrrrrrrr!!!!!

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 15 May 2026, 18:30, archived)

I read this in Matt Berry's voice.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 15 May 2026, 20:51, archived)

I believe that was the idea, Trouser

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 15 May 2026, 21:16, archived)

No
Actually it’s written as Damien at the church doors screaming and howling.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 15 May 2026, 23:46, archived)

Guildford cathedral, that scene

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 16 May 2026, 9:27, archived)

WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME!?

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Fri 15 May 2026, 21:33, archived)

I wonder what his b3ta username is
www.thewestmorlandgazette.co.uk/news/26107220.cumbria-man-smeared-poo-kendal-police-station---sentence/
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 15 May 2026, 19:31, archived)

"Subscribe to read this article"
We need details, Cheers. Come on!
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 15 May 2026, 20:53, archived)

This site is your friend
www.removepaywall.com/
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 15 May 2026, 20:58, archived)

i like that
it's a bit clunky to use but it worked on a washington post article
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 16 May 2026, 2:07, archived)

"The defendant smeared his human faeces, commonly known as a dirty protest, within the police station custody area. He pleads guilty on the basis he did not do this within a custody cell"
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 15 May 2026, 20:59, archived)

It may have been custardy to start with, but it didn't stay custardy for long.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 15 May 2026, 23:57, archived)

Queef Smegwin

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 15 May 2026, 21:16, archived)

Err, I mean yeah I wonder too

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 15 May 2026, 21:18, archived)

Smeggers plays pop

( Smash Monkey 2 Cannot actually train spiders, Fri 15 May 2026, 21:34, archived)

Lay down your money and you play your flute, Everybody's got a h- h- hungry hoop

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 16 May 2026, 1:04, archived)