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Home » Messageboard » XXX » Message 9830507 (Thread)

# Win a book competition time - It looks like a cock


Authors Ben & Jack have put together lots of photos of stuff that looks like penises, shoved it into a book and figured it would fit in with B3ta.

You can buy it on Amazon.

Anyway, we've got 6 copies to give away. Complete this tie-breaker in 15 words or less. 'I love cock because... '
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 9:59, archived)
# it has a greater depth of flavour than a standard chicken
(I helped save b3ta! barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:00, archived)
# they help make baby chickens
(I helped save b3ta! prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:00, archived)
# I'm a cunt
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:01, archived)
# Pfft!
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:05, archived)
# winner #1
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:09, archived)
# i am a massive gobbler of it. it tastes so yummy in my manflange. cock love.
(I helped save b3ta! Just Flange, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:02, archived)
# EDIT: "... I'll do anything for a free book."
I was looking at this book at the weekend, and in terms of desperate, last minute christmas presents it's much better than this
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:02, archived)
#
(I helped save b3ta! barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:05, archived)
# oh dear lord...
not once, but twice
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:06, archived)
# The number of chicken related gags are making me glag
It's like people are shying away of saying why they really love cock... ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:07, archived)
# I went on Amazon.com looking at that Frankie Boyle book
(which was linked on this or last weeks newsletter, sponsor link) and read the pdf segment from it, funny as fuck :)
(I helped save b3ta! Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:05, archived)
# it pulls out all the stops
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:03, archived)
# nothing tastes better when it's dipped in batter.
(I helped save b3ta! Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:04, archived)
# I love cock because, because,
it tastes a lot like cod of course,
cod in lovely parsley sauce!
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:05, archived)
# I love cock because,
It tastes like cod in a sauce,
Cod in parsley sauce.


^ That's a Haiku.
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:10, archived)
# I love cock because I went to public school.
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:11, archived)
# Bless you
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:11, archived)
# Yes, it is.
When you finish writing it all out on edit ya twatnugget ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:12, archived)
# I spastically hit enter instead of tab
Also.... Fuck off!
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:13, archived)
# Wah wah wah!
As a great man once said, Yer maw! ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:14, archived)
# ...it's mine and daddys secret"
(I helped save b3ta! claptonista ,the idiot boy.........., Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:05, archived)
# Ben & Jack gently cock-slapped me in the face as a kid.
(I helped save b3ta! Peregr1n @peregr1n, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:06, archived)
# NNSFW*
www.swaffelen.nl/
*Not Necessarily Safe For Work
(I helped save b3ta! Just Flange, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:10, archived)
# from wankers to bankers, we all hanker to spank 'er
or something
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:06, archived)
# it makes for a rudamentory club to beat children with, with varying degrees of strength
(I helped save b3ta! Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:07, archived)
# How much did Archie charge them for the front cover quote?
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:07, archived)
# Haha I wondered that
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:08, archived)
# I've never been a cat person
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:08, archived)
# It tastes like cock
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:08, archived)
# if I didn't, that would make me into some kind of freaky heterosexual.
PS someone needs to make a Hulk Hogan 9-11 reply for this quickly :)
(I helped save b3ta! Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:08, archived)
# I *am* one of those freaky heterosexuals
does that mean I'm not allowed to like cock?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:10, archived)
# no, of course you can love it
Just love your own, that's all :)
(I helped save b3ta! Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:11, archived)
# but... but...
I don't have one!

Where can I get one?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:13, archived)
# Would you like to borrow mine?
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:13, archived)
# that depends
does it taste like chicken?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:15, archived)
# It can do or not, depending on your preference
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:16, archived)
# Yum
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:17, archived)
# Lol
I dare you to shout that question out in the street.

Top of your voice and filmed on your mobile please :D
(I helped save b3ta! Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:14, archived)
#
because I see them everyday in realistically drawn beauty on cockaday.co.uk ;)
(I helped save b3ta! unclewilco, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:09, archived)
# cock cock cock cock cock cock cock cock cock cock cock cock cock cock cock
(I helped save b3ta! Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:10, archived)
# I love cock it never takes the piss
:)
(I helped save b3ta! Ninj, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:10, archived)
# ...it's only gay if you put both balls in your mouth at once!

(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:10, archived)
# With the shaft?
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:13, archived)
# GAY

(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:15, archived)
# I can't bend over that far
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:13, archived)
# have you only got a tiddler then?
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:15, archived)
# 4 inches
but most women don't like them that wide
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:24, archived)
# , because, because, because, becaaaause...
Because of the wonderful things it does.
(I helped save b3ta! BrassMonkey PRUNES ARE PLUMS! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:11, archived)
# damn I got in too late.
narf
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 12:00, archived)
# it makes horse racing funny when you see an erection....riding a horse.
(I helped save b3ta! Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:12, archived)
# cornflakes
cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:12, archived)
# MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM!
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:13, archived)
# i'm so old
www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMfoTetDwWo
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:25, archived)
# I love cock because...
Teacher pays me 50p a day to sit upon it
(I helped save b3ta! hooker1uk Filth monger of the lowest degree!, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:13, archived)
# I'm ginger
(I helped save b3ta! Halibut If you think education is expensive, try crack., Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:14, archived)
# In fairness.....
...they've got more love to give.
(I helped save b3ta! Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:15, archived)
# when in the bath with a broom-on you can pretend you're a pirate ship
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:17, archived)
#
You, sir, are a winner.

(You *are* a bloke, aren't you?)
(pitarou, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 15:24, archived)
# the colour Magenta would be unemployed if cock didn't exist.
(I helped save b3ta! Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:18, archived)
# no no no....
The colour is glans mauve......
(tofer is sweating like a dyslexic on countdown......, Mon 14 Dec 2009, 1:48, archived)
# ...frankly i'll say anything to get this book so i don't have to think about my brother's christmas present
/more than 15
(I helped save b3ta! new_matt, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:21, archived)
# it makes people smile!
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Oleary MAKE MONEY FAST $$$, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:21, archived)
# without his crowing,
the sun would not rise;
darkness would cover all the land.
(I helped save b3ta! joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:21, archived)
# because . . . IT LOOKS LIKE A C**K!
(I helped save b3ta! Q4nobody, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:25, archived)
# I've only got one leg.
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:28, archived)
# CLEVER BASTARD
(I helped save b3ta! Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:29, archived)
# it's something else we can call "John & Edward"
(I helped save b3ta! Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:28, archived)
# I love cock because
cock loves me
(crontle likes boobies, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:32, archived)
# of this book
farm1.static.flickr.com/25/40489986_dd96b6a285.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:34, archived)
# It's not gay if.... Fuck it. It's gay.

(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 11:04, archived)
# "I love cock because... I've been on B3ta.com far too long!"
(I helped save b3ta! benkai Doing nothing as of ..., Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:44, archived)
# because I got bird flu while serving male poultry at Morrisons
(I helped save b3ta! Christian's Bolt and Ski, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:45, archived)
# cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes,
cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakescornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes cornflakes.


(I helped save b3ta! Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - enjoying a post-meridian muncheon - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 10:54, archived)
# I love cock because it's like Jesus; it loves everyone unconditionally. Oh glorious, glorious cock.
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
(I helped save b3ta! monkdagola but how do you TURN a phrase?, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 11:04, archived)
# because love spurts.
(I helped save b3ta! Holly Would long wheel based tranny, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 11:51, archived)
# Because because because becaaaaaaause
Because of the wonderful things it does!
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 11:59, archived)
# ... I stalk you and I want to like everything you like
(I helped save b3ta! armaitus Sheep Casings!, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 13:53, archived)
# Because it has the texture of slightly cooked bacon
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 13:54, archived)
# I love cock because it has the right thickness, girth and self-lubricant to slip right up my arsehole
(__, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 14:02, archived)
# Thankyou google
for I have sorted my straight brother's Christmas present:
www.prowlerdirect.co.uk/default-mainmenu-2-mptid-6-ptid-185-detail-45860.htm
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 14:11, archived)
# ha ha
that's special indeed
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 14:21, archived)
# I love cock because
I can spin it fast and pretend to be a sexual spitfire in my garden.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 14:25, archived)
#
I love cock because I love that helicopter thing that boys can do.
(Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Fri 11 Dec 2009, 14:32, archived)
# I've got one.
(chb3 Read my lips. See my profile. See me talk., Fri 11 Dec 2009, 14:36, archived)
# I love cock because...
it rhymes with sock, oh and lock, but not lemon, or cardiomyopathy. Trufax.
(I helped save b3ta! JebediahSpringfield, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 14:37, archived)
# I love cock because
it's cock
(M0nkeyb0Y ... you said "Simples"... like in the advert!, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 14:58, archived)
# i'm your mum
(I helped save b3ta! bigshape like a glove!, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 15:27, archived)
# I love cock because...
it gives me a convenient place to hang my towel after my morning shower.
(pitarou, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 15:27, archived)
# I'm forever running out of tea spoons.
(I helped save b3ta! Dervel OTBC, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 15:27, archived)
# I love cock because...
My Daddy told me too
(I helped save b3ta! SauronWibble I'll hold it, you lick it..., Fri 11 Dec 2009, 16:17, archived)
# I love cock because
is an anagram of, "Evacuee cock boils."
(I helped save b3ta! the_rhyme_minister has a little bit of gold and a pager, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 16:18, archived)
# I love ~naughty~because
How could I be a good girl otherwise ;-)
.
(whiskas loved by 8 out of 10 cats, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 16:36, archived)
# I love cock because...
(I helped save b3ta! moogthedog, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 16:54, archived)
# I love cock because...
I've already bought the book, and I need another copy for the other eye. Cock.
(I helped save b3ta! moogthedog, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 16:56, archived)
# ..i’m a bender
(catbrain likes the hairy scratchings bestest, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 17:18, archived)
# ...it's cheaper than fanny on a saturday night.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Propps, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 17:25, archived)
# I love cock because...
Its the best of all the animals.
I love cock because...
It's my friend! Deagostini.
(I helped save b3ta! giftedweasel forgot what he was going to type on, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 18:02, archived)
# it's perfect for sealing up my boyfriend's leaky shitpipe.
(I helped save b3ta! Noit happy baby orangutan, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 18:02, archived)
# dey mek dat "Holidez ar cumin" advert an it mek me fill all Chrismassy
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 18:50, archived)
# ..it's a handy place to put ring doughnuts.
(ToMeToYou is bumming a Unicorn on, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 19:23, archived)
# I'd love anything for a free book
(bluehamster, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 19:29, archived)
# ...because in prison beggars can't be choosers.
(I helped save b3ta! hismastersvice cunting flange-jammer, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:40, archived)
# cock loves me
(Roopy all is not what it seams, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:53, archived)
# ...
it's made of glass.
(Thrillhouse will be prosecuted on, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 21:16, archived)
# I'm a girl and that's what we're supposed to love.
(Orchid WHY IS THERE BACON IN THE SOAP?!, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 21:55, archived)
#
You can leave it behind and still keep people happy!
(swampi thought of this, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 22:40, archived)
# I love cock because
I had mine cut off and made into a mimsy. I have photos!
(I helped save b3ta! Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:23, archived)
# We asked you to complete the following in the most apt or amusing way, "I love cock because... "
and the winner is a Mrs Trellis of North Wales who wrote "I love cock because... it's quite good"
And that was by far the most amusing of the many hundreds of entries we received...



from Mrs Trellis
(Azrepheal Just cos Im pure evil, doesnt make me a bad person, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:28, archived)
# it makes me all warm and gooey inside.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 23:29, archived)
# I love cock because
we'd be fucked without it. Literally :P
(vampyre_gem has been dead since, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 1:12, archived)
#
if I don't daddy cuts me.
(doris_day, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 1:36, archived)
# I Love Cock Because...
It reminds me of my favorite play things
(I helped save b3ta! rootsxrocks, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 6:27, archived)
# ...cos I'm a chicken
(I helped save b3ta! camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 9:35, archived)
# my boyfriend is black and hung like a horse!
I'm not boasting - I'm just very fortunate :0)
(Faye Tality, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 16:49, archived)
# cock understands, dear.
(I helped save b3ta! nick the greek, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 17:59, archived)
# I love cock because....
...it doesn't go off as fast as sausages.
(bertmcmuffin gruff gruff, touch my stuff., Sat 12 Dec 2009, 20:11, archived)
# ..it doesn't have a "time of the month".
(I helped save b3ta! Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 20:15, archived)
# ...it tastes just like chicken!
([sic] You're ad here?, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 22:04, archived)
# you can put it in rude places
(I helped save b3ta! FIEND, Sun 13 Dec 2009, 6:32, archived)
# iph tafthes pho nyth
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sun 13 Dec 2009, 9:13, archived)
# I love cock...
because cock loves me!
(winestain, Mon 14 Dec 2009, 2:31, archived)
# it's easier to find.
(WooSkadoo, Mon 14 Dec 2009, 9:31, archived)
# Because
It is better than Pepsi
(I helped save b3ta! simbosan is too tired, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 0:16, archived)
# I love cock because
it tastes a hell of a lot better than cack
(timtam h4x0rd @, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 11:05, archived)
# I got bored murdering prostitutes
(Ich Komme is adjusting his testicles, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 19:15, archived)
# I love cock because...
OM NOM NOM NOM!
(Honeycomb is a dirty groupie!, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 20:20, archived)
# I love cock beacuase...
daddy told me too.
(The_Crund, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 22:56, archived)
# it keeps me on the straight and narrow.
(I helped save b3ta! owensanity, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 3:19, archived)
# i like cock because
i take it up the ass.
(TIMBIonline available for any passing drunk sailor, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 6:46, archived)
# it helps me forget about the cancer
(I helped save b3ta! Shlvng, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 1:51, archived)
# it's the best thing to scratch puppies with.
(I helped save b3ta! Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 19:58, archived)
# without it, none of this would be possible
(ripeinmay, Thu 17 Dec 2009, 21:22, archived)