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# Drought Britain


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(ledgemenow, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:04, archived)
# Yes, there was a drought beacuse there was very little rain for several weeks
Now it is raining a lot. This all seems fairly straigtforward.
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:08, archived)
# But not raining nearly enough to alleviate the effects of the drought.
There should be a weather thread every night. Here's my report:

Mid-Wales
It was sunny this morning and then it rained a bit later.
(I helped save b3ta! 4Q just lurking, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:10, archived)
# The hell do you think you are, a fucking weatherman?
EGVN 242150Z 15001KT 9999 FEW025 SCT040 BKN090 08/04 Q0997 BLU NOSIG=
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:19, archived)
# Shit, are you the fuzz?
Timothy died years ago, let's not bring all that up again.
(I helped save b3ta! 4Q just lurking, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:24, archived)
# we don't need you or your sense around here
"not raining nearly enough to alleviate the effects of the drought"? as if south-east britain has had 15 years of too little rain and too many people, and heavy rain will just wash earth away instead of soaking in and filling up the groundwater!

be off with you!
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:16, archived)
# Don't the grass and trees and roots and things stop that happening?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:34, archived)
# no
well, yes. no. depends what you mean by "earth". if you mean the planet, then what i wrote is actually a logical impossibility. if you meant swathes of the soil across our fair island, then, alas, a lot of it gets washed towards the rivers and then silts up in our harbours or gets washed to sea.

three months of constant drizzle, now, that would be nice. true, it would fuck up the harvest this year but fuck the harvest. the whole countryside would turn to muddy slime after a while and the groundwater would begin to actually replenish. alas, if such was about to happen, the "expert" weather forecasters would be saying things like "the weather is still really bad", and "bobobobobooooo who's a pwetty boy then? WHO'S a pwetty boy? better put a BONNET on the pwetty boy!" and whatever other patronising shite they could think of.

/been extremely irritated since 1991 by forecasters assuming we all think sun=good *always* blog
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:39, archived)
# I can't hear him very well
- he should hold the microphone to the end of his snorkel-pipe.
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:10, archived)
#
snorkel ball gag-
(I helped save b3ta! maggenspies mayhaps, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:22, archived)
# combination snorkel/ball-gag
snorkgag.
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:32, archived)
# mmnnmff mnffn?!
(I helped save b3ta! maggenspies mayhaps, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:55, archived)
# RUINED BY UNNECCESSARY , COMMA !
(I helped save b3ta! Clueless Egg Cunt ...of course i'm beach ready!, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:10, archived)
# ye,s
(I helped save b3ta! 4Q just lurking, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:11, archived)
# that's a capital
offence in my book.
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:13, archived)
# That is what upper-class criminals say to each other
"Capital offence old boy, smashing job"
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:20, archived)
# "Rather! And those stolen goods
were handled with aplomb. Sterling work, old chap." :)
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:28, archived)
# There are many different levels of drought but I'm here reporting on the worst drought, Britain has had four years'
worth of rain in the last week but apparently it's still not enough
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:13, archived)
# Or, as it should say
"I am a giant and I live in the himalayas with my pet giant shark"
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:23, archived)
# "The Land Shark is coming!"
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:33, archived)
# It's the wayward apostrophe missing from "I'm".
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:44, archived)
# Oh. I assumed the chap's name was 'Im'
(as in, "Im, off the telly" )
(I helped save b3ta! Clueless Egg Cunt ...of course i'm beach ready!, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:49, archived)
# Ah, then the comma would go after "Here" and is still wayward.
I can't account for the capital H though.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:52, archived)
# HIS NAME IS "IM HERE"!
It's the only explanation.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:53, archived)
# *sleeps easy tonight*
(I helped save b3ta! Clueless Egg Cunt ...of course i'm beach ready!, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:57, archived)
# And we can account for the comma if it is there to signify that it's not the worst drought Britian has had, but THE worst drought, which Britian just happens to have kept hidden away for years.
Very debateable oxford comma, but I think it's arguable.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:00, archived)
# agreed
though, in that case, an argument could me made for the specified errant comma being, in actual fact, a very shitty full stop
(I helped save b3ta! Clueless Egg Cunt ...of course i'm beach ready!, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:11, archived)
# True, but that would leave the question of WHAT Britian has had for years.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:13, archived)
# Choose Your Own Adventure
(I helped save b3ta! Clueless Egg Cunt ...of course i'm beach ready!, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:15, archived)
# BALLGAG SHARK
(I helped save b3ta! Clueless Egg Cunt ...of course i'm beach ready!, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:22, archived)
# Can't be sharks, see below. Also, sharks' tails are stiff and vertical. Only a porpoise could curl its tail like that.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:24, archived)
# stiff and vertical
(I helped save b3ta! 4Q just lurking, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:27, archived)
# Almost 4Q, but where's the punchline?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:28, archived)
# BALLGAG PORPOISE
(I helped save b3ta! Clueless Egg Cunt ...of course i'm beach ready!, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:24, archived)
# That's more like it!
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:25, archived)
# This sounds entirely reasonable,
when you consider that the same person puts a circle instead of a dot above a lowercase i.
(I helped save b3ta! 4Q just lurking, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:14, archived)
# Judging by the handwritting she's a girl, early teens. What she's doing here anyone's guess.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:17, archived)
# reporting on the worst drought,
Britain has had for years
(I helped save b3ta! Clueless Egg Cunt ...of course i'm beach ready!, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:19, archived)
# I do rather like the porpoises though.
They can't be sharks; not unless she's standing in the ocean, which would be crazy. No freshwater sharks in the Northern Hemisphere.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:22, archived)
# damn
(I helped save b3ta! Clueless Egg Cunt ...of course i'm beach ready!, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:23, archived)
# Sharks don't have pointy beak/muzzle bits either.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:25, archived)
# apart from the Goblin Shark,
obviously
(I helped save b3ta! Clueless Egg Cunt ...of course i'm beach ready!, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:28, archived)
# Yes, true, but sharks have more than the pectoral fins, they also have pelvic and... uh... anal fins.
It's clearly a porpoise.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:32, archived)
#
(I helped save b3ta! Clueless Egg Cunt ...of course i'm beach ready!, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 1:00, archived)
# HOLY ASS
(I helped save b3ta! Shlvng, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 1:34, archived)
# Sharks in the Mississippi?
Yep.
(I helped save b3ta! Shlvng, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:52, archived)
# Nah, it's a full stop.
"I'm here reporting on the worst drought."

Pause. Change in tone. Happy face!

"Britain has had four years!"
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:22, archived)
# Oh oh oh oh. Is it a transcript?
It's all falling into place.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:27, archived)
# Now all we need to know
is what came after in the broadcast!
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:40, archived)
# HEY THERE PEDANT!
You spelled Britain wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! Shlvng, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:37, archived)
# Oh yeah.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 9:18, archived)
# Haha,ha
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 5:49, archived)
# Monkey wrenches are so last year
I want a dolphin spanner
(I helped save b3ta! thecrapgatsby isn't listening LALALALALALA, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:11, archived)
# what?
(I helped save b3ta! Elvis impersonator, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:22, archived)
# Ahh, Towyn, 1997. Memories... :)
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:35, archived)
# "I think it's brightening up a bit
over there" :)
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:37, archived)
# I wondered
where Vagabond was.
(I helped save b3ta! TheSundaeLunch I'm a fucking shrub, alright?, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:54, archived)
# Haha!
Nothing's changed since I was last here, then :D
(I helped save b3ta! Shazzoir Old enough to know better young enough not to care, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 9:05, archived)
# Five days of intermittent showers doesn't even dampen the sponge.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Howdy, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:42, archived)
# Fortunately for me the drought hasn't reached my parts.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:50, archived)
# Mu - The Ever-Moist
(I helped save b3ta! Clueless Egg Cunt ...of course i'm beach ready!, Tue 24 Apr 2012, 23:59, archived)
# That joke took 9 minutes to appear, what's wrong with this place?
IT WAS THE PERFECT SET UP!
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:02, archived)
# :(( i could only think of GIANT sponges
*trapdoor*
(I helped save b3ta! maggenspies mayhaps, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:04, archived)
# I basically announced that I have moist parts.
I can't keep being the straight guy if you keep failing me on the punchlines dammit.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:09, archived)
# sorry
*tries harder*
(I helped save b3ta! Clueless Egg Cunt ...of course i'm beach ready!, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:14, archived)
# You never could keep it hard for long, could you Eggy?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:18, archived)
# BOOM!
That's how this shit is done people.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:19, archived)
# i've gone off the boil somewhat
(I helped save b3ta! Clueless Egg Cunt ...of course i'm beach ready!, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:21, archived)
# The biggest problem isn't so much that it doesn't dampen the dried, cracked sponge
but more that it smashes it to bits and washes it out to sea leaving us with even drier remnants of sub-sponge sponge beneath
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:22, archived)
# Try using lube next time.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:29, archived)
# But that spoils all the fun!
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 0:41, archived)