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I'm about to write my personal statement.

Anyone got any meaningless but good sounding phrases I should throw in?

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:20, archived)

Your what what?

Have you committed a crime or something?

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:20, archived)

i think its an

UCAS form thing.

but you can never tell with kids these days

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lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:22, archived)

Oh right.

One of those things that no-one ever looks at unless you've got REALLY shit 'A'-levels.

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:25, archived)

yes.

and considering i just spent september fixing my uni's admissions database, i can confirm it

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lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:26, archived)

Unfortunately not.

Oversubscribed courses and lots of people with the same results leads to people reading personal statements and references. As my reference will fail to say that I work well to deadlines and have excellent attendance, I need to make myself sound fantastic in other ways.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:27, archived)

How about:

"Don't fuck with me or I'll hunt you down and kill you."

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:30, archived)

Does that work?

I'll have to try it at some point.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:38, archived)

your school

has to write nice things?
my reference was embarrassing to hear.

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Lora, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:40, archived)

they said little more than

I was a 'character' on mine, then I was permantently suspended

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Pootle, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 15:03, archived)

Not yet.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:23, archived)

are you doing law?

i could give you mine. It's all very pretentious though.

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Lora, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:25, archived)

God no.

Work with people? Me?

Hah.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:27, archived)

i'm not going to be helping people or anything

i just want to go into a big commercial law firm and make lots and lots of money, silly.

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Lora, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:29, archived)

Exactly,

if you want to progress in your job you'll have to suck (up to) your boss and stuff to get a promotion. I don't play well with others.

With a nice science degree, I just have to be ocassionally fantastic and amazingly arrogant and I'll be considered a natural for a professorship at a university somewhere.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:32, archived)

but then you have to teach people?
I'll just find a nice rich politician to marry or something anyway i think.

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Lora, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:35, archived)

That's ok,

it gives me the right to shout at people who I think are stupid and get paid for it.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:36, archived)

No, science is highly political

You have to make alliances with all the right people if you want to get your grants funded.

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:36, archived)

But I don't.

If I get a grant fund, I'll have to produce results. Where's the fun in that?

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:37, archived)

you have to get funded to be allowed to do research

then you can just wank about as much as you like.

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new_matt, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:40, archived)

Hello!

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:43, archived)

i didn't like to name names

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new_matt, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:44, archived)

It's better than

having to live down a hole and eat rats.

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MissPrism, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:41, archived)

You're going to be a lawyer?

Couldn't you just kill yourself instead?

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:31, archived)

and if so...

b3ta.com/board/2157737

(yakmonkey, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:32, archived)

no silly

the training wage is £30,000. It then goes up to about £50k.
I'm already having fun imagining all the lovely things I shall buy.

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Lora, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:35, archived)

On the bright side

you'll have to work 80-hour weeks and with a bit of luck you'll have a breakdown before you're 30. Or take an overdose.

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:37, archived)

you want to become an accountant

all the ones I know make about 80-90k. And they're all Bon Jovi fans.

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thorpe www.voodootrombonequartet.com, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:38, archived)

I know someone who wants to be an accountant.

We can actually see him grow more boring by the day.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:39, archived)

ooh

i like living on a prayer.
I was going to be an accountant/work in finance but then I dropped maths.

If I manage to stay in the profession for a while, i should be earning in excess of that anyway. I still like the politician idea though..

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Lora, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:39, archived)

All the money in the world

can't stop you being a fucking fucktard.

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:40, archived)

i'm prepared to be a guinea pig for that experiment

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new_matt, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:42, archived)

That's a very profound thought.

I think when I am old I will embroider it onto a sampler and hang it on my wall.

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MissPrism, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:42, archived)

Fantastic.

I'd like you to be my grandmother.

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:43, archived)

I'll stock up on lavender water

and mint imperials, then.

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MissPrism, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:50, archived)

imagine a stadium full of fucktards

that's what a Bon Jovi concert must be like.

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thorpe www.voodootrombonequartet.com, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:43, archived)

You should do a 'thought for the day' on Radio 4.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:45, archived)

There's an idea.

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:47, archived)

I'm

a hardworking and committed badger.

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icezebra *insert large monkey*, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:21, archived)

I TOUCH YOU

YOU MAKE GOOD WIFE

P.S. YOU MAKE ME SWEAT

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brainstuff can eat a whole shredded wheat, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:21, archived)

i know

"once saved a family from a car crash with a tin opener and some well place chewing gum"

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lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:21, archived)

"Naturally, but notwithstanding, these statements are inherently self-evident"

(Astatine, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:21, archived)

will fwuck for cash

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alistair, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:22, archived)

Why DID

that make me laugh?

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christhebarker, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:23, archived)

All day breakfast

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0% Interest Expand Reply Retweet Favorite More, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:22, archived)

"invented the internet"

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new_matt, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:22, archived)

Would I need to falsify some patents?

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:23, archived)

shurely

that's what Mark E. Smith always claims fans of The Fall did...

(flying_pasty, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:28, archived)

dan quayle claimed it

when he was vice president

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new_matt, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:33, archived)

erm...

How about: "I have two CSE certificates (art and life skills - both failed)"?

No?

Fair enough

/useless suggestion

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Claws of Doom I am no longer infected, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:25, archived)

write it

in crayon

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rosey, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:26, archived)

So simple

yet so elegant.

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Claws of Doom I am no longer infected, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:27, archived)

If I was an art student,

I could get away with it by saying it was an expression of my distaste about society judging everything on first appearences. As I'm not, I wont.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:29, archived)