b3ta.com user christhebarker
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none of these pictures are shopped:

Recent front page messages:

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(Thu 31st Aug 2023, 13:11, More)

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(Fri 18th Aug 2023, 22:36, More)

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(Fri 4th Aug 2023, 17:50, More)

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(Fri 4th Aug 2023, 11:15, More)

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(Fri 4th Aug 2023, 11:01, More)

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(Fri 4th Aug 2023, 10:36, More)

(Thu 8th Jun 2023, 15:08, More)

Monet's Houses of Parliament

(Tue 6th Jun 2023, 21:51, More)

Running away from the Blobby by LS Lowry

(Tue 6th Jun 2023, 0:22, More)

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(Sun 4th Jun 2023, 21:18, More)

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(Thu 1st Jun 2023, 21:29, More)

Monkeeing around…

(Fri 16th Dec 2022, 15:46, More)

The ‘Weenies
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(Sun 4th Dec 2022, 1:13, More)

Post apocalypse Pat
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(Sun 4th Dec 2022, 1:12, More)

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Feel free to write your own - funnier - key, but here is the official one: twitter.com/christhebarker/status/1598621837281337344?s=46&t=AMUi-SD-qKbs4m7rGSJP_w
(Thu 1st Dec 2022, 23:28, More)

The Persistence of Fools and Horses by Salvador Dali
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A thread of loads of these: twitter.com/christhebarker/status/1583967759435563008?s=46&t=PcDCOSuWX0st7be5NGcovA
(Tue 25th Oct 2022, 7:46, More)

Everybody was Kung-Who fighting
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(Thu 13th Oct 2022, 11:56, More)

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(Sun 8th May 2022, 21:33, More)

Virtual Arnolfini
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(Sun 8th May 2022, 17:18, More)

Bit late to the party...
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(Thu 16th Dec 2021, 16:50, More)

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Key to who they all are
(Sat 11th Dec 2021, 12:38, More)

Looking forward to the season finale…

(Fri 10th Dec 2021, 9:46, More)

Bloody Brexit…

(Sun 14th Nov 2021, 11:50, More)

"Shelves, lots of shelves…"
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(Fri 29th Oct 2021, 10:27, More)

To me to you etc…
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(Tue 19th Oct 2021, 15:47, More)

A Queue to a FIll…

(Wed 29th Sep 2021, 10:54, More)

Bloody sellouts

(Fri 24th Sep 2021, 8:31, More)

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(Fri 23rd Jul 2021, 9:02, More)

Crew report no adverse side effects…
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(Tue 20th Jul 2021, 16:29, More)

UK approves Pfizer jab for 12 to 15-year-olds…
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(Fri 4th Jun 2021, 13:22, More)

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(Tue 1st Jun 2021, 16:38, More)

RIP Eric Carle
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(Thu 27th May 2021, 13:19, More)

(Tue 13th Apr 2021, 0:24, More)

"Going to the Spoons" by LS Lowry
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(Mon 12th Apr 2021, 17:01, More)

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(Thu 8th Apr 2021, 23:01, More)

(Thu 8th Apr 2021, 11:45, More)

These lockdown haircuts aren't doing them any favours…
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(Tue 6th Apr 2021, 23:40, More)

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(Tue 6th Apr 2021, 10:19, More)

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(Sun 4th Apr 2021, 10:52, More)

(Mon 22nd Mar 2021, 22:49, More)

(Sat 20th Mar 2021, 23:25, More)

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(Fri 19th Mar 2021, 22:51, More)

You remind me of the frog, what frog?

(Wed 10th Mar 2021, 16:13, More)

Draw me like one of your Na'vi girls…

(Wed 10th Mar 2021, 13:17, More)

(Wed 10th Mar 2021, 13:00, More)

Eyes Wide Open

(Wed 10th Mar 2021, 12:43, More)

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(Wed 3rd Mar 2021, 21:41, More)

(Wed 3rd Mar 2021, 16:08, More)

(Wed 3rd Mar 2021, 10:33, More)

(Wed 3rd Mar 2021, 10:11, More)

"Just what is it that you want R2?"

(Mon 1st Mar 2021, 12:48, More)

(Wed 27th Jan 2021, 10:08, More)

Good to see Brian Blessed setting an example by wearing a mask

(Mon 11th Jan 2021, 18:48, More)

Joy division to the world…

(Mon 21st Dec 2020, 15:53, More)

(Mon 21st Dec 2020, 12:21, More)


See TWITTER for larger version plus full key
(Wed 2nd Dec 2020, 9:03, More)

Friday 13th 2020

(Fri 13th Nov 2020, 23:57, More)

Love this new Brexit slogan
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(Mon 13th Jul 2020, 10:24, More)

RIP Florian Schneider

(Wed 6th May 2020, 16:58, More)

Lockdown Pacman

(Mon 4th May 2020, 23:57, More)

Social isolation pong

(Mon 4th May 2020, 22:10, More)

It's certainly catchy…

(Fri 13th Mar 2020, 10:02, More)

It's a…

(Wed 11th Mar 2020, 19:26, More)

Viral Scream

(Thu 27th Feb 2020, 15:16, More)

In 1939...
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(Sat 22nd Feb 2020, 0:35, More)

Carry on Doctor

(Fri 21st Feb 2020, 15:44, More)

(Thu 20th Feb 2020, 17:10, More)

Completely forgot to post this last week.

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A request.
Available on stuff here

(Sun 5th May 2019, 19:55, More)

I know, I know...

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(Tue 30th Apr 2019, 23:26, More)

Here's one I made earlier...

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(Tue 30th Apr 2019, 22:49, More)

Sgt Peppa

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(Tue 30th Apr 2019, 19:35, More)


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(Wed 12th Dec 2018, 10:38, More)

(Fri 23rd Nov 2018, 12:29, More)


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Wouldn't/couldn't have done this again without the generous offer of help from Carl of www.cpdigitalretouching.com/

(Fri 23rd Nov 2018, 10:36, More)

Here we are now, educate us...

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(Tue 25th Sep 2018, 16:31, More)

Inflatie Hopkins

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(Thu 30th Aug 2018, 13:48, More)

There was an innocence about those early games

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(Tue 28th Aug 2018, 21:59, More)

Bold choices on the RAF flypast there...

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(Tue 10th Jul 2018, 12:59, More)

Austerity Britain! Show your support for England against Sweden on Saturday!

(Thu 5th Jul 2018, 15:22, More)

The new Airbus livery is taking the piss a bit

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(Fri 22nd Jun 2018, 10:46, More)

Runaway, 2018 - after Rockwell.

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(Wed 20th Jun 2018, 9:56, More)

(Wed 2nd May 2018, 16:44, More)

It's OK teeth... We know...

(Thu 7th Dec 2017, 9:54, More)

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy...

Literally nobody wants to see this. I'm sorry. I have actually disappointed myself. Sorry.

(Mon 13th Nov 2017, 23:44, More)

Seems as good a time as any to post this...

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(Mon 6th Nov 2017, 14:47, More)

Computer, please enhance...

with thanks to the genius that is AnthMoore
(Wed 16th Aug 2017, 14:01, More)

In ancient times, Hundreds of years before the dawn of history...

(Tue 1st Aug 2017, 13:47, More)

When you see how it's done it's quite incredible you never catch glimpse of the tops of the operator's heads really

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(Thu 20th Jul 2017, 21:08, More)

You live by the bird, you die by the bird...

(Wed 12th Jul 2017, 15:22, More)

I, for one, welcome the Queen's subliminal hat trolling...

(Thu 22nd Jun 2017, 0:20, More)


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(Fri 16th Jun 2017, 12:11, More)

What do you make of the results "Lord Buckethead..."?

(Fri 9th Jun 2017, 9:13, More)

Brexit for kids

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(Sun 12th Mar 2017, 20:37, More)

#faketoys - It seemed like the right thing to do...

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MORE FAKE TOYS HERE: www.21stcenturyfaketoys.tumblr.com
(Mon 6th Mar 2017, 9:31, More)

Friday afternoon #faketoys for b3ta

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(Fri 3rd Mar 2017, 14:28, More)

It's a special 2-for-1 at #faketoys tonight...

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(Fri 3rd Mar 2017, 0:55, More)

In the old days we had to make our own entertainment...

(Wed 8th Feb 2017, 11:17, More)

EU subtitles

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(Thu 2nd Feb 2017, 12:48, More)

I'm surprised nobody's mentioned that obviously phony wall...

(Sat 28th Jan 2017, 0:10, More)

What do you mean Zsa Zsa Gabor just died??

(Mon 19th Dec 2016, 10:22, More)

Ho. Ho Ho.

(Fri 9th Dec 2016, 12:30, More)

I updated it.

It's bloody massive

Would've posted it here earlier but I forgot my password and my bastard phone's been hacked...

Retweet here if you like: https://twitter.com/christhebarker/status/804723395166347264

(Sat 3rd Dec 2016, 0:03, More)

Started this. Regretted it about half way through. Bit like 2016 really...

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(Tue 8th Nov 2016, 23:30, More)

Gotta make your own...

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(Wed 13th Jul 2016, 14:35, More)

Don't you... Forget about it...

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(Fri 8th Jul 2016, 12:16, More)

Don't have nightmares...

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(Thu 23rd Jun 2016, 22:39, More)

Kids these days haven't got a fucking clue.
They're all wearing Ramones t shirts because some twat from one direction wore one. I've seen them doing it with my own eyes.
My challenge suggestion for next week:

Get retro wrong - confuse the kids


In addition I am actually considering getting some of these shirts made up if anyone says its a good idea
(Fri 26th Jul 2013, 22:49, More)

This is fairly niche comedy granted but some of you might get where I'm coming from

[edit] Blimey FP! Didn't expect that!
(Thu 18th Jul 2013, 20:26, More)

(Thu 4th Apr 2013, 14:06, More)

morning b3ta

(Fri 12th Mar 2010, 11:07, More)

(wider version)
(Thu 28th Jan 2010, 11:00, More)

(Thu 22nd Mar 2007, 22:33, More)

Morning all: The ATAT song

"I'm Luke, I'm five, my dad's Darth Vader,
chopped my hand off with his light sabre..."
(Mon 5th Dec 2005, 8:20, More)

but what about the rest of us eh?

(Sun 20th Nov 2005, 12:32, More)

blah blah, lifelines, phone a friend blah blah

(Thu 17th Nov 2005, 22:24, More)

friday night compo repost for ya

(Fri 11th Nov 2005, 19:58, More)

Bloody pot plants... so fickle...


(Mon 29th Mar 2004, 14:07, More)

Meanwhile in another dimension...

(Fri 5th Mar 2004, 17:24, More)

Next up on ZOM BBC one...

(Tue 17th Feb 2004, 10:34, More)

Many years later John was found surviving on witchety grubs and fish eyes

(Thu 12th Feb 2004, 10:34, More)

She's cute but she's got a temper...

(Wed 11th Feb 2004, 12:39, More)

*ahem* sorry...

(Fri 6th Feb 2004, 17:54, More)

Be this bandwagon over?

(Tue 3rd Feb 2004, 12:24, More)

To lighten up an otherwise boring training session
Thierry Henry used to play the occasional game of Arsene Wenger Jenga:

(Thu 29th Jan 2004, 17:08, More)

How frustrating!

well, while I'm on the front page I might as well plug...
(Wed 7th Jan 2004, 12:38, More)

It wasn't though was it...

(Fri 12th Dec 2003, 12:55, More)

The Concorde feeding in its natural environment...

thanks to thebear for hosting!
(Wed 26th Nov 2003, 11:34, More)

Obvious really...

(Thu 30th Oct 2003, 12:09, More)

Arnold Schwarzenegger greets 2003 Mr Olympia Bodybuilding champion

(Mon 27th Oct 2003, 10:43, More)


(Tue 14th Oct 2003, 14:53, More)


(Tue 14th Oct 2003, 11:32, More)

BTW, Dave#1 is now available in Gosh 39 Great Russell Street Bloomsbury London WC1B (for those of you who don't like sending pounds in the post)
And just to keep you informed on the progress of the Hummus comic...

(Tue 9th Sep 2003, 12:01, More)


[edit] nice to front page while I'm off having lunch! (cottage pie and a pint, nice!)
(Mon 8th Sep 2003, 12:32, More)

Scarey this:

(Tue 26th Aug 2003, 12:01, More)

Deep South kids' TV was in very poor taste...

can we do the IRA next week please? Or Auschwitz marketing...
(Fri 22nd Aug 2003, 11:04, More)

Not sure about this one...

[edit] That's my first front page for about two months! I was beginning to think I'd pissed off the magic donkey there!
(Fri 8th Aug 2003, 13:07, More)

Come on everybody! The sun's shining!

(Mon 16th Jun 2003, 13:22, More)

Even during his retirement years
Michael still liked to operate above the law...

(Thu 12th Jun 2003, 15:56, More)

This joke's been around for a while now...

(Tue 3rd Jun 2003, 11:23, More)

Full circle

my first ever post was about "the birds" as well...
(Fri 30th May 2003, 17:10, More)

Early g33k

[edit] Frontpaged! Excellent! Dropped the crap one off the bottom of my profile! Thanks
(Mon 28th Apr 2003, 15:27, More)


(Thu 24th Apr 2003, 17:54, More)

did a lot of work for charity but she didn't like to go on about it...

this one's for my secret admirer... you know who you are...
(Wed 23rd Apr 2003, 17:25, More)

Greengrocer based joke

(Wed 16th Apr 2003, 16:57, More)

Chas's guest appearance in 24
kind of brought the storyline to a bit of a halt

sorry, this is terrible...
(Fri 21st Mar 2003, 15:23, More)

inspired by cthonic's earlier woosome post

(Tue 18th Mar 2003, 17:15, More)

Look out London

you know those first-thing-in-the-morning b3ta ideas you get that don't really make any sense but you just can't shift them...
(Thu 13th Mar 2003, 13:32, More)

Considering the importance of the structure...

...you'd think they'd have spent a little longer on the architectural model...
(Thu 27th Feb 2003, 15:02, More)

They just don't care do they...

(Mon 24th Feb 2003, 12:35, More)

Photoshop for beginners...

(Thu 20th Feb 2003, 13:19, More)

A massive hole that swallowed the gardens of three houses was probably caused by underground boring work


was this REAAALLLY good enough for a front page??? Sometimes I just don't know...
(Tue 11th Feb 2003, 12:42, More)

Re: those sea lions and that in the gulf and that

ps. if anyone's not busy in the Kingston area tonight and fancies some live music...
(Wed 29th Jan 2003, 16:13, More)

Future hats
will develop sentient awareness

...and impeccable taste

sorry about the size!
(Wed 8th Jan 2003, 11:57, More)

Now THAT's
an inappropriate Christmas present

(Fri 20th Dec 2002, 11:38, More)

Spare a thought this Christmas
for those spending it on their own...

(Thu 19th Dec 2002, 14:17, More)

This idea's
been hanging around in my head for ages

and what better day to post it than today?
[edit]front cunty-fuck-socking page!
(Wed 4th Dec 2002, 11:38, More)

What if Jesus had been a squid?

Imagine the crucifix.......

this was just a quick one so you get the idea
ps. Who are all these arseholes on the board today?

(Fri 15th Nov 2002, 11:11, More)

The reason
the arms were removed from the venus de milo was a closely guarded secret...

(Wed 6th Nov 2002, 13:15, More)

time to engage the...

(Thu 19th Sep 2002, 10:22, More)

Are we still doing
Animals in armour?

(Thu 25th Jul 2002, 15:42, More)

Very Hitchcockian

(Thu 25th Jul 2002, 13:39, More)

Best answers to questions:

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

What's the difference between USA and USB?
One has a white lead and never seems to be the correct way round, the other is is an industry standard that was developed to define cables, connectors and protocols for connection, communication, and power supply between personal computers and their peripheral devices.
(Tue 8th May 2018, 9:38, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

What do you call a royal wedding sandwich?
Anything that's in bread.
(Wed 16th May 2018, 7:56, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

What do you call a cold-blooded oblong?
A reptangle

(my son thought of this on the way to school)
(Fri 11th May 2018, 13:28, More)

» The Meaning Of Giff

Someone who tries to make a political point but, upon cross examination, is revealed to have done little or no research into the subject being discussed
(Mon 30th Apr 2018, 16:25, More)

» Worst Record Ever

Dancing in the Moonlight
by Toploader.
There's only two lines in it as far as I can tell.
And they're both shit. Spend some time on the lyrics boys. zeppelin.
(Wed 3rd Dec 2003, 14:15, More)
[read all their answers]