b3ta.com board
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Messageboard » Celebrity Autobiographies » Message 6251145 (Thread)

[challenge entry] Jeremy Clarkson autobiography
It's true what they say about blokes and big cars...

homepage.mac.com/fergus.stewart/PhotoAlbum6.html

From the Celebrity Autobiographies challenge. See all 520 entries (closed)

(fergus the bogeyman Beware of geeks bearing gifs!, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:13, archived)
# What the hell
do you think you're up to there?
(I helped save b3ta! wheelybird mreee!, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:14, archived)
# you might want to explain this one
or get an alibi

pst...
homepage.mac.com/fergus.stewart/.Pictures/Clarkson%20book.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:15, archived)
# hahaha
I drive a fiat 126
(I helped save b3ta! wefbhweiufhweiu party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:15, archived)
# Vauxhall Astra Convertible
'96 model (Bertoni styling)
(I helped save b3ta! wheelybird mreee!, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:16, archived)
# That
Is a girls car

I don't really drive a fiat 126. I was playing witht the large car/small penis joke, implying that i had a fucking huge penis ahahahahahahahalolololol1!
(I helped save b3ta! wefbhweiufhweiu party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:19, archived)
# It really isn't a girls' car.
For my wife to drive it she has to have the seat fully forward and raised. The pedals are right a way out below the steering column, designed for man-length legs.

It is also a stylish but manly car, with a nice broomy, grrring engine.

I got the car/cock reference, but I just wanted to mention that I have a nice car.

Thank you.
(I helped save b3ta! wheelybird mreee!, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:21, archived)
# it is a leggy woman's car.
end of.
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:22, archived)
# hahaha
(I helped save b3ta! wefbhweiufhweiu party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:23, archived)
# It can't be though.
There is no make-up mirror in the driver's sun visor flappy thing.
No lipstick holder.
No vase with plastic sunflowers in it.

Respect my manly car or I will create the most horrific image that can come from my headbrain and post it on the board this afternoon.
(I helped save b3ta! wheelybird mreee!, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:25, archived)
# Convertibles are ladycars
YOU DRIVE A LADYCAR

(I helped save b3ta! wefbhweiufhweiu party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:26, archived)
# Right.
That's it.

You're off my Christamas card list now.




sniff
(I helped save b3ta! wheelybird mreee!, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:28, archived)
# my micra has none of those things
and it is definately a lady car.

your wife is obviously a midget.

you drive a woman's car.
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:28, archived)
# are you suggesting he is married to jimmy crankie?
(I helped save b3ta! Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:30, archived)
# Maybe so.
But at least I can spell 'definitely'.
Anyway, you really shouldn't boast about owning a Micra. They are the shittest cars ever to be pooed out of the bottom of a worm-infested skankwhale. Just marginally worse than any of the Ford cars.
(I helped save b3ta! wheelybird mreee!, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:32, archived)
# haha
I'll have to agree with you there
Although the new micra has a certain charm
(I helped save b3ta! wefbhweiufhweiu party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:36, archived)
# my car is a nice colour
and gets me around
and guzzles a lot less petrol than any of your cars
and costs a lot less to insure i bet
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:39, archived)
# Oh guaranteed
My first car, at 17 was a mini. It was braw!
(I helped save b3ta! wefbhweiufhweiu party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:42, archived)
# i wasn't allowed to have a mini
):
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:45, archived)
# i am 18
and it is my first car, i am allowed to spell 'definitely' wrong as much as i damn well like!

there's no need to get stroppy just cause you drive a woman's car!
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:37, archived)
# Sorry.
It'll be the oestrogen tablets and 'that time of the month'.

Oh, I'm crying now. /fans eyes ineffectually with hands/
(I helped save b3ta! wheelybird mreee!, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:40, archived)
# not for Heather Mills then
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Strange Now Fully ISO 3103 Compliant!, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:26, archived)
# Convertible models of standard family vehicles
eg astras, escorts, mini's etc

are all woman cars. Fact
(I helped save b3ta! wefbhweiufhweiu party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:24, archived)
# I drive a volvo 740 estate
But I need a car that big to fit my enormous manhood in.
And I still have to open the sun roof when engorged!
(I helped save b3ta! Far Out Slave last ate at, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:25, archived)
# hahaha
(I helped save b3ta! wefbhweiufhweiu party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:28, archived)
# I
still feel bad about goatse ...
(I helped save b3ta! Far Out Slave last ate at, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:31, archived)
# eh?
(I helped save b3ta! wefbhweiufhweiu party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:36, archived)
# I'm implying
that I bummed him, but if you really can't keep up i'm just not going to bother any more :P
(I helped save b3ta! Far Out Slave last ate at, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:43, archived)
# hahaha
*catches up*
(I helped save b3ta! wefbhweiufhweiu party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:45, archived)
# I drive a pedal car
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:17, archived)
# You are Bugsy Malone
AICMFP
(I helped save b3ta! Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:23, archived)
# i drive a micra
but i know i have no willy
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:19, archived)
# *offers mine*
(I helped save b3ta! wefbhweiufhweiu party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:19, archived)
# I drive a motorised shoe
(I helped save b3ta! The Duke of Prunes, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:19, archived)
# this I would like to see
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:20, archived)
# I believe that too
I imagine you would look quite dapper
(I helped save b3ta! wefbhweiufhweiu party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:20, archived)
# This is true
the ladies flock from miles around to see me in my shoe. Once a week I select one lucky lady and she gets a ride to wherever she wants.
(I helped save b3ta! The Duke of Prunes, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:25, archived)
# I'm dressing as a lady and coming to inverness
Is it like a raffle, or do you just choose who you want?
(I helped save b3ta! wefbhweiufhweiu party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:27, archived)
# tuck your little tadger between your legs
and flash your ginger "mimsy" at him, that should swing it.
(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:33, archived)
# i don't have a car
so i must have the biggest penis in all of chrisendom
(I helped save b3ta! Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:21, archived)
# I drive about 326 yards

(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:23, archived)
# Most impressive young Box
Obi Trice has taught you well
(I helped save b3ta! Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:24, archived)
# the (4) irony is
I was making a golf joke when i don't know anything about golf.
Or cars.
But a Golf is a type of car so my comment must have seemed very witty indeed.

Google tells me Obie Trice is a performer of American "rap" style music.

(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:29, archived)
# i know nothing about imperial measurements
but 326 yards seemed like a good distance for a gold swing
(I helped save b3ta! Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:33, archived)
# FORE!
You drive me crazy

Ooh ooh ooh

/fyc blog
(I helped save b3ta! wefbhweiufhweiu party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:25, archived)
# I drive a ford probe
shit. what does that say about me?
(I helped save b3ta! Inigo Montoya Would wear you like a hat. A HAT!!!, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:33, archived)
# You are 75
(I helped save b3ta! wefbhweiufhweiu party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:37, archived)
# 'tis rather a biddymobile
it is also a tad pimped so my length rating must be PENALized for that.
(I helped save b3ta! Inigo Montoya Would wear you like a hat. A HAT!!!, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:47, archived)
# Place a Title Here
This is a block of text that you can edit. Write a couple of sentences that describe the photos below.
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:16, archived)
# funny, quirky, often insulting, ..........
(I helped save b3ta! god save the queen making another unremarkable comeback, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:18, archived)
# Untitled Document
insert witty remark about not changing the default page text here
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Strange Now Fully ISO 3103 Compliant!, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:18, archived)
# /sarcastic title
/witty response
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:20, archived)
# /laughter
/attempt to outwit
/tumbleweed
(I helped save b3ta! wefbhweiufhweiu party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:22, archived)
# unchanged default texy
Many mongy apologies for such a spaztastic oversight!
(fergus the bogeyman Beware of geeks bearing gifs!, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:25, archived)
# ah!
Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers.

/autocomplete
(I helped save b3ta! TBL I posted this on, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:18, archived)
# you put the lime in the coconut, y'say?
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:19, archived)
# And drank them both up
I said "Doctor!"

I love that song ... much sillyness :D
(I helped save b3ta! Far Out Slave last ate at, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 13:12, archived)
# change it quick- no-one will notice
(I helped save b3ta! MontyyouterribleCUNT I gave Jeremy Kyle cancer, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:20, archived)
# I'll tie my goat to this post.
(I helped save b3ta! The Duke of Prunes, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:20, archived)
# I Feckin love that!
(I helped save b3ta! diablo290582 Professional.....something., Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:22, archived)
# psssst...
(post the actual picture in the 'message' box, so we can see it, to help prevent abuse)


welcome though...
(I helped save b3ta! Zaphod's Wombat - Never did quite get the hang of, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:21, archived)