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# Awesome Profanity log
You know how some retentive bastards have a 'mail sweeper' set to reject incoming email because of so-called profanity?
One of my mates works for a significant media group who shall remain nameless. They have such a system on their mail server, because they think their journalists are sensitive, vulnerable, naive little souls whose virginal minds need protecting from any hint of smut.

This morning, I attempted to email him a copy (Word document) of a mutual friend's new novel manuscript. Unfortunately, the mail sweeper does sweep attachments... and our writer friend does swear quite a lot...

The system blocked the email and sent me back this...

I think it should be the back-cover blurb for the new book...
(I helped save b3ta! chaotic_illuminator proud spacehopperist, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:31, archived)
# everytime we put out a newsletter we get 20 or so bounces
from such evil bits of software.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:33, archived)
# whats wrong with 'video'?
or 'cunt'?
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! mikeisbrill, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:34, archived)
# man, that's a lot of fucks
but why are "congratulations" and "thousands of people" considered profane?
(I helped save b3ta! the triple legendary unicorn, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:34, archived)
# Euphemisms
for 'cunt'?
(Fraggle, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:35, archived)
# I think the second set are phrases which often indicate spam...
...get enough and it'll bounce you.

I was well impressed with the fuck count though.

I have read the text, and I knwo that there's a whole lot of other bad words in there too... their system only triggers on 5 or 6 profanities?!?
(I helped save b3ta! chaotic_illuminator proud spacehopperist, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:38, archived)
# i think
those are to filter out spam, you know "thousands have lost weight with new blah blah blah diet" or "congratuations you have won $45000" etc....
(I helped save b3ta! rosey, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:40, archived)
# The new blah blah blah blah diet?
I'm intrigued - tell me more!
(qwerty, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:47, archived)
# You can only eat foods that
start with "Blah". As there arent any, you lose a lot of weight fast!
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:55, archived)
# it is good
so far i've only figured out that you can eat blah-mange
geddit? /coat.
(I helped save b3ta! rosey, Wed 8 May 2002, 14:18, archived)
# Kinell
Big Brother is watching !
(I helped save b3ta! koit WWW.HIGHASAKOIT.CO.UK, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:34, archived)
# Cool!
Some people would kill for software like that.

No cuntymints?
(Fraggle, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:34, archived)
# they often assign
'points' to words or phrases - too many points, it gets rejected.
results in much hilarity when people shout across the office "how much is a fuck?"
(I helped save b3ta! rockyrobin, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:35, archived)
# how much is a fuck?
well, if you mention my name in some places you get 25% off.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! mikeisbrill, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:37, archived)
# cor blimey!
how much do i get off in the other places?
(I helped save b3ta! rockyrobin, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:39, archived)
# you just get
a smack in the mouth
(I helped save b3ta! Spoon, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:42, archived)
# what for free?
you got good contacts dude...
(I helped save b3ta! rockyrobin, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:44, archived)
# actually they are glasses
but thanks for noticing
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! mikeisbrill, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:53, archived)
# so
how much does your mum normally charge?
(I helped save b3ta! thorpe www.voodootrombonequartet.com, Wed 8 May 2002, 13:06, archived)
# Where was the FuckingHummus?
some people have no respect
(I helped save b3ta! ramirez brr..., Wed 8 May 2002, 12:38, archived)
# here!
(I helped save b3ta! witchy is covered in BEES, Wed 8 May 2002, 13:24, archived)
# sounds
like a good book from that
can i have a copy?
(I helped save b3ta! aaarrgghh...wasps! !spsaw...hhggrraaa, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:37, archived)
# It is... stonking.
You'll have to wait till the autumn for it to be published.

I'm considering sending the texts of some of his other books to see how they score on sweary words.
(I helped save b3ta! chaotic_illuminator proud spacehopperist, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:39, archived)
# who is he?
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! mikeisbrill, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:45, archived)
# Shameless Plug for Mate Ahoy...
Christopher Brookmyre. There are 6 books in the shops and they're all great. Lots of violence, swearing, satire and funny bits. And sometimes excrement, body parts, and politics.

He's over here, if you want to have a shufty...
(I helped save b3ta! chaotic_illuminator proud spacehopperist, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:52, archived)
# that guy??
Whoa - I've read a couple of his he's excellent!! And they should make some of his books into films.. I think Not the end of the world would be great..
(I helped save b3ta! Darkedge, Wed 8 May 2002, 13:00, archived)
# he's trying...
various people have had the rights to some of them... It is almost certain that Parlabane will see light of day on TV or big screen sooner or later. I'd love to see Not the End of the World and One Fine Day in the Middle of the Night filmed too.
(I helped save b3ta! chaotic_illuminator proud spacehopperist, Wed 8 May 2002, 13:05, archived)
# he is brilliant
one fine day in the middle of the night, boiling a frog etc?
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! mikeisbrill, Wed 8 May 2002, 13:00, archived)
# he is brilliant
one fine day in the middle of the night, boiling a frog etc?
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! mikeisbrill, Wed 8 May 2002, 13:01, archived)
# The very man...
Have you read "A Big Boy Did It And Ran Away"? (published last year)

Awesome. Funny as fuck.
(I helped save b3ta! chaotic_illuminator proud spacehopperist, Wed 8 May 2002, 13:03, archived)
# i havent
but i might.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! mikeisbrill, Wed 8 May 2002, 13:12, archived)
# bizarre...
i was in waterstones y'day looking at a couple of his books and um-ing and ah-ing over them - but i had limited funds as was on a mission to buy japaneses cook book
(I helped save b3ta! aaarrgghh...wasps! !spsaw...hhggrraaa, Wed 8 May 2002, 13:13, archived)
# One of my favourite authors!
Send me his unpublished books and save me money!!!
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 8 May 2002, 13:24, archived)
# Yeah
put me down for a copy as well.
(Wallz, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:44, archived)
# Definately
a selling point...
(I helped save b3ta! armaitus Sheep Casings!, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:41, archived)
# When I leave Arts Collage...
I'd like a job as a mailsweeper - It looks like fun. I do my own nipple count in The Sport every week....I often find theirs is out by about 3 ... and even more if you count all the 0898 numbers at the back....
(Egg, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:42, archived)
# The phrase 'thousands of people' was found at the location(s): 152.
Is this a union-busting technique?

That should be reported to the NUJ!
(Egg, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:47, archived)
# Now wouldn't it be grand...
...to find naughty words that it doesn't block?
Ream and felch could be good for starters...
(dognutz, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:48, archived)
# It doesn't block many actually...
wank, wanking, arse and muff are all in the book somewhere, I'm sure.

We did play the game a while ago, and ended up exchanging lots of emails with expressions like "Phuking Whanck Kunt" in...

I'm sure that ream and felch will both be OK.

(EDIT - b3tans should really have a mailsweeper that blocks mail if it HASN'T got enough profanity in it... I like the idea of people's mail getting bounced unless they get enough reaming, felching and jizzgargling in.
(I helped save b3ta! chaotic_illuminator proud spacehopperist, Wed 8 May 2002, 12:55, archived)