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[challenge entry] Sumo Cat

From the Kitten Sports challenge. See all 351 entries (closed)

(rambosilk Liberty for wolves is death to the lambs., Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:19, archived)
# the 4chan invasion has begun....
(I helped save b3ta! Floppy Donkey crawled out of the ditch., Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:23, archived)
# And I thought I was an
unskilled thread waster....
(I helped save b3ta! 4Q just lurking, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:23, archived)
# don't underestimate the power of the dork side
(I helped save b3ta! Floppy Donkey crawled out of the ditch., Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:24, archived)
# ^Hahahaha
(I helped save b3ta! FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:27, archived)
# "It's dorksided"
/godwarrior blog
(I helped save b3ta! Floppy Donkey crawled out of the ditch., Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:32, archived)
# Godwarrior needs
Largactil(tm)
(I helped save b3ta! FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:37, archived)
# I find that this counterpoints the surrealism of the underlying metaphor
and highlights the humanity of the poet’s compassionate soul which contrived through the medium of the verse structure to sublimate this, transcend that and come to terms with the fundamental dichotomies of the other.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:23, archived)
# Also, I like the patina.
(I helped save b3ta! Fishcat Difficult difficult lemon difficult., Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:24, archived)
# Oooh, I like a nice bit of patina.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:25, archived)
# do you mean... you liked my poem?
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:26, archived)
# "No,
You’re completely wrong. I just write poetry to throw my mean, callous, heartless exterior into sharp relief.
I’m going to throw you off the ship anyway! Guard! Take the prisoners to number three airlock and throw them out."
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:28, archived)
# Vogon
that explains it.
(I helped save b3ta! FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:30, archived)
# But I need air and atmospheric pressure to live!
...Or do I?

*heads off to vacuum chamber*
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:33, archived)
# Motherfucker!
Kidnap The President's Wife Without A Plan
Kidnap The President's Wife Without A Plan
Yeah, I got a plan
It's etched with a knife in the center of my hand
So I guess I'm gonna have to keep my fist clenched
Walk around D.C. in the rain till my wares is drenched
Wait for that mothafucka to take out the garbage and do a press conference about what great shape this country's in and when them welfare cuts is gonna begin
And when he pat his dog and kiss his wife goodbye, that's when I move in
I throw that silly hoe in a headlock
I muffle her grill so her screams stop
I whisper to her,"Your man ain't here to protect you, baby. He gone."
I dial up my nigga Old North
Tell him,"Meet me with the caddy on the white lawn."
I tossed her in the backseat
I covered her head with a black sheet
Put the steel to her grill piece
Be like,"If you don't shut up, I'm gonna let two shots in your dome piece."
Watch her have fits
If she don't understand, I'm gonna give the quick lesson in ebonics
"I'm gonna shoot you, baby."
I take her to my hideout in the low income houses down the street
I replace her Jones & Davids with Purple Reeboks on her feet
I give her four hungry kids, no job, no ambition, no family support, and a last welfare check
I give her crappy-ass Medicade and an ill type of growth growing out the side of her neck
I tell her,"Fend for yourself, keep you and them shorties in proper health."
And after sufficient time on that hype
I introduce her to the crackpipe
Yeah
I let her feel its soothing effects as she tries to forget about the absence of them checks
I make her sell her jewels for it
I make her pay her dues for it
And then I'll come to her late at night
And I'll be like, "Yo, everything ain't gonna be alright, you ain't gonna be able to go quietly in that good night. Peace ain't come till your death be done."
And then I'll lead her up to the roof
Ha
And I'll show her all the shit she don't own
I lead her over to the edge
And leave her there all alone.
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:34, archived)
# that malcolm lowry was a late bloomer
(I helped save b3ta! mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:36, archived)
# Fuck you man! Fuck you!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFHAnSEobNo
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:39, archived)
#
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HbQut3_yXw&feature=related
(I helped save b3ta! mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:41, archived)
# Ha ha ha!
Best film ever ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:42, archived)
# Or to summarise:
LOL!
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:26, archived)
# death's too good for him
(I helped save b3ta! mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:29, archived)
# Arf!
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:29, archived)
# so.. what you're saying
is that deep down, underneath it all, I just want to be loved?
(I helped save b3ta! Finite "Aardvark sorted out my shit!" on, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:30, archived)
# in the arse
(I helped save b3ta! mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:30, archived)
# *minces*
(I helped save b3ta! Finite "Aardvark sorted out my shit!" on, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:32, archived)
# :D
Some of the best Radio, ever.

"After a while the style settles down a bit and it starts telling you things you actually need to know.
Like the fact that the fabulously beautiful planet, Bethsellamin, is now so worried about the cumulative erosion caused by ten million visiting tourists a year, that any net imbalance between the amount you eat and the amount you excrete whilst on the planet, is surgically removed from your bodyweight when you leave.
So every time you go to the lavatory there, it’s vitally important to get a receipt."
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:32, archived)
# The section about Vogon poetry only being the third worst in the universe
"The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master, Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem, Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in my Armpit One Midsummer Morning, four of his audience died of internal haemorraging, but the President of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off."
(I helped save b3ta! Finite "Aardvark sorted out my shit!" on, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:34, archived)
# also
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Neil_Milne_Johnstone#Paul_Neil_Milne_Johnstone_of_Redbridge.2C_Essex
(I helped save b3ta! Finite "Aardvark sorted out my shit!" on, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:36, archived)
# *LOL*
"the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council"

Every time.... :D
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:36, archived)
# Awww I haven't had an excuse to bring out the old seam pics in a while

Thanks mister.
(I helped save b3ta! Fishcat Difficult difficult lemon difficult., Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:23, archived)
#
(I helped save b3ta! barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:25, archived)
#
(I helped save b3ta! epiphany coming live from sweden, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:33, archived)
#

(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:41, archived)
# Hahahaha
(I helped save b3ta! epiphany coming live from sweden, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:33, archived)
# I just got an email from number 10
Hi,

I'm sorry to inform you that your petition has been rejected.

Your petition was classed as being in the following categories:

* Intended to be humorous, or has no point about government
policy

If you wish to edit and resubmit your petition, please follow
the following link:
petitions.number10.gov.uk/terrorbastard/B1rgS1AYPRwuD1yacPA5FyZ

You have four weeks in which to do this, after which your
petition will appear in the list of rejected petitions.

Your petition reads:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to: 'rename
Michael Aspel, through deed-poll, 'Nuclear Terror Bastard''

We believe that Michael Aspel's career, and, indeed, the
collective people of great Britian would benefit from the
renaming of this great man to 'Nuclear Terror Bastard'

-- the ePetitions team
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:25, archived)
# no point about government policy?
bollocks! it's a fuckload cheaper than the trident replacement and would have a massively greater impact!
(I helped save b3ta! Hol[]y - WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:28, archived)
# precisley
"ah you english, capitalist swines! we blow up your country with our death weapons!"

"Oh really old boy? Heard of our new secret weapon, codename:nuclear terror bastard?"

"oh shits.... that sounds evil, we will make war with america instead."
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:32, archived)
# they've got a point
it's not like the approved petitions are a waste of anyone's time or anything
(I helped save b3ta! mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:30, archived)
# I am now suspecting that Dirty Dhalsim was not your picture....
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:25, archived)
# :)
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:27, archived)
# Dirty Dhalsim?
(Cakie So very tired..., Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:34, archived)
# Indeed...
images.google.com/images?hl=en&safe=off&sa=1&q=%22dirty+dhalsim%22&btnG=Search+images&aq=f&oq=
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:36, archived)
# WOOP WOOP
Sounda da b3ta police!
(I helped save b3ta! barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:37, archived)
# *flames*
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:40, archived)
# hmmm... I didn't think it was his....
the summer holidays really does churn out some crap
(I helped save b3ta! theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:42, archived)
# Not to mention that 4chan is apparently now blocked by AT&T,
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:43, archived)
# apparently it's now unblocked after 4chan members started a twitter rumor that the CEO had died, hoping to prompt a drop in AT&T shares
...or something like that anyway. Honestly, I didn't think 4chan users had enough braincells between them to think something like that up, but credit where credit is due!
(I helped save b3ta! theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:46, archived)
# balls to credit,
They are fucking dangerous.
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 17:14, archived)
# What exactly have you shopped?

and all that jazz
(I helped save b3ta! Frogbeat, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:26, archived)
# I'm going away to have a cup of tea.
When I come back, can b3ta be less shit please?

(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:26, archived)
# Poor Barbs.
*offers chocolate biscuits*
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:29, archived)
# *thieves*
*runs*
(I helped save b3ta! Hol[]y - WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:29, archived)
# Oi, you!
*shoots with harpoon*

bring those right back here!
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:30, archived)
# *returns*
*sulks* :(
(I helped save b3ta! Hol[]y - WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:32, archived)
# Now, don't do that again, ok?
You're allowed 1 bourbon and 1 hobnob, and two Chocolate digestives each, don't spoil it for everyone else, ok?

(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:34, archived)
# HOI!
BRING BACK MY BICCIES!
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:32, archived)
# You've got a nerve,
it's all your fucking fault! ;) /
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:30, archived)
# Just because the law is named after me, doesn't make me responsible for it.
Nobody blames Newton whenever precious things get dropped on hard floors, do they?
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:33, archived)
# What's the worst that could happen?
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! epiphany coming live from sweden, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:34, archived)
# ..such a beautiful horizon...
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:37, archived)
# I do.
Fucking bastard Newton ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:35, archived)
# a well deserved seam horse...
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 16:37, archived)