The House of the Dead 2I've always been a fan of the House of the Dead series, growing up as I did in the arcades of cinemas and bowling alleys, shunting pound after pound into the machines just so I could shoot some more decaying shit. Marvelous.
I used to love them as a lad for obvious reasons, and upon buying a dreamcast for a friend at university and finding that The House of the Dead 2 was part of the package, me and said friend jumped at the opportunity to shoot the shit out of some necrophilic Italians (the game's set in Venice). However, upon playing the game a few times it became the greatest in-joke of my uni years. We'd go out dressed as characters from the game, and quote their few lines incessantly and to our considerable social detriment. The reason was because the games dialogue and story are absolutely hilarious: allow me to briefly outline the plot.
James Taylor (not the folk singer) and Gary Stewart are driving in Venice to 'meet G' - one of the protagonists from the first game. Suddenly, they are attacked by a flying imp who claims to have 'taken care of G'. You are then attacked by zombies. NICE SETUP GUYS!
You then find G, fight the imp and a giant headless ax-wielding knight called, inexplicably, 'KUARL', and meet your back-up for the mission - Harry Harris and Amy Crystal - who tell you that 'the chaos in the situation is increasing' and that you must 'prevent the chaos'.
You then find out who is behind the zombie holocaust: a man, the legend, called GOLDMAN. His voice actor is utterly atrocious, failing miserably to portray a mentally unhinged eugenicist/christian fundementalist/whatever the fuck it is he believes in. He is, we are told, and I quote verbatim: 'The head one of the most eminent financial groups, and an expert on the genome theory'.
THE HEAD ONE OF THE MOST EMINENT FINANCIAL GROUPS? SHIT!
As you progress, you fight a series of bosses named after tarot cards - the amphibian Hierophant who, we are told by news reports, has 'TAKEN...the city'; the chainsaw wielding STRENGTH; and the Hydra-like TOWER - before fighting them all...again. INNOVATIVE STUFF, Wow entertainment. Anyway, for the entire game you never know GOLDMAN's motives for trying to turn the world into zombies. The closest you get is his exposition during the finale of the game, where he explains:
'Man committed a sin. The original sin that man is responsible to! To protect the life cycle!'
After this speech, you fight the creature he makes 'to rule over nature and 'to hate and destroy mankind', before Goldman kills himself. Hilariously, when playing the game, the two characters have a little discourse where Gary Stewart says to James Taylor:
'James, did we really do the right thing?'
What, by saving the world from a zombie clusterfuck? PROFOUND.
They then ludicrously say 'goodbye' to Goldman. 'Goodbye, Goldman!'. Seriously, it is a goldmine for massive damage internet lols. Having explained that, you can now enjoy the ATROCIOUS voice acting present in the game in the following video:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAWxw0wmeNQ
Gloriously, someone has placed all of the best quotes on wikiquote, which never, ever fails to make me smile:
en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_House_of_the_Dead_2
I hope this brings enjoyment to anyone else who's ever played this game aat any point in their lives.
(,
Thu 4 Mar 2010, 19:13,
archived)
I used to love them as a lad for obvious reasons, and upon buying a dreamcast for a friend at university and finding that The House of the Dead 2 was part of the package, me and said friend jumped at the opportunity to shoot the shit out of some necrophilic Italians (the game's set in Venice). However, upon playing the game a few times it became the greatest in-joke of my uni years. We'd go out dressed as characters from the game, and quote their few lines incessantly and to our considerable social detriment. The reason was because the games dialogue and story are absolutely hilarious: allow me to briefly outline the plot.
James Taylor (not the folk singer) and Gary Stewart are driving in Venice to 'meet G' - one of the protagonists from the first game. Suddenly, they are attacked by a flying imp who claims to have 'taken care of G'. You are then attacked by zombies. NICE SETUP GUYS!
You then find G, fight the imp and a giant headless ax-wielding knight called, inexplicably, 'KUARL', and meet your back-up for the mission - Harry Harris and Amy Crystal - who tell you that 'the chaos in the situation is increasing' and that you must 'prevent the chaos'.
You then find out who is behind the zombie holocaust: a man, the legend, called GOLDMAN. His voice actor is utterly atrocious, failing miserably to portray a mentally unhinged eugenicist/christian fundementalist/whatever the fuck it is he believes in. He is, we are told, and I quote verbatim: 'The head one of the most eminent financial groups, and an expert on the genome theory'.
THE HEAD ONE OF THE MOST EMINENT FINANCIAL GROUPS? SHIT!
As you progress, you fight a series of bosses named after tarot cards - the amphibian Hierophant who, we are told by news reports, has 'TAKEN...the city'; the chainsaw wielding STRENGTH; and the Hydra-like TOWER - before fighting them all...again. INNOVATIVE STUFF, Wow entertainment. Anyway, for the entire game you never know GOLDMAN's motives for trying to turn the world into zombies. The closest you get is his exposition during the finale of the game, where he explains:
'Man committed a sin. The original sin that man is responsible to! To protect the life cycle!'
After this speech, you fight the creature he makes 'to rule over nature and 'to hate and destroy mankind', before Goldman kills himself. Hilariously, when playing the game, the two characters have a little discourse where Gary Stewart says to James Taylor:
'James, did we really do the right thing?'
What, by saving the world from a zombie clusterfuck? PROFOUND.
They then ludicrously say 'goodbye' to Goldman. 'Goodbye, Goldman!'. Seriously, it is a goldmine for massive damage internet lols. Having explained that, you can now enjoy the ATROCIOUS voice acting present in the game in the following video:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAWxw0wmeNQ
Gloriously, someone has placed all of the best quotes on wikiquote, which never, ever fails to make me smile:
en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_House_of_the_Dead_2
I hope this brings enjoyment to anyone else who's ever played this game aat any point in their lives.
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what the fuck is going on tonight?
this deserves my largest failham
(what the fuck is going on tonight?
this deserves my largest failham
Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something.,
Thu 4 Mar 2010, 19:13,
archived)
isn't that cute?BUT IT'S WRONG!
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet,
Thu 4 Mar 2010, 19:14,
archived)
you juuuuuuust missedtalk is the next one over
12 days should be sufficiant for getting the basics of pic/talk/links layout, really now.
(12 days should be sufficiant for getting the basics of pic/talk/links layout, really now.
ms morbo lorem ipsum dolor sit amet,
Thu 4 Mar 2010, 19:14,
archived)
you appear to have misunderstood how this messageboard functions
(
mictoboy shitting in your cunt since,
Thu 4 Mar 2010, 19:14,
archived)
this is your lifeyou spam the board
Monkey dies as a result
Now go spam the links board thank you
(Monkey dies as a result
Now go spam the links board thank you
hooker1uk Filth monger of the lowest degree!,
Thu 4 Mar 2010, 19:16,
archived)
fuck that's a bit good
Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat,
Thu 4 Mar 2010, 20:24,
archived)
My entire family died in a "House of the Dead 2" related incidentyou insensitive bastard.
(
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Thu 4 Mar 2010, 19:21,
archived)
hahaawesome, in the original meaning of causing awe.
(
monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com,
Thu 4 Mar 2010, 19:30,
archived)
i would wear this to a funeralseriously
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet,
Thu 4 Mar 2010, 19:33,
archived)
Awww, Mu, you missed me! Mu you missed me!I just saw the stats board and I am thoroughly ashamed of myself for not posting more.
(
wuffle, the b3ta bunny 's flea collar isn't working on,
Thu 4 Mar 2010, 19:44,
archived)
