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I discovered

this miniature earth, complete with its own race of 3 legged mini-llama people:

I was going to show my discovery to the scientists of the world. I would have been very famous and rich, but then that pesky cat came along and ate it :(

Oh well, back to trumpet smuggling....

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:52, archived)

damn

this Fukkin cat ...

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:56, archived)

spock...

..I HUNGER FOR PLANET

(pissycocks GIRAFFETASTIC!, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 10:32, archived)

Hmmm...

That actually looks more like he's puking it up than eating it :)

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 11:07, archived)

nice one tom

that rules..... !!!
dam filtered work connection... cant see the kewl stuff till i get home - bugger

(

hal9000 sme, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 14:36, archived)

dishface

http://members.fortunecity.com/christmas2001/sophie_ellis_bextor11003.jpg - (no thanks. this isn't a place for photos of half naked women.)

(

Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:35, archived)

neeehhhhh

Dammit I wanna see half naked women

(Slacker, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:40, archived)

then cut & paste the url

or type "naked ladies" into google images or something. the web is full of the stuff. i've got nothing against the stuff - but b3ta is not the place for it.

(BTW: The photo is of Sophie Ellis Bextor, from her modeling days bewteen the collapse of her band theaudience, and the success of spiller. the photo was recently dug up and published in heat magazine. so there you go.)

(

rob, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:43, archived)

I'm aware of that

But I cut & pasted the link and it didn't work like......

'I'm a little teapot, short and stout, here's my.....'

(Slacker, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:45, archived)

you need to do the "fool the referer trick"

1. Cut the last bit off the URL to get members.fortunecity.com/christmas2001/ and go there.

2. Paste in the FULL url and press enter.

This works on my browser... although this might be a bug.

(

rob, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:48, archived)

oops

oops - sorry, mistook b3ta for fark

;o)

(

Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 10:15, archived)

I spent so long poorly executing this concept...

that's it's no longer interesting.

(

thorpe www.voodootrombonequartet.com, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:12, archived)

Have we had idol idol yet?

With Buddha, Jesus, and Vishnu?

(

rob, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:31, archived)

...

Saddam Hussein; Osama Bin Laden; Terminator; Lee Harvey OSWALD; Helium Puffa Jacket Blue Paint Boy...

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:36, archived)

Cliff Richard, Rik Astley, Chesney Hawkes

(james, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:47, archived)

or Pep Idol

featuring Pep and Axl Rose?

(

rob, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:52, archived)

Jedi Idol

Luke, Yoda, Obi K.,

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:54, archived)

Polyp Idol

featuring a squid, an octopus, a jelly fish and a sea anenome.

(james, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:56, archived)

Fuck Idol

Chasey Lain, Gina Wild, Jenna Jameson, Bill Clinton
(i know Old one)

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 8:19, archived)

Slop Idol

Jeffrey Archer, Jonathon King...

(

thorpe www.voodootrombonequartet.com, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 8:32, archived)

Fop Idol

Terry Thomas. And no-one else cos he's such a cad, dammit.

(james, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 8:57, archived)

it was rob's idea... rob made me do it

Don't blame me...

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 8:29, archived)

You're gonna be in trouble

You're gonna be in trouble, You're gonna be in trouble.

(

Wifey, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 8:35, archived)

I know...

I'm thinking of emigrating. Somewhere far far away...

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 8:39, archived)

You might be okay

I don't think pep's here today..

(

Wifey, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 9:46, archived)

But Rob's gone and

put it on the front page...

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 9:56, archived)

German swearing

Fuck You = Fick Dich
asshole = Arschloch
cunt = Fotze
Cock = Schwanz
Cocksucker = Schwanzlutscher
im off for a wank = ich geh mir einen Runterholen
Fucker = Ficker
Bitch = Schlampe
shit = Scheisse
arse = Arsch
pig = Schwein
damn = Verdammt, Verflucht
Tit = Busen, Titten, Moepse, Melonen, Glocken, Dinger, Euter, ...

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:58, archived)

More!

You are an old prostitute = Du bist eine alte nutte!

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:25, archived)

What's german for

can I have a cup of tea please? And have you any cake?

(

Wifey, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 8:22, archived)

something like:

Könnte ich wohl eine Tasse Tee bekommen(or haben)? Und Hätten Sie (dazu) vieleicht noch etwas Gebaeck?

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 8:29, archived)

Thank-you

I'll try to remember it for if I ever meet any germans.

(

Wifey, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 8:33, archived)

What's German for...

"what's German for?"

(

thorpe www.voodootrombonequartet.com, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 8:35, archived)

free ...

(You would say something like: )

Was heisst(/bedeutet) ... auf Deutsch?
Wie sagt(/schreibt) man folgendes auf Deutsch ...?

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 8:43, archived)

how to swear in doucheland

Blödes Arschloch        - stupid asshole

Dummes Huhn             - stupid chicken

Scheisse                - shit

Fotze                   - cunt

Blöde Fotze             - Stupid cunt

Schwuchtl               - faggot (noun)

Lesbe                   - Lesbian (noun)

Mutterficker            - motherfucker (literal)

Hurensohn               - sonuvabitch

Hure                    - whore

Depp                    - idiot

Drecksau                - dirty pig

Arschgesicht            - "Assface" (Butthead)

Fick dich!              - fuck you

Fick mich               - fuck me

(dummer) Schweinhund    - (dumb) pigdog (archaic)

Schlampe                - tramp or slut

das geht dich einen feuchten
   Scheissdreck an      - none of your fucking business

du verdammter
    Arschficker         - you damn assfucker

himmeldonnerwetter      - no translation
                          (Lit. heaven thunder weather)

Leck mich am Arsch      - lick my ass

mach es dir selber      - go fuck yourself

scheisskopf             - shithead (literal)

schnoodle noodle        - dick snot

Dummkopf                -(lit. stupid head)

Verpiss Dich - Piss off

Wichser - wanker

Arschgeige - (lit.) arse violin, arse fiddle

Hosenscheisser - coward ((small)trouser shitter)

Schweinebacke - double crossing so and so

Dumpfbacke - idiot (mainly for female)

Arschkriecher - person who kisses bosses arse

Schwanz - dick

Affenschwanz - ape-dick

(queue, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 11:27, archived)

my bank manager

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:49, archived)

my bank manager

(james, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:33, archived)

make someone happy

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:38, archived)

it's a simple

trick. But guaranteed to make them happy. bless.

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:39, archived)

Cool

Look how happy he is. Hooray! He looks very proud as well. Thankyou monkeon, that's really cheered me up. I wish someone would give me a carrot.

(

crab_bloke), Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:44, archived)

here

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:48, archived)

You think that's big ?

(

flibz, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:58, archived)

uhm ...

...Eeeek

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:03, archived)

Much better

Now I got a new ISP

(

flibz, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:23, archived)

YAY!

thats it .... again??? ... ok ... Yay.

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:26, archived)

My ISP went bad

and started blocking calls from other domains so I posted THE big ant again for the benefit of those who just couldn't be bothered to find out what it was...

Could be on Channel 5 - "When ISPs Go Bad" with horrible tales of spam and woe!

/ME goes off for a ramble....

(

flibz, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:31, archived)

can't give you a carrot, Crab Bloke

but can give you a fantastic idea for a new song animation...

(Nacho, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:11, archived)

Ooooooh

what's that then? did you have a nice christmas?

(

crab_bloke), Mon 7 Jan 2002, 8:09, archived)

Ah it's great........but I wanna be in on it as well

was gonna make it myself but have been too lazy. We'll have to get together and sort it..do you want me to email you the details or tell you here?
Christmas was great - from what I can remember. Have now had 3 b3ta crew come and visit me...feel very privileged.
January is being a bit to typical January-ish for my liking though.
How about you? What you been up to or can't you remember much either?!!

(Nacho, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 8:13, archived)

Booze

sleep food singing toys. great really. yes, please send me your ideas. I've got a couple of little thingies to work out as well. yay!

(

crab_bloke), Mon 7 Jan 2002, 8:23, archived)

have you seen/did you get

the singing hamster that is dressed in a karate outfit and is holding nun-chukkas and does kung-fu moves whilst singing "Everybody was kung-fu fighting" song? Quality

(Nacho, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 8:27, archived)

He can

pout too !

A multitude of facial expressions!

(

flibz, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:54, archived)

not seeing

your pictures...

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:55, archived)

Yeah, my

free ISP is being bizarre.

Can u see it if you paste the URl into browser ?

(

flibz, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:01, archived)

yes, I can

looks like it's blocking referrals which aren't from its webspace. Time to get a new ISP.

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:04, archived)

Grrrrr.....

know any good uns?
(/me opens can'o'worms...)

Think my work would get upset if I started using their prod servers for this ;)

(

flibz, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:09, archived)

they'd love it.

Don't you worry.

(

rob, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:09, archived)

Apparently

Tripod.co.uk are one of the few Free Webspace providers who let you refer images from elsewhere (but not tripod.com). Or some people have had luck using MSN communities.

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:10, archived)

Ta muchly...

was randomly broswing for a free ISP.

I'll go check tripod and get back to "work"

(

flibz, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:16, archived)

free-online.co.uk or .net

should be fine with referals

(Johnyboyf, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 8:50, archived)

A Netherland Dwarf !

Revisited with a less rubbish free ISP

(

flibz, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:25, archived)

Achilles

is a Netherland Dwarf

(

crab_bloke), Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:22, archived)

so is this chappy

belonging to Laura...

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:25, archived)

Cool

Bunny rabbits ...

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:38, archived)

And this wee chappie....

(

flibz, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:45, archived)

This is Achilles' brother, Geoff

(

crab_bloke), Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:42, archived)

he looks

a little perturbed.

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:53, archived)

Yes he is

I'm not sure whether he's more worried about the voracious kitten or that damned furtive polar bear.

(

crab_bloke), Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:56, archived)

or both

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:03, archived)

Oh god no

it's his worst nightmare come true. poor little geoff!

(

crab_bloke), Mon 7 Jan 2002, 8:11, archived)

Hopefully,

I've managed to post my spock picture

(

smello, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:01, archived)

nope...

sorry.

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:05, archived)

Identify these popstars

(It's the Rocking Vicar weekly quiz.)

(

rob, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:00, archived)

Rik to release a single

My singles are going to be pop with a large amount of soul, while their single will probably be pure pop.

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 5:20, archived)

We should all buy it

to support fat people everywhere. And to piss off popidol mateys.

(

Wifey, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 5:28, archived)

I made some new songs over christmas

not sure what to do with them though. i was thinking about seeing if people wanted to do anything with them.

(

crab_bloke), Mon 7 Jan 2002, 5:56, archived)

I like them a lot.

The "I am Scared" one sounds familiar... Am I dreaming having heard it before?

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:06, archived)

it's a poem Joel wrote

I think it's on the rathergood site. Also I've got a VHS of Joel performing it. Looking scared.

(

rob, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:10, archived)

Aha... Maybe I saw it on Joel's

showreel. That could be it. I was drunk at the time though so it's all a bit hazy.

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:14, archived)

Yup, that'll be why.

I reckon music beats poetry though. Nobody seems to be interested in poetry very much as far as I can tell.

(

crab_bloke), Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:16, archived)

Pissed...

Its wat alcohol does to u my children...

(Master of Kiln, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 5:02, archived)

Before He Was Famous

Stephen Hawkings Used To Be A Top Club DJ.

(

[Coo] is one of the Originals.., Mon 7 Jan 2002, 5:01, archived)

I laughed

so hard, coffee came out of my nose

(twelveways, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:31, archived)

He certainly is a bad ass mixmaster....

Simon Wicks...I saw him yesterday in Alldays....Nick Berry that is. Alldays - the choice of the stars of yesterday

(Nacho, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:06, archived)

Hello Everyone

I'm back in the world of onlineage again. Hope you all had a luvly christmas / new year etc.

I can summon this kitten by blowing a special whistle.

(

crab_bloke), Mon 7 Jan 2002, 4:37, archived)

Hello crab bloke!

I was just talking about one of your brothers from Norwich. Did you have lots of nice soup at christmas?

(

Wifey, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 4:40, archived)

Yes thankyou

I was very gluttonous indeed. Not as bad as that kitten though. Did the boys get any good toys? I got sunglasses with mirrors that let me see behind me surreptitiously, which are very cool.

(

crab_bloke), Mon 7 Jan 2002, 4:43, archived)

They'll be very usefull

in your quest for world domination. The boys got mostly train and car based toys. I got to drink lots, which was nice.

(

Wifey, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 4:52, archived)

Yup

I got an alien mask with voice alienator speaker thingy too, which is terrifying, and an i-cat of which the real cat is very scared. hooray for christmas!

(

crab_bloke), Mon 7 Jan 2002, 5:50, archived)

oh yes

i also got the melancholy death of oyster boy, which is absolutely brilliant.

(

crab_bloke), Mon 7 Jan 2002, 5:58, archived)

That is

the Tim Burton book, isn't it? I really like it. It's quite scary though.

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:06, archived)

Yup

and yup, very dark in places. genius.

(

crab_bloke), Mon 7 Jan 2002, 6:17, archived)

Hurray.

I got a blender. To make soups with. Yummy.
I also own a pair of those glasses. They make you look at odd angles and hurt my eyes.

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 4:53, archived)

Blenders

are very good for making baby food too. Just incase you need to know..

(

Wifey, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 4:59, archived)

I saw a man in the supermarket

yesterday with 6 boxes of babyfood. They were all rice pudding. I wonder if his child likes rice pudding.

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 5:01, archived)

I think all babies like it

Ours would live on it. That and cheesy tomatoe bake in a packet (which smells like vomit). They have no sense of what's nice..

(

Wifey, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 5:05, archived)

I thought all baby food smells like vomit

That way you don't know the difference before and after and don't get too upset.

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 5:27, archived)

i have terrible trouble

with babies clamouring at the door every time i vomit. they're insatiably ravenous I tell you.

(

crab_bloke), Mon 7 Jan 2002, 5:52, archived)

Wow

you got some good presents this year then.
I'm still trying to work out how to play the games
on my Shrek DVD.

(

chthonic, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 5:24, archived)

I have to admit to being

officially addicted to bejewled now.

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 5:28, archived)

i passed

a dead black cat on the way to work. Is this lucky?

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 4:12, archived)

not for the cat

i guess

(

rob, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 4:16, archived)

AndyK,

You obviously weren't aware that in Norwich we have a shop and museum centre dedicated to mustard.

It makes Alton Towers look like a run down east coast seaside town.

(james, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 3:41, archived)

My goodness...

I must visit.

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 3:44, archived)

They had

a school and a fire station and a sports field for their employees.

Sounds just like my workplace.

(james, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 3:52, archived)

Did their canteen only serve mustard?

Does your workplace? Eh?

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 3:54, archived)

They serve

stale bread and water, during my 5 minute break from pointlessly crushing rocks all day.

(james, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 3:57, archived)

you don't mine meat then?

That sounds suspiciously like the conditions under which labour is forced on the moon.

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 4:54, archived)

Norwich is fab

I got crabs in the market when I was there. Yum.

(

Wifey, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 4:03, archived)

You caught crabs in the market?

Oh ... I see, bought crabs.

(

chthonic, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 4:25, archived)

He, he

yes, bought them..

(

Wifey, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 4:38, archived)

I was a student

in Norwich, and I really love the place. However, It took me a couple of days when I very first arrived to work out that people weren't mental, they just had Norfolk accents.

(

nicey, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 7:21, archived)

nahridge kecks aaars buoy

oi feckin love it n'that

(poohpot, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 9:24, archived)

this...

rather odd interactive flash music movie... I'm quite in awe although I don't think I understand it.

(

AndyK, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 3:03, archived)

genius.

quite odd indeed.

(

rob, Mon 7 Jan 2002, 4:02, archived)

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