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# dickhead
did anyone hear bout this dickhead??
this dick escaped from goulburn gaol a couple years back and decided to play footy while he was out... well the dick asked one of his mates if he knew a good side in the western suburbs of sydney... his mate says yes but the side is full of screws and they are undefeated... the dick thinks to himself that he wants to play for a good side so he goes to training intruduces himself to the coach and the players (noone recognised him as he was from goulburn) and tells the boys that he got out of gaol 2 weeks earlier.. well the boys say to him "no worry's mate, yourve paid your due's, now lets play footy.. welcome' the dick trains hard all week.. the game on sunday was won yet again and cos he played so well he gets man of the match... well in this team you get man of the match you drink free at the club that night... well here is where dick becomes a dick... while he is pissed he tells the boys he escaped from goulburn 2 weeks previously... the boys check it out the next day and low and behold HE DID!! well didnt he have a surprise waiting for him on tuesday at training... then on thursday the boys go to work open a cell door and guess who is there??? the dick!!! now for those starting to feel sorry for this dick let me tell you what he was in for!! nothing less than RAPE!! stuff him he deserves it the DICK!!!
(chops, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:24, archived)
# I gave this a thorough thrashing in Babel Fish
"To say - this thick time out too escapes years goulburn has it there and to decide to play footy to count if in... well without that this thick its business partner in means to require an SI on the part of in Westsydney suburb to know... its business partner to say and undefeated... this thick to think of want but on the one hand fully screw to approve of in order on the other hand for it for bon to play so intruduces form and players train (uninhabited it if goulburn) and boy it 2 week early. The good boy at him has said "... gaol by Ausgangen of the business partner, yourve payment wins their, leaves now ootyspiel.. Good receipt ' at the difficult course of thick all weeks in Sunday made. The competition so the plays still with cos it won person receives to it this competition... is in this team receives very well to you this competition person it drinks persistent on this night club pits... of bon controls for this thick from thick..., when the place was it urinate that it says beforehand the escape to it goulburn, from 2 boys of weeks... it and behold it makes in, without counting that the following day and the low boy! It has, which eudididnt in Tuesday in the good it expected surprisedly for travaill the door of opening cells at the education boy... then, and the assumption is there? This thick! The beginning maintained, so that this last you feels, to what the regret me for this thick lets say that he is, is! fewer record violation! Filling of its that he earns his THICK!"

That has gave me a monster sore head
(SparkyLove, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:47, archived)
# it didn't
make any sense before it was put through babel fish
(I helped save b3ta! pete, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 8:20, archived)
# Yeah,
I was trying to make some sense of it. I like the phrase 'Thick Time', though. Sounds like the software you'd use to watch scuddy.
(SparkyLove, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 9:21, archived)
# Nice shockwave
http://surface.yugop.com/
(I helped save b3ta! izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:19, archived)
# Monkeon says ArG!
I say Woooohoooowooooo
(BïF, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:18, archived)
# that has
really cheered me up. Top stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:55, archived)
# It
was supposed to scare you. I am disappointed now.
(BïF, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 8:01, archived)
# I think this little bastard needs some attention, Hmm?

(I helped save b3ta! Not Pineapple anymore, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:12, archived)
# woof
(I helped save b3ta! AndyK, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:19, archived)
# the real identity
(I helped save b3ta! breel, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 9:01, archived)
# Beam me up Scottie

had to be done....
(I helped save b3ta! pabulum, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 9:11, archived)
# Surely thats
beam up my scotty?

Urmm... then again... that sounds like something else... :)
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 9:15, archived)
# But that should be
Beam me up westhighlandie.

Shouldn't it?
(I helped save b3ta! Not Pineapple anymore, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 13:01, archived)
# Oh, going back to <A href="http://babelfish.altavista.com">Babelfish Fun</a>
If you take something in English,
translate it to Japanese and then
back to English and repeat a few times
it then starts to become oddly poetic.
(I helped save b3ta! flibz, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:07, archived)
# Well..
"There is nothing remotely poetic about this fucking sentance, mother."

Eventually became:
"Completely the mother namely that is not remote in regard to charm in regard to this fucking sentance."
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:11, archived)
# name the song...
"Right! Now hectare and hectare, as for us me we want in regard to me but, as for the I being the place where the antichrist you have known the method the passerby wanna destruction I AM obtaining that whether sharply, as for the I you do not know anarchist those"
(I helped save b3ta! AndyK, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:12, archived)
# Easy
Its the sex pistols, Anarchy in the UK.. (is that what the song is called? Can't remember)
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:14, archived)
# damn
far too easy....
(I helped save b3ta! AndyK, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:23, archived)
# Is it going to be
'better the devil you know' or something eqaully arcane...

/me goes off for a ponder
(I helped save b3ta! flibz, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:16, archived)
# "In regard to speech when I have not forgotten allotment
and who who inquires about that you say you and cos A I you, you say that it has not gone in regard to that before what or in the explanation which does not need this me the on the I because are as many as hundred times on for you when remain everything never cos what it is true, you, rather than being good, the ogre 2nd you have known you do not take in time"
(I helped save b3ta! AndyK, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:24, archived)
# Lionel Richie?
He talks like that.
(I helped save b3ta! mrbrong, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:39, archived)
# What's even more difficult
Because it won't work with swear words, to work out how to put a foreign phrase into it which will sound really funny in English - you have to put in the English, get back the foreign words, then retranslate to English and see what you get. You sometimes have to put complete garbage IN to get something understandable out.

For example go to babelfish.altavista.com/tr

And put this in, and translate from Portuguese to English

você gosta de visitar a rachadura atrás dos homens

Me and my mates used to send some really funny ones to each other.

Challenge?
(I helped save b3ta! Not Pineapple anymore, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:29, archived)
# tripod.co.uk are down for almost a week before a relaunch
I bet they don't support referrals when they come back!

Anyone recommend any other good free ISPs?
(I helped save b3ta! flibz, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:57, archived)
# Shit
That's why I've been having so much trouble with them. I think I'll be on the lookout for another host, too.
(SparkyLove, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:03, archived)
# I've been told about these
www.clubphoto.com

www.picpage.com

www.photopoint.com

Anybody want to check them out and report back?
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:11, archived)
# clubphoto
only allows jpegs.......
which is boring
(poohpot, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 8:48, archived)
# Try
www.20m.com it seems ok its free and I don't think theres any filters
(Richie, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 11:52, archived)
# Toys
How good would it be to own some of these toys?

Jesus Christ Superstore

I'm not sure if this is a hoax, coz there is an art store in Glasgow that was selling Jesus action figures before Christmas. They were different to the one on this page though...?
(SparkyLove, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:47, archived)
# Does anyone know
a link to the Riverdancing Hamsters page?

Ta muchly :o)
(twelveways, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:45, archived)
# the best
rock photograph ever apparently...
(I helped save b3ta! Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:45, archived)
# broken graphic
but I presume you're talking about the Q special. Interesting to see the free advertising they've managed to get themselves in The Mirror & The Guardian.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:51, archived)
# Question: What TV has been made about the Web?
.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:39, archived)
# well, theres...
dot comedy (Channel 4, Gail Porter, crap)
Web Review (ITV, well after bedtime, crap)

There was another one, similar to web review, but actually in a net cafe, but that was also ITV, well after bedtime, crap.
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:43, archived)
# also the hilarious
killer net was a classic -"Are you following me?" and, of course, Attachments.
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:44, archived)
# Also
They made TV Go Home and Unnovations into TV programmes. Which just goes to show that a funny website does not a good TV programme make. They were both atrocious.
(SparkyLove, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:49, archived)
# Why has TV about the web been crap?
.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:54, archived)
# probably because
the web is a medium in the same way that TV is a medium - neither are entertainment in themselves.
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:07, archived)
# agreed. but you can make TV
about Newspapers (What the papers say), Books (Late Review, booker prize). So what is the keything that TV has missed in making TV about the web?
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:09, archived)
# it's revealing to look at the converse
What good web stuff is their about TV? tv cream is fantastic. & it's not news, it's actually very much like much of current TV output: Nostalgic fact based entertainment with archive footage.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:20, archived)
# TV about newspapers and books
though is about items that a huge number of people have or can go and consume/read/whatever.

Although people watching a program about the web can go follow up links, isn't always going to be about things a lot of people can't relate to yet?

In other words, web TV programs will work when the public knows more about the web...

Hmm, that doesn't really sound convincing.
Newspaper articles/columns about the web work - week in review columns are interesting to read and give an overview of general trends. Maybe that is what TV should pick up on... of course that would involve the people making the program understanding what the web is themselves :)
(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:30, archived)
# I just think
that the humour doesn't translate very well. I find the TV Go Home website pretty funny, but watching it on telly was an ordeal and a half. I only watched the first 2.

TV is made for the lowest common denominator most of the time, it's passive. Hence the popularity of Eastenders, Millionaire etc. Whereas good internet humour is very hard to find, and usually only seen by people who are determined to seek it out. So when they try to port it over to TV, they have to dumb it down. This loses everything that made it funny in the first place.

Re-reading that, I'm not sure if that makes any sense. Ahhh. To early in the morning.
(SparkyLove, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:10, archived)
# TV is not its own master
No swearing, nothing in potentially bad taste etc. Look at the furore over the Blue Jam Special - which was mild as a korma. On the net, you're free to experiment. Besides, TV's controlled by unfunny wankers who don't give a crap about the programming as long as they get their precious ad revenue.
(I helped save b3ta! Cedarsave, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:31, archived)
# There was
a drama about a dotcom, who's name totally escapes me. It was pants too.
(james, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 8:12, archived)
# Ahh I think I know the one..
it was on BBC2 and it was utter poo!
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 8:21, archived)
# poor joke

Sorry.
(I helped save b3ta! AndyK, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:37, archived)
# I think thats the poorest joke
i've seen in a while actually. Congratulations :)
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:38, archived)
# You ought to use
that Ghee pic to better effect, with a Dead bee, a rain coat, and the Ghee... making...

Dead Bee Mac Ghee :)
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:47, archived)
# OR
Dead BigMac Ghee....
(I helped save b3ta! flibz, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:59, archived)
# song i wrote
A while ago, I wrote a song called "Hello, Fuck You." A very kind chappy called Mo Morgan has remixed it. You can download it here. It's got a fair bit of swearing in it.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:23, archived)
# Hmm...
Scary :)
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:48, archived)
# Style, class and a total disregard for the done thing...
A true b3tan.
(james, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 5:52, archived)
# Genius!
True dedication to the cause of curry eating.
(TommyTheMuff is a new dad and luvvin it, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:04, archived)
# Cool
http://www.silicon.com/bin/bladerunner?30REQEVENT=&REQAUTH=21046&14001REQSUB=REQINT1=50470

My favourite bit...

"The researchers have also developed a jacket that can give its wearer a guided tour of Bristol"

Where can I get one??
(I helped save b3ta! izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 5:28, archived)
# Googlewhacking!
I like that..

The best one I've found so far is furtive penguins abhor magic



(aneraseroflove excuse me...i have to go to space now, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 5:27, archived)
# I've done a two word whack with
dodecahedron xylophones
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 5:39, archived)
# and without the plural
I have antidisestablishmentarianism stoat.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 5:48, archived)
# my one
is far too long ... heroic octagonal fighting beast wolf of the gentry,

but I think it is quite good.
The actual returned site however, is not good.
(I helped save b3ta! pete, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:41, archived)
# I bow down before thee
I'm not ready for those dizzy "two word" heights just yet. Think I'll have to work up to it.

I do think, though, that there should be a subcategory for googlewhacks that form a short sentence...
(aneraseroflove excuse me...i have to go to space now, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 5:54, archived)
# One word, one result
And it's a bit obvious
(I helped save b3ta! mrbrong, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:00, archived)
# sorry. that breaks the rules
as it isn't in the dictionary. (although antidisestablishmentarianism isn't in dictionary.com either...)
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:04, archived)
# micturating marmot
seems to do it -
the only page returned is the 'M' section of a dictionary sadly.
(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:20, archived)
# good stuff
google whacking is addictive. BTW: I used to try and use search engines to tell the future. I'd point in two outcomes (she loves me, she doesn't love me) and see which would get the higher count. Didn't actually work. This googlemancy.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:24, archived)
# Genius!
I am currently wondering whether I should take voluntary redundancy or not. I'll just let google decide.

I'll try putting in something like "take voluntary redundancy" and "stay with this company" and abide by whatever has the most hits.

Do you think those phrases are about even odds in googlemancy. I don't want to force google towards one path?
(aneraseroflove excuse me...i have to go to space now, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:46, archived)
# Google is inherently negative
I think I've found a flaw in Googlemancy. Google has a negative streak - if you search for "yes" you get 30.9m results, which is all well and good - but as soon as you put No into the great Google you get 265m results showing a negativity ratio of 8.58. Still tells me I should quit my job though, so can't be all wrong...
(I helped save b3ta! Monkeyboy, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:55, archived)
# Maybe you shold phrase the questions without using postives/negatives
"I stay with my job" vs. "I will take a new job"
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:59, archived)
# Yay
Google still tells me I should get a new job. You might be onto something here!
(I helped save b3ta! Monkeyboy, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:17, archived)
# Great Kraftwerk pictures

If you like Kraftwerk. Which I do.
(I helped save b3ta! thorpe www.voodootrombonequartet.com, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 5:00, archived)
# I think
this is going to far, thorpe
(BïF, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 6:34, archived)
# Paul Daniels Top 30
http://members.tripod.co.uk/wingcommanderbob/b3ta/bunnybreath.gif 8.89 46
http://members.tripod.co.uk/kplex/create_paul.jpg 8.67 3
http://www.limpfish.com/b3ta/daniels_2.jpg 7.90 30
http://members.tripod.co.uk/euque/davis1lg.jpg 7.88 113
http://www.b4ta.com/images/bear-bunny-steal.jpg 7.70 20
http://www.blart.com/images/dan.gif 7.36 135
http://www.mxdirect.net/b3ta/paul.jpg 7.26 19
http://www.schnursenkel.com/fotofest/daniels.jpg 7.24 25
http://members.tripod.co.uk/fragpot/images/paul_barrie.jpg 7.00 34
http://www.glastonbridge.co.uk/img/sw.jpg 6.95 21
http://members.coolchannel.com/thepuggle//o.O.gif 6.94 52
http://kimbo-be-coo.com/magic-finger.jpg 6.81 70
http://www.glastonbridge.co.uk/img/ofp.jpg 6.79 19
http://www.whitedust.demon.co.uk/scabbydog/dancelittleman.gif 6.73 44
http://www.blart.com/images/po.gif 6.73 143
http://216.136.200.194/auction/Jan/20021214512982830546499.jpg 6.66 80
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/davepalmer/montages/magic.gif 6.52 44
http://members.tripod.co.uk/euque/brick-wall.jpg 6.52 25
http://www.glastonbridge.co.uk/img/fp.jpg 6.44 16
http://www.mxdirect.net/b3ta/wig.gif 6.40 68
http://www.limpfish.com/b3ta/jennyreply.jpg 6.38 26
http://www.b3ta.com/images/b3ta/paul1.jpg 6.30 161
http://216.136.200.194/auction/Jan/20021188827751921686063.jpg 6.25 24
http://www.andyspad.net/images/paul1.jpg 6.15 81
http://www.limpfish.com/b3ta/daniels_day-lewis.jpg 5.77 47
http://members.tripod.co.uk/wingcommanderbob/b3ta/paulhair.gif 5.77 98
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/davepalmer/montages/evil.gif 5.74 84
http://homepage.mac.com/lothario/pics/bat&bugs.jpg 5.68 66
http://www.snakemountain.co.uk/b3ta/birdwig.jpg 5.65 20
http://members.tripod.co.uk/euque/birth.jpg 5.65 31
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 4:44, archived)
# argh!
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 4:33, archived)
# Monguins - A new evil
These Monkey-Penguin hybrids gel their hair like Keith from The Prodigy for added sinisterness.....



(TommyTheMuff is a new dad and luvvin it, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 4:15, archived)
# Awwwww...
bless.
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 4:28, archived)
# Don't be fooled by the cuteness
If his upper limbs weren't almost completely useless he'd rip your still beating heart from your chest in an instant.
(TommyTheMuff is a new dad and luvvin it, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 4:47, archived)
# Eek!
Bad Monguin, Bad!
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 5:17, archived)
# I was going to post something
but Tripod are down and I can't be
arsed to look for a free ISP during my
lunchbreak....
(I helped save b3ta! flibz, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 7:10, archived)
# haha
looks like a bowling pin.
(que, Thu 24 Jan 2002, 8:26, archived)

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