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Tonight Mathew, I'm going to be...

A Giant Mexican Ant!

there are some more Cool close up insects here

(

hal9000 sme, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:03, archived)

Hello Mum.

How's Duncan?

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:05, archived)

Would be great TV.

Anybody here a commisioning editor for ITV? I think we've got a winner.

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:08, archived)

who got a pic of

Mathew Kelly then :)

(

hal9000 sme, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:10, archived)

err

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:16, archived)

they even have thier own bug band !

nice to see somebody else getting in on the game

(

hal9000 sme, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:08, archived)

"Incests that Rock - the teen cult that is destroying your childrens minds"

Phone the Daily Mail - I think this story has legs.

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:09, archived)

i hear

that is you play thier music backwards there is a secret message instrucing all insects to take over the world and kill all humans

(

hal9000 sme, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:11, archived)

"Sleepers Awake"

a sticker I once saw at a tube station. Didn't realise it was for the insects.

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:15, archived)

Incests?

You're slippin' like Freud.

(Ernest Thesiger, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:17, archived)

too right.

my brain is too slippery for my fingers to type.

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:18, archived)

Wasn't MicroAngela

one of the Teenage Mutant Tina Turners?

(Ernest Thesiger, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:18, archived)

Teenage Mutant Tina Turners

now I'd pay hard cash for that to be on TV.

I'd imagine them to be very small - quite deformed and be singing "I'm your private dancer - dancer for money - I'll do what you want me to do."

I'm not alone here - am I?

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:26, archived)

You ever

seen Ike & Tina's version of 'Proud Mary' off Beat Club on VH1? Fookin' bangin'!

(Ernest Thesiger, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:30, archived)

No. But I've got tickets for

Rammstein, Pulp & Slipknot. Yay!

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:33, archived)

are they all on the

same bill?

I rememeber pulp and minty (shock art collective) sharing the stage once, so it's not impossible.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:37, archived)

sadly not.

but slipknot should be interesting. My girlfriend has blagged backstage passes. I am planning to knock one of them out - steal their mask - and go on stage... shouting "B3ta! Equals! Shit!"

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:49, archived)

While you're at it

can you steal me a boilersuit?

(

Wifey, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:59, archived)

i've lost my biolersuit ...

... me & joel had to stand outside a recent party wearing boiler suits & monkey masks. It was in the middle of Soho. We rocked. But - yeah - managed to leave my bioler suit in the cloakroom. Arse poo.

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 6:08, archived)

Woo!

Have you any photos?

(

Wifey, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 6:24, archived)

no photos sadly.

a nice japanese tourist photographed us though. don't really know how to track him down.

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 6:36, archived)

A Japanese tourist

with a camera?
Whoda thunk it?

(

fotav Goodbye Blue Monday, Hello FAIRYLAND!, Fri 19 Jul 2002, 7:39, archived)

I think I

saw that - was it near the Gay Hussar?

(Esteban, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 6:30, archived)

it was

here - look we get a little thank you.

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 6:37, archived)

excellent

i love them

(poohpot, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:38, archived)

They can

have all my dinner money.

(james, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:19, archived)

Something very odd is happening to this link

DOes this work

(james, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:23, archived)

yep. that works....

... but it's seethru man. I have vowed to not link to anything they ever do... ever.

Attachments? Pah! It says fuck all about my life.

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:48, archived)

is that a morrissey

reference?

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:51, archived)

Maybe another challenge

Could be to photoshop this 'zany' muthafukka then!

(Man In A Suitcase, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:55, archived)

What do you think should be in his hands?

a fish? A soup bowl? A water melon?

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:11, archived)

I think a watermelon

now *that* was freaky.

(

AndyK, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:12, archived)

some photos just say "water melon".

they do.

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:14, archived)

and that happened to be

one of them

(

AndyK, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:19, archived)

Maybe

Hes clutching his aura

(Man In A Suitcase, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:19, archived)

well he's obviously a bit weighed down

(

AndyK, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:12, archived)

er... maybe.

I am undone. I've only got 1 Smiths CD you know. The rest is all James Last, Sky & Hawian Guitar Greats Vol 1 to 8.

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:56, archived)

I can't believe that

They've bothered to make a website as if it was made by the people from Attachments. What a pile of sh*te!

(

PeterSeychelles, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:54, archived)

seach for

'seethru' on ntk.net and there's some interesting stuff about it.
Aparently the web site thing was Jane Root's idea - the commissioning woman at BBC2 comedy. She's also the one that only will now commission programmes that have the 'crossover' appeal to go on bbc 1 in the second series.
Evil evil woman.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:58, archived)

Are ntk

still doing that 'everyone hates attachments' site?

(

mrbrong, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:02, archived)

i'm sure I heard that NTK did some consultancy work for Attachments

maybe I'm wrong. But this would be a bit 1984 - but the news & run the opposition.

My will to live is crushed. Save me now.

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:04, archived)

I never really

watched attachments properly. Is seethru supposed to be their website - is it endoursed by the BBC or is it just a Zeppatron spoof. Explain to me pleeeaaseee. I am very confused.

(Esteban, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:58, archived)

yes. seethru is the site made for the attachments TV show

Yes it was really made by zeppotron - but the conceit is that it's real.

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:00, archived)

are they trying

to blend reality with fiction. They are confusing me - I don't like my media to mix.

(Esteban, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:11, archived)

bugger.

there goes the plan for B3taTV.

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:12, archived)

we have you now. b3ta is the new attachments website

wait for the annoucement soon.

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:58, archived)

i thought b3ta was the spin off

website of

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:01, archived)

ah. yes. I fogot.

We are also the offical site of Bod. And "Ready Steady Flash"

(

rob, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:02, archived)

"it's tommorrow...

...where's my dancing clock person. I said I wanted it TODAY."

(Animatachments is sometime on BBC2)

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:10, archived)

YES

WHERE IS CLOCK MAN?

(Esteban, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:18, archived)

clock man returns!

unfortunately, he's running about three hours fast from the look of him

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:51, archived)

HANDS FREE KIT

(Man In A Suitcase, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:10, archived)

Very odd...

From the BBC, the caption reads "Everyday life is returning to Alliance-controlled towns"

So the Afghans are a nation of head performers, if only Blair and Bush had made this clear I doubt there would have been any opposition to the war.

(Zannusi-Beatz, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:09, archived)

one of harshest aspects of taliban rule

was the requirement for people caught whistling in the streets to wear manhole covers for a month as punishment

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:20, archived)

maybe

the BBC just got the image the wrong way up. Maybe they are all doing headstands of joy.

(

AndyK, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:23, archived)

yes

i cAN see the joy.

(Zannusi-Beatz, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:27, archived)

someone celebrated the

taliban leaving by shaving off his beard.
I do hope that internet restrictions there will be lifted so they can come play here.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:41, archived)

Wacko-Jacko-Squirrel-Sacko

I dunno. I'm outta ideas already
kimbo-be-bad.0catch.com/photoshop%20crap/squirrel.bmp

(Kimbo, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 21:09, archived)

Dammit dammit dammit

Free web browsers suck. Anyone know a good one?

(Kimbo, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 21:10, archived)

Hmm...

Maybe this then?
kimbo-be-bad.0catch.com/photoshop crap/squirrel.bmp

(Kimbo, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 21:12, archived)

Maybe this one? Puh-lease

Aww geez. Lookin bad is too easy for me.
kimbo-be-bad.0catch.com/squirrel.bmp

(Kimbo, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 21:16, archived)

That's it!

I'm gonna frag the whole site. Lemme know if you know any better free sites

(Kimbo, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 21:17, archived)

easy now...

email it to rob. squirrel sacko jackos (whatever they are) need to be shared with the world

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 3:39, archived)

One more time bay-bee

I got a new site. If this doesn't work, I'll still keep it.
captain_kimbo.tripod.com/kimbo-be-bad/id8.html

(Kimbo, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:15, archived)

Close enough

It sorta worked this time. I'm too tired to screw around any more

(Kimbo, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:16, archived)

ahh

so thats what squirrel sacko jackos are

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:29, archived)

Phew!

I was getting tense waiting for that.11/10 for perserverence

(

Wifey, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 5:47, archived)

apologies all around

(Thomas, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 17:19, archived)

I say

rather fantastic. hidden subtleties, swimming penguins, everything!congratulations on a great work of art. if you'd been born several hundred years back, you'd be hanging in the uffizi

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 17:28, archived)

proof, if any were needed

Bill Gates is the evil power behind B3TA

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 17:11, archived)

but even he is not immune to furtive ursine pests

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 17:24, archived)

That crazy bear

He just loves stealing things.

(Fidel, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 19:33, archived)

fitter, happier

more furtive

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 21:41, archived)

STAR WARS (in swedish)

It's simply wonderful.
starwars.engh.com/skflash.asp

(Tomas Sparris Harris, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 15:47, archived)

This is what happens

when my monitor breaks:

(it's been replaced now, by the way. and i am going out to get drunk. bye!)

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 15:18, archived)

Someone asked for Michael's head on Bubbles...

Well here it is.

(thellama73, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 15:11, archived)

That is what

b3ta is all about! (according to me anyway). That is a quality gag, I love the powerpuff girls, ok so its in a perverted kinda way but all the same, thats a fucking cool pic. Well done mate.

(Sul, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 16:31, archived)

I can't stand to look at him

(Thomas, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 14:44, archived)

Stargate is nothing ...

Big Brother is watching you ...

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 14:53, archived)

Sorry

I could stand to look at him no longer.

(Thomas, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 18:24, archived)

no doubt necessary

now the discos have reopened in kabul

web.tiscali.it/ladiesweapons/weapons.html

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 13:53, archived)

true crime can

be horrific

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 13:45, archived)

grrrrr

that damn polar bear! Why doesnt the penguin ever fight back?

(Sul, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 16:33, archived)

I fear

that celebrity is likely to lead to ever more pesky crimes...we need to deny the oxygen of publicity to these animal criminals...

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 3:41, archived)

They're over-inflating their Michael Jackson!

He's going to blow any minute! Oh no!

(

crab_bloke), Wed 14 Nov 2001, 12:20, archived)

...

>>>BANG!!!

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 15:30, archived)

ppppffffzzzzzzzzzzzz

zzzzssspppllllllggggrrrrrrzzzzzzzz....splt

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 3:29, archived)

The plastic surgery has

really taken its toll on Michael.

But wait... those out of focus monkeys look suspicious...

BONUS PICS

MJ likes the current cat trend...

...so much so that he becomes a clown seat for his good friend Paul McOnkey, with whom he once worked.

Binst

(

binster, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 12:19, archived)

my god

you have shocked, horrified and even angered me.

(Esteban, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 15:11, archived)

We aim to please

and sicken.

And I'm going to have to mess with time to get Paul McOnkey in here...

...I can't seem to post a reply after the below post. So temporal dynamics go out the window. Sorry

(

binster, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 3:24, archived)

I haven't laughed that much in ages

Can Paul McOnkey become a regular feature here?

Where do I get one?

(milk_explosion, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 3:49, archived)

yes

yes

(Esteban, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 4:55, archived)

You want it

...you got it

Use him wisely.

Binst

(

binster, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 6:26, archived)

You want it

...you got it

Use him wisely.

Binst

(

binster, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 6:29, archived)

Here it is

In full on bigness

Enjoy him. Er, it. Er.

(

binster, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 7:15, archived)

Fed up with this

Tried many times to get this to post, but it ain't working. Let's try again...

Let's see if this works...

(

binster, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 11:39, archived)

Fed up with this

Tried many times to get this to post, but it ain't working. Let's try again...

Let's see if this works...

(

binster, Thu 15 Nov 2001, 11:39, archived)

He has evil

stabbing hands and scares me.

(Esteban, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 11:23, archived)

i think someone should

make a printing service where you can transfer transparent gif's onto icing paper for cakes. That would be nice.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 11:30, archived)

oh that would be great

you could make some real munted edible delicacies to serve up at dinner parties...or bring and buy sales!! Mind you, you could print out an image, then trace it onto rice paper with those edible pen things and food colouring.

(Nacho, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 11:41, archived)

are you sure that

you are not TheWife in disguise?

(

AndyK, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 11:43, archived)

edible pens?

(Esteban, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 15:09, archived)

I dont even know why I'm posting this

but that message just reminded me of an old tune called "detatchable penis"

and yes, this was a real song!

(Sul, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 16:36, archived)

i never knew

that his name was Arnold. As they never ever say that on the adverts, why did they name him? Does he have a wife? children? Did he go to a catholic boys school? Was he beaten up for looking so odd and spent years in a young offenders institution for beating up his teachers before being let out and given a new chance to redeem himself as a comedy phone in a cheap loans advert?

(

AndyK, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 11:47, archived)

I found some interesting poems here

clicky

including this;
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Slip
and fall
please do it
i beg of you
OUCH!!
BY QUINN

(Esteban, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 9:51, archived)

and this:

beavers
cute creatures
slapping their tales
fighting with whales
furry

(

pep, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 9:57, archived)

I love this Haiku. And now I want to cry.

Fish
Fish eat big bubbles
I eat big bubbles
I act like a fish

(milk_explosion, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 10:05, archived)

Personal Favourite

I like the warm sun
I like it in the morning
I'd like it out at night

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 10:58, archived)

A mate of mine has just written this. I hope you like it.

fist,
noun, fist
or verb, fist?
maybe fuck fist.
wanking

(milk_explosion, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 10:08, archived)

This doesn't scan

I like penguins
Penguins yeah
Photoshopped penguins
Homosexual bears

(

spacefish bong!, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 11:01, archived)

that is the

b3ta corporate anthem. Someone put it to music and post the mp3.

(Esteban, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 11:26, archived)

there is so much good stuff on this site

like this strange clock/man hybrid

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 10:17, archived)

i'm aware of how much work

in involved - but please turn that image into a real working java clock.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 10:20, archived)

with

world time functionality

(Esteban, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 10:23, archived)

and make him dance

on the hour

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 10:29, archived)

I do hope

he gets this finnished by tomorrow.

(Esteban, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 11:29, archived)

how they won the war....

it must have been by fluke:news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/from_our_own_correspondent/newsid_1647000/1647522.stm

(nic*, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 9:19, archived)

I find this far more shocking

news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_1651000/1651601.stm - giant killer birds stalking tiny spotted horses. A bit like this board gets sometimes...

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Wed 14 Nov 2001, 9:31, archived)

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