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"give me

back all my feline DNA or the monkey gets it"

(

wangolini, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:40, archived)

Make CHAD do all the work.

Chad runs a site called http://www.cartoonmonkey.com/ and he has just got in touch.

He says, "Send me a short sentence or phrase, and I'll do a drawing or short animation."

Go on... Send him some stuff, and see if you can make him dance.

(

rob, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:37, archived)

Linda Evangelista lookalike

(Nacho, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:14, archived)

what do you mean

look-a-like? It *is* Miss Evangelista, isn't it?

(Esteban, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 8:11, archived)

whoever she is

I think she's beautiful. And she makes it happen.

(Nacho, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 8:26, archived)

you make it happen, she just watches and looks wonderful.

(Esteban, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 8:36, archived)

The hardest working cat in the business!!!

In all good toy stores.... maybe.

(ozy, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:07, archived)

Aren't my flatmates handsome?

(Nacho, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:00, archived)

I find

them scary....

(

flibz, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:26, archived)

I think that could possibly be

one of the most special things I have ever seen. The thing is, it looks like quite a feasible thing to happen on a Friday night at Snake Mountain.

(Nacho, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:34, archived)

Yeah, but

is the guy on the left really Hannibal ?

(

flibz, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:44, archived)

maybe he is and hasn't told me.

Otherwise he's known as
Baron Aukland of Snakey, Basil for short.

(Nacho, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 8:27, archived)

ky kitty

for all your statue sharpening needs(tm)

(

wangolini, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:54, archived)

that's just sooooooo good

i can't believe it.

(

crab_bloke), Tue 27 Nov 2001, 10:47, archived)

i have an idea for a feature

When the photoshop this is a celebrity - print out all the entries and send them to the person and ask them to judge.

I know that Richard Whiteley writes back when you ask stupid questions - and I'm sure fat bloke off pop idol would too.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:54, archived)

writs ahoy!

though it would be interesting to get a view from KY kitten

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:01, archived)

I emailed my Laurence Llewellyn Bowen pictures

to Changing Rooms but I never got a reply. Maybe they're saving them till the next series...

(Nacho, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:15, archived)

They never

reply via email - I tried to get my mate a surprise autograph from the CITV girl that way. Write. Stamp Address. They have no excuse that way (but take about 5 months).
The lower the calibre of celebrity the better.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:26, archived)

It's a dark ol' world...

(

flibz, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:46, archived)

that is

very good indeed

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:51, archived)

Not with beautiful Britney to bring a bit of glamour into the world, it isn't

(Nacho, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:53, archived)

wow

photoshop and collage. superb!

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:03, archived)

Photoshop?

that's how she really looks!!
the only photoshopping is a tiny bit of text at the bottom. The rest was all old skool collage, at 4.00am Saturday morning. I'm allowed to stay up till whatever time I like cos I'm a grown up.

(Nacho, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:07, archived)

But what's

on the inside ?

(

flibz, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 8:19, archived)

B3ta Interviews

We wish to do a round of interviews with people. Who would you like to hear from? Any ideas appreciated....

(

rob, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:20, archived)

have you done

Mr Head performance yet?

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:27, archived)

remind us

who he is?

(

rob, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:28, archived)

the fellow

who puts things on his rabbits head.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:29, archived)

ah yes.

we could do him.

and we want MORE ideas... Don't mind if they don't do web stuff.... i.e. Davros? Clive Sinclair? Bill Drummond?

I have no idea if I could get these people to talk - but it might be a laugh giving it a go.

(

rob, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:34, archived)

John Craven

What makes him tick?

(

mrbrong, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:38, archived)

this is what we NEED TO KNOW

I met him once. He was wearing a lovely jumper.

(

rob, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:40, archived)

Was he

ticking?

(

mrbrong, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:41, archived)

he was eating a sandwich. it was in the tracks office in pebble mill, birmingham. I worked their very briefly about 6 years ago.

(

rob, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:49, archived)

Does he tick then?

I'll have a quarter please, John.

(Nacho, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:21, archived)

I remember a fantastic Vic Reeves parody of John

"take it off.. its such a little thing...

Hello and welcome to Country File"
(you probably had to see it)

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:42, archived)

That's not the one where they were

wallpapering a plough is it?

(Nacho, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:56, archived)

I can't remember

he speaks like a dalek in it, I remember that much.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:58, archived)

dunno that one.

I remember the gay daleks on Vicor Lewis Smith...TV Offal or whatever it was called.

(Nacho, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:05, archived)

Hmm, did the gay daleks say

'White wee-wee!', 'white wee-wee!' a lot. If b3ta could interview them that would be good.

(illiter8 tw@, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:15, archived)

dunno.

I've got it on video somewhere. It was the same episode as Victor L.S. trying to blame a fart on Steven Hawkin

(Nacho, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:19, archived)

John Craven

and his shaven haven

(Nacho, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:55, archived)

John Craven and his

Answers all those 'where can possibly go after Country File / a sandwich in front of Rob?" questions...

(

mrbrong, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:22, archived)

Floella Benjamin

(james, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:43, archived)

on a similar note

Derek Griffifths is a very funny man. Did the tunes for 'bod' too.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:45, archived)

Ooh, ooh

How about Wilf Lunn?

I've got a book called 'Mad things to make from Vision On'.
It teaches you how to make all sorts of useless crud :)

(

chthonic, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:53, archived)

Yeessssss

Wilf Lunn

What was the name of the bloke who did "The Great Egg Race"?

(james, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:57, archived)

Prof Heinz Wolff

i reckon.

(

rob, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:58, archived)

That is him.

He could build us something to be photoshopped. Or we could get him to build somthing practical that looked like somthing photoshopped. Or somthing like that.

(james, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:15, archived)

Just remembered Mr Barmy Art

He's one of the more odd people in Cambridge.

He ties things to his head and walks about with them:

I've personally seen him with a loaf of bread, a stuffed rabbit toy and a bunch of flowers tied on. He always seems to use a tie to do his tying as well.

Nicey & Wifey probably already know all about him, but for the rest of you, here is part of an interview

(

chthonic, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:47, archived)

he's great

he IS b3ta.

(

rob, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:54, archived)

I think I have

Seen him but I didn't think that anything unusual was going on, I must of not realised it was art. There are some fabulous shouting blokes in Cambridge who march up and down all day shouting random stuff into the door of the Coop at the checkout queue and so on. One the best things I have ever seen was Most Shouting bloke talking to No2 Shouting bloke on a street corner bloke perfectly normally. It was just like the bit in The Life of Brian with the Jailer and his assistant.

Ah hah could you interview Terry Gilliam. That would be like the most ultimate thing ever ever ever. Surely he is like a B3ta deity.

(

nicey, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:50, archived)

My favourite shouting bloke

is the one who shouts at cars in the town centre.

He once shouted at someone who was using a hands-free kit for their mobile. He screamed 'Why are you talking to yourself' at them

(

chthonic, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 8:14, archived)

Mad Shouting blokes are ace

There should be a nationwide contest with points awarded for unintelligableness, attire, volume, and traffic disruption.

(

nicey, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 9:49, archived)

And you really need

to try and get Dr Universe.
(If he can be arsed - he gets a lot of questions from young people, you know)
I would love to know what he gets up to in his spare time...

(I suspect the one on the right is the real dr universe)

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:38, archived)

What about the

one in the middle?

(

chthonic, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:49, archived)

there's a begger in Leeds

who tells you that he's not a vampire when you don't give money. You could interview him.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:56, archived)

There was

An outstanding mad bloke in Norwich who had a donkey jacket and a pair of yellow marigold gloves. He used to stand the little strip in the middle of the dual carriage way directing traffic, in such a way as to prempt what it was going to do anyway thus making it appear like it was all obeying his will. He also had a broom with a broken handle to lend more gravitas. He should have some fairly sound views on stuff.

(

nicey, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 8:42, archived)

got to be...

Tony Hart
Professor Rubik
Diana Princess of Hearts
Belinda Carlisle
John Simpson

(Zannusi-Beatz, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:58, archived)

My nominations for b3ta interviews...

The Leopard man (lives on a rock in the hebrides, has 98% body tattoo of leaopard skin, sharpened teeth etc.) - probably a bit difficult to do as he's a hermit as well.
Will Wheaton of Star Trek fame - He's an A-list celebrity love-god so this may be difficult too
That guy in the dog-collar who presented Fortean TV
Adam & Joe
Ian Bell

(illiter8 tw@, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:39, archived)

You mean

Father Lionel Fanthorpe. Now he is an interesting bod.

(

bantam, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 8:31, archived)

interview

the time cube man

(Esteban, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 8:07, archived)

The Grim Feline

(

flibz, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:15, archived)

hmm...

but with an image this time...

(

flibz, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:16, archived)

Oh my god, I've forgotten how to do HTML !

(

flibz, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:19, archived)

Naturally extends to...

(

flibz, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 6:50, archived)

thank you.....

this is now going to be my new wallpaper!! You're with us with the Skeletor level of understanding I see.

(Nacho, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 7:02, archived)

shoot the owls

Barry Potter

(

AndyK, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 5:44, archived)

yey

Panlogic appear to be the good version of kerb.
They understand that games require glowing eyes for no apparent reason.

This amused me to:
www.panlogic.co.uk/games/bunny_game/bunny.html

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 5:53, archived)

blimey ...

... that looks a little familiar.

(

rob, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 5:57, archived)

anyone speak danish here?

could you let me know what this says about my site -
I just can't imagine jokes about Neil Buchanan and Sara Cox make any sense over there...
www.sikkema.net/

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 4:34, archived)

I think that's dutch innit?

"the hottest news about the hottest stars on the Pretend Paparazzi".

BTW, loved the t-shirt designs in NTK this week :)

(

AndyK, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 5:27, archived)

what t-shirts?

hmm?

(

rob, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 5:38, archived)

from NTK on Friday

T-shirts

(

AndyK, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 5:42, archived)

nice

i want a manic miner t-shirt.

(

rob, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 5:49, archived)

thanks

yeah, you're right it is Dutch. I am so crap at Geography. I was going to say Netherlandish but I took a stab at Danish as the name of the language instead.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 5:39, archived)

There are some things which you shouldn't let computers do

Somehow I am deeply scared of the work of the Erotic Computation Group.

(

AndyK, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 3:04, archived)

maybe they were influential in discovering

the appeal of the triple bosom and squirting bosom...

you too can buy them now.

(

AndyK, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 3:14, archived)

Christ

Those are scary.

Hmm - guess what I was looking at when my boss came up for a chat.

(

chthonic, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 3:28, archived)

oops

sorry...
Are those Not Safe For Work you reckon? I wasn't sure.
They're not *real* ones after all... :)
Dilemma...

(

AndyK, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 3:31, archived)

He didn't seem to mind

to be honest, looking at b3ta at all is bit suspect as I'm supposed to be busy working away.
Installing NT. Again. Yawn.

(

chthonic, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 3:35, archived)

Someone set us up the puppetry!

(he, Mon 26 Nov 2001, 23:18, archived)

Ausserirdische LebensForm

Hey thats a german TV-Channel ... its called Pro7

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 8:20, archived)

As if it wasn't obvious.

I just couldnt resist.

(he, Mon 26 Nov 2001, 21:50, archived)

As if it wasn't obvious.

I just couldnt resist.

(he, Mon 26 Nov 2001, 21:50, archived)

As soon as

you all fire up your computers tomorrow, log on to www.squirrel.org. What is the biggest type of squirrel on earth? Sadly, not the priapic soft toy variety, but all is revealed through an, erm, interesting interface (Homer Simpson-esque squirrelage ahoy).

(Lapin, Mon 26 Nov 2001, 18:10, archived)

I Just Cant......

*sob sob*
Get a squirrel.

(blubberubber, Mon 26 Nov 2001, 19:28, archived)

nope

it does not work. Is this some kind of special advertising campaign? Get us all worked up and then leave us wanting more. What are you selling?

A cola?

(Esteban, Tue 27 Nov 2001, 3:48, archived)

Pink Flamingoes

My Birds.. got an erection.

(Ix the Wiz, Mon 26 Nov 2001, 17:16, archived)

just

wrong

(Esteban, Mon 26 Nov 2001, 17:24, archived)

He's got lots of nice friends, I see

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Mon 26 Nov 2001, 17:49, archived)

no problems with choosing

xmas presents for the kids this year...

(

automatton52 Grumpy old goth, Mon 26 Nov 2001, 17:53, archived)

Some form

of Darwinism at work, I assume? Perhaps these protuberances are not genitals, but are in fact cunning lures evolved to facilitate these dangerous predators in enticing their prey to them. I can only applaud mother nature for her never ending invention. One fails to see the allure of such gambits, however. Perhaps they smell of fishpaste.or Bovril. That'd do it, I reckon.

(Lapin, Mon 26 Nov 2001, 17:58, archived)

Some form

(Lapin, Mon 26 Nov 2001, 17:58, archived)

Whoops

message board knobery. I apologise. Not that anyone is here to see it. Sob sob

(Lapin, Mon 26 Nov 2001, 18:00, archived)

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