CHB's New Gaff Bash





Fuck next door's cat. We're going to fuck its shit right up by having a...




We are having a bash from 2pm onwards on Shatuday 21st November.

There will be live music and comedy in a full sized heated marquee in the garden.

A vast vat of Captn's Speshil Curry will be made plus lots of nice foods and boozes.
If you have any speshil needs like you are a foul farting veggie or something, let me know and if I'm not being a cunt that weekend, I will cater for your disabillity.

Bags of crash space and a couple of spare rooms available. PLEASE BRING SLEEPING BAGS, INFLATABLE MATRESSES AND/OR SHEEP etc.

There is loads of room for those brave enough to pitch a tent with mains power and water available.

A new bash song will be recorded on Saturday evening in HD Video.
A DVD will be issued shortly afterwards when I can be arsed frankly.

I will buy as much booze as I can but I suggest you bring a supply as I know what a bunch of fucking alkies you cunts are.

Everyone is welcome, yes, even you. My new lady, Shirley is keen to meet you all and has agreed to get them out at some point, so that'll be nice.

There will big a log fire burning in the lounge with chestnuts and small children for roasting.

I am planning a few surprises and may be gazzing you. YES YOU!

Parking is not a problem. We can get 11 cars in the drive but when full you can park on the road 50m away.

We will be offering lifts to povs from Ely train or bus Stations and there will be a free 'points of interest' tour of Soham on the way. There are severals shops here should you need them also there is a coo-op in Fordham open until 10pm.

Sunday morning, full English brekkies and strong coffee will be served up in the marquee accompanied by wandering minstrals.
Cereals and fruit juice for the poofs.

Lifts back to the station all day Sunday or Monday if your sorry arse is too fucking hungover to shift itself on Sunday. We are continuing the party on Sunday afternoon for friends and family and folk who might be offended by your fucking faces.

We that's just about it. I may put some more art on here, again, if I can be arsed as quite frankly I might not. Be arsed that is. We'll just have to see.

Right. That Sexface thinks he can take me on at poker. So I'm turning a room upstairs into a poker den. No money will be involved, just plastic chips, so if you were thinking of bringing in a ringer, forget it.

Players will be allotted the same $1000 in chips and can join or leave the table at any time. No limits, all ins allowed.
Chips must be handed in when leaving the table and a credit note issued.
The person at the end of the bash with the most credits will win a fantastic prize. Cheats will get punched right up the cock.

Speaking of cock,

The song this year will be recorded in the studio and to make a change here are the lyrics. Selected persons shall sing a verse each and the choir, that's all the others will join in with the chorus which could get us arrested.

I have a claim to fame you know
It's something rather big.
I've not fucked anyone famous
And I've never shot a pig.

I never met the bloody pope
Which may come as a shock
But my gran became immortalised when
She sucked off Hitler's cock.

CHORUS

Hitler's cock, Hitler's cock
She sucked off Hitler's cock.

My gran was crap at cooking
She couldn't fry an egg
Granddad said she was crap in bed
She never gave him head (munch munch)

She couldn't iron a fucking shirt
or mend a warn out sock
But my gran is my hero 'cos sssssssssssss
She sucked off Hitler's cock.

CHORUS

Now Churchill got wind of this
He was mad as fucking hell
That granny went down on her knees
And noshed off Hitler's bell.

He called upon some constables
And sent her to the dock
She was sentenced to a kick up the cunt
for sucking Hitler's cock.


rpt CHORUS 4 times and make slurping noises.

Suitable sound effects will be added and a laser light show will be happening at the same time to brighten up the video a bit.




More details as they come in, now back to the studio.


SIMPLE DIRECTIONS

From M11, turn off at the last junction towards Newmarket on the A14
Turn off about 10 miles along to Newmarket/Ely
Turn left into Fordham as you enter Fordham turn right towards Islham
This is Collins Hill. At the top of the hill there is a sharp bend to the left. Immediately as you turn the bend you will see a private road marked PPM. Drive to the end and park. Additional parking available if needed in the farm yard opposite the house.

If you need a lift from the station please gaz me for our phone numbers. We can pick up from Ely or Newmarket railway or bus stations.


Here my friend Duncan Disorderly can be seen buying some beer for the bash.








( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 30 Sep 2009, 14:31, Reply)

B3tans in HD?

Fucking hell.

(__, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:03, Reply)

13002302320323020x72020002032030230230232030p res Friz Face

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:28, Reply)

arf

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:44, Reply)

Anyone from London going.

Could they supply me with a lift.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 0:00, Reply)

See Sexface's post.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 4 Nov 2009, 17:52, Reply)

I sorted this out now.

There should be a suicide weekend calendar post.

For those doing the friday as well.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 4 Nov 2009, 22:51, Reply)

ME! JMG!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:05, Reply)

Fine.

Same arragnements as last time at the one where I wasn't?

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:47, Reply)

FIRST TO SIGN UP!

( I'm dreaming of a SexFace Christmas Just like the ones all filled with hoes, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:05, Reply)

FUCK THE POLICE

( cr3, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:20, Reply)

Yeah. Fuck 'em!

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 30 Sep 2009, 15:45, Reply)

I'd bloody love to come to this.

( St. Defenestration The REAL one, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 16:46, Reply)

I'm off the week after that for my birthday.

*ponders*

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 18:30, Reply)

FUCKING MAYBE ALRIGHT

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 18:42, Reply)

Fucking maybe not :(

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 20:11, Reply)

The day before my birthday?

Yeah, why not?

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 30 Sep 2009, 19:25, Reply)

i'm confused, jackaction.

from the content of your post, it would seem that you are coming to this event,

but you haven't signed up.

surely this is an oversight on your part.

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 8:52, Reply)

I'm undecided. I'm going out for a meal on the Sunday, but I don't know what time yet.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 2 Oct 2009, 19:55, Reply)

Make it later.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 19:49, Reply)

I might be able to swing by this one.

After the JackAction birthday affair.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 23:05, Reply)

Actually, travelling back might be easier.

Stopping over, it depends on the train company.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 3 Oct 2009, 2:20, Reply)

maybe, i'll see what i can do

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 16:32, Reply)

This.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 20:21, Reply)

This.

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Sat 3 Oct 2009, 14:23, Reply)

Do count me in!

I'll bring some booze with- perhaps some of my homebrew, if anyone dares. Could I perhaps bagsy the spare room?

( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 2 Oct 2009, 13:43, Reply)

sorted

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 2 Oct 2009, 20:27, Reply)

Nice work fella

Much appreciated.

( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 2 Oct 2009, 21:13, Reply)

is the spare spare room gone?

i would camp but i do get cold OH DECISIONS

( sleepybinky, Sun 1 Nov 2009, 18:40, Reply)

Plenty of room in the house.

There is another small room or if you want to tent it, I could supply you with a small heater as there are mains points in the gardens. In fact, camping is probably going to be best really. I dare say there will be dead bodies all over the house. If it gets really tight, we will put a few spaces in our bedroom as it is the biggest room in the house. (girls only ;)

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 16 Nov 2009, 7:51, Reply)

Fuck rosalicious.

She'll never turn up, the doss cunt.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 3 Oct 2009, 2:19, Reply)

yeah, well she's only

like ten years old right. Therefore she cant drive, and is unable to ride on a train on her own.

( turb0t, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:44, Reply)

I'm sure she's only three and not up to walking yet.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 19:49, Reply)

count me and e in for this!

would not miss it for the fucking world!

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sun 11 Oct 2009, 4:47, Reply)

I'll have to check shifts with Badger :)

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sun 11 Oct 2009, 21:27, Reply)

oh man i totally love bashes

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 11:42, Reply)

Doss cunt.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 23:21, Reply)

bash

i'll be there old boy

(avabinyawning, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 13:45, Reply)

HA HA YOU CUNT.

Get a haircut you fucking raspberry!

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 27 Oct 2009, 9:02, Reply)

LIFTS FROM LONDON

I'm thinking of hiring a car for the weekend as trains are so bloody expensive.

With me and Gonz, there will be an additional 2 or 3 spaces.

Travelling from Southgate (Picadilly line) although we can pick up from around the area.

Cost with 4 of us would be about £25 each all inclusive which is cheaper than the train and more convenient.

Reply if you're interested.

( I'm dreaming of a SexFace Christmas Just like the ones all filled with hoes, Sat 24 Oct 2009, 19:17, Reply)

I hope your car cathces fire.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 9:30, Reply)

No offence.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 9:30, Reply)

can't come now :(

have fun without me, somehow

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 9:37, Reply)

Noooo :(

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:32, Reply)

I might come to this. Found some cheap train tickets.

Dare I risk it?

(__, Sat 7 Nov 2009, 12:13, Reply)

yeah gwan.

( sleepybinky, Sun 8 Nov 2009, 18:37, Reply)

I'm in two minds about this now

There are lots of people I'd like to meet and some I'd like to hug. I know that I'll be too anxious when I get there :S

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Sun 8 Nov 2009, 23:48, Reply)

Oh man

Seriously considering camping now so I can have alcohol and not be scared :D

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 11:08, Reply)

Just fucking go for it.

You can always leave if you don't like it.

( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 10 Nov 2009, 11:31, Reply)

That would be rude

And I can't leave if I'm 1/2 cut or full on bladdered. I think I'll just bring a tent and get wasted.

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 11:44, Reply)

Man the fuck up.

Get your arse over and enjoy fucking about with internet idiots.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 19:03, Reply)

Sir, yes sir.

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 9:29, Reply)

yeah ya wet ponce.

its only loonies and drunken loonies

whats the worst that can happen! aside from the booze running out.

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Fri 13 Nov 2009, 7:24, Reply)

Being stuck in a room with Dave27w

Slowly but surely sucking your will to live?

( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 13 Nov 2009, 12:37, Reply)

Is he a will magnet as well as a handsome man.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Fri 13 Nov 2009, 21:17, Reply)

It was that cat vomiting incident

that has riled so many people. What a dispicable cunt.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 16 Nov 2009, 7:59, Reply)

Who vomits up cat cuisine.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 23:14, Reply)

With my help you can vomit the rainbow


( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:44, Reply)

Taste the rainbow

and then vom it back up again.

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 7:17, Reply)

Good lord.

They looks like a rainbow of vomit.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 9:32, Reply)

Disappointingly

Most of the orange colour came out when I filtered it, the others still look ace.

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 10:48, Reply)

Gaff Bash is it?

I or should I say we'll be there mate!

(Hairy_bassman HBM, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 9:02, Reply)

I just fucking well signed up for this.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 14:22, Reply)

FINE!

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 18 Nov 2009, 15:26, Reply)

GOOD!

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 18:18, Reply)

Yayyyy

( sleepybinky, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 20:01, Reply)

Gaff Bash

I'll be there mate! Lorraine's coming too & Henry's coming along for the ride! See you Sat!

(Hairy_bassman HBM, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 9:19, Reply)

Smashing.

The bar is up and loaded, the marquee goes up on Sat morning now.
See you saturday.
Woof woof.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 19 Nov 2009, 19:31, Reply)

OOK OOK!

OK,
Just a little intro to me as I'll be seeing you soon. As I've been a lurker for too many years, been following b3ta for fucking aaages. Even hosted quite a few images for fellow potty mouths over the years. Time to pop my posting cherry and start a new account.

I make sockmonkeys - yes they're not works of art but they have soul damnit!!.. www.sockmonkeysanctuary.co.uk .... love hugs, alcohol and have recently come out of an extremely fucked up head-place.

catch you later :)

( the secret thingy .. Thanks for that, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 8:49, Reply)

I can't make it as we are moving all our furniture in to the new house this weekend.

i forgot i hadn't put a message on here yet. goddamit!

i am sure you will all have a fab time.

( crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 16:06, Reply)

bah

but good luck with the furniture moving type stuff.

but still bah!

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 8:05, Reply)

I'm not sure if I can fucking make this now.

I might be able to get the train. Urrrgh I hate not having a car. It involves too much planning and money to do stuff.

( I'm dreaming of a SexFace Christmas Just like the ones all filled with hoes, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 20:34, Reply)

Right it looks like we're not coming.

Enough b3tan antics for one weekend I think.

( I'm dreaming of a SexFace Christmas Just like the ones all filled with hoes, Sat 21 Nov 2009, 13:53, Reply)