This one
www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVSBtivbUs4

Genuinely funny all the way to the very last second

And I always liked this one

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0l_-9mnnkqc&NR=1
( Squid Ink should be stored upright in a cool, dark place, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 21:55, Reply)

Reebok using sexy bottoms FTW
www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoM-lgJNf_Y
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 21:28, Reply)

Christmas perfume adverts
They all suck. What happens when you put a load of advertising executives in a room with 5kg of cocaine and give them free rein to be creative? You get tosh like this. They're always meaningless, show some weird fantasy world and everyone is airbrushed to the point where they could be replaced by CGI. All the models are snarling and arrogant, which I suppose is ad-code for "assertive woman".

The Charlize Theron one where she gets her kit off is a perfect example of the genre.
(rogerzilla, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 19:41, 1 reply)

Can't believe no-one has posted this one yet!

tinyurl.com/2mm5gc

Sheer brilliance.
(Billy The Fish wants to gargle with Lucy Pinder's bath water, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 19:26, 3 replies)

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
I FUCKING HATE those ads with the 'Here come the giiiiiiiiiirls' song blaring out at me. The Christmas one was the worst with all the dumb bints at the pub opening makeup presents. Women arent really like that, I know some.
( Barry the Time Sprout one of your 5-a-day, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 19:21, Reply)

Specsavers
Many people have raised he specsavers effect advert, but I reckon specsavers have had any number of tip top ads over the past coupla years. Crop circles sticks in my mind, but I think they peaked at Eerie:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xRJRuOXNjg&feature=youtube_gdata
(Benjimawoo, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 18:28, Reply)

Due to an advert for those of addled minds wanting to compare things...
I am now friends with several websites. I can never become a website myself, being only confused.
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 17:36, Reply)

Topic

Anyone remember the jingle

"What's got a hazelnut in every bite?"

Which is where me and my mates would yell:

"Squirrel shit!"

I will grow up one day. Honest.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 17:33, 9 replies)

This one is from the 1990s
and it was so unexpected that it was always striking, coming as it did in the midst of breakfast cereal and tampon ads.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtLHKtNOcS8

Allow me to quote:

Look at me, busy as a bee
Where'd I get all this energy?
Ohhhhh meth, MMMMMMMM meth!
(Ejaculantern was caught desecrating pumpkins on, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 17:08, Reply)

I found it!
I could not find the original, but this is the one that I wanted

www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCiRd6y7Jdk&feature=related
(whiskas loved by 8 out of 10 cats, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 15:45, Reply)

Metalfish <s>ate my hamster</s> stole my opening line.
EDIT: this is longer and rantier than I anticipated. Exercise caution...er I mean READ IT AND OPEN YOUR MINDS SHEEPLE.

I hate pretty much every advert ever too. Of course there are some adverts I like - witty, intelligent, or otherwise fascinating ones such as midnight text-n-flirt exchanges with REAL GIRLS the classic Guinness ads, Honda's output or even the irritatingly catchy '118, Magical Trevor'. Unfortunately, these are very much the exceptions that proof the rule. It's like being hounded by beggars, chavs and scroungers all down the street and discovering that one in every ninety is literate, friendly, and actually gives good chat, in which case you might actually be tempted to give him some money.

And make no mistake, adverts are fucking beggars. They will do or say anything to get you to give them your money, because, surprise surprise, that's what they're there for. The occasional gem doesn't change the fact that the intervals between television programmes are torrential cascades of bullshit that regularly leave me shouting at my television.
Bill Hicks had it right, yeah, we all know that - well, maybe not the bit about advocating mass suicide, but seriously, advertising is deeply, deeply insulting on every level. And his prediction about the Coke advert they really wished they could make has pretty much come true. See for example that toothpaste advert where they just pan up a naked woman to reveal she has a tooth missing. Ad Exec, this is my friend Subtlety. I don't believe you've met.

And it's getting worse. Another notable William, Mr Bryson. once commented on the difference between American and British advertising. Something along the lines of "In England, an advert for cold medicine shows the man after taking it, still in a dressing gown and a bit sniffly, but at least he's smiling. He feels a bit better. In America, the ad for the same medicine shows the man leaping out of bed with glowing lines round his body and running off to play squash." This was in the 90's. We no longer have that distinction.

In fact, as far as I can tell, every single ad fits into one of these categories, each of them insulting in different and exciting ways. Lots of exclamation marks to emphasise the breathlessly desperate nature of advertising.

1)"Look, ordinary person! Proles like you buy this product!"
We've even filmed them looking slightly off-camera in a casual seeming setting so you know they're an ordinary person like you! And the voice-over is in a regional accent - just like yours, you adorable little demographic!
Offenders - Iceland, Morrisons, Homebase/B&Q, the sodding Volvic cunting 'challenge'.

2)"Look, ordinary person! Faaamoous peeooplle buy this product!"
Don't you want to be like them? Don't you? You worship them, don't you? What better way to be like them than doing and buying what they do and buy?
Offenders - also Iceland ironically, when they had Katona anyway, makeup and beauty products, anything with a sleb in it.

3)"There is literally nothing this product won't cure!"
It's an instant fix that will have you up and about in no time! Look! Your friend even has some in her handbag!
Offenders - all medicines or vaguely medicinal products.

4)"There is literally nothing this product won't cure, including your sad little life!"
Buy this and you will be a better person! Look at how much implied sex/respect/attention/implied sex the actor is getting from other actors!
Offenders - makeup ads again, deodorants, even Lynx (don't tell me about irony. Advertisers don't know the meaning of the word.), car adverts, etc.

4a)"This product will get you LAID!"
It's everywhere. They really, really use sex for everything. Home loans, ambulance chasers, toothpaste, lawnmowers.
Offenders - any advert that shows a bit of tit or flirtatious smile.

5)"This product will FLATTEN YOUR BALLS*"
THIS PRODUCT WILL LITERALLY BLOW YOUR TINY LITTLE MIND AND COCK. MADE OF PURE WIN AND FORGED IN THE FIRES OF MOUNT AWESOME, IT WILL LEAVE YOU BREATHLESS AND GASPING FOR MORE!!!
Offenders - let's just say that that is not what chewing 5 gum feels like.

6)"Buy us! Buy us! Buy us! Buy us! Buy us!"
Simple yet effective - the equivalent of a toddler shouting for attention till you give in and do what they want. No clever punchline, no showing you the supposed benefits of their product, these ads just pound their product into your brain until you can't think of anything else.
Offenders - Go Compare, WePurchaseAutomobilesIndiscrimately, CompareTheMarket and so bloody forth.

You don't really need a scientific education to be aware of the constant waves of utter crap coming at you (although I have studied logic. And of course watched lots of Bill Hicks). You just need a fragment of common sense, especially when a lot of adverts are now required to openly (if not explicitly) state 'what we are showing you on screen is a lie' most of the time. One day I will be rich enough to buy a large handgun and a lot of bulk rate tellies. Maybe old cathode ray ones. And when that day comes, I will be able to cheerfully shoot the television whenever something insults my intelligence. I will probably shoot the television a lot.**



* Use of the term 'Flatten your balls' in reference to awesomeness is (C) Cracked.com 1952 - present.

** I already have a nerf gun for this purpose. It's just not the same though.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 14:40, 3 replies)

I could not find the one that I wanted
but I found this one instead

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aY9GBl7UmVs&feature=related

WARNING - contains nuts
(whiskas loved by 8 out of 10 cats, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 14:21, Reply)

in reponse to below
here's that whiskas advert aimed only for cats

www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7HZKGVruv4

see what your fluff ball will act like
(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Did anyone ever buy these?

(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 14:18, 7 replies)

I could not find the one that I wanted
but I found this one instead

WARNING - contains cats

www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6-NmIMrSEI&feature=related
(whiskas loved by 8 out of 10 cats, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 14:12, Reply)

Kia Ora
I grew up in England and moved to Melbourne a few years back. Mate of mine did the same thing and now he lives in Ferntree Gully on a street called Kia Ora Avenue. I love going to see him cos every time I turn onto his street I think how great it would be to be his dog...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LvLn9PWln8
(IckleWickleStickleIckle, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 13:40, 1 reply)

The... Sea... of... Tranquillity...
Creditexpert.com ads scare me. That strange bloke with the dull voice droning about how rich he is. How is that supposed to tempt me to - well, whatever it's advertising. You too should visit this website and become so immensely rich and ultra-jaded that nothing whatsoever can excite you? Yeah. Right away.

I just don't see the point. It's like it was made by something that was trying to pass as human but utterly missed out everything important about actually being human.
(littlesunshine licked your blinky diodes on, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 11:53, 1 reply)

Wouldn't it be nice...
... if people weren't being so lazy this week and actually generating some content to go with their link-spam other than just "OMG THIS IS LULZ" and the like.
(happy fluffy tree man is., Sat 17 Apr 2010, 10:48, 6 replies)

Oh and this...
(although I already posted it in links)
sowee..

www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwbrACtIcEo
(GOTO:10 dropped out, logged on and jacked off., Sat 17 Apr 2010, 10:42, 1 reply)

I think this is suitable....
(apologies for pearoast!)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxiBmtNgc3I#t=34s
(GOTO:10 dropped out, logged on and jacked off., Sat 17 Apr 2010, 10:40, Reply)

the guinness advert with the horses
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9znA_dwjHw

also since i've posted the milky way adverts i've now gone and bought a shit load of them

good times
(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 10:29, Reply)

DFS!
And the woman who sings slow songs over the adverts while the voice babbles on about how the DFS sale is now on and you must hurry and get a great deal on a sofa before the sale ends.
There is no sale and it will never end! those are the normal prices and by sticking sale on the end people will think they're getting a good deal.
Don't get me started on the version where they used rockstar by nickelback, as if i didn't dislike that song enough already.
(FootOfTim, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 10:10, 1 reply)

How could I forget this?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Usm9PaVArtE
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Nuff said..

www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXiJBp7HK5o
(Nitrous Nitrous, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 9:54, 2 replies)

I thought this one was quite amusing
www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDUIIl_OUuo
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 9:45, Reply)

probably very gc but still amuses me
mr kipling nativity advert. still on you tube
(thedoc, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 9:18, Reply)

OK
You can kill me now, but I helped produce the Go Compare advert music.

I didn't write (much) of it but I did engineer and master it.

YOU think it's annoying? try spending weeks in a studio with just that on loop.
(Speshal, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 9:03, 6 replies)

You won't hear "The Message" the same way again.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=PK_MLA01YrU
(gordonjcp, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 8:34, 2 replies)

The German brand Gläde
with it's ad "I want to do a poo on Paul's chest."
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 7:05, Reply)

Jingles
I'm a sucker for a good jingle. And adverts, bless them, have come up with a few corkers.

Can't fit quicker than a Kwik-fit fitter.

You're never get a better bit of butter on your knife.

God bless adverts. If it weren't for them, some poor bastard would be taking a bunch of spotty recalcitrant fourteen year-olds through their GSCE English, praying for the day he or she can write the novel they always wanted to.

I know. God, I know.

*away to teach a bunch of spotty recalcitrant adolscents*
(McChinaman banned, Sat 17 Apr 2010, 5:26, Reply)