He didn't attack, but he should have.
I have a friend called Tessa, she bought herself a cute little kitten, and asked me for suggestions as to what to call it, so I said Tickles.

She didn't listen though, she called him Jeremy.
What a fucking stupid name for a cat.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 9:37, 57 replies)

he didn't attack...
but he should have..
*click!*
(misshotlips, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 9:47, closed)

I knew a guy
whose cats were called Ian and Steven
( BlueHaze Chutney. All good., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 9:49, closed)

always
wanted to have a cat and name it "Dog" and a dog and name it "Cat" for the sheer comedy value.

I'm going to hell, I know.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 9:51, closed)

Ta Hotlips!
Ian and Steven sound like a gay couple, cats should have cat names.

Like Cringer, or Battlecat.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 9:51, closed)

@Bert
Ummm... My name's Iain, and my brother's is Stephen. We've never had greasy bumsex - to my knowledge.

Or is it the spelling that makes Ian and Steven gay?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 9:56, closed)

Can we please also attack and maim
people who give their cats icky, twee and what they think are distinguished names like "Lady Mognificent the Fluffeh" and the like.

It's a fucking cat.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 9:57, closed)

My mate at work
Was looking at getting a rescue cat, and he said one of the ones he saw was called "Andy".

Fucking Andy? Come on, give animals proper names.
( Cawl, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 9:57, closed)

^^
I gt my cat from the RSPCA. They'd called him Billy.

Billy the cat? I ask you.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 9:59, closed)

Morning all!
@Enzyme I think you're right, it's the spelling. Iain and Stephen sound like sophistimocated intellectual types.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:00, closed)

@Enzyme
Billy's just not a nice name. Cromarty would've been better.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:00, closed)

There was a thread a while back
questioning why it is acceptable to name you cat Chairman Meow, but not Kitler or Pussolini.

I knew an Iain at uni and he was gay, so it can't just be the spelling Enzyme.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:00, closed)

never give a pet a name
that you wouldn't feel stupid yelling out the back door.

Same goes for kids.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:01, closed)

I want cats now!
Purely so I can call them Kitler and Pussolini.
They may not be cute, but they maek teh trainz run on tiem.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:02, closed)

so by CHCB's logic
my thoughts of naming my first cat spermbank are a little foolish?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:05, closed)

If I had
A child or a cat, it'd be called Kaol.

Because that's a fucking cool name.

*is excited about GTA4*
( Cawl, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:07, closed)

@Bert
Sophisticated intellectuals? You take that back, young man, or I won't come out to play.

I'm a plausible shyster, and don't you forget it.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:07, closed)

not at all, al
In fact, I think you should call it, 'Help help I'm being raped somebody call the police.'

@Enzyme -I said 'sound like' not 'actually are', I know it's all an act, I see right through you. You're actually a bored McDonalds worker on a tea break.
:D
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:08, closed)

So
Does this mean that someone with Tourettes should name either their animals (or kids - animals with different coats) "fuck3r" or "c*nt"?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:08, closed)

My next child
or pet, will be called Clunge-Bucket.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:10, closed)

Ahem!
My cats are called Gilbert and George. They are brothers and were named after the famous artist couple.
( girlinthehole, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:10, closed)

@BGB
Aren't Gilbert and George those two german artists that are into scat...?

o_O
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:11, closed)

^^ That
Is rubbish I'm afraid.

You just know George will die, and you'll end up with a cat called Gilbert.
( Cawl, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:11, closed)

To my knowledge
They are not into scat but do like bumsex.

And their not German.

Kaol - when they die I'm going to make a pair of slippers out of them.
( girlinthehole, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:12, closed)

I used
to have a cat called Gilbert. He was big and ginger and quite cute.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:13, closed)

G&G
Aren't they teh londonez?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:14, closed)

My mistake
One's of Italian origin, the other's from Plymouth, but they do enjoy using their own faeces in their performance art.

Yum.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:14, closed)

I don't have a cat
but if I did, I'd call it "why the fuck do I have a cat?" because I prefer dogs.



*grudgingly*
cats are ok

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:15, closed)

I saw them in a cafe
the other day. They seemed to be stiring each others tea.
(Errorist, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:16, closed)

Dogs rule and cats drool.
Or something.

I don't like pussies neither.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:16, closed)

@CHCB
Didn't you talk of calling your kids after shipping areas? I think it would be slightly embarrassing calling North Utsire and South Utsire in for dinner, don't you? Assuming you had twins, of course. Otherwise they'd be Cromarty as you suggest, and perhaps Dogger (because of, well, you know....!)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:16, closed)

If I had cats
I would call one of them crackhouseceilidhband and it would always be curled up in the bedroom licking itself and the other would be called alBertKaol and it would always be out violating other creatures :)

edit - damn, should have got a dogging joke in there instead.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:18, closed)

Ah yes...
"Dogger"...
Concieved in a Ford Fiesta, on a construction site, at midnight.
( Cawl, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:19, closed)

al
You win!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:19, closed)

I was
saving Dogger and Tyree Automatic for my dogs.

Yeah, Cromarty for the boys, Utsire for the girls.

I would never conceive my children while dogging because I've never been dogging. And certainly not in a Ford Fiesta, though I might consider a Mk1 Fiesta. And also, I know how to use contraceptives.

@al - if I could lick myself I'd never leave the bedroom.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:20, closed)

^^
me neither

edit - that's my bedroom obviously. Although, if you could lick yourself, I don't know if I would leave yours either.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:21, closed)

Well, we all
Slip up sometimes...
( Cawl, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:22, closed)

Being able to lick oneself
would be one good reason to wish for reincarnation as a dog or cat.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:23, closed)

I don't think I'd want to lick myself
Sure it'd feel good, but them things ain't exactly pretty.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:24, closed)

I'd like to be
Reincarnated as a Collosal Squid.
That'd be fantastic.
( Cawl, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:25, closed)

@Kaol
You're getting mixed up - a colossal squid has giant tentacles.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:26, closed)

If I were a collosal squid
I would live in constant fear of a giant Mediterranean man wanting to make me his dinner
(Bazongaloid, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:27, closed)

@K2k6
I know that, it'd still be wicked though, I'd pull down boats to their watery graves.
( Cawl, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:30, closed)

squid may be okay, but cuttlefish are swingers


filthy perverts
(Bazongaloid, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:32, closed)

The only name for a cat is
Trex. That cooking fat.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:33, closed)

Most definitely
Dogs FTW - cats are by far and away too clever for their own goods. That having been said, cats are tolerable but dogs are great :)

(Dog lover here, natch...)
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:33, closed)

Hats off to you, al
Only you could find Cuttlefish pron.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:33, closed)

Nice work Al...
*wonders whose post we're shitting up*

*realises that it's Burts, so it's all good*
( Cawl, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:35, closed)

Yeah baby!
we agreed yesterday, we don't ruin people's posts, we draw attention to them, which is a good thing. I think.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:37, closed)

At Uni
We had a deaf cat called Jeeves which I though was a nice name.
I used to put some serious metal on the stereo on pause, turn the volume right up and wait until old Jeevsey was walking across the room and hit play. Poor thing would just about hit the roof. Heavy vibrations on the floor or somesuch.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 10:38, closed)

My parents
have a cat called Dave.
(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 12:05, closed)

My parents
had a cat called Rodney, they were going to name the dog Del-Boy, but chickened out. So they were stuck with good old Rodders.
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 12:39, closed)

@ Enzyme
Billy the Cat? Wasn't that a cartoon strip in Whizzer and Chips many moons ago..?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:34, closed)

is it OK
to name your parrot Poll' Pot?
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:41, closed)

I just thought
Nobody has mentioned the fact that I was suggesting Tickles as a name because my friend's called Tessa (Tess-Tickles).
Are you all REALLY thick, or is no-one mentioning it because it's such a crap joke?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:52, closed)

I hadn't noticed
Speed reading at work means sometimes you miss thre nuances of what someone is saying.

But yes, now you've pointed it out, Tickles is s good name...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 16:04, closed)

@Ds' G
Whoopsadaisie.

I should've made it a bit clearer.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 16:07, closed)

i have a cat
she is called catface.
(LIMES, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 23:44, closed)