One line on-topic.
four talking about her tits
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 21:29, 6 replies)

THAT'S IT YOU'RE ALL HORRID BULLIES AND I'M LEAVING FOREVER.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 21:28, 1 reply)

I've never even heard of Bob Hairfoam.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 21:05, Reply)

Horrific bullying of Rick Fathelme.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 20:30, 8 replies)

alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 20:16, Reply)

I don't think I can answer this week.
I have never really craved the attention of anyone.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 19:09, Reply)

So, once, I wanted to ask this prostitute something.
So I shouted "Look here, prostitute!".
Oh, crap, that's not it.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 18:11, 2 replies)

Posted on b3ta.

( The Lone Groover has mal des nuts., Thu 14 Nov 2013, 17:46, 2 replies)

The woman in the flat below me is a vegan.
At least I assume she is. She very rarely mentions it.
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 17:21, 4 replies)

A lime [green] lightsabre, Yoda has.

( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 15:56, 1 reply)

Rob Fairholme.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 15:52, 10 replies)

Just add a colon and it becomes a King's Cross road sign.

( .Yeti., Thu 14 Nov 2013, 15:03, 4 replies)

Beckyjsbx

( Peej, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 15:01, 2 replies)

I once stole a broken sign from the street and kept it in my car port.
I said "SLOW" so I left it on display so people would understand and make allowances for my behavior.
( da5id <YOUR SIG HERE>, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 14:49, 5 replies)

Monty Boyce.
*hides*
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 14:46, 8 replies)

started a band 11 years ago.
still going. still grabbing attention.
( Ya What Skiddlyboop, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 14:45, 4 replies)

Mortified on St Patrick's day
At the tail end of the last millennium, I went to a St Patrick's day drink up in South London pub with a few mates. One of these mates, Martin, I was "in a band" with - we hadn't done very much, but as I had a bass and he had a guitar and we played together sometimes - that was enough for us….

Anyway, so we're in this bar, getting on with a few girls we had just met there - and Martin jokingly says that I should go up to the actual band on stage, say WE'RE in a band - and for them to let us play a few songs.

So - in order to show off a bit (thinking that there's no chance we would EVER get invited up on stage) I did…

Next thing I know - we're being invited onto the stage while the actual band have a cheeky pint-break.

Suddenly I'm on stage with Martin in this bar full of drunken sods getting hammered just 'cos it's St Paddy's day and I was trying to impress a girl with some daft bravado...

"SING!! SING!! Play us a song!" Chanted the crowd. "Make it Irish!" Someone shouted...

"Right! We're going to do a Guns n Roses number!" Martin shouted into the mic - and launched into Paradise City.
A song that I was not really that keen on, and thus had no idea how the bassline went.

So there's Martin, playing a guitar and singing, and me with the bass strapped round my shoulder - NOT PLAYING IT - trying to sing along (I can't sing), proving to everyone, including the girl I was trying to impress, what a useless, massive, vacuum of talent I was - and possessing the arrogance and audacity to actually GET ON STAGE AND DISPLAY THIS.

Luckily - everyone was quite drunk and having a good time, and people didn't seem to be put off by two idiots getting on stage who were obviously totally out of their league, but not once - NOT ONCE - did I think of saying: "actually, can we play a song we BOTH know?"
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 14:41, Reply)

Other than Shambo?
Me.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 14:35, Reply)

Selfies at funerals
I think this should become a sport - sadly I didn't get to do one at Lou Reed's:

selfiesatfunerals.tumblr.com/
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 14:32, 1 reply)

funeral
shortly after my 21st birthday, a friend of mine sadly died. he was well-liked in the area and had a large family, so his funeral was well attended. his ex-girlfriend was the attention whore that day. despite the fact that she'd shown nothing but pleasure over his death in the week before his funeral, her ridiculously loud and quite obviously fake sobs in the church drowned out pretty much everything said by the vicar. there wasn't a single tear in her eyes, she just wanted to make a very sad occasion all about her.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 14:19, 3 replies)

I was ambling down the Goldhawk Road one Saturday afternoon when I saw a young bloke
get hit by a car. He was hurt but it didn't look too bad, certainly not life threatening. Bruises, few cuts, shock of the situation.

Very quickly there were people on the scene all helping and I was about the fourth person to rush over. As I pitched up I actually said "I am a nurse" and gestured toward the Masonic Hospital which used to be just there. I am not a medical professional and have no idea what I would have done had the chap needed urgent medical attention.

Luckily for me, a doctor and nurse that DID work in the hospital were on the scene and said "No you're not, you wanker." and I made a hasty exit.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 13:51, 2 replies)

if this gets more than 100 replies i'll post a picture of my balls

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 13:49, 104 replies)

I update my facebook status in a manner that implies i'm angry or upset, but I give no indication about what is wrong until at least 10 people have replied with their concerns.

(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 13:44, 3 replies)

Excellent bullying of Gob Belmfoam.

( Muns, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 13:38, Reply)

FIRST
/ac
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 13:34, Reply)

him
v
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 13:33, 1 reply)

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me!
( Pig Bodine., Thu 14 Nov 2013, 13:32, 12 replies)