"i'll call you"
*checks phone*

nope..........
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 23:40, 22 replies)

Maybe you should have given better blowjobs?

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 0:05, closed)

oh oh oh
now hang on a minute. you can say "maybe you should be hotter". or "maybe you should be more interesting" or "maybe you should be prettier". all true. but to imply that i would give a blowjob on a first date, or, worse, that my blowjobs are anything other than spectacular.......... HOW VERY DARE YOU, SIR???

/sobs
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 0:07, closed)

no blowjob on the first date? no wonder he didnt call. i mean, who would!!!
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 0:27, closed)

I wouldn't settle for less
But then, I'm going to go freshen up in the bathroom sink as I'm on a promise.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 1:30, closed)

Actually, i'd be satisfied with a quick and dirty hand shandy under the table.

( Another_tragic_case wished he hadn't eaten all the cake, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 8:04, closed)

problem with that
is that the hand knocks repeatedly on the underside of the table, and it sounds, well, like someone being wanked off under the table.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 8:26, closed)

Which is why you should cry and scream the Lord's Prayer whilst doing it.
It hides the knocking sound.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 13:19, closed)

and makes you come so much faster too.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 13:25, closed)

I've tried that
but my date got scared and left.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:24, closed)

No nosh no call, dem's the rules

(Dwarfsmuggler Has hogtied Snow White, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:34, closed)

What sort of idiot would put in the effort for the first date, get nothing, bail even though the is promise on the second date?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 16:49, closed)

I have certainly never heard you referring to yourself as the blowjob queen
so it's entirely understandable that I would make such an elementary mistake. :P
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 13:13, closed)

Agreed.
Try taking your false teeth out next time.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 3:01, closed)

Nonsense.
Blowjobs are like pizza - even the worst one you ever had was still pretty damn good.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 13:18, closed)

No.
When they're shit, they're really shit.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 13:24, closed)

Why does this happen
Do you have a really irritating laugh? The sort of laugh that a bloke can't live with?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 8:29, closed)

do laugh ? face

laugh ? face
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:23, closed)

for the record
it was hypothetical, i cannot stress this enough!

although just say, hypothetically, that i had been serious. if he had actually made me laugh and not been a flat boring cunt than perhaps i would have laughed.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:38, closed)

'Flat'?
So he was a two dimensional character?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 13:22, closed)

No
she meant he only had a limited leasehold.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:44, closed)

Sorry
I lost your number.
I promise not to loose it again :-(
(FunOnABun Smears lard on you!, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 11:26, closed)

or even 'lose'

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:44, closed)