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This is a question Bullshit and Bullshitters

We've had questions about lies and liars in the past, but this time we're asking about the sort of fantasist who constantly claims they've got a helicopter in the garden or was "second onto the balcony at the Iranian Embassy siege". Tell us about the cobblers you've been told, or the complete lies you've come out with.

Thanks to dozer for the suggestion

(I helped save b3ta! Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 12:55)
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I'm not a real badger.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 15:40, 28 replies)
I'm still going to have to cull you in a vain attempt to halt the spread of bovine TB. No offence.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 15:41, closed)
And I am neither a reverend, a fister, or a fister of reverends.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 17 Jan 2011, 15:47, closed)
And have you ever had cause to be armorous?

(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 16:08, closed)
so why the stripy face?
I suppose you fell asleep sunbathing behing a picket fence
(I helped save b3ta! sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 16:09, closed)
I'm not a light vessel
or any marking of shipping lanes. And the nearest I get to monitoring the weather is looking out of the windows and going "ooh, it's raining"
(I helped save b3ta! sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 16:11, closed)
i am not a monkey

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 16:11, closed)
I can be a bit of a prick

(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 16:19, closed)
I, on the other hand, am Amish
(Sent from my horse-drawn Computing Jenny.)
(I helped save b3ta! Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 16:34, closed)
I'm not two letters written phonetically

(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 17:01, closed)
I'm not david bailey!
Oh...
(I helped save b3ta! NotDavidBailey isn't all that sure that he is?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 17:14, closed)
I bet you are
bullshitter
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 17:47, closed)
Part of a select club who are not really Colonels.
Neither am I named Boris.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:31, closed)
*High Fives*

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 9:19, closed)
I'm not called Bob.

(I helped save b3ta! jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 18:00, closed)
I do have a ring

(I helped save b3ta! Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 18:25, closed)
Is
it painful to sit on?
(I helped save b3ta! Trollman, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 18:52, closed)
I don't really want you to stap anything,
least not my vitals.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:33, closed)
you know...
i've always read that as 'slap'.
(Deligrams, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:08, closed)

I am actually dead though.
(The Ghost of Stephen Foster, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:46, closed)
I'm not that Irish builder
who built that crap wall in Farty Towels
(I helped save b3ta! His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:05, closed)
My Boss isn't another Mr Lizard

(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 3:16, closed)
I am not brown ,fearsome or drunk,
Ok perhaps I am the last one.
(I helped save b3ta! jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Tue 18 Jan 2011, 3:42, closed)
Sadly,
I've forgotten who I am.
(I helped save b3ta! Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 7:58, closed)
I'm neither a Rabbit
nor especially white.

PinkishBloke would be a shit username though.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:27, closed)
Curiously enough...
I am actually a duke, and at least reasonably happy.
(I helped save b3ta! DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 10:50, closed)
I don't really have any sort of plan

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 14:21, closed)
Nooooo!!!!
We were RELYING on you! You've let the whole Internet down.
(I helped save b3ta! Scrumper, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 21:18, closed)
Most of my scalp is somewhat shiny

(I helped save b3ta! shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 17:39, closed)

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