Rakky’s guide to asking someone out
And believe me, this hasn’t failed me yet.

1. Select object of your desires. It is important that he, whilst seeming normal and well balanced have some fundamental flaw rendering him totally inaccessible, for example, having a really possessive girlfriend, or having been thoroughly screwed over in his last relationship. EDIT. Or gay.
2. Make friends with aforementioned object.
3. Develop painful, overwhelming passionate crush.
4. Bore friends with crush for 6-8 months.
5. Get drunk and finally admit to object of desires that you’re desperately, hopelessly besotted with them and ask will they go out with you.
6. Publically, react stoically and calmly when they say no. In private, cry till you dehydrate.
7. Wait five years.
8. Repeat steps 1 through 7.
9. After 3-4 iterations, admit defeat, adopt 14 cats and consign yourself to being the mad woman with egg on her cardigan who lives at the end of the street and shouts at children.


By my reckoning I’m on my third iteration, about to enter stage 6. Any b3tards who wish to accompany me to the cat shelter will be welcome.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 9:07, 26 replies)

Some people might say...
You purposefully go after unobtainable men because deep down you don't actually want a relationship and garner more 'pleasure' from the angst stages than you would from being with them.

Of course, it wouldn't be me who said that. Oh no.
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 9:28, closed)

No, not you saying that
Nor have any of my friends ever said that, or my mother, nor have I ever pondered that myself.

Not even slightly.

*shakes head*
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 9:34, closed)

Pheww that's lucky then!

(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 9:37, closed)

You forgot, in the list of inaccessibilities
Gay.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 9:35, closed)

Room in the cat shelter for another?
Please don't end up like me. You're still young and can break the cycle.
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 9:37, closed)

me next door neighbour
has 7 cats. Halfway there she is.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 9:46, closed)

There's something akin to DUN-DUN-DUUUURRRR!!!! THE TWILIGHT ZONE!!!!
Its called the Friend Zone and you are well and truly stuck in it. Any self respecting fella who has a girl he considers his friend - and only his friend, drunk as a skunk, declaring their undying love for him coupled with a sudden and rampant desire to exhange bodily fluids, is going to say: "Err, no thanks..." 'Cuz they're your mate. You are in the Friend Zone. If, however, you told this same fella how you were feeling earlier under similar circumstances he'd probably think: I know this girl a bit, she's drunk, but - ahh, fuck it, why not? And that could, just could, be the start of a beautiful relationship (involving lots of shagging with any luck).
( SpankyHanky, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 9:49, closed)

sex
is really fun
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 10:19, closed)

Its real?
I thought sex was just an urban myth?
(Obi wanker nobi Its not a bug, its an unexpected feature, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 11:48, closed)

Have you tried the 'touching while talking' approach?
Sends signals to the guys that you are into them..and no I don't mean grabbing his crotch. lol.
(TheRiddler Hmmmmm... I concur., Tue 15 Dec 2009, 10:28, closed)

Try the 'touching while talking' approach
I have adopted the Michael Jackson method. Anytime my better half is talking I grab my own crotch and let out a scream of delight. When he is taking something out of the oven I grab his, then it is his turn to scream. It works for us.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 13:59, closed)

Egg
I've never heard of cat ladies with egg, have a click!
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 10:37, closed)

This sounds strangely familiar
Although I am a bloke, haha
(Slacker, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 11:29, closed)

What you need is to meet some real life b3tans at a bash
I'm sure you'll have your pick of which oddball you want to take home.

Aren't you meant to be organising one with someone?
( djtrialprice, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 11:57, closed)

*cough*
hint, hint
( djtrialprice, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:13, closed)

yeah i know, i know
:)

I've left that London now though so it will have to be arranged from the wilds of the west country, but still held in London...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 16:48, closed)

well pleeeeease hurry up
as your partner-in-crime is absolutely sodding rubbish
( djtrialprice, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 16:57, closed)

Cats are way better than people anyway...
...if it was between the cats or the boyfriend, the cats would win every time.
(Nightviolet, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 13:31, closed)

I have 8 cats and Im single - should I be worried yet?
(Freakmandu, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 14:17, closed)

At least with cats you get to name them

I think mine will be named after famous mathematicians.
(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Tue 15 Dec 2009, 17:41, closed)

This
sounds all too familiar.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 21:04, closed)

But why?
You are:-
Intelligent - check
Cute - check
A B3TAN - check
Working in a very interesting field - check

So why can't you find a man?
The world is a strange place.
*wanders off shaking (grizzled old) head*
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 22:47, closed)

Yes, we've found the problem:
Intelligent - check
Cute - check
A B3TAN - check
Working in a very interesting field - check

Sorry, if this is true, then you have no hope. At least you've found some people you like though, so it could be worse. Unfortunately, the rules of relationships are: compromise, compromise, compromise. *shudders*

Maybe you need to start treating the object of desire like your cats - we tend to expect much less of them.
(stuntsmile, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 4:28, closed)

It is true
I am not holding myself up like some kind of shining example but.
Consider me for a second: -

Intelligent - uncheck
Cute - uncheck
A B3TAN - check
Working in a very interesting field - uncheck
Wake up to lovely man every morning - check

How did I manage it? I wake up every morning look at him and ask myself the same thing. All I can say is I am a lucky bitch. I had been single for a long time before I meet him. Meeting someone is half the battle the other half is keeping them (of course only if you want to keep them) and it is true the rules of relationships are: compromise, compromise, compromise.

My relationship should never have got off the ground as it's like a tail from a women's story book.

We met in a bar he was drunk, I was drunk, he told me I had hypnotic eyes, I told him he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. We exchanged phone numbers and email addresses. The next day he left the country for 4 long, long weeks. He rang, emailed and texted me every night. After what seemed like and eternity he came back. Considering we had met once, one drunken exchange, 4 weeks earlier. I cooked him dinner and that was that and I never looked back.

But what keeps us together is compromise, I do our laundry, he cooks us dinner, we go for a walk, and we do things together - go to museums, for walks, listen to the radio. He talks I listen, I talk he listens. I make it sound like we’re an elderly couple, we are not, I am under 30 and he is just past 30.

I am no expert but in my experience finding someone is not about looking. It is not always easy, but it can be done. A few avenues to explore - go out, not to a bar. Go somewhere interesting - if there is University near by many do one off free evening lectures on a given subject. If you don’t meet 'the one' at least you learned something and try a few more, you will meet new people as it is usual that the same people turning up again and again.

Do things that cost nothing - strange as it seems but something that takes a bit of effort attracts nice people. And a common activity means no awkward chat up lines; if you are feeling self conscious, talk about the activity and the other person.

Try and stay away from dating websites - unless they come with gold plated personal recommendation from a very good friend. I have never used one personally but good friends have, they meet lots of people but it is pot luck.

A new year means new beginnings! Best of luck.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:10, closed)

I am a guy and I don't have any cats (I think they are cute and fluffeh though)
but I have done some of this... ouch.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Tue 15 Dec 2009, 23:29, closed)

Before I even started to get interested in ladies and their parts
I already lived with 6 cats.

I never really had a chance, did I?
(Pope Jamiroquai III, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 1:06, closed)