My brother and I have both been recorded on number 1 records
Both were recorded at the same place, the Coventry Locarno*, some years apart.
Admittedly our voices are part of the crowd sounds but we were there when the recordings were made! I was there when The Specials recorded 'Too much too young' and big bro was there when Chuck Berry recorded 'My Ding-a-ling'.
I think mine has more street cred.

*Now the central library.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 9:07, 1 reply)

My dad knows a guy whose brother wrote the shake n vac song
I can get his autograph if you want one.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 22 Sep 2012, 8:39, 7 replies)

Not me...
...but my father. He claims to have shagged Tommy Trinder's sister.
(Colonel Blink is now officially a pretentious prick, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 8:38, Reply)

Duncan from 'Blue'
I was in the cub scouts with Duncan out of 'Blue'. His grandad used to drop him off in a red Vauxhall Nova.
(animal252 last activated his kitten hammer on, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 8:20, Reply)

Dane Bowers
I once knocked Dane Bowers over in a pub. In my defence, I was very thirsty and he was stood in my way.
(animal252 last activated his kitten hammer on, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 8:18, Reply)

I got credit for this weeks newsletter subjectlolz
but it wasn't my suggestion
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 7:43, 1 reply)

Bring On The Wall!
I went to school with the boy whose dad owned the radio controlled Stuka used at the beginning of the film of Pink Floyds The Wall!
(the_icks has the sweet essence of giraffe, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 7:01, 1 reply)

Not me but rather my mum..

lived on the same block and went to the same school as Putin. If I recall correctly from her stories, they were one or two years apart. She said he was a rather quiet kid, but not of nice kind variety.
(spiderboy, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 6:36, Reply)

Doctors and Butchers
May have told these before, but -
I have spoken to Christopher Eccleston three times in the same theatre - twice to point-out the loos; once to tell him off for heckling Richard Hawley.
I stood in line for tea with David Tennant at Glastonbury in 2005.
Also, once on a night out with the in-laws and a relative, my wife and I had to step-in and explain to the relative that the gentlemen at the next table was not actually called Fred and was really named John Savidant. He got quite arsy. The Landlady of my old local in Salford has apparently told-off Mark E. Smith, an act of the utmost bravery, for being offensive.
(sleekloon Curing Cancer one cell at a time., Sat 22 Sep 2012, 4:08, Reply)

Am quite proud of..
I'm pretty sure that I'm related to the bloke who came up with Swindon's 'magic roundabout' Get in! - voted Britain's fourth scariest junction in 2009.
(flayeus, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 3:17, 1 reply)

I used to shoot at the same archery club as the (then) world number one
I once beat him in an archery competition (when he fired an arrow into the wrong target).

I gave up archery shortly afterwards.

I have not competed (and hence, have not been beaten) since that day.

...Am I world number one? I like to think so.
( MatJ LOOK, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 2:41, 2 replies)

I've got mates
who know Kasabian. I don't know them very well though.
( Black Moon Not cracked, I'm all up to be., Sat 22 Sep 2012, 2:05, Reply)

I got to pet the dog in the Dulex adds
(Fishboy, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 1:13, Reply)

I used to know someone
who worked in the same office with Dave "Darth Vader" Prowse at the end of the 1960s.

The most memorable thing about him was apparently that he had absolutely massive feet, which he used to put up on his desk and go to sleep in his chair.
(Rise and Fall of the Atomic Cabbage Haven't you heard of suspension of disbelief?, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 23:54, 1 reply)

I know the lady who sang the Dangermouse theme tune, that is all,
(Vauxhall Burgundy, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 23:27, 2 replies)

Oh Stourbridge, I pledge to thee...
Once was in a pub quiz team with Jonn from Ned's Atomic Dustbin. However this is not that surprising as my brother had a house share with the Ned's live sound engineer.

One of dad's friends was opening up a new garden centre in Brettel Lane, and for the official cutting of the ribbon he acquired the services of Hi-de-Hi's own Ruth Madoc, who very patiently, kindly and professionally posed for some photos that I asked for as I was on a photography course at the time.

My mum was a governor at the school where Johnny Briggs (ITV's Mike Baldwin)sent his daughter, he must have been a new dad at age 60 for that one...

And- dad's company used to sponsor Celebrity Lectures at the town hall, through which I briefly was introduced to Patrick Moore- I asked if he enjoyed the bacon flavoured lettuce he prepared for other celebrity guests on Tomorrow's World and he professed to not recall the incident- having used up my one question allocation I was moved on. Bugger.

Finally, (and this is complicated) the producer and sound engineer Simon Efemy (credits include Wildhearts, Napalm Death, Diamond Head, Wonderstuff etc) used to run Wreckless/Icicle Works recording studio in Stourbridge, hired my brother to be in his band 'Stinkin' Fish' and then fired him in favour of a MIDI sequencer.

and here it is, much to my surprise....

www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmYyLzhKh6c
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 23:17, Reply)

Shingai Shoniwa ( Noisettes ) tried to snog me in my campervan at secret garden party.
Amy Winehouse said she would vouch for me if I needed to get back into the previously gate-crashed bbc bar.
I pushed ahead of Girls Aloud to get a drink on the same night.
Liza Tarbuck looked at me.
Liza is the only one I lost a sock for.
( unclepills, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 23:02, 2 replies)

I was on international TV a year ago.
Obama came to Richmond to give a speech at the University of Richmond. The missus and I got down there in time to get four tickets, and brought a friend with us.

As we stood in line a statuesque blonde in a severe navy blue suit was walking through the crowd, eyes turning this way and that, and suddenly focused on me. "Excuse me, how many people are with you?"

"Three," I replied, gesturing to my wife and our friend.

"May I see your tickets?"

Uh oh, am I about to get bounced for some reason? Shit. "Uh, sure. Here you go. Is anything wrong?"

"No, not at all. I'll just put these stickers on them. When you go in show them to the people at the gate and they'll direct you."

"Okay..."

We got up there and the girl at the gate gave me a beaming smile and told me to go to Gate 22, around the other side of the stadium. We walked, noticing that there were damn few people walking in our direction, and were shown through a doorway. Puzzled, I went down the stairs to the front row...

...and found myself about fifteen feet from the back of the podium where the man himself was to appear.

It was a good speech, of course, and we applauded at the appropriate moments. My wife guesses that we were chosen because I was a middle-class looking white guy in casual clothes (a blue Oxford shirt and white shorts) and would look good mixed in with the well dressed crowd of African Americans who sat around and behind us. When he turned to leave my wife gave him two thumbs up and he responded by giving her the trademark pointing and smiling.

If you go here www.richmond.edu/obama/ and play the slideshow at the bottom, in one picture where he's at the podium you can see me behind him and to the left in my blue shirt and white shorts, standing out like a neon sign.

People my wife knows in Kuwait saw her on BBC Persia and recognized her. I was also briefly visible as an applauding speck on the Daily Show.

Famous for a couple of seconds, anyway...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 22:42, Reply)

I was on the same ferry as Eric Pickles a couple of years ago. Amazingly, there wasn't a massive loss of life.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 22:31, Reply)

Tenuous meetings with vaguely famous musicians
I'm in a band, right, and bands have to have websites if anyone's going to take them seriously nowadays (even though Myspace is pretty much only still going because some bemused old farts in the music business still think if a band doesn't have a Myspace page it isn't a real band...), and the trouble with that is you actually have to have some content to put on it. Which given that most musicians are dull boring buffoons who have no topic of conversation beyond sus chords and Floyd Rose bridges is a bit awkward.

Fortunately for us we discovered that four out of five of the band members were vaguely able to boast about having bumped into more famous musicians. So we promptly made up a whopper of a story for the fifth member, and put them all on the website as the band biography.

-- I used to work in a garden centre at weekends when I was in sixth form, and one day I sold a pear tree to Bryan Ferry. (What I didn't mention on the website that I had no idea who he was even, when I saw his gold credit card, until afterwards when one of the other cashiers went "Bloody hell, that was Bryan Ferry out of Roxy Music"; I thought that didn't reflect well on my musical chops and general alertness.)

-- The bassist went to school with the Libertines' bassist. Did they used to jam together? Talk about cutting edge white-label releases and indie mp3s? Exchange tips on fingering (oo-er) or pick style? Newp. They used to swap Doctor Who videos.

-- The other guitarist used to work at Waterloo, and once had to sort out getting punk poet Attila the Stockbroker onto the Eurostar when some foreign punk rock festival had booked his ticket in the name of Mr. The Stockbroker instead of his real one. Apparently, he succeeded. God alone knows how.

-- The keyboard player once found a lost wallet at a railway station which turned out to belong to Pete Murphy of Bauhaus. Mr Murphy did not send him a vast financial reward for handing it in. Thanks for nothing, Mr Murphy.

-- The drummer was out driving his horse and cart down a country lane one day when he found himself confronted by Jack Bruce driving a Jaguar. A horse and cart is not easily reversed, so our hero made Mr Bruce back his Jag all the way back down the lane for about half a mile till he came to a gateway he could pull into and let the horse past.

So, my little b3tard friends, one a-and only one of these stories is a lie. Can you tell which?
(Rise and Fall of the Atomic Cabbage Haven't you heard of suspension of disbelief?, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 22:31, 2 replies)

Jan leeming
I was helping serve food for some am-dram AGM at Stretford town hall when Jan Leeming came up for her food.

On dishing up the chicken I asked her if she wanted stuffing...

didn't go down too well
(drewpy, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 22:25, Reply)

explain yourself.
It goes back a number of years and certainly a number of jobs in the past. At the time I was working in equine practice. It was all fairly high stress and featured a good number of high maintenance clients.

One afternoon my colleague had gone out to visit one of the "super special" clients as one of the mares was unwell. In the end, no conclusive diagnosis was reached and some basic treatment was given, with the caveat that there would be a re-examination the very next day.

All seemed well.

All would have been fine had I not received a call that night, and being the on-duty vet, it was my turn. The mare was much worse, and lay collapsed in the stable.

On arrival, I quickly realised that there was no exaggeration in the description given by the yard manager.

During the whole of the examination there was a foal in the stable which persisted in pushing its nose all over me and slightly getting in the way, but I preferred to keep it there as the distress which could have been caused by the separation would not have been good. I concluded my examination of the now exceedingly unwell mare with a rectal examination. This was not good. There was horseshit in places where horseshit should never be (the pelvic canal, outside of the rectum where it should have been).

A call to my colleague confirmed my suspicions that this was a very serious problem. I called a specialist who confirmed my concern that this was unlikely to be a salvageable situation. In addition the mare was unfit to be transported to the nearest suitable facilities for such work. There was only one answer.

The yard manager became a bit twitchy at this point and explained that this was no ordinary mare. She was a specially bred one-of-a-kind and whilst we have all heard that before, this was actually the case. The owner, who was actively involved in the breeding programme, was revealed as being exceedingly royal. ah.

In the end I euthanased the mare and my abiding memory is of the foal pawing at its mother once she was dead.

Cue: one very awkward phone call with the owner the next day, during which I had to explain why I euthanased this mare. I wasnt quite invited to the Tower but I got the impression that this was not a good day.
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 22:00, Reply)

I ran past Alistair Brownlee in the park
He was walking the other way. Wimp.
(North Utsira South Utsira, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 21:55, Reply)

You know the famous "dum dum dum dum dum dum" from 2001 a space odyessy
Well that wasn't my uncle. On the at best rated average, Roy Schneider sequel, 2010, it is my uncle playing timpani.
( herd of chickens First part only £1.99 and comes with a free, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 21:46, Reply)

My Missus and me
Some years ago we went to see Dragonforce at Birmingham Academy; the Missus went to the balcony as it was less crowded. After the gig we met up and she told me some bouncers came in with a bloke, who went through a door; she asked who it was and someone said it was a member of Black Sabbath...but by the time she got to me she'd forgoten which one! I figured it wasn't Ozzy (she knows what he looks like) or Dio (tiny (but still alive at the time)) so at a guess it was Bill, Geezer or Tony. So my missus almost met an unidentified member of Sabbath. Beat that!
(kitescreech still here, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 21:37, Reply)

Gaz Top
The lady over the road from me when I was a kid was shagging Gaz Top.
(outofnowhere, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 21:34, Reply)

Mallet
I was on Wac-a-day with Timmy Mallet, flying a kite. I win.
(darfbozo, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 21:31, Reply)

I'm about to be featured in our local paper...
...under the headline "You're never too old to change career".

I'm 35.

Cunts.
(tinpixel, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 21:31, Reply)

I interviewed Bill Giles, the (now retired) head weather forecaster at the BBC for an article in T3 magazine
After the official business was done, I asked on the sly about Michael Fish's infamous blue-screen gaffe when the weather map behind him filled up with a sequence of randomly sized and oriented arrows, live on air.

"Oh, that" said Giles with disgust. 'He was a stupid cunt, didn't program the display properly".

When I picked my jaw up from the floor, I promised that was an 'off the record' quote which I would not repeat in the article.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 21:27, 1 reply)