Madness Information Service
Was anyone on here also a member?? I remember the exclusive club badge and the 'flexidisc' Inanity Over Christmas. Loking back I do think that it was probably the dullest fan club ever, but I did appreciate the annual Christmas card which is more than I got from the Beano!!!!!!
(the_icks has the sweet essence of giraffe, Fri 22 Jun 2012, 9:47, 1 reply)

ever been in a bike club?
any old bunch of sweaty men can start an mcc. that's right - you're only allowed to be an mcc. if you want to be an mc you need approval from the hells angels.

now, don't be fooled by the romantic assumption that the angels are a bunch of outlaws living the dream on the outskirts of society. they make the inland revenue look like the love-in at golden gate park in 1967.

first, you have to state your intentions. local mcc meeting once a month? oh, fine - but if your patch colours are too close to the angels or the outcasts you'll get a visit and a warning. want to elect a president? well, that's a bit close to side-patch politics so think on.

want a rocker? a flat no. rockers are only for angels or outlaw clubs (who have to get permission).

support your local big red machine. my arse*.

*they took very good care of a friend of mine when her husband died of cancer. still twats though, mostly.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 22 Jun 2012, 9:27, 15 replies)

Uni clubs...
are usually crap, or pretend to be serious whist actually being a front for serious drinking and debauchery.
However at Lancaster we had the Pooh Bear Club, which didn't pretend to be serious, and had as it's sole selling point serious drinking, partying, and debauchery (and many fine young ladies to do it with). I think the profits from the various nights out used to go to charity, so you could rest easy knowing that getting royally hammered with your mates was helping someone less fortunate.
Having to sing the Tigger Song every time was a bit annoying, though.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 22 Jun 2012, 9:17, Reply)

Want to experience the thrills of that most exclusive society /talk?
But scared of their bullying?
Try this emulator: all the sophisticated repartee, none of the terrible online bullying.
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Fri 22 Jun 2012, 9:06, 19 replies)

PIAsoc...
Stands for (the) Politics and International Affairs society, at Plymouth Uni. In my first year, basically meant a talk on some current/contemporary topic or something too recent to be in the syllabus or amongst any of furs lecturers lecture plans. Then afterward to a bar four 2-4-1 cocktails, another bar for £1 pints then Walkabout for BOGOF deals on everything and one night the mixture of strong antibiotics, way too much Stella and a Worzels gig... the talks were interesting but the rest of the night was basically a way for the final year students to teach us how to get thoroughly wankered.

Was a good society and as a lowly 1st year I was charged with being a 1st year representative, then during a very drunken AGM I somehow secured enough votes to be President! I somehow managed to secure more members than the society had ever had before, much more drinking ensued and lectures attended first thing Wednesday morning with ethanol breath and a level of concentration that was, at best, flatlining. Was one of very few clubs or societies I have been a part of, and pretty much the only one I had any success and real enjoyment with.

Length? Average, and apologies for lack of lols.
(saint_edward, Fri 22 Jun 2012, 8:44, Reply)

Boys' club
I must have been very bored during the summer holidays one year when I was about 6 or 7. I found a big flat piece of wood in the garage and wrote on it in chalk: "Boys Club. Meet here wednesday afternoon". I put it on the wall outside the house, envisioning a huge gang of boys turning up, and us going to the park, or playing in the woods.

That wednesday I sat looking out of the window, waiting for the rush of people up the street. No one came. Not one. When I went to check on the sign I found it had gone, probably stolen. "Never mind", said mum, "play with Action Man instead".

About 20 years later my brother told me that mum had asked him to run out and remove the sign 5 minutes after I'd put it up. She didn't want those smelly boys from down the road playing with me. Thanks mum.
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 22 Jun 2012, 8:27, Reply)

I belong to a Dismemberment Club.
We're getting smaller by the week.
( .Yeti., Fri 22 Jun 2012, 8:10, Reply)

I don't want to belong to any club that will accept people not like me as a member.
so I joined the BNP.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 22 Jun 2012, 6:24, Reply)

I don't want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member.

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 22 Jun 2012, 5:06, Reply)

Fat Puffin and Odway rule!

(ubergeekian, Fri 22 Jun 2012, 4:41, 1 reply)

I was the ringleader of
The Furniture Liberation Front

We had an ex-Navy Officer technology teacher at my school who had 'disputes' with the school board after a few weeks into the job. Suffice to say, the head master and other teachers didn't like him and he didn't like them. We heard rumours of his "demands" to the school and they sounded pretty unreasonable to us kids.

Kids sense weakness, and an ostracised teacher isolated in the Technology Block was a sitting duck.

At lunchtimes we used to wait for him to lock up and leave and then break into the lab to rearrange the furniture. We used to pile all the desks and chairs inside the lobby, so that the door wouldn't open properly, and then escape through the window. It was fun watching him try to get back in, and having to pull enough furniture out to get back in through the door.

We used multiple methods of breaking in, getting ever more devious:

The Furniture Liberation Front would hide under workbenches until he left, and then piled the furniture up inside the lobby; He learned to check under the workbenches for pupils before leaving.

The Furniture Liberation Front stuffed the lock hole with paper to stop the door locking behind him, and then piled the furniture up inside the lobby; he learned to check the lock for paper stuffed in it.

The Furniture Liberation Front would leave a window slightly open and throw a smaller kid in through the window, and then piled the furniture up inside the lobby; he learned to check the windows were all locked before leaving.

The Furniture Liberation Front would hide someone under a pile of bin bags to let everyone in, and then piled the furniture up inside the lobby. He learned to dig through the rubbish before leaving for lunch.

Eventually, his lunchtime routine became so paranoid and convoluted, we disbanded; obnoxious gobshites that we were, even we felt guilty.

He survived a whole school year.
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Fri 22 Jun 2012, 3:45, Reply)

I once almost joined a club
that used to dress up in giant penis costumes every Saturday, but I didn't.

I wouldn't want to join any club that would have someone like me for a mem-OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
(Ellinikos contains a source of phenylalanine, Fri 22 Jun 2012, 2:34, 1 reply)

Band fan clubs.
I usually avoid fanclubs as I think they're pointless, hold no real use other than to let you think you're a bigger fan than anyone who hasn't signed up and to give record labels etc more money than they already have/deserve
Occasionally I'll hear of one that sends out gifts when you join that turn out to be a plastic biro with the bands name printed badly on it and a sticker.
However I have twice gone against my opinion on this sort of thing twice for Ben Folds and most recently the Gaslight Anthem (for those who don't know try and imagine the Clash fronted by Bruce Springsteen instead of Joe Strummer)
The Ben Folds one was twenty quid to join and you got the following
Stickers,
Badges
Discount at the merch store
Fan club only merchandise
First dibs on gig tickets.
A pen that was actually made really well, three years on and it still writes better than any Parker pen I've used.
And best of all a remastered copy of the most recent, at the time, album (a lot of people complained about the production having to much treble) complete with a signed inlay booklet but a second disc that contained garage ban files of every instrument on the album so you could make your own version of the songs.

The Gaslight Anthem one was 25 dollars which I think at the moment is about sixteen quid.
For this you get a tshirt (shirts on their site are around fifteen quid)
A membership card ( a bit lame but useful as you'll get to see)
Badges,
Posters,
Stickers
First dibs on tickets which if you order them you can only use with your membership card
so those bastard ripoff fucking touts at seatwave, viagogo and whoever else was in that channel four documentary about ticket sellers
Seasonal 7 inch vinyl
And a handful of other things which I can't remember off the top of my head.

Im a regular gig goer and a few times I've not been able to get online when tickets have gone on sale only to find half an hour later some money grabbing greedy shit has put them on eBay for more than five times their original face value that some gullible/poor sod will end up forking out because they weren't quick off the mark.
I'd much rather give an extra sixteen quid to a band I love that try to do everything themselves to get that extra chance
To grab tickets for face value without running the risk of dealing with touts.

Not funny just thought the GA ticket thing is quite a good idea.
(Official Sarc, Fri 22 Jun 2012, 1:59, 7 replies)

Agoraphobia Club
I joined but not many turned up...
(3shedsthomas, Fri 22 Jun 2012, 1:24, Reply)

I'm a member of the Acropolis Fan Club.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 Jun 2012, 0:19, 1 reply)

Back in Primary school in the 70s
we had the forerunners of The Book People, only it was called Chip Club. With it's awful logo that was a beaver. Called Chip.

Someone would come round once a term with a sheet of books you could buy at a modest discount that weren't usually in print at that time or in libraries, but a modest cost per book (maybe 27p each). The form you ticked the box next to what you wanted to order was a bit deficient, as in- you could only guess at what the books would be by the title.

However once one kid found something that was accidentally 'good', the next time Chip Club sent round a form, many other kids would join in. There's only so many times you can lend a book to your classmates for a night each before it falls to pieces.

All well and good. Cheap illustration-heavy books for under 10s about sad lonely princesses and boys who meet gnomes and elephants who have grey skin and paint themselves up like some kind of circus clown.

Amongst those a hidden gem or two festered- a series of booklets containing regurgitation of folklore and bonfire ghost-stories, accompanied by bloody and gruesome watercolours. Volume 1 was simply called 'Ghosts' and was a compendium of shit-you-up tales of Borely Rectory, Glaamis Castle, headless horsemen, phantom coaches etc. with disturbingly on-topic paintings. Later on in no particular order were other volumes about Vampires Around The World, Werewolves and UFOs.

Perfect horror stuff for kids reading these books under the covers by torchlight, when it's not even a graphic tale of TV whimsy that you can turn off, but the power of your own imagination that can make you too scared to cross the dark bedroom to go to the bog in case the monsters GET YOU!. (scuttles in fear)
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 21 Jun 2012, 22:42, 6 replies)

Lego club
...does that count?
( SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 22:21, Reply)

Whisky!
I have about a week left on my Scottish Malt Whisky Society membership. As far as I'm aware there are no rituals apart from sitting around drinking copious amount of cask strength whisky.

I'd visit with a friend and we'd read out the preposterous tasting notes in the most pompous voice we could, then choose a whisky whose tasting notes mentioned leather.

I've had many a happy evening there. I never smelt or tasted leather.
(Rilux might be pregnant and has bum-aids, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 21:01, 4 replies)

Is there a
secrete society for kleptomaniacs?
(roysin, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 20:57, Reply)

Cutest club ever.
The Tufty Club.
(Woofie, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 20:45, 5 replies)

I once applied to join a club
they accepted me

so I didn't join
(weaselinajetengine, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 20:21, Reply)

Pick a card...
Ive been into magic for as long as I can remember and am currently a 10 year veteran of The Magic Circle, London. I go regularly on a Monday night and have come to realise that as cool as I think magic is, I am in reality but one of a very geeky group men who argue over using a diagonal palm shift instead of a cover pass. But at least we go to Nandos after..

Rock n roll baby.

Quick video here if card tricks tickle your fancy
(mobi I completed the Internet on 'hard'. Twice., Thu 21 Jun 2012, 19:22, 8 replies)

Snowsports club at uni
We're now banned from every youth hostel within twenty miles of Aviemore as a result of the carnage caused by successive inter-uni parties.
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 19:16, 4 replies)

"Come see the Universes . . . . across ALL of History!"
I used to be Religious Advisor to a club called the Pan-Dimension Time Explorers.

There was about two and a half thousand of us - we used to thunder across realities seeking out adventure in different eras and planes of existence. It was great fun - cakes every Friday lunchtime - then down the opium dens of Victorian London.

We used to, when we got any free time:

- Pretend to be eunuchs so we could bathe Cleopatra.
- Give Jesus leprosy drugs.
- Have absinthe drinking contests with Van Gough (but we replaced our 'absinthe' with Kiwi flavoured Kia-Ora, we always won!)
- Give disposable lighters to Neanderthals.

One fella even went back and nicked some sort of flippered dinosaur from the Triassic period and left it in 18th century Scotland by accident - it only lived for a few years, but the rumours kept going for AGES! Best running joke ever!

But unfortunately the whole club got cancelled when one bright spark went to Germany in the mid 1940s and shot Hitler, and made it look like a suicide. "Inappropriate use of resources", apparently.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 19:16, 4 replies)

PTANG YANG KIPPERBANG! OI!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 18:43, 13 replies)

This reminds me
I was once a member of an exclusive group of Southern Floridians who enjoyed a wide variety of pastimes. On Wednesdays, we would meet to indulge in our favorite murder-solving board game. On Fridays, the ladies would get together for a bit of stitching and crocheting, while us men talked about the hardships of life over a hot cuppa.

We were the Clue Biscayne Sew, Sigh, & Tea.
(WillF http://www.flickr.com/photos/silverfischdotnet/, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 18:04, Reply)

I always liked playing on playground equipment, so I joined a swingers club
It was fun at first, but then the guy behind me started pushing too hard
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 18:03, Reply)

Clubs
I would not want to belong to any club that would let me be a member.
(Maclir, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 17:58, 9 replies)