Refusing to breastfeed
because of a fear of boob saggage and 'being too tied to the baby'. Argh. I am in no way referring to the people who cannot breastfeed for practical or medical reasons. I am referring only to the vain and ignorant girls who choose not to breastfeed because they worry it will make their tits turn into womble noses.

Yes, just deny your baby the chance of the best start in life; deny them the health benefits such as increased protection against infections, obesity and asthma; deny them the best food for early brain development. All because you're too bloody vain and selfish to allow your boobelahs to be used in the way nature intended.

And worst of all, deny your man the opportunity to witness your astounding skills in manual breast milk expression as you squirt him from 6 feet away, making machine gun noises as you do so. His nob can't eject his population porridge like that and it's the closest you'll ever come to spluffing on his face. Why deny yourself that joy?
( gypsy turnips, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:21, 20 replies)

hahahahahahahaahhhhhh....
*snort*

*click*

well done for making me propel a mouthful of tea across the room...
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:30, closed)

Gasp!
You would have been worshipped like a goddess in olden times.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:30, closed)

Oh dear
"His nob can't eject his population porridge like that"

I remember when I was half the age I am now....

*sighs*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:34, closed)

What,
My age? :p
( Cawl, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:37, closed)

No, Kaol
younger than you. You're past it too.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:01, closed)

Dammit!
*shakes fist*

Maybe I'm a late bloomer?

*hopes*
( Cawl, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:09, closed)

My age then?
:D
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 15:02, closed)

Bastard!
We need to set up some kind of competition...
( Cawl, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 11:53, closed)

*Click*
Have one of those!
especially for "Womble Noses"
Wouldn't mind, but it's not even true!

Made my day!!
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:38, closed)

^me too
*click*
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:15, closed)

indeed
mine are more like moomins' faces.

thanks, everyone, for the clicks! :)
( gypsy turnips, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:59, closed)

Bitty...
Me want bitty...
(horrgakx, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:39, closed)

Hahaha!
Genius!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:44, closed)

Click
for the phrase womble noses.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:51, closed)

Heehee
My daughter is 15 weeks old today, and I managed to breastfeed her until she was 9 weeks. She has a problem with her nose that makes breastfeeding very difficult as she has to stop every few gulps to breathe throough her mouth. Each feed lasted around an hour, and she was feeding every 2 hours. This meant an hour on and an hour off. We would both get upset at feeding time, and it was always a struggle. Eventually my health visitor and the feeding nurse suggested getting her on a bottle. She still needs to stop for air, but on a medium flow teat, she can take a full feed in about 10-15 mins now, and can take enough that she only needs feeding every 3 hours.
She is more content because of this, I am more chilled out because of this and now daddy can do night feeds (added bonus!)

I was at the local sure start centre a few weeks ago, and when I took out her bottle to feed her I got a lot of very evil looks, and a few even nastier comments, from the breastfeeding club who were in there at the time. Did I explain any of this to them? No. Did I grab my daughter, run out of there and cry all the way home in the car. Yep. And I won't be going back, which is a shame as I've just paid for a 16 week course of baby swimming lessons.

It broke my heart to stop breastfeeding, but for us the bottle really was the only way to go.

On a lighter note, I did try to express milk to bottlefeed her, but without regular breastfeeding the milk soon dried up and I was shocked at my first attempt at manual expressing at just how far you can get this stuff to shoot. I squeezed, the milk shot out, hit my daughter on the forehead, I laughed so hard I almost dropped her and she just lay there with milk all over her face and in her hair, looking at me like I was mad.
Which I think I am......
(leglesss let that be a lesson to you, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:38, closed)

you should be proud of yourself for doing 9 weeks!
the first few weeks are the most important anyway :)

my gripe was with the women who don't do it for vanity reasons.

i should admit that i breastfed mainly out of sheer laziness, greed (i got to sit on my arse demanding tea, cake and ice cream like jabba the hutt as mini bruxelles guzzled happily at my udders) and the inability to cope with more than 2 seconds of wailing baby. so, that probably doesn't make me any better than the vanity crowd.

but the milk squirting was definitely an unexpected bonus :D

btw, don't let the breastfeeding mafia scare you off. i'm sure once they realise why you're not dangling your bubba from your boobage, they'll be a lot more understanding.
( gypsy turnips, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:57, closed)

!!
Oh deary me!!
I'm sorry they were so horrible to you.. you did amazingly well to perservere with feeding as long as you did, given everything. I hate the breastfeeding mafia too! They give everyone else a bad name, and they tend to boast about how little pain relief they had in labour as well, like its a feminine "Machismo" thing.. A pox on 'em I say..
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 13:53, closed)

The breastfeeding mafia
(Or the coven of pinch faced velociraptors as they are also known)

Should be horsewhipped and then thrown off a tall building. If you've tried and it hasn't worked (same for my dear lady wiff and both sprogs) and the only way to get any decent amount of rations into the shivering wailing child is a bottle, then use a frigging bottle. You don't have to feel guilty in the slightest.

I do see the point from BB about people who don't even try because they fear saggage, but to be lumped in amongst them by the Breast Feeding Militia is pish. Maybe a badge?
(osok Rebel without a clue, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 14:35, closed)

You *must* go to baby swimming lessons!
My little girl is 5 months old and has just finished her first term of baby swimming classes. It is the most amazing thing to see your baby swim underwater. All babies have a natural reflex which up to about 7 months lets them swim and hold their breath underwater - it is simply astonishing to watch. It's a bit worrying at first to dunk them under the water but all the kids in the class just loved it. The most incredible part was when the instructor made Mrs D and I stand a couple of meters apart and our daughter swam between us underwater. She was only in free flight for a second or two but that's more than enough.

Forget the breast feeding Nazis, they're really not worth worrying about. The pressure some women are put under is just wrong. You're doing the best for your little 'un so forget everyone else and enjoy the swimming!
(FiatPanda, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 15:04, closed)

Don't let those witches get to you!
If there's a group of people I hate more than Daily Mail "journalists", it's those harridans who claim any woman who doesn't breastfeed is being a selfish cow. They don't know what your circumstances are. Who the fuck are they to judge?

If you're too scared to go back, let us know where these witches are, and I'm sure an ass-kicking posse can be arranged.
(ToysForBigBoys would spread her legs for Nick Clegg., Fri 17 Oct 2008, 20:58, closed)