a forgotten shock
when I was a student picking up a very tasty bit in a pub I worked in, a knee tremble round the back after closing time, shock seeing her get on the bus on Monday morning in her grammar school uniform I nearly shit myself!!
(raith50, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 16:16, 2 replies)

its a question of perspective
the oldest was a fit 60 plus I was in my early thirties, the best was a hot and horny 45 year old single work colleague I was only 21 at the time fuck me could she shag!!,
(raith50, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 15:25, Reply)

men are like a good wine, the supposedly get better with age!
im 22, and i go for older guys usually in their 30s. Andy had been asking me out since i was 18, so last year I decided to take him up on it, went out for dinner, went to his for a takeaway, then disaster, my nan dies, im heartbroken, and he just disapears, i though at 37 he would at least comfort me but noooooooo. still mates though, then a few months ago, Patrick, 39, ginger, big beard, welsh, looks a little like grisly adams lol. very nice, very sweet, extremly unreliable! also the night we go to do the do, cant get it up. he forgot to take his 'pill'. pfft, we break up. go out as friends a few months later, it was late summer, a lovely warm evening, after going suit shopping we kiss, dreamily, romantic everything it should of been, I coyly suggested going to the beach for a lil sun, sand and sex! he declines, saying he has promised mummy that he is going home for a roast dinner. He still lives at hom at 39, has never moved out at any point, not even for uni. pfft another chance wasted. needless to say ive given up on older guys. Im not dating a 23 yr old, but i dont know, that last bit of maturity isnt there...

length? none were particuary impressive!
(santas_lil_hohoho is packing her vibrator suitcase, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 15:19, 4 replies)

Help.
A big man has locked me in his cupboard.
(SSSSS, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 15:00, 5 replies)

BDSM
There's an interesting problem in the gay community. If, like me, you have an interest in BDSM and you tend to be in the submissive role...

...you don't really have that much of a choice. There's a lot more subs than there are doms in general, take a look at any adult profiles site - gay or straight. You'll find that about 50% of the people on there are pure submissives, about 30% are 'switch' (which usually means they're a sub but willing to take turns domming), 10% are genuine switch and able to enjoy either role.

That leaves only 10% who are genuinely dominant and interested in having someone submit to them.

Now, if you want to do things heavily and properly, you need a certain amount of equipment. None of this comes particularly cheap - leather in particular is very expensive. A decent set of wrist and ankle cuffs will set you back £50-60, and that's only the start. Take a look on certain... shall we say equipment sites, and you'll find some of the seriously heavy gear there in the £1200 region or above.

So, if you're a male submissive looking for a male dom, you are far more likely to find an older dom than a younger one, simply because of the time and expenditure required to get the equipment and the practice you need to get really good at it. Yes, there are some very talented well-equipped younger doms, but they're the exception rather than the rule. A lot of the really good older doms were subs once who gradually migrated into the dom role.

And so a lot of my BDSM experience has been with older guys - usually in their 30's and 40's. I'm 26 now and got into BDSM when I was about 20. I'm not particularly fussed about the age of my partner, if we click and there's chemistry, that's all that matters to me.

But it does look kinda odd :) I could still pass for 21 in the right light, and when I've been out to the pub with my dom (or Master) it really does look like a proper sugar daddy relationship, despite the fact that there's no money involved. Just lots of discipline ;-)

Apologies for length. I'll use a shorter piece of rope next time.
(calamarain just invented dehydrated water, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 14:28, 3 replies)

Sweet 'n' Lo
Gag above relates to my sugar Daddyish tendencies (now, thankfully, over), brought about by...well, G_d knows.

As regular readers of my occasional posts may note, I'm a Class A, ocean-going nutcase and when not medicated am one of the most self destructive people I know. I am, thankfully, medicated now,

This story relates to a pharmacist called Silvie, an absolute Goddess of a woman (7 years younger than me), who took a liking to lil'ol'me on a flight home from Stanford many moons ago.

Desperate (as seen in the viewfinder of the retrospectoscope) to be loved (remember the line from Four Weddings anyone?) I did catastrophically expensive things to keep her amused, up to and including paying for her tennis coaching. Guess who she was "seeing" whilst I was working?

We eventually broke up for the final time when I refused to pay 20,000 for her to have a wholly unnecessary breast augmentation.

My next relationship I've written about on here already, at length. I managed to make an arse of that one too.

Moi, hopeless? Yep. Looks that way doesn't it?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 14:11, 1 reply)

My ex
My ex boyfriend is 14 years older than I am. I didn't find this a problem but he did. I think his perception of the age difference was behind a lot of other problems.

He was the third and last of my long distance relationships. I live in London but my first bf lived in Glasgow. My second in South Wales (with his wife) and the third lived in Deal. Probably. We were "together" for three years but I never found out where he lived.

He lived, he said, with his ex. I have heard of this sort of arrangement before and wasn't bothered by it. His ex, it seemed, didn't like the idea of him seeing someone else and so I was kept quiet. I could never visit and never call. He kept his address secret from me.

This gets better ... His ex was also his boss. They lived in the same house and worked in the same business. He also looked after my guy's investments. If all of this was true, he had him by the balls.

That's the thing. To this day I don't know whether any of this was true. It is possible that it was. He was in his fifties when we broke up. Retirement was looming and he was feeling insecure about his future. The only way he could have stayed with me was to make a leap of faith and leave everything behind.

He couldn't do that and we broke up.

Of course, it could have been a load of old cods and he was only seeing me for sex. I will never know.
(BearWithLittleBrain, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 13:48, Reply)

My significant other and I
Were quite sporty in our youth and we both took part in a lot of inter-school sports days. We were discussing it once and thought that we might have already met or seen each other once before and we didnt remember.

But we realised we couldnt have done because he's 5 years older than me. So, erm... Yeah.


*tumbleweeds*
(i should have joined myspace, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 13:04, 2 replies)

Sugar and spice
Ah, finally a reason to unlurk.... but where to start?

I've always had an interest in the more mature gent; I never had an interest in boys, I've always gone out with men. The youngest I've been with was 9 years older than me. I recently reached a new high with someone twice my age (I'm 25, you do the math!). Even I was disgusted, but I just couldn't resist.... the beer belly and receding hairline were just too much for me.

When discussing age gap relationships, people often assume that we'd have nothing in common. This was far from the truth, we could chat for hours about anything and everything, and had many common interests (I often find I have little in common with people my own age, so it was great finding someone I could connect with).


So what do I look for in a man? Deep pockets and a bad cough

Currently accepting applicants....
(Lolitaslittlesister, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 11:39, 6 replies)

Am I alone
Whenever I see a long post now, I always assume it's going to end in an awful pun so I have to skip to the end, and usually end up finding out the end of the story? Anyone else doing this?
(kitescreech still here, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 11:27, 5 replies)

A brief commercial break.
The creepy rule- surely I can't be the only one to have heard of it. The youngest person you can shag without it being creepy will have an age that is half yours plus seven.

Equally, it stands that the oldest person with whom you can rut will be your age, minus seven, times by two.

But who can be bothered doing all that number crunching when you're out on the pull? For that reason, I would like to present to you... the Creepy Rule Calculator(tm)!

Written in Python specifically for this QoTW, you can run it on your computer or even on your phone (if you have a Symbian S60 phone with the python interpreter running) for portable shag-spotting!

You'll thank me later!

yourage=input("Please enter your age:- ")
youngerage = 7+(yourage/2)
olderage = 2*(yourage-7)
print " "
print "The oldest person you can shag without it being creepy is "+str(olderage)
print "The youngest person you can shag without it being creepy is "+str(youngerage)

(Generator cannot be named for legal reasons, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 10:35, 4 replies)

26 years?
A cousin once removed is now 32, her long time squeeze is 58 and actually a really nice bloke. Her father was 10 years older than her mother too.
(Redemption blamed it on the Bossa Nova since, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 10:26, Reply)

Back in school days
She was 17 and he was 11.

Ewwwwwwwwww
(sparkly_penguin, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 8:14, 4 replies)

Age gap?
Pffft, It's never been an issue for me. It must be my charm.
Yours Sincerely

H.Hefner.
(kitescreech still here, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 7:40, 2 replies)

This QOTW has really made me think.....
.. which is a hard enough exercise as it is, especially as Sebulbette is getting more demanding as she reaches 8 months. Yawn!

Mrs S is 7 years younger than me, and delights in hassling me about being pre-Woodstock, pre-decimal currency, and loving 80s music. But I love her to bits so that's ok.....grin.

Mostly I have dated women younger than me - 2 to 5 years is the average. 2 were 1 year older, and one girl had the best pickup-line I've had used on me. It went like this:
I was staying with my wealthy cousins in Dunedin and they decided to have a party. My eldest cuz was a year up on me, and she introduced me to her friend Christine. We got to chatting.... she asks me "How old are you?"
"19" sez I.
"Guys are in their prime at 19," sez she, " girls are in their prime at 20. I'm 20."
:)

The youngest girls I have been with were both 10 years younger than me.

One was a former model - gorgeous and intelligent, yet I have never known anyone so psychologically damaged. Fiery and passionate, sex was what she was about. She was 20 going on 45 - she said she had lived her life, and was waiting to die. She inhabited her own surreal world - I refused to be drawn into it, so I left. Years on, out of the blue I'd get the occasional call from her. One day in early 2006 she let go of this world. Checking the death notice, something didn't quite gel. Turns out she had lied about her age to me - she was 18, not 20.

The other was my flatmate's younger sister. When I had split up with girlfriend of 4 years, I vowed to move into a place with 2 hot honeys that had lots of cute friends. And in an unusual move for me, it actually happened!! We had a flatwarming bash and I hooked up with the sister of one flattie. She was 23 and had 2 kids. That was a couple of months of heavy no-strings shagging which did wonders for me, put a smile on her face, and got ex-girlfriend sooooooooooooo jealous!!
Heh!
(Sebulba continues to fight evil with evil....., Sat 6 Dec 2008, 7:11, Reply)

I was 16 and she was 48
My History teacher. To be quite frank she was a total dog, looked like the result of an acid attack ya know. No one would touch her with a barge pole, not that I look at the outside appearance or anything.

All through GCSE history I'd try and get in her pants with all the suarve charm of a spotty 16 year old, stealing looks down her top, calling her gorgeous instead of "Yes Miss" when she handed my homework back**, playing footsie as her desk was directly infront of mine. You know, all them guaranteed courting techniques

Didn't work though did it. I got shunned 10 times a lesson.

**If I was lucky I'd get a D or an E on said homework. Bitch!
(Janner, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 5:17, Reply)

This was custom-made for yours pervily
I've not posted in donkeys, so I doubt anybody knows me- or even cares if they do.

Now, I have a problem; being the devastatingly funking gorgeous one-metal-leg-ed fella I am, I receive the attentions of a multitude of girls.
My last few relationships have all featured girls between..two and four years younger than myself, and all have either turned out to be, in addition to young and gorgeous; busty, short, psychotic, already taken, freaking nymphomaniacs or, in one particularly unforgettable case, all of the above.

And i'll explain more, when I'm not so knackered.

Ciao,
BTBB
(BornToBeBemused was born,feeling bemused,on, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 3:33, Reply)

He was 25, I was 18.
He was 25, I was 18. I was bored with guys my age. They were boring and horribly vanilla in the sack. I think I was a little scary. We went at it like bunnies for about three months. He liked it when I bite him and I liked it when he played king-of-the-hill/fight-for-the-top. Sadly then I got really sick (for totally unrelated reasons) and had to drop of college and to move home.

We still talk online and on the phone and occasionally we end up teasing each other to the point of agony. He's my first in lots of things and I would definitely fuck him again right now if I could. The only time it weirded me out that he was seven years older than me is when he mentioned being in junior high when I was kindergarten. Actually, he thought I was in my 20's when he first asked me out and he freaked a little when he found out I was only 18.
(Kitanne, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 2:39, Reply)

Nothing *too* terrible...
I met a guy at a mate's brthday barbecue, he wasn't spectacular or nothing but he was okay looking and made me chuckle, so I thought I'd try and get in there. Chatted for a bit, he said he was 18 (I am 22, not a big deal I thought) and eventually when it got to 'that time' after making out for about a gazillion years he admitted he wasn't all that experienced with girls, I didn't mind at all, so I kinda 'took the lead' and banged him on my mates mum's kitchen floor. classy.
A few days later I was relating this tale to a mate who had met this guy before, saying "I think he was probably a virgin...I mean, he was dead nervous and had little clue of what to do." Mate responded with "Well yeah, I guess most 16 year old lads are a bit shy, first time round."
not too terrible as I say but I still felt like a bit of a paedo after that...eep.

Had a great phone conversation with a fuck buddy (who is like 22 also) a few weeks back, he was telling me about this hot chick he met at a gig or something while he was pilled off his twat, he said how they had amazing, cuddly, loved up sex and stuff, then he went:
"yeah, turns out she was 37." heh nice one.

Another time I met a guy in the pub who was to be fair a little older than me, maybe 27 or so, not that bad, and did my usual thing, enticed him back to mine and did the nasty. He was of similar mindset to me (i.e. slagtastic) so it was no problem to shove him out the door the next day with a smile and then sort of forget about him.
Until I saw him a week later at the local dank 'rock' club, getting very jiggy with a sagy, orangey tanned woman who appeared to be constructed from elastic bands and leopard print, who had to be a very fucking rough 50. Don't fancy yours much mate. I felt almost insulted by this for some reason, in a very hypocritical way I kinda hope that my conquests have at least as high standards as me!
(Ryuken-Kai, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 2:26, Reply)

"No paedo gags"
That's the advantage of small cocks you see.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 6 Dec 2008, 1:40, 1 reply)

What?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 23:48, 2 replies)

I got nothing
Now if the QOTW was "Have you ever been propositioned by a deranged elderly hippocrocapig" then I might have had a tale.
(Big D, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 23:09, Reply)

When I were a lad...
I was three, she had a Triumph TR7 and lived next door.

I asked her to marry me.

Now? I don't even like Triumph TR7's any more, so the divorce was fairly clean.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 22:27, Reply)

mojo jojo.
I'm quite active on another forum and we often have meet ups, every bit as debauched and drunken as the ones here, it would seem.
The forum is dedicated to a band and we went to see one of the side projects of one of the band members in camden a few years back.
At the gig, we got chatting to one of the blokes from the forum who'd always made us laugh, and he'd brought his rather shy but nice-looking friend along. It was his friend's first ever gig. It should have occurred to me then to ask his age, but I was stupidly drunk by that point and my brain was not in the right gear at all.

I was 31 and I have dark hair, so let's call me the Buttercup of this tale.
My friend, a 27 year old French redhead (let's call her Blossom) with lots of charm and charima began to flirt with them, and my other friend, a 35 year old blonde Irish woman (Bubbles) suggested we let them stay the night at hers as they were sure to have missed the last train home. They accepted quite readily.

So off we went to her house in south east London, where we spent an hour or so drinking absinthe (I'm amazed I can actually remember anything), taking pills and listening to scuzzy, filthy desert rock.
The next thing I know, Blossom and Bubbles are in the bedroom with this lad taking it in turns to get on him. The other bloke had passed out and was snoring on the sofa. So I decided to try and join in with the awake people. I had a little snog with the girls while he looked on like a defeated Mojo Jojo. I tried to nosh him at one point, but was so drunk I fell asleep and had to be removed and put on the floor. (I was told this later!). Apparently he went on to get shagged senseless by Blossom and Bubbles and thoroughly enjoyed it.

We found out the following day that he was 17 and in his final year at school, studying for A-levels. He likened the evening to 'a filthy session with the Powerpuff Girls' mums'. Oh dear.
( gypsy turnips, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 21:15, 3 replies)

I think...
that Freud would have a field day reading this QOTW.
(Charlietron Still can't think of anything witty to put here, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 19:42, 9 replies)

The fourth dimension
I used to stand next to the TV, and crane my neck downwards to try and see down Sue Barkers top when I was about 8.
(bacontrout got ska, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 19:16, 2 replies)

One time...
The future Mrs (current) Kite was working a late shift, and I was a bit bored so I left our love nest and wandered 'round the local, armed with my youthful good looks (hey, I was 22!) and a copy of "Air International". Im sat there, quietly reading about East German AF Sukhoi 17's when I notice this pair of older (late 30's) ladies at the bar. The blonde one keeps smiling at me, I shyly smileback and then go back to my magazine. After a few minutes I glance up, she makes eye contact and flicks her head in a "come and sit by me" way. So I got up, rolled my magazine into a tube ...and scarpered home as fast as my little legs would carry me.

My life is very dull.
(kitescreech still here, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 19:08, Reply)

Almost forgot
About the two hingoots a colleague told me about; the one that stuck in my mind was the 65 year old who pulled his mate, dragged him back to hers and shagged him silly - no big deal - but what stuck in my mind (you have to affect a Newcastle accent for this bit) is when he apparently did her in the wrong 'un, she turned round and said

"Ooooh, that's a lovely fit, pet"

(boke)

Also, Bloke #2 in this particular tale - gets his nonagenarian fucksack home, makes a cup of tea and turns round to find the old biddy in nowt but a pair of hold-ups, who then promptly proceeds to give him the gamm of his life.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 19:06, 1 reply)

Biscuit Daddy
I used to work for a small software company whose office was a single story building in the grounds of a big old country estate. There were a few other businesses in the complex including a veterinarian practice next door. There was also a cat who we'd see from time to time, think he lived in the big house.

One day, I was standing outside smoking a fag when out of the blue (literally) a blackbird tried to sit on my shoulder. It was a female blackbird so was infact brown but let's not concern ourselves too much about her colouring.

My first thought was "wtf? get off!" as I tried to get away from her.

My second thought was "a wild bird wants to sit on my shoulder, I must be Jesus or something", so I let her sit on me.

Turns out that this bird had fallen out of its nest and the vets had reared her then set her free as a young adult. They had named her Tweet.

For the next few days, Tweet always appeared when I was outside smoking, I used to take out a biscuit and feed her a few crumbs, we got quite close.

So close infact that she started coming into our office, hopping along the corridor and onto my desk. She would hop up and down on my keyboard trying to get my attention and I'd have to carry her outside. Not sure what my boss thought but I think he didn't particularly want her in the office.

This carried on for a few more precious days.

Then she stopped coming to see me.

She ignored the broken biscuits that I left outside for her.

I attempted to make bird noises but still she wouldn't come back.

I even asked a friendly pigeon if he'd seen her*.

I think that she had tried to befriend the cat and bearing in mind that she prefered hopping to flying, the furry little bastard ate her.

Happiest days of my life *sniff*

*OK, can't think what else to put.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 19:02, 2 replies)

The older the berry
...the sweeter the juice

For some reason, when I use this in conversation, my colleagues actually retch and spew

(hides collection of 50/60+)
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Fri 5 Dec 2008, 19:01, 3 replies)