Crisp in Manchester
At Crisp in Manchester we complained about some kebabs that were burnt to a cinder, adn we told by the waitress that "that's what happens when you grill things"?!

Ironically enough, it burnt down a few months ago. Must have left something under the grill....
(finbarr, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:32, Reply)

Every sodding family meal since the age of six...
...my Dad feels the compelling need to trot out his array of "hilarious" restaurant jokes.

Someone drops a plate - "Sack the juggler!" followed by howls of laughter.

The sweet trolley arrives - "Is that a trifle or am I wrong?" (to be said to sound vaguely like "a meringue") followed by howls of laughter.

The bread rolls turn up - "Do you have to use your loaf for this job?" "Do you earn a lot of dough?" followed by howls of laughter.

The Soup of the day turns up - "Oh souper!" followed by howls of laughter.

At the chinese when all the dishes turn up at once - "ooh lovely. Whats everyone else having?" followed by howls of laughter.

At the indian placing an order - "Couple of Naans and a grandad!" followed by howls of laughter.

When the bill arrives he hums the theme tune to 'The Bill'.

He once ordered shark just so he could hum the 'Jaws' music as it arrived.

I could go on (making a 'bra' out of his napkin, telling the waitress there's something wrong with his spoon and handing her his fork and don't even get me started on the "leg or breast" shennanigans at Christmas dinner every year) but frankly I'm losing the will to live.
(R. Jimlad twitter.com/sirmarkymark, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:31, Reply)

vegan options.

The Celtic Club in Melbourne is mainly a pub but also does traditional Irish food, which is perhaps not best known for its many vegan options.

Our work had its annual dinner there, and me being vegan requested a vegan meal, with a certain feeling of dread.

But they did a really nice plate of mixed vegetable stuff - much nicer than what everyone else got actually.

And fair play to them, it's not like the cooks at an Irish restaurant should be expected to be able to whip up a vegan meal at short notice.

So, why is it then that pretentious, trendy inner-city type eateries, who *should* be expected to deal with such requests, routinely act like they've been asked for an umbrella stew with a side order of fibreglass, and try not to make the dwarf holding it too butch?
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:31, Reply)

More crap then meal out
Remember the Total eclipse a few years ago?
(where the moon covers the sun for a few seconds and it all goes dark. Really cool. No it is, really)

Aaaanyway, me and my mate Jam heard that the best place to view it was on the beach in a Cornish village called Falmouth. So we thought it would be cool to drive the 500 odd miles down there to get a better look at it (I know, i know)

Being northern dogsacks we hadn't been down south much and the whole experience got a little bit too much for us. We started to act up and become the typical loud and brash northerners that we looked lik. Mainly because it was fun seeing the look of contempt on the posh southerners faces and mainly because we were pissed.

Cutting a long story short.

We went out the night before the eclipse to an out door restaurant. This was a novelty to begin with. You don’t get many out door eating establishments oop north. Well, not counting hot dog stands etc etc

So, we ordered some grub and a few beers. They didn’t have any pies so we ordered some southern muck. Pasta or something.

Now the place was busy (due to the eclipse). So we settled down with our beers and enjoyed the view.

Cue several beers later. No food. Another beer. No food. Another beer. What were these shandy twats doing?? We only ordered pasta!

So, being reasonable chaps we complained nicely. They brought us out more beers for free (bonus). Still no food. Another complaint and they said that they had run out of pasta! So we re order and get more beers on the house.

So it comes up to the hour mark, still no food. Rather noisy complaint from us. More free beers from them. At this point we had had no food and had been sinking as many free beers as we could manage (all this on an empty stomach).

Then we notice other people who ordered after us being served with pasta!

Right!

Now imagine that scene from With Nail And I (in the tea rooms) but replace it with two very pissed loud northerners. “Fuck you we’re off. And we’re not paying for the beers cocker!” (or something along those lines). The waitress seemed quite pleased about this and cleverly made no attempt to stop us.
Their food looked and probably was shite anyway.

The funny part of the story is when we got back to our campsite I had a few drags on a funny cigarette. Surprisingly this sent Jam under and straight off to sleep

I on the other hand was left with a dilemma. I either needed to be sick or I needed to defecate. In my pissed mind I chose the latter. Which would have been fine if I was near a toilet!

It was pitch black and I was in a field with 100 other eclipse revellers (really families exploiting the cheap English camping holiday). Here logic took over. I crawled over and squatted down behind Jam’s car and laid a three day old log which was desperate to escape. Exhausted from this I and collapsed in the tent.

Come the dawn sun the only thing which cured my hangover was to watch from the tent as Jam went to retrieve some water from his car. Yep, you guessed it.

He trampled all over the man egg in his bare feet. The look of recognition/ disgust on his face as it slowly dawned on him that his feet were cover with cack was priceless! Some how I suppressed my mirth and blamed it on an imaginary dog that I claimed was hanging around the camp site. Which he believed!?


I know this doesn’t have a lot to do with food and it’s quite long. But to be honest, I couldn’t give a fuck.
(neildeal, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:30, Reply)

Not just one meal...
When I was on holiday in Majorca as a kid,every restaurant gave you fucking asparagus. Like,you ordered a salad,and there'd be a fucking pile of asparagus on the side.

Thing is,it wasnt yummy,green,firm asparagus. If it was,I wouldnt complain. This was horrid,yellowy slimy floppy shite. Tinned i think.

If you ever go to Majorca,dont touch that slimy crap.
(Miharu, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:29, Reply)

American Airlines
...can fuck right off. Okay, it's not a restaurant, but it's the same crap.

I'm vegetarian. You have to tell them this before hand so they can sort you out with veggie food. I accept that.
I will not accept salmon as my "vegetarian" dinner.

FISH ARE NOT PLANTS!

I will not accept the salmon-based dish with "the salmon taken off" - its dribbly fishy juices are all over the rest of the meal.

Then I have to sit on the plane with the crappy stewardesses (is it me, or are American Airlines' stewards the ropiest bunch of semi-shaved apes in the trolly-dolly business?) glaring at me for not accepting the unfit food I had paid for.
( no cake for the impuritay Patrick Stewart hasn't aged since, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:26, Reply)

Make it speedy!!
Oh yes - I ordered a sandwich from a little takeaway place in Sydney, and while the bored-looking girl was assembling it a huge white lump fell from her nostril and landed on the lettuce.
I don't know if she noticed, but she wrapped it up and gave it to me all the same.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:23, Reply)

Never eat in a wine bar while drunk..
A group of us all go out (usually somewhere 'round Greenwich) on Fridays and get drunk.

One of the bars we usually go to is the Bar De Musee (Very nice wine bar). One night, a few of us where a bit peckish, so we ordered food.

The food was excellent, as was the drink. We all had a meal, and wine. Then everyone walked out. All I remember from then on is that next morning, I had a credit card slip for £112 in my pocket. So, I started phoning around and it turned out everyone else had fucked off and let me pay the bill. Still, one guy felt so guilty, he paid me back..
(Ok, I'll get me coat, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:23, Reply)

Mashman99
Good call on the shit- idve walked without paying too
(Keyser Soze, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:23, Reply)

family get together
On my table were my immediate family and then granmothers. So as the meal goes along, pretty good actually, we get to the main course and my gran decides to ask "So why havent you got a girlfreind yet?", yeah girlfriend, now instead of saying "look you dumb bitch im gay, yet noone notices this, do i ever talk about women? ever see me romantically with any?" no no i instead decide to keep quiet out of respect for my parents.

So instead of above i say "oh i just have not found the right person."

Now this old crow will not let this topic drop and you can see the eyes on my brother getting larger and larger as he knows what is coming.

The crow says "So what do you look for?" with my comment of:

"male, female, in between, im not prejudiced, i will pork them all quite happily."

The table and several tables adjacent went very very quiet.

I am actually surprised she did not splash me with holy water and shout "repent sinner!!".
(nirm, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:19, Reply)

Bombay Dreams Wembley..
..Last Tueday night - starters where great and massive, main courses came out and looked great - but the chicken was full of fecking bones.. we complained and they said that some dishes where meant to have bones in - bloody hell never seen it in all my life having bloody bones in it !!!
( Signify, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:17, Reply)

A Greek full-english ...
A few years ago when I were but a young lass, my parents and I went to the beautiful Greek island of Kefalonia. While strolling around one of the little villages we saw a cafe with a board outside saying they did full English breakfasts. Woo! thought we, what better way to experience the culture of a foreign country than by eating food you can get at home? So off we went.

Hmm. I don't think they got the gist of the full-english entirely, it consisted of:

Two small pieces of boiled ham, which I think were meant to represent the bacon.
Two boiled eggs which looked like they had been carved out of polystyrene foam (heh, bouncy ... great fun!)
Two cocktail sausages, the kind you get on sticks at buffets.
Slices of raw tomato
Slices of raw cucumber (WTF?!! The tomato I can kind of understand, but cucumber?)

Now, this tiny meal was bought to us on massive plates, so it made the meagre portions look all the more meagre. The owners of the cafe looked so pleased with themselves for catering to the Eglish tourist market with such prowess, bless them. We ate it in the end. Then we went to get some breakfast ...
( Droog is too orangey for crows, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:17, Reply)

cucumber
My friend Tim hates cucumber with a passion. After a lazy afternoon of drinking we went to an all you can eat pizza and salad buffet.
I bet Tim he couldn't eat half a cucumber, and if he managed it I would eat a handful of spring onion. He just managed to finish it but had to run off to the bathroom to be sick.
I didn't though - I like spring onion.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:13, Reply)

Restaurant troubles..
I've had a couple of bad visits to restaurants. I suppose the worst was to a (apparently) short lived restaurant in London called "Peppermint Park" (nothing to do with the Spearmint chain of lap dancing joints).

This restaurant wasn't so much a restaurant, more a burger bar with waitresses and ideas above it's station (similar to TGI Fridays).

When I wanted to try it out, I took my then girlfriend to it. Neither of us knew what it was like. So, we sat down, ordered, had our starters, which were nice.

20 minutes later, my main meal came out. 20 minutes after this, we were still waiting for my G/F's meal, so my G/F told me to eat as mine was getting cold. I called a waiter over and asked what was happening.

He went to check and five minutes later, my G/f's meal appeared. When she started poking around in it, she found it hadn't been cooked, so I called the waiter back and asked him to get it cooked.

20 minutes later, it came back, still cold, so I sent it back again. 20 minutes after that, a lump of charcoal that was vaguely the same shape came back.

Not surprisingly, we skipped dessert, and I requested the bill. The fuckers only tried to charge me for the meals that they cocked up!

I paid for my own food, the G/F's starter and drinks, then took her to burger king. Not as flash (after paying for that meal I was virtually skint), but at least they bothered to cook her food.
(Ok, I'll get me coat, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:11, Reply)

Cayenne
To celebrate the boyfriend's Mum's 60th a group of us go to Cayenne in Belfast - supposedly one of Belfast's best restaurants and owned by Paul Rankin.

We have a drink in the bar while they prepare our table. I'm enjoying my Shiraz and take it to our table to continue drinking.

The service is appalling, but I'm quite happy as I have a nice glass of wine. Until I finish it that is. There staring back at me is a huge spider, filling the entire bottom of the glass, legs coming up the side of the glas.

Unfortunately, our waiter was one of these people who thought himself superior to everyone else (despite the fact that we are paying him to wait on us). His response was a shrug of the shoulders and to get me a new wine glass.

I was going to write to Paul Rankin to complain, but instead I just posted it on here.
(batgirl, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:07, Reply)

my mum has balls
this happened 15 years ago. My mother and a group of her friends went to Kai Feng, a Kosher Chinese restaurant in Hendon.
The food was good, if hugely overpriced, but the service was shite- everyone's meal arriving at different times- you know the score.
Now my mum was about 50 at the time, little, and not one to make a fuss, but when they added the 10% service charge to the bill, she went berzerker and refused to pay it.

Big ructions ensued, culminating in the management locking her in the restaurant and refusing to let her out unless she paid the 10%.

She refused to back down, and told them to let her out or call the police.
So they called the police (just down the road) who duly liberated her, and threatened the manager with a charge of obstruction.
Dead proud of the old bird.
( MontyyouterribleCUNT I gave Jeremy Kyle cancer, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:07, Reply)

doughballs
When eating at a franchised Italian restaurant (I don't need to tell you its name could be translated as Cafe One), I, and a number of others, ordered doughballs as a starter. I was therefore moderately surprised to be doughball-less when others had received their delicious (and, notably, light brown) doughballs a full 15 minutes ago. As I asked the waiter for information as to their fate, I glimpsed a startled expression flitting across his face. About a minute later, I happened to glance to my left, where the kitchen door was, and was surprised (and a little amused) to see the waiter running around with a tray of something that was on fire, while the chef beat out the flames with a cloth.

My doughballs were black. They hadn't even tried to hide it.
(Radio Free iPods "Fickt nicht mit dem Raketenmensch!", Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:04, Reply)

in Sydney where I used to live

There was a very cheap Singaporean restaurant. My bad dining experience there wasn't the food, but a guy (not one of our group) yelling at the waiter for allegedly not serving him authentic Singaporean. Despite the fact that the customer was a white Aussie and the waiter was Asian.

And despite the fact that it was very cheap, and if it was different to what you get in Singapore presumably that would be because of the demands of the people who went there, rather than some nefarious scheme on the part of the owners.

It's just occured to me that it would have been most amusing for the waiter to say something like "I wish all you authentic Asians'd go back where you came from". Instead of nodding and smiling awkwardly.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:03, Reply)

Me and the soon to be former Mrs Official
used to go to a splendid Thai restaurant in the West Yorkshire village of Silsden. We had been several times and it was always great; lovely staff, great food and at a decent price. One Saturday I booked a table for two for 8PM and we arrived perhaps five minutes early to tell the nice chap that greeted us that we had booked for 8, he recognised me and showed us to seats in the bar area and asked for our drinks orders. That was as good as it got. It took 30 minutes of badgering to get our drinks, it was 9PM before we got shown to our table, it was 9:30 before they took out order and at 10PM our starters arrived a mere 2 hours after we were booked in. Having ordered a seafood special type dish for my main course I was rather surprised when, at 1025PM, half a duck was presented to me. Now, I'm sure it was lovely, but by now I had had more than enough. I'm not normally the complaining type, I know how hard it is working in restaurants/pubs having done it myself for many years, but it wasn't even that busy and the duck thing was taking the piss. I explained to the waitress that this was more than enough and that we were leaving, which was a shame seeing as we had been there many times before and it was lovely normally. She smiled and said sorry and even held the door open for us. We got away without paying for the drinks and starters which I reckon were worth £20, and then went to the chippy on the way home. Still haven't been back. Pity
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:02, Reply)

Italian Eatery
I forget the name of the place, but I went with my family to some small Italian place. I figured I had made a mistake when we were the only customers in the building.
I was approached by a waitress who looked a little...off. Honestly, she looked stoned off her tits. She asked me what I wanted to drink. I ordered a Pepsi. Nothing difficult. She comes back minutes later with a Fanta. I tell her that I ordered a Pepsi; she apologizes and quickly goes to correct her mistake. She comes back with lemonade. It happens twice more with her bringing me a dark ale. After this, she walks away and another waitress comes to our table, "I'm sorry. Marie is feeling a little...sick. I'll be your waitress tonight. She really needs to go home."

Now, time to order. I ordered an eggplant dish with the rest of the party ordering pasta of some sort. Minutes after our order is given to the chef, there is dead silence...

We hear them start opening up the tins.

Not that it really bothered me, but the food itself was cold and horrid and my brother claimed he found a pube in the marinara.

We didn't go back and oddly enough, they closed down for health violations months later.
(somethingwitty, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:01, Reply)

mcturk
I went to MC D's in turkey while on holiday last year.
After contemplating the local delacasy of the Mcturk (whatever that may have contained) I opted for the healthier option of a greek salad. I spent my last five quid on this meal.

I can only describe the meal of a mix of slightly flavoured cardboard and polysterene(SP?). It was so bad I couldnt face eating it The vast array of insect life living on the ceiling didnt help much either (a moth as big as my palm was above my head the entire time.)

After visiting that establishment I have never set foot in another of their eateries since.
(barronshark, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:00, Reply)

Peas and potatoes are go!
Being a vegetarian some time ago, made eating out quite interesting. I'm 34 and have been vege for about 22 years now, so before it was really fashionable and people knew what to do with you when you turned up. I can well understand how awkward it must be to plan a meal and then a bespectacled 12 year old refuses it. Especially a 12 years old with allergies. Also ahead of my time, was my enormous amount of allergies - so sadly for me, the standard vegetarian staples of nut roast and omelettes were out -both make me projectile vomit and bits swell alarmlingly, worse when it's your oesophagus.

Despite all of this, I decided that the school trip to France was a good idea. Yes France, lovely France, France that even on a recent trip to Paris was slightly awkward until we found the wonderful deli which sold tomoto compote and all sorts of grilled vegetables, and the amazing curry house, where we had no choice in what to order but were told to eat what we were served. Thankfully it was rather lovely food, but a novel approach to customer service. I digress.... Our school trip was to the Ardennes, and thankfully I think it was a long weekend, ie about 3 or 4 nights away. The first night, I was duly presented with pig and potatos, I explained I couldn't eat it and was presented with omelette. I had already given notice of my allergies/vegetarian status to the school to pas on to the hostelg, as I really do appreciate it can be hard coming up with decent alternatives without advance notice! Omelette is taken away and I'm happy with potatoes and veg. Second night arrives and I'm presented with pig and potatoes (or it might have been cow). Again I explain that sadly I cant eat this, and again I'm presented with an omelette. Potato and peas for tea again! 3rd night - guess what happened? Pomme de terre avec peteit pois (eventually). Now obviously by the fourth night, the chef was probably quite pissed off with my 12 year old self, quite annoyed with a mounting mountain of rejected, conjealed omelette, so I like to think he decided to make an extra special effort. Also, because it was the last night we were staying in the hostel, you know make it a good last night to be had by all. I will never forget the pride on the face of the chef as I was presented with the ultimate vegetarian option - what seened like half a rabbit on a plate. It glistened moist and brown amid a mound of peas and potatoes (and was probably rather lovely for the others to eat). Well of course it was vegetarian - it only ate grass didn't it? At the time this inestimable logic did not work as I then thought (pre BSE days) that cows were purely herbivores too and sadly for the chef, my twelve year old self's favourite animal in the whole wide world was rabbits (I was a late developer), since the demise of a family pet (a large New Zealand White rabbit) died previously. Still on the bright side we had awards after dinner, and my history teacher presented me with his three year old daughter's dress for having lost the most weight on holiday. Nice!
(guineapig, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 15:59, Reply)

Stupid bloody woman
First post!!!
Me (single) and 3 couples all went to a meal at a chinese place for one of the women's birthdays. Pretty harmless yes? Well as allways the bill is an issue you all expect and as most civilised people do we split the bill and leave out the girl who birthday it was. ok?.... not for one girl my mate is somehow attached to because she mumbled that she shouldnt pay as she didnt have as much as others and then we spent ages getting to an agreement (or as close as we could get). Outside the place this stupid bird then lays into another girl because she "is only 17" and "she is not part of our gang".??? Needless to say the girl whos birthday it was is now in tears while this stupid ho carries on her pointless argument... Moral of the story - When your mates argue with their girlfriends you should tell them to leave the bitch and not think it over.... Oh yeah it works out that the girl who moaned saved about £7 after ruining the whole night, shouting at one girl in the street and bringing another girl out on her birthday to tears.

This happened about 4 days ago and feel the anger still :)... you can go now
(DarkSavior, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 15:58, Reply)

Sushi!
I'm not as fussy an eater as I was in my childhood, I will eat and even enjoy most types of food, but I will not eat seafood. (I can't even look at a fish, dead, alive or otherwise, without feeling physically uncomfortable. I don't really understand why, something deep and psychological, no doubt)

Now a few years ago, went to visit my aunt and uncle in Hong Kong. Had a great time, seeing all the sights, and spending the evenings at places that seemed to cater exclusively to the visiting families of well-off white businessmen.

Until, that is, my uncle decided we were all going to Kyoto Joe's, one of Hong Kong's most well known sushi restaurants.

Oh dear.

I spent most of my time huddled in the corner, drinking water and trying to work out if there was anything available that had dry-land origins and was cooked to my levels of satisfaction (i.e. at all) Asking my uncle, who ate there regularly with his business chums, which of the dishes was salmon resulted in him chuckling and saying "Don't worry, I'll order for all of us!" before snatching away the menus and delivering a stream of indecipherable words to the waiter.

The rest of the evening passed in horror as my uncle sat there with a massive grin on his face, refusing to tell us what anything was until we'd tried some, and chuckling at the expressions on our faces. I forced down about three mouthfuls of something that tasted like spicy cream-cheese salmon and then sat feeling very unwell until we got back to their apartment, where my aunt took pity on me and defrosted a pizza so I wouldn't starve.

My mum (who visited at a later date) was also taken to Kyoto Joe's, where she was convinced to eat a small chunk of what turned out to be octopus innards. (my uncle told her when she had her mouth full of it, then fell about laughing at her look of disgust) She said it was like 'eating an inner tube' and that no ammount of chewing seemed to have an effect on this morsel, which remained too big to swallow. After twenty minutes and two glasses of water, she finally managed to force it down, and has since resolved never to go near a sushi restaurant again.

This may be my first ever post (pop! and all that), but I make no apologies for length, and never will.
(Uncle Comrade, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 15:57, Reply)

worst ever meal out
was in france(not surprisingly)
while travelling down the motorway on a family trip, we decided to stop at this little pizza place in a small french village, as mcdonalds was getting pretty boring (i was at that age when mcdonalds was pretty much the food of gods, but it was still possible to have enough of it)
pizza place looked pretty nice, so went inside ordered pizzas and out they came
mine was pretty decent actually, got about a quarter of the way through before suddenly hearing a loud crunch, and a very odd look on my dads face
next seconds he spits out a lump of glass
turns out on closer inspection that his pizza was actually covered in little shards of glass pretty nicely covered by the cheese
after about 30 minutes a loud shouting, and threatening to call the police, we were actually the ones thrown out by two hefty chefs, for apparently trying to get a free meal by faking eating glass
bastard french
(Calmallama Is keeping this short and sweet, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 15:53, Reply)

Another holiday inn
Ok, I apologise for the Pretentiousness of this, but - I ordered a "Pate de Foie Gras" as my starter. It was ok, but bland.

The waitress comes over after I ate it and asked how it was. I replied stating that it was bland and just a bit dull, needed salt, or something to liven it up (I'm into foie gras and I've eaten a lot of it).

Waitress pauses, then says that the chef has been working on it all day and is very proud of it. I shrink a bit and decide that attack is the only method of escape and stick with my earlier statement.

Main course arrives and I look carefully for spit, phlegm, etc - I didn't find any, doesn't mean to say that it wasn't there....

Treehuggers/Plastic sandal wearers - please don't linch me!!
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 15:50, Reply)

Dont worry about the tip!
About 6 years ago I went to France with my then Boyfriend, it was the first time I had been and I just couldnt get the grasp of French Francs.

We was on a booze cruise but we had a bit of time in Bolougne so decided to go to a little cafe and get a snack before the boat set sail.

We went into this cafe and ordered some chips, two cokes and decided to try the frogs legs as we both had never had them.

After we finished I asked for the bill paid up and when we was leaving the 3 people who was working in the resturant where all smiling and waving "friendly lot" I remarked to my boyf.

It was only when we got on the ship and got talking to a couple I realised the bastards had charged me £57! For two cokes a plate of chips and some frogs legs.
(Fran, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 15:48, Reply)

Another shit one
I was at a B&B in Lyons, France, and it was supposed to serve a full continental breakfast. When I sat down at the table, I was served a boiled egg and a slice of toast that had be whittled down to a small square of bread about 2x2 inches. With jam on.
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 15:48, Reply)

Mine was at a Fatty Arbuckles....
So yeah, I wasn't expecting much anyway with it being a Fatty's, but that's not the worst part. I was there with a woman (she wanted to go there, not me) and it was our second date. It was going fine till the main course arrived. I sprinkled some vinegar on my chips and it was then that I discovered I had the only bottle in the bloody restaurant that didn't have a warning label saying "This is not a screw top bottle". So of course, I had unscrewed the top, splashed some vinegar onto my chips and watched in horror as a great big wave of vinegar drowned my cajun chicken in a sea of brown horror.

At least she got a laugh out of it.
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 15:45, Reply)

Holiday Inn
I stayed in a Holiday Inn recently in Kensington - Now, I like the place - I like it a lot, but I ordered a Seafood pie - when it arrived, it looked good, but the size of a house - I wasn't sure I'd ever been that hungry... It tasted good too, lots of whole (identifiable) pieces of fish, prawn, etc until I hit the cold, middle. I wasn't amused I took it back and the conversation went thus:

Me: Hi, this is cold
Waiter/Barman: Oh
Me: Yes
W/B: What can we do about it
Me: (Thinks for a moment) I don't care as long as it's hot
W/B: Oh, shall I replace it or reheat it
Me: Whatever the chef thinks is best
W/B: Yes sir

After I sat back down, I realised that "Whatever the chef thinks is best" would only be something bad.

It came back about 10 minutes later, hotter than the furnaces that heat the hot bit of Hell - I picked at it and decided that I wasn't that hungry any more.

Didn't get a damned apology though, or a freebie - but I was on expenses so I didn't care.

Yes, this was a crap excuse for a story.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 15:43, Reply)