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This is a question My Biggest Disappointment

Often the things we look forward to the most turn out to be a huge let down. As Freddy Woo puts it, "High heels in bed? No fun at all. Porn has a lot to answer for."

Well, Freddy, you are supposed to get someone else to wear them.

What's disappointed you lot?
null points for 'This QOTW'

(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 14:15)
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This question is now closed.

The Bedlam in Goliath
After the WTF!?YAY!! of Deloused and the YUM! of Frances then the MMMMHOTACTION of Amputechture expectations were running high for an epic discordant ground breaking mindfuck of holy proportions.

But no.

A Manual Dexterity is now floating my boat.
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 23:57, 3 replies)
I'm sure this has been said a million times by now but...
My biggest disappointment is that of all the QOTW stories I've posted; my personal favourite stories to tell in person, the ones that never fail to have people rolling around like gibbons on nitrous, the ones where I stop deadpanning for a moment and really come alive inside...

All those stories are the ones that people ignore in favour of poo jokes and a frying pan.
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 23:52, 1 reply)
Waking up in hospital with a tube stuffed up my japs-eye, needles in my arms, unable to walk due to the prodigous amounts of stolen carbodiazepam that still hadn't metabolized after 3 days in a coma, one of my dearest friends (now sadly deceased after a bit of the ole suicide himself) sat in a chair by the bed, the sensation of having a beer can lodged in my arsehole (actually an enormous black turd like a lump of coal), the shame, guilt and fear about what everyone would say and feel and the sense of utter humiliation that it hadn't worked.

Suicide was an utter let down. On the plus side though, I did get better after a few years of therapy and intense self-questioning under the influence of LSD.

Do not attempt this at home kids.
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 22:42, 2 replies)
I had a dissapointment today :(
Whilst at work, one of the (rather attractive) nurses asked me to go into a (also rather attractive) patients room, and to helping her wash. She then claimed that "I'll be in to finish her off in a moment".

We both laughed, and my moment of dissapointment came when I realised that we were both thinking very different things :(
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 21:54, Reply)
I suppose it's been said:
But love is not the Answer, it isn't All You Need, it doesn't Overcome All Obstacles.
It isn't the Most Powerful Force In The Universe, even when it feels strong enough (to both of you) to be fatal, it won't do that either.
Love will not Keep You Together.

It will tear you apart again, that much is true.
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 21:16, 2 replies)
I'm disappointed in myself
Not for many of the reasons that people have already put forward.

I'm not disappointed with how my life has turned out so far - I've had plenty of ups and downs. I very much believe that without the crappy bits of life we wouldn't appreciate the great bits. To my mind life is a bit like a fairground ride - if the rollercoaster just went along a flat path - even if it was up high - it would just like being on any old train journey. However, if it's going up and down and scaring the bejeezus out of you then you have a great time.

The good bits and the bad bits are needed so we feel alive and not just ... meh.

So that's not what I'm disappointed about.

I'm not disappointed that I haven't done all the things I set out to do with my life. Mainly because I've never had much of a long-term idea of what I wanted to achieve. I'm much more a person who just makes it all up as I go along.

So what really disappoints me about myself?

Well, as a child my parents never placed much (if any) emphasis upon being good looking, slim, or any of those sorts of things. I don't remember ever being told, "Chickenlady, you look so pretty!" by my parents.

This isn't a complaint about my parents, by the way. I'm just pointing out that I was brought up to place greater emphasis upon how a person behaved rather than how they looked.

I've always maintained that looks fade and even with cosmetic surgery and pull in, pull up, skinny knickers and the like, we still can't change the packaging we come in to a greater degree.

So why, oh why am I obsessed with my Hot or Not rating?

Chickenlady, you disappoint me. Currently
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 21:02, 62 replies)
I can't get taken seriously
I'm 41 but for some reason I'm still not a proper grown up.

Kids, degree (the fucking hard way, part time while working...and a proper one, non of this BA nonsense), career, professional qualifications, good at my job...none of it has shifted peoples perception of me as an upstart.

Just today I bumped into somebody I used to work with and he introduced me to his colleagues as 'young man' WTF!? People ten years younger than me and junior positions feel comfortable calling me 'son'.

It's not as I'm one of those perpetual prepubescent looking freakiods, I'm 6'4 hairy arsed bloke. I drink beer, I know how to hang a new door. I can repair a fishing net and handle a gun. I've done some proper adventuring and have ugly scars to prove it.

Gravitas can't be acquired it would seem.
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 20:35, 4 replies)
my biggest disappointment...
would be coming to realize that after getting knocked up during my second year at university, dropping out, getting married, having three healthy and beautiful boys, devoting my life to their growth and development, and watching my oldest graduate and move on to university... my children will all soon be grown and gone and that NOW is when I will truly have to lie in the bed that I chose to make those many years ago when I agreed to marry.

I could have been famous, a star on the screen! Or something in between. Or at the very least married to someone who likes fresh air... Damn all these regrets anyway, I sound like a whiny bitch. The worst thing is that he's looking forward to it immensely.
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 19:45, 5 replies)
Most Music Fans
the ones who scream bloody murder when a band changes their musical style to evolve and further their passions. (bands including pendulum, red hot chili peppers etc)

the ones who vehemently disown bands when signing to a major label. what artist wouldnt want more to hear their work? (bands such as against me!, the clash, arctic monkeys etc)

and the ones who react so elitist when non fans come along, thus ruining any chance of new fans for the music itself.

apologies for length are weak, but these people just dont deserve the efforts given to them.
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 19:34, 1 reply)
I'm trying to download potential wedding music and I'm slightly disappointed with my limewire results.

"Yohann Sebastian Bach has shaking orgasm during sex", anyone?
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 19:27, 8 replies)
Pro Evolution Soccer 6 (for the pc)
It is quite possibly the worst ever console to PC convertion EVER. It was going cheap in PC world so i bought it.
Took it home.
Installed it.
Tried to play it.
Failed miserably.
Cried myself to sleep.
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 18:58, 3 replies)
Yesterday I saw a bloke on the South Circular reading a newspaper whilst driving.

I think our species is doomed.
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 17:45, 1 reply)
thinking tae kwon do would teach me to be hard
lies, spent all the time doing pointless patterns (like kata in karate)

very rarely did we do any sparring and i got beaten every time cos the teacher would never actually tell me where i was going wrong or how i could improve.

95% time spent practicing patterns (i got very good at those)

5% sparring.

should have been the other way round.
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 17:41, 4 replies)
Love, sex and passion
It really is a close run thing as to whether love, sex and passion are the greatest things ever and/or the cause of more inconvenience and strife than anything else.

Everyone needs passion, or at least intense enthusiasm, for some form of interest - even if not a person.

Love and sex underpin so much of society though, and take up so much time, that I'm never quite certain if it's really worth it.

It might be that without romantic or sexual interest, activities that you might prefer to do with a partner[1] might be done with friends instead. Maybe there would be less farting around online or in clubs or other meeting places simply to try and meet someone new.

There might be less of a requirement to take a critical look at your interests, life situation and friends simply in order to find someone nice in a sensible timeframe.

The common advice is to 'be yourself' - but frankly, this is bullshit. You should be yourself but also involve yourself in situations that expose you[1] to new people, give you sufficient common cultural background to have something to talk about, and roughly equates to current opinions on appearance and fashion.

That's all well and good if you fall into the average of people, and are happy with someone else on the average. However, if you fall outside that range and your own subculture doesn't contain anyone suitable, it might be awfully convenient if the whole thing went away.

At the end, there's no real choice - we all have needs and desires, and they have to expressed somehow, but without love, sex and passion would the human race be happier and more productive - or not?

Alternatively, is the enemy that other great time and energy sink - the 9to5 (or more) job..

(Reasonably happy here, and not about to enter into sub par relationships or sex, but one would be nice)

[1] No, not those types of activity.
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 16:51, 2 replies)
@3in7 (below)

over the last three weeks...

'Advice from Old People' - my inane drivel was voted into the top 5

'Whats the hardest you've tried to get dumped' - same result

Mt first EVA coveted front page possibly?

No - 'they' *looks upwards* move the bladdy goalposts...

Dumped stories "oh they're all too depressing, were not having a best this week"

then Old People "oh! lets just have some edited highlights"

shakes fist

(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 16:50, 18 replies)
Is that I have never ...
... been on the "Best" page.

Here we go again :-(
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 16:49, 2 replies)
An Ostrich and Thomas the Tank Engine
When I was little, about 3 or 4, I was the biggest Thomas the Tank Engine fan ever. You name it, I had it, from shoes and socks to undies and jumpers. I lived and breathed Thomas.
Anyway, one day my Nan took me to the local bird sanctuary/zoo type establishment for a good day of bird spotting. I was all wrapped up nice and warm with the crowning glory going to my Thomas bob hat. I looked the snizzle schizzle, I can assure you.

Then my little world ended.

I had spotted a very big bird and fascinated by its size ran straight to its enclosure. It was an ostrich and boy did it see me fucking coming. Childish glee and delight soon dissolved into sheer horror.
The ostrich took a fancy to my bobble and thinking it looked tasty ripped my hat off my head and devoured the thing whole before my very eyes.

I'm sure I don't need to explain how disappointing that situation was or how disappointed the ostrich must have been shitting out a full woolly hat. Either way, I hope some cunt fucinkg cunted that fucking twat of a bird.
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 16:46, 3 replies)
Anytime I buy a sausage
that has herbs in it, a little piece of me dies. I've mentioned it before, it really really disappoints me.
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 16:20, 4 replies)
John Leslie
Last week, I was incredibly excited to read the Evening Standard's latest headline, emblazoned on every news stand around London.

It read: "John Leslie Sex Quiz"

I went to Toys 'R Us, traipsed down Oxford Street, and even rang up Waddingtons - nothing!

Maybe it'll be out for Christmas.
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 15:31, 5 replies)
I've just spent an hour and a half in a Board (bored?) meeting. I normally have no objection to these - I'm easily mollified by the tea and chocolate biscuits (or, if we're lucky, sandwiches).

Today: nothing. Not so much as a stale bourbon.

Add to that the fact that the common-room ran out of teabags last week...

(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 15:24, 34 replies)
My favourite bar...
..has been taken over, refurbished and handed to the chavs on a big silver plate.

There are now a lot of lost alternative types wandering around my town with nowhere to go.

Makes me cry a little every time I walk past it.

They have every bar in town, we only had one, why did they have to take it? Why?!

*uncontrollable sobbing*
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 15:02, 39 replies)
Hours Til Autumn
I work in a band when I'm not being a supermarket bitch. A rather good band if you're into 80s rock, and we work our arses off trying to be the very best we possibly can, looking for any opportunity to "get noticed" by someone, anyone, who might offer us useful contacts, or some work to further and better ourselves.

Recently our local radio station was running a competition that peaked our interest. The Prize? Only supporting Bon Fucking Jovi at St Marys Stadium! I'm pretty sure I got a semi at this point, thinking, "well, we've seen most of the other local acts and they're either far too heavy, or just plain shit. How could we lose!" Musician's Ego starts kicking in and we decide that if we give it our very best, it's in the bag.

So, we remaster and burn off one of our songs as a demo, fill out the paperwork and off it goes. The short-list of 5 acts would be announced about a week later. We could all barely contain our excitement, convinced that we had a very good chance of some airtime, and a fair chance at winning. For all we knew, this competition could be the thing that finally got us where we wanted to be.

Now we all know, with competitions like these there tends to be more rigging than a tall ships convention. The day comes, the short list is posted, I eagerly thumb the little wheelything to scroll down the web page, and after a second or two to absorb what I'm seeing, the fucking rage sets in. We weren't on the list. WHY THE FUCK NOT!?

So, being musicians we wanted to listen to all the bands that "made it", to basically rip holes in their stuff and find out how little musical taste or knowledge the judges actually had. The songs that were chosen were either boring, musically rubbish, poorly recorded and produced, or a terrifying mixture of the three. This is the crap they picked over us? Fuck's sake...

Over the next few days, beers were drunk, bands and radio producers/judges were slagged off, and we tried to console ourselves that we hadn't done anything wrong while we waited for the results of the public vote. We nearly laughed our arses clean off our spines when the band we thought was the least talented and suitable out of all five was picked as the overall winners! Well done music-lovers of Hampshire... you brought it upon yourselves!

Congratulations boys, you're a shit band, you know it and so do we, and you're way out of your depth! Our spies that attended the gig told us that in no uncertain terms they were the worst they had ever, EVER seen and had no place playing St Marys or anywhere else but the dingiest, darkest pubs where nobody with any self respect would have to be offended by their noise.

Perhaps you may think that's pretty harsh, but if you think women can be bitchy when they're upset, that's NOTHING compared to musicians. For anyone who gets curious, YouTube search the post title and you'll get some idea. I'm not going to plug my shit because that's not what the board is for, but suffice to say it would have gone down a damn sight better.

So, that's my biggest non-women-related disappointment. Losing out on what MIGHT have been one of the most important gigs to launch our career, or at least help, to a bunch of fucking monkeys. *spit*

Apologies for length and shit storytelling, but I'm not even sure how to make it funny...
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 14:59, 14 replies)
My first mobile phone
Inspired by Gunter - I was a late adopter of the mobile phone, in fact I'm quite proud of having grown up without one. I finally got one when I was 17. Despite having waited so long to buy one, I didn't really research my purchase and bought the cheapest. And there was a reason for its cheapness. Oh yes.

For, dear reader, this phone was one of those plue plastic flip-open Motorola jobs, with (gasp!) a QWERTY keyboard on! That bit was pretty ace. BUT; it didn't have a speaker, or a microphone. Yes, you had to plug in the handsfree kit to make, or take, a call. Which led to the following happening ALL THE TIME:

*ring ring* Phone's ringing! Someone wants to talk to me! *ring ring* where is it? *ring ring* (frantically fumbling around in rucksack) *ring ring* Yes! Found it! Now where's *ring ring* the damn handsfree kit... (rummage rummage) *ring ring* here it is! NOOOOO there's a big knot in it... must untangle it *ring ring* AAAAARGH DAMN YOU HANDSFREE KIT KNOT COME UNDONE (fumble fumble fumble fumble) *silence*

Fucksocks, it's gone to answerphone again, meaning I have to spend my hard-earned credit listening to someone's rambling answerphone message, AND ring them back again afterwards.

Despite all that, I actually quite miss it. Length - seven rings before cutoff, I never worked out how to change it to ten.
(, Wed 2 Jul 2008, 14:35, 2 replies)

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