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This is a question B3TA fixes the world

Moon Monkey says: Turn into Jeremy Clarkson for a moment, and tell us about the things that are so obviously wrong with the world, and how they should be fixed. Extra points for ludicrous over-simplification, blatant mis-representation, and humourous knob-gags.

(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 12:53)
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Get rid of night clubs, "bars" and other annoying loud places with flashing lights
They're horrible soulless places with repetitive loud music where it's impossible to talk to anyone without shouting at the top of your voice. Everyone in them seems to be doing drugs, trying their hardest to get paralytic, trying to pull or looking for a fight.

Not only do you have to queue to get in, once inside you have to queue up for nearly as long just to get a drink, where the main selection seems to consist of drinks designed to get you as drunk as possible as quickly as possible and a soft drink will cost about £3.50. Then the barman will show off by chucking implements around before pouring a drink.

There of course will be nowhere to sit down because the place is so packed. Even if there were, it would take about 5 minutes to navigate across the room due to all the drunks flailing about on the dance floor/main bit that you walk through to get to places. If you visit the toilet facilities you will end up with piss on your shoes although on the plus side it is the only place within the establishment in which you can hear yourself think.

Once outside again you must be careful not to add vomit to the piss on your shoes. And they have to be proper shoes for some reason, not trainers. At least they're keeping up standards on that front.

I like my pubs to be at least 200 years old, have wooden beams holding up the roof and have a bit of character.
(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 20:20, 14 replies)
Cuthbert, you are a very dull man.

(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 20:22, closed)
When I go out I just want to be able to have a conversation with people, without having to raise my voice. I don't want to have to put up with drunks starting fights or having to queue for half an hour to get into a place. And maybe have some games of pool or cards. Or a pub quiz.

What's wrong with that?
(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 20:26, closed)
Nothing at all wrong with that.
Just don't go to the places you've described.

Leave other people to it. No need to get rid of places like that.

I say ban nothing.
(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 20:30, closed)
I think you miss the point of this qotw

(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 20:32, closed)
No, you are.

(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 20:32, closed)
No, the point of this qotw is not simply to specify things that you don't like and call for their removal.
It is to name and shame things which are wrong with the world and offer solutions to them.

You have done neither.
(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 20:53, closed)
Ban nothing?
99.9999999999999% of an atom is empty space. Remove this, and you'll be 0.0000000000001% of your current height (0.00000000000018cm, for a 6-footer). You would then be unable to sit on the barstool in your overpriced meat-markets, and would most likely get trodden upon if you ventured towards the 'dance' floor. Presuming you didn't simply vanish through the floor, of course, as it wouldn't be designed to take your current weight in such a small package.

If it's not obvious by now - no, I didn't study physics at university.
(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 21:14, closed)
I hadn't thought it through that far.
I'm so sorry.
(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 21:19, closed)
I wholeheartedly agree
Especially if said pub has a large selection of real ales
(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 21:59, closed)
You're forgetting one very important thing:
"Wine bars" and other annoying loud places with flashing lights act as crêches for the local chav population so they don't venture into the decent pubs in the area and spoil your night out. If you have to change something, at least ensure that all chavs going out for the night are fitted with collars on entering the establishment of their choice that, should they choose to leave before 01:00, explode messily and provide the local kebab van with some extra raw materials.
(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 23:57, closed)
I think you'd be better off going to "pubs" rather than "nightclubs".
Sorry if no-one had brought this to your attention previously.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 3:14, closed)
I generally avoid them
It's just whenever I go out with people from work to try to be friendly, they'll often get suggested later on. At which point I generally go home.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 19:48, closed)
I don't think we should ban nightclubs...
In fact I believe them as necessary for my wellbeing.

I would like to elaborate by pointing out I despise these clubs - I don't drink, so spending time in the presence of the paralytically drunk and horny isn't my idea of fun. What purpose these clubs do serve is to remove the morons who do love these activities from the calmer, friendlier pub where I rather enjoy spending time with friends, relaxing, solving the worlds problems and generally having a nice time. Remove the night club and the morons then invade my pubs in search of somewhere to buy booze and ruin my night...

I am happy they exist, as long as I don't have to go anywhere near them.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 12:42, closed)
A good way to look at it!
I don't drink, and often get accused of being "boring" because I don't like to go to these places, where you'd need to be drunk to endure it.

My opinion is that if you need to get drunk (or even just tipsy) to enjoy yourself, then you're the one with the problem!
(, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:01, closed)

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