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This is a question Guilty Pleasures, part 2

It's been a while since we last asked this question and CaptainFellatioNelson's confession that he likes "to fart under the duvet, creep in and see how long I can last only on the fart air contained within" reminded us just how good it was last time.

What are the little things you do for fun when nobody else is around?

(, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 11:48)
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fucking stupid chav twunts
Next week, on my last day, I'm going to be soooo rude to all the unfortunate council tenants who are unlucky enough to get me on the phone when they ring in to whinge that a kitchen cupboard door has fallen off/their neighbour's son has driven over the grass by the pavement and made a mess/needs a council house because, funnily enough, their private landlord evicted them for not paying any rent for the past 5 years, and expects the council to pay for every damned thing despite them being a work-shy dole-scrounging layabout who contributes nothing except illiterate brats, high tax levels and the unwashed stench of old chip-pan oil and fags to society.

You got a blocked toilet? Don't shove fucking nappies down it.

Can't make the rent payments? Get a goddamn job.

Want a new carpet? Stop the kids from pissing on it.

The amount of scrounging makes me boil. They expect everything handed to them on a plate and cause a real fuss when it doesn't appear.

It almost tempts me to think that Hitler's policies were merely misguided.
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 15:02, 29 replies)
the tragedy is...
If you stopped their benefit payments, they'd rather die than work. They really would. Generations of sponging has taught them to be utterly dependent, and the system that was set up to help those in need has become a system to support the laziest and most uneducated/criminal element of society.

I've claimed benefits. My employer went bankrupt, I had no savings and my parents are too poor to help me out. I was re-employed within a month and the benefits helped me pay the rent. My cousins in Sheffield have never worked - they're all over 35.

I read the Guardian, but I'd gladly see these scum burned to death in their homes. Or at least transported to a rocky outcrop in the mid Atlantic.
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 15:18, closed)
Chuck in an insult
from me too! Anything you like, it's entirely at your discretion, but I do have a weakness for "Away and work you bone-idle, feckless, promiscuous oxygen-thief".

(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 15:20, closed)
too true
I'm glad the benefits system is there to help those who fall through the net - redundancies, broken homes etc. It's the scroungers who are stretching the system that make me angry.
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 15:20, closed)
low income support
is fine.

getting something for nothing? er? why exactly?

i frequently work from 8 - 8 or beyond; i get up at 6.30 and i am seldom in much before midnight. and i pay not far off £2,000 a month in income tax. and that's before we get onto road tax, VAT, IHT, CGT, stamp duty... do i really work that hard so some pikey little scrots and chavs can have a house for free? no!!

as i've ranted before, when you pay tax, you should be able to tick boxes to allocate where it goes. we'd have immaculate roads, hospitals, schools etc - and no more yoghurt weaving left wing quangos or 5 star luxury resorts for asylum seekers or 4 bed detached houses for scroungers!

and another thing - whilst i am ranting - soon i'll be fined if i don't recycle. at what point in the 6 hours or so i spend in my flat in every 24 am i supposed to do this? if you're on the dole, you can sort out my rubbish.

a few weeks of that and they'd all be looking for something better.....

god, i might as well buy the daily reactionary twat and have done with it. but scroungers annoy me so much i could explode!
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 15:35, closed)
hair cut
spell in the army for everyone who can't find a job within 6 4 months.
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 15:36, closed)
^but you cant do that theres no way my eldest brother would survive in the army......actually sod it, send him off, if its that or get a job he might just get a job!
i vote we make them work or stop their benefits
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 15:40, closed)
^ agreed
they could be cleaning off the grafitti they painted on earlier in the week. Or picking up the shower of torn up betting slips outside the bookies.
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 15:43, closed)
Spot on.
I have been in work since the day I left school, yet I struggle to go through a month wiothoput being skint at the end of it,
me and my missus do our best to get through each month and make sure our little'un gets what he deserves.


My cousin,
has NEVER done a days work in her life,
has 4 kids, and has just been GIVEN a BRAND NEW house, just been built, the house has to be worth nearly £500,000 easy...

And has the nerve to complian about having to pay towards the upkeep of it.

And to top it off, she complained that the house has too many stairs (it has 3 floors )

Its enough to make your blood boil.
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 15:44, closed)
I smell a rather large election-winning policy here. Shall I run for PM?
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 15:44, closed)
You got my vote
go on, have a go!
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 15:45, closed)
I would...
get chain gangs cleaning up motorway verges.
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 15:46, closed)
I just hate
the general public.
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 15:47, closed)
Don't get me started.
No, really, don't.

10 miserable years of trying to persuade the lazy, scrounging bastards that working for a living is actually a bloody good idea... Christ, it was grim. Still, at least I had the satisfaction of knowing I earned my £15k a year (before tax) legitimatley. Even if the pay scale was a tad derisory...

Working for benefits? Damned good idea if you ask me. First few months - fine, but after that the more bloody hoops some of these people have to jump through the better.

Grr. Etc.
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 15:53, closed)
Everyone I know
Have reasonable jobs.

Have never been in jail.

Have never been charged for much more than minor traffic offences.

Pay taxes (apart from students but that will come...hopefully....)


Scumbags that don't work

Get into drug-related crime

Vanadalise the neighbourhood

Get into violent fights & crimes

Breed like rabbits

Surely there should be a system in place where not a penny of my good tax goes towards these cretins. O.K. there are disadvantaged in society and public services to maintain, but spending tax money on complete spastics who actually worsen society is just wrong.

Perhaps they should be smited like vermin. Take Australia for example, having to cull hundreds of Kangaroos for money reasons.

Who would you rather murder; Skippy the Bush Kangaroo and his jovial frolicking with animal-kind OR Tam from the council estate with a crack addiction, 5 kids the eldest of whom spend their evenings terrorising the town, a fradulant benefit claim and general fuckint cunt????

ahem rant over
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 16:15, closed)
@happylittletulip ... Ahem?
Nothing wrong with social housing, I earn over £27k / year and we don't claim a penny ... however we are in the process of getting social housing. Why? Because under Gordon Brown (now Alistair Darling)'s economy I cannot afford a mortgage (nor want one at ludicrous% APR) and renting privately gives us a) no housing security b) no opportunity to at least pretend to own our own home c) no opportunity for DIY or home improvements. And yes, if the chimney falls through the ceiling, or the toilet blocks up due to the council doing no maintenance for ten years, or the carpet needs replacing because it is now so thin the floorboards are showing through, to be honest for the price of the rent (£300 / mth) plus the £110 / month I contribute to council coffers (plus £650 / month tax/NI) - a total outlay of £1060.00 - I expect it to be fixed. Pronto.

Try living it, happylittletulip, before you criticise it.
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 16:50, closed)
The words of none other than Marcus Brigstocke:
"...And you claim all these 'bloody immigrants' are coming over here and taking your jobs. No, they're doing your jobs. There's the difference."

Not to sound reactionary at all...
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 16:56, closed)
I suppose you have a point there. I live in hideous rented accommodation among dole spongers and illegal immigrants because we can only dream of affording to buy a flat or house.
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 16:58, closed)
How can you say this?
These families have been systematically disadvantaged for generations, starting when the Conservatives systematically dismantled the flourishing British manufacturing industries and demolished the only protection the working class had, the unions. The Upper Classes sytematically spunked their enourmous and un-earned bonuses on private healthcare, German cars, French champagne, and Columbian cocaine, while bleating that the trickle down effect would enrich the poverty stricken masses. The education system was allowed to wither on the vine, with teenagers being actively encouraged to drop out early into a life of sanctioned worthlessness as poor people were expected to stay poor and know their place. Sneered at for procreating when that is all there is to do on their sink estates, do you wonder that they seek to ameliorate their bleak and hopeless existences with the momentary relief of alcohol and drugs? And for people to sneer at them from the safety of the internet... shame on you all I say. Has anyone worked out that I'm taking the piss yet? These poor misguided and abandoned individuals, with nothing more stimulating than an addiction to compulsive and badly spelt texting, daytime TV and TWOCing, exist in an intellectual desert. Do you realise that on some of these estates you can't even get the Guardian delivered? They have no chance to absorb high culture, literature or indeed basic language skills outside of grunts and imitation Americanisms. Indeed the wannabe Gangsta image should even be admired as it is for these damaged individuals the only positive role model and they should be lauded for their aspiration even when they are not likely to 'pop a cap in yo ass' as they would be hard pushed to pop a balloon. Yrs, Professor Ivor YTower, PHD, DFC and Bar, Labour Councillor, Sociologist and eater of Tofu.

You forgot to mention the free car (Motability).

And the mid Atlantic posting is too easy. Try telling them they're going to Rockall, but leave the side doors slid back on the chopper, then chuck a hard bank in and watch 'em slither and scrabble to avoid plunging to their polyester clad doom. That'll teach 'em.
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 17:05, closed)
^^ Supreme Crow
There was an article on the BBC website about a week ago, focussing on the influx of Polish workers. The very same scrounging scum that were complaining about them 'coming over here and taking our jobs' were also acutely unwilling to work in the fields picking butternut squash for £25k a year - the very jobs that the Poles in question were doing.

Fair play to them, I say.
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 17:06, closed)

This country's scroungers are refusing those jobs because they are far better off being on benefits.
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 17:08, closed)
I'll admit
It's a vicious circle. Born into a family and environment where all you realistically expect is pregnancy and benefits, aspiration to something more is often just a fantasy. They don't choose to have such a bad start in life.

But successive governments hardly knock themselves out to break the cycle. You can't expect these people to pull themselves out of debt, look for better education and stand on their own feet. They never have and never will. You have to do it for them, or make it impossible for them to remain apathetic and irresponsible. It's like raising your own kids (or training a dog). You don't ask nicely - you tell them how it's going to be. No choices. Want to stay at home and do no work? Fine - do it without money and if you and your family starve to death. You can only blame yourselves.

If you can walk and have an IQ above 10, you can work in fucking Asda. For Christ's sake, there's a fucking paraplegic working in my local Asda - and there's a 19-year-old, able-bodied drug dealer living in my building who lives on benefits (and drug sales, obviously). Is the local council giving him a hard time? What are his excuses for not being able to find a job? There are people with no qualifications and no fucking English finding jobs every day. How hard can it be?
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 17:22, closed)
£25K a year for picking vegetables? Bloody hell, that's brilliant! If I'd known that I wouldn't have put myself through 7.5 years of university education in order to become an unhappy lecturer on a £30K salary - gah! I'd be much happier in a field.
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 17:55, closed)
I've posted before about the joys of living on the edge of a sink estate, paying shitloads of council tax so that the dolescum could all get new double-glazed windows, and then their ratboy chavkids would come round and break mine.

I also think I identified the main problem - the local store has an entire wall full of alcohol, but when I popped in to pick up condoms in an "emergency" I couldn't even see them until the guy behind the counter moved his chair to reveal one small, dusty box.

Personally I think there should be a licence to breed, preferably means- and intelligence-tested. The chav classes would wither and die without child benefits.

[edit] that reminds me, must dl Shameless
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 18:51, closed)
I'd abolish benefits for dole scum
The cunts.

I now get up at 4.20, get to work by 5 am, and work through to 4pm. Yes, I'll earn over 60k this year but my ex-wife will get about 10k (how much does my son fucking eat?) while preventing me having access (but it's ok for me to pay her more than she earns in her job, apparantly), and I pay 20k in deductions. So I end up with 50% of what I earn to try and live on.

And these cunt who don't work and have 4 kids get more than me without lifting a fucking finger.

I'd burn Guardian readers, the lefty, dole-scum encouraging, politically correct, enviro-wanking twats,, but I'd save something worse for these parasites.
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 20:05, closed)
Easy solution to avoid spunking tax away on the UK and those who would piss it up the wall on chips and scratchcards
1. Become a contractor
2. Pay an accountant a slice of your daily / weekly rate (trust me, this is worth every penny)
3. Accrue skills valuable to key employers (wide and disparate - the more the merrier, the more esoteric or borederline the better)
4. Piss off out of the UK and chuckle to yourself in the comfort of your offshore abode as you observe the idiocy that is UK media and populace en masse

Better to spend your energy changing your situation than moaning about it - there will ALWAYS be idiots and scroungers, so the best you can do is work around them with an astute accountant to make sure you don't have to support some lazy twat who's content to live off your 20%.
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 22:28, closed)
God I love this thread...
Pull up a chair folks, because PJM here is going to have a monumental fucking rant. Each of you folks who've posted so far would get my vote over and above any one of the spin-crazed cretins we've had in the last twenty years who've whored this country out left right and centre.

While it's easy to blame Gordon Clown and Alistair Grasping for laughingly spunking 47 pence out of every pound every single man, woman and child in Britain will have in their pocket this year (yep, that's how much of your income finds its way back into the treasury in 2008), the rot started years ago.

One telling statistic of the last eleven years of Labour government is that Social Mobility has ground to a halt and stalled. If you're born to poverty, you're going to die in poverty. The last time that social mobility was in a similar condition, Britain was in the midst of rationing in the immediate post war period. Proof that socialism, in the new Labour terminology Does. Not. Fucking. Work.

I blame many factors. We have a fascination with improving the rights of those who have chosen to reject and even abuse the rights entrusted to them by the state. We namby pamby over the workshy, the thieving scumbags, the sticky fingered junkie subclass who opine that "the social" owes them their dues and in return they give absolutely fuck all except more fucked up children for the working classes to feed and clothe at their expense. It's become cool to be semi-literate, we're obsessed with the lives of the rich, idle and fucking clueless if the endless Katona/Jordon/Posh articles in the Slagazines whinge for our attentions from the shelves of the supermarkets.

It's the total discharging of social responsibility and the state looks on, shakes it's head and then takes yet more money from those who choose to work hard for a living. That fact enrages me no end each and every time my wallet is raped at the petrol pumps and some faux-green decides that I should pay more to travel to work so that I can pay taxes to keep a bunch of utter worthless cunts shopping at John Lewis for tax free wide screen TVs (and I'm not just talking about MPs here).

If I had my way, perpetrators of crime would be denied their liberty and put to work on the minimum wage until such time as they'd paid the cost of their crimes back to the victims. That'd ensure a steady supply of labour, plus it would help the fucking joke that our expensive insurance industry has become. The perpetrators of crime might then learn a little about the impact and social cost of their antisocial ways.

As a nation, we're desperately crying out for cheap housing, clean and cheap public transport (at over a pound a litre I've every fucking right to expect the best public transport in the world). Why can't we put the long term jobless to work for the good of society? It's not a radical concept, Roosevelt did it in 1936 with his "New Deal" and it pulled the nation out of the post Wall Street crash recession.

My old local newspaper reported on a family given a three bedroom house by the local council, who'd managed to fart out another three children in just over two and a half years making a grand total of six brats. The parents seemed indignant that they were entitled to a five bedroom council house.

Fuck 'em. If they haven't got enough room for six, then why keep breeding? Take a couple into care, give the parents a job building us more railways and then once they've gained a knowledge of the basic concepts of work and reward then maybe let them make a contribution to a larger house.

[edit: and breathe......]
(, Tue 18 Mar 2008, 22:52, closed)
While currently in New Zealand, most of my life I live in Oakland California. Our neighborhood is the ghetto - drug dealers known by sight (if not by name), the occasional drive-by (once a year at most), but really just tons of families trying to make it. I can say with utter certainty that every one of the people there are gainfully employed. In fact, of all of them, I am probably the only one on government benefits (schizo/borderline), and even then, I am 'paid' $660 a month, with no housing (roughly one fifth what my meds alone cost); even the drug dealers aren't on welfare, mostly because it involves too much scrutiny. The American work ethic is very strong, in fact the only person I've known to live on public assistance was my friend Cecelia, who just couldn't be bothered to get a job. In the few times she even interviewed for a job as a paralegal, she turned down the job, as it only paid $45,000 and she thought she was worth $65,000 -- after being out of work for a year and a half!! I guess what I'm saying is the temptation to get something for nothing -and then bitch about it- is universal, as is the rage it engenders in hardworking people. In the US the want of money is looked down on by those who have it, and the lack of money is repulsive, so you're damned for wanting more and damned for being poor, keeping the poor where they - including me - are.
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 0:52, closed)
PJM for PM!
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 0:52, closed)
£25k for picking vegetables is pretty good - but they were doing 70 - 80 hour weeks, so...
(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 10:47, closed)

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