Women

( the wild elk Freeing excellence affects reality, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 14:45, Reply)

i have never really understood
why the ice cream van has always run out of ice cream when i get to it even though his music is playing.
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 14:40, Reply)

music? music?
Oh, I almost forgot. Dance music. What is the deal with dance music? A fool stood at a keyboard and a twunt who can't sing mouthing the same four lines over and over to a repetitive electronic beat. You can't dance to it anyway, you can only jump up and down in time with the stupid bleeping row that it is.

I suggest changing it's name. "Utter shite in the form of sound waves" would be more fitting.
(mrmistoffeles, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 14:36, Reply)

English Degrees
What is the point of an English degree? I'm not talking about someone from foreign parts studying English at university. Has anyone ever seen a job advertised asking specifically for an English graduate?
( bloobloo, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 14:33, Reply)

football, american football, rugby....
Right, I know what football is. And I know what rugby is. So what is american football? Is it rugby? And what about soccer? Is that football? Or football with different rules? Or is it something else altogether?

Why can't we just have a name for a sport and stick to it???

Oh yeah, and the offside rule. I need that explaining to me.

PS. In case it is not obvious, I am a girl.
(mrmistoffeles, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 14:32, Reply)

Girls Clothes sizes
Why do blokes get trousers with at least two descriptive measurements i.e., length and waist in real universal inches but girls only get one arbitary measurement i.e., "14" to cover waist, hips and length.
And tops, blokes get chest size in inches and girls get "12" to describe chest, bust and waist?

Why do you girls put up with this?
(Rich T has a clever and witty sig, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 14:29, Reply)

The popularity of whistling
WTF is that all about? No, we don't want to hear the high pitched hiss of Hit Me Baby One More Time through your gappy teeth while we're sitting on the train reading our Metros.

Also, to the people on trains with colds - get yourself a tissue. We know you have them beside your bed, so just take one out with you.
(ShockerMocker, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 14:13, Reply)

Every time I go back to see my parents
I am woken at the crack of dawn on a Sunday to go to church.
I only go to please my Dad, and I'm sure that's not the point of religious worship....

Edit - oh yeah, and the obligitary answer of 'women'. If you think you understand yours, you just don't know her well enough yet.
( Nikfuf Eetr Northern Midlander, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 14:10, Reply)

What I don't get is
Creation Science. It just baffles me how people can still believe all this.

And new car smell - it's just formaldehyde from the plastic settling in - dead body smell is new car smell...

And all non-manafactured bands are unsigned and Indy at somepoint so hating that is a little strange. Like the opposite of hating cool indy bands once they become big. Both daft snobbery really.
( NLi10 lurker - 10yrs & counting..., Fri 1 Apr 2005, 14:08, Reply)

Women
All of them, I don't think I will ever be able to understand them, but I just can't seem to get enough of them????? wtf?
(ginger weasel - "when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" Gonzo but not forgotten, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 14:00, Reply)

I don't get
why I never have the balls to ask out this girl I like, when the worst that could happen is she'll say no and I'll get over it and maybe then i'd stop obsessing about her, and maybe just maybe she'll say yes and then it'd be great so i'm better of either way and yet still i find it a physical impossibility! AHHHHHHHH!!!
(JogDMC, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 13:55, Reply)

I just don't get it
Er... I thought the point of this thread was "What do you politely go along with while secretly thinking WTF?"

All these posts seem to be just people ranting about things they don't like and don't politely go along with!

Is b3ta really just hosting a forum for people to have a good old bitch this week??

Anyway, I find that in my day job I frequently field calls from consultants who've come to me as I'm the "expert". In fact they know tens times as much about the subject as I, and I just nod politely and say Hmmm lots. Invariably I come away having learned much more from them than they from me.
(sentinel, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 13:55, Reply)

Re: bright lights trigger sneezing...
Also eyebrow plucking has the same effect...?
( DandyLion, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 13:51, Reply)

What the fucks it got to do with you !
When having your hair cut, barbers always ask where you are going on holiday, why then whilst booking your hols doesn't the travel agent ask you where you got your hair cut ?

DOH !
(Betty Boothroyd's Love custard Tourettes at the KOB, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 13:46, Reply)

Government red tape
Why is there only one Monopolies commission ?
(Betty Boothroyd's Love custard Tourettes at the KOB, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 13:44, Reply)

Bloody Students
/engage rant

Talking bollocks loudly, thinking you know everything about the world.

NO YOU DON'T, YOU HAVEN'T EVEN LEFT SCHOOL.

Stop drinking beer and start learning, that's what the rest of us are paying our taxes towards. When I employ a graduate I want one that knows what he's doing, not one that can belch the national anthem with a traffic cone on his head and a jugs of beer in each hand.

BTW, we do know more than you and we don't need to go around telling everyone.

When you no longer need to shout you'll understand.

And yes I do have a degree, which I did whilst in full time employment and had to pay for.

/rant off
(Yellow Car is now red, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 13:40, Reply)

i just dont get...
little britain.
(Ash_Pow is now available in extra medium, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 13:31, Reply)

If we're on to mystifying books....
Then Finnegan's Wake by James Joyce. But then again that mystifies everyone
(yiddo, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 13:22, Reply)

The virgin Suicides
One book I have no idea what it was all about. The mysteries/absurdities/irrationalities of wimmin? I don't need a book to know about that...

Edit: But Obviously I say it is a good book and pretend I know what it's many layers of meaning are in intelligent company.
(The TPOL, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 13:20, Reply)

Personalised Number Plates
Not the one's like 5TFC or W33D or whatever. The one's like 5228 KCW which, while might mean something to the owner, mean absolutely fuck all to anyone else. What is the point?
( Mr Spleen Can do better. C-, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 13:16, Reply)

Little Britain
I don't get why every herbert shagging pillock in the country thinks Little Britain is the best thing since sliced bread.

It is about as funny as pubic lice and twice as bloody iritating. It wouldn't be so bad execept every twunt I know finds it comical to go "NAHHHHHHHH" or "I'm the only gay in the village" and think that they are as unfunny as the two cunts on the telly. KILL IT. KILL IT NOW. Expecially the bald cunt.
( nnnndave, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 13:13, Reply)

Barbercide
I've just had my hair cut

Why does my barber have a large jar of potentialy deadly (to him) liquid in his shop?

Is it to kill off any rival barbers?

or is it for him in case it all gets too much?
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 13:10, Reply)

Awful wannabe celebrities
I don't understand how the fuck Jade bloody pig-faced-"Am I mingin"-gobshite Goody managed to become LIKED by so many people when she was HATED by so many people. She is a common, thick, lazy bitch who probably doesn't know the meaning of work. Ergh.

There's loads of others too, but she really takes the piss.
(wormeater, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 13:07, Reply)

I don't understand why
Sven keeps picking Emile Heskey.

or Bloody TV licences! The BBC still shows adverts. Just ones they use our money to make about their own shows. Then probably charge us again for the time slots. grrr. I estimate only about £10 per licence goes on programming. and then they make Strictly Dance fever. and show so many repeats

And finally, How does my local chinese takeaway deliver my food so quickly? I've hardly had time to sit down and its here. Bless them though.
(Boney N left a cake out in the rain, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 12:51, Reply)

Land of the free.....
so... How is it possible to be waging a war on terrorism, while you simutaniously support Sinn Fein, and have comfy cosy Dinner-dates with Jerry Adams?

hmmm.

*ponder ponder*
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 1 Apr 2005, 12:28, Reply)

Just silly...
The Competition Commission. Surely they hold an uncompetitive and dominant position as the only Commission concerned with regulating competition.
(yiddo, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 12:27, Reply)

Also....
Why do people find Peter Kay funny? It's not enough just to be northern and fat, you do need some jokes too. Preferably ones less that 40 years old.

And while we're on the subject - Jimmy Carr. What's that all about then???
(yiddo, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 12:23, Reply)

That reminds me...
In a slightly different vein, the people who consider themselves to be somehow superior because they liked a band before they became popular.

What's wrong? I didn't know that I liked their music because I'd never heard it before it became popular. Goons.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 12:22, Reply)

Frank Butcher conundrum
I've never really understood the difference between Frank Butcher and Mike Reid. Are they two different people?

I've never seen them in the same room together
(yiddo, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 12:20, Reply)

Wrist bands
Charity wrist bands. What are you trying to say? Adorning yourself with tacky plastic gunk in order to assuage your filthy middle class guilt and display in the most blatant way possible your supposed charitable generosity. How about supporting charity quietly and without seeking self-publicity for doing so? Rather than buying a wrist band or one of those little ribbons, go and get your hands dirty wiping old people down. Wankers.
(DoctorJ last upset some twat who doesn't like swearing on, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 12:13, Reply)