Drinking games
I like getting pissed why on earth is it a "forfit" to drink.

I play to loose
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 10:39, Reply)

Another one...
Goths. Not their dress sense or taste in music, i understand that entirely. Why is it that every goth I have ever met (both male and female) has a squeaky voice?
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Fri 1 Apr 2005, 10:37, Reply)

babies
I used to think that you got a girl pregnant by weeing on her. I tested the theory by throwing a bucket of piss over my brother. (I'm not quite sure of the logic there, but I didn't have a sister to experiment on.)

Sure enough, my brother didn't get pregnant and I was satisfied with my theory. Watching a German 'jazz' video a decade later only served to confirm this ('now i vill giff you ein golden shower' sticks in my mind). The innocence of youth...
(spastic_lequeer, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 10:25, Reply)

A German co-worker from a few years ago
Used to run over and blurt out incomprehensible dirty jokes, substituting German words when he got too excited to say the English ones (My German is tourist level at best).

He would then shake my shoulder until I "got the joke". After a few weeks it was funny for the wrong reasons, after a few months my shoulder started to hurt.

He was a great guy, so I didn't want to tell him to fuck off, and when I asked him if he could stop shaking my shoulder he went off in a huff and didn't talk to me for a couple of weeks (turned out I was the best friend he had as he'd only been in the country for a few months). After that he started up again, so I kept laughing.
( gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 10:17, Reply)

Americans who proudly say “we won WWII and the Cold War”.
Umm, You won the Cold War because in WWII Russia suffered 48 million casualties actually fighting Germany, while you lost just 600,000, or 0.01% of all allied casualties. Along with Switzerland, the USA were the only nation to actually make money during WWII, by profiteering. I understand and agree with the statement “the USA won”, but not the pride.
That and why my navel fluff is always blue.
(Scoobs, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 10:14, Reply)

Go on Waynster! Testify!
Seinfeld is fucking worthless.

For years my friends and I have struggled to see the funny bits. I've sat through it and tried to watch a whole episode thinking maybe I was missing something, maybe there was something wrong with me . . . . other than the obvious.
But no.
It doesn't even raise a smile. I've had bouts of the runs that were funnier!
Typical Seinfeld joke:

**Jerry stands in front of brick wall surrounded by poorly dubbed canned laughter**
"What's the deal . . . with sweaters? Why do we call them that? Do they perspire on their own? **riotous laughter** "Do they sweat when they're too hot?" What's the deal with that?"

Go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut you gobby yank! That fact that you made millions by making white America laugh means nothing - shooting fat ignorant fish in a starred and striped barrel!
(Barry Subchimp, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 10:08, Reply)

To anyone who doesn't get the iPod.
My iPod has a hard drive 2 times bigger than my laptop. How's that for a start? When you've got 15GB of music and the entire first series of 'Lost' to store somewhere, an iPod is fucking great. For a portable hard drive, I'd say it's quite affordable.

Ahem, now, anyway.

I'm still not really sure about the whole (sic) deal. I googled it, and from what I can gather, it's something Latin (what exactly depends on who you ask) which means kind of "I know what I'm writing is wrong, but it's the original quote - they're stupid, not me". But I'm still not exactly sure. Even before I bothered to look it up I used it in essays, because it looked good. Perhaps even outside quotations, gah...
( vanja, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 9:56, Reply)

Yorkshire
I don't get Yorkshire slang at all. I was very confused the first time I was told to "Cop this, cock." And all this "mesen" stuff is mad. But then, I'm from Glasgow, we're just as bad really. :P

I'll order a Diet Coke with the most lard-laden meal imaginable, because I like the taste. I find ordinary Coke far too syrupy to be refreshing. Nothing to do with thinking it'll help me lose weight.
(SusK, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 9:54, Reply)

where all the people
who have an answer to the Question of the Week come from, having not posted a message on the board in 3 years of being a registered user.
( dotmund .co.uk, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 9:51, Reply)

Band Aid/Live Aid
How did all the money raised from Band Aid and Live Aid get spent?
A fundamental of wealth managemnet is that you never touch capital but invest it and spend the interest.
But Bob Geldof's got a big house in a nice London street so he's alright.
(Man in Japan, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 9:36, Reply)

could you repeat
the question?
( Jamnog Sardines in her eyebrows, lobsters up and down, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 9:32, Reply)

People who
say things like 'I don't understand what "________(insert simple word)_____" means.
For JesusMaryandJoseph's sake, look it up on a fucking search engine!! Or are these people either too stupid to realise they're already online or too lazy to read a few things and put the simple word in context?

Fluck.
(ichabod_cooper, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 9:15, Reply)

People who are certain that they're right
Why, oh why, do people, when confronted by something that they don't understand, insist that this thing is plainly wrong and that their uninformed opinion is right.

I do not understand Aussie Rules football, or people wanting to be Klingons, but I'd really love to learn about them. Perhaps if I experienced these things I might understand? Perhaps if I had a mullet haircut I would see that it makes sense, serious at the front and party at the back? If people feel the need to be supported by having faith in a supreme being, well why not?

Perhaps one day I'll understand the fear that these people must feel when confronted by something different?

Then again, fuck it, it's 9am, surely time for a beer?
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 9:01, Reply)

Fat Girls II
Oh yeah - and people you see (normally girls too, as fat men seem to have more self-respect) who will order super size triple cheese bacon rodeo chilli burger or whatever and four portions of fries - oh, and a diet coke.
Like that's going to help you, fatty.

NB - I really didn't mind fat people that much when I started posting this morning, but now I've started thinking about them and I can't stop...
(mookroolz, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 8:45, Reply)

fat loss diet programs
i never got these either. why would you PAY people to feed you LESS. cant these people just eat less themselves? wtf?
(riedacher_bertram, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 8:45, Reply)

im sort of a foreigner
didnt know what a nazi was until i was at least 13. thats 4 years after emigrating from germany. nobody had EVER told me. and people were calling me that and i thought they were making up words. for 4 years. now im sad...
(riedacher_bertram, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 8:42, Reply)

Fat Girls
No, I get why obese people exist - to be fair, the majority eat too much - but those really podgy teenage girls you see who insist on wearing vest tops with their greying bra straps on display, and too tight jeans with a good two inches of waxy white belly sticking out. Usually adorned with a slightly infected looking belly button piercing.
For the love of god, why?
(mookroolz, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 8:35, Reply)

Daily Mail readers
for many reasons, but specifically today because on their internet website 52% of them think that Jamie Oliver should get a knighthood for telling kids to "eat their greens". Well done Jamie. Here have the same title that was granted to Sir Winston Churchill and Sir Edmund Hillary.

If Jamie is so worried about unhealthy obese kids, perhaps for his next trick he could persuade parents not to drive their lazy spoilt bastards to school everyday, thus clogging up the roads and polluting our environment. Maybe if they had to walk a couple a miles everyday, like I did, then they wouldn't be so obese and could eat what they want for lunch. Then maybe Tw@tface Oliver would deserve an OBE, nothing more.
(McFlooble, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 8:04, Reply)

Hatstand
On a comedy show in Oz in the early nineties (The Late Show) they had a skit where they were discussing how scared they were. One of the comedians said he found 2 bricks in his pants whilst the other said he found a hatstand.

Now i can understand the brick reference - shitting bricks, but i still have no idea about the hatstand. And I've been trying to solve it for over ten years.

Help anyone ........................ please
(Gordon Shumway, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 7:53, Reply)

Life
This may have been said, I haven't been through all 11 pages, but what's up with life?
It's mostly unpleasant: as soon as enough intelligence dawns to examine existance, examination reveals that the only reason to continue with it is that it might get better, as if that's going to happen.

/Still going along with it, don't know why
(Somerreign, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 7:40, Reply)

that goddamn frog
that stupid fucking frog thing has just shown up on my telly. you know that little bastard that makes the "hilarious" sounds of a F1 car or something. firstly, thats not funny. secondly, why did some dopey fucktard have to make a dance remix for mobile phones, then put the ad on in damn near every ad break?
ITS NOT FUNNY YOU WANKERS!

/endrant
(woobwoob, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 5:51, Reply)

Computers, tattoos, Hummers
Linux, Red Hat, or whatever flavor of Unix you like. Ok, maybe it's because I Windows everday in my job but I don't understand what the big deal is, but then again I don't really care. My pc gets on the internet and plays the games I want to play. I can email with it and I can even do spreadsheets and text documents.

I don't understand what the big deal is about iPods. They are simply .mp3 players and there are about a hundred others out there that do exactly the same thing but cost a ton less.

Hummers. WTF do these folks need a huge monster of a truck for just to drive to the grocery store? Are they ever going to drive a 4 wheel track, let alone get the tires muddy?

Rap music. Well, not the music so much as the artists themselves. These guys are usually a bunch of thugs that put out mediocre music and then flaunt how much money they have by producing videos where they throw it back in the consumers faces.

Tattoos on the small of a womans back. What the hell is that? In my opinion they make the lady look trashy. I can't help but wonder what they're going to think of these when they're 50 and have grandchildren.
(Stone1295, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 5:31, Reply)

Gangsta-wannabes
What is it with you people? What are you trying to prove?

That you're scum? That you're poor but waste money? That you're 'cool' and 'hip' cos you think you're a black gang member?

Sorry to break it to you, but you're not, you never will be and nobody cares anyway.

I still find it ironic how poor black people become part of a gang to try and become rich whilst rich white kids try and pretend to be poor black people.
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 5:25, Reply)

In reply to Waynster
and how he doesn't get Sienfield. I think it's the same way how I don't get Monty Python. I heard them on the radio and TV, i rented "The Holy Grail". I don't get it. Period. 1st I thought it was too Brit for me, but I love Benny Hill and Mr. Bean (prolly because they don't talk) and not to mention a lot of my friends love them. I simply don't get it, too intellectual maybe.

Another thing I can't understand is what the American youth turned out to be. Yeah, I am 16, I belong in that special group, but I don't get a lot of the people. I don't get what the 'gangsta' hip-hop people are trying to prove. You are poor and you waste money? Minority? Morever I don't people who are usually typecased as emo and goth. Not all of them, but the kind that thrive on people feeling sorry for them and how misunderstood they are and stuff. If you know someone like that, and you are one that sometimes ends up being their parent figure, try being indifferent about it and don't pity them. They might just get pissed. I don't get how a lot of people do that collective emotional bloodsucking off each other. I don't get people that call others posers and yet somehow have plenty to be called poser about (and being a poser is based off those stereotypes that we are told not to do). Things like that, and how people are driven by media today. I don't get it.
(conspiracyx, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 5:03, Reply)

Tone Depear
www.snopes.com/cokelore/cocaine.asp

Oh, I'm having flashbacks...
(SusK, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 5:02, Reply)

Add salt to taste
This confused me immensely and thought that salt would be required to actually allow you to 'taste' the food - oh how wrong I was. Only got it a couple of years ago.
(plateau, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 5:01, Reply)

Where's your non-emergency?
I don't understand the retards who call 000 / 999 / 911 / etc, to report the "emergency" that they have: a splinter / hangover / need a cuddle, etc. Same type of retards complain loudly when the paramedics take too long to get to a real emergency such as a dying child or someone trapped in a car crash.
We take too long because we are tied up attending to fuckwits who need to learn how to: use tweezers / drink less / grow up, etc.


edit: I also don't understand the managers that make us attend such cases rather than just tell the caller to stop wasting our time.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 4:14, Reply)

gimps
i mean the proper gimps, like the ones you get living in your floorboards that like live in the dark and sleep in their own shite and piss and only come out to get beaten the shit out of and fucked in the mouth - i mean come on, that just really doesn't sound very nice
(Barry Big Fist, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 4:02, Reply)

Re Lardyboy on page one
Aussie Rules Footy. I live in the capital of AFL and I don't get it either. Aerial ping pong for grown ups more like it with a twunt who runs backwards a lot.
(baznatch, Fri 1 Apr 2005, 3:56, Reply)