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This is a question I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

Challenge: write a joke. As simple joke with a setup and a punchline.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT - IGNORING THIS COULD RESULT IN BAN

* Don't steal jokes - write them
* Don't flood post
* Just don't be a dick ok?

So join in and write a bad joke and apologise for it.

Read Latest | Highest Voted

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 9:00)
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Piss poor punnery
My son has recently been on two dates and doesn't know which one to choose so he asked my advice.
I'm not sure I can help him as the first one manages an apiary in Llantwit, whilst the other plays in goal for Cowbridge Ladies. Well they both sound like 'keepers' to me!
(Iawn Cont, Thu 13 Aug 2020, 20:01, Reply)
What's the easiest way to prepare for a Turkish fast food-themed fancy dress party?
Don a kebab.
(I helped save b3ta! Ghostwriter can't pick up his pencil, Sun 9 Aug 2020, 21:59, Reply)
What items are difficult to fit into a nearly-full shopping trolley?
Eggs.
(Justin Vagabond is hiding in Richard Clayderman's briefcase, Wed 22 Jul 2020, 13:16, 1 reply, 3 years ago)
70s disco music depresses me
I get down with the beat
(roysin, Tue 21 Jul 2020, 2:30, Reply)
What do you call an oppressive potato that resembles a penis?
A dick tater.
(I helped save b3ta! gub~gub can't find the hummus, Wed 15 Jul 2020, 0:04, 1 reply, 4 years ago)
I used to get some foreigner to prepare a smoked herring breakfast for me
until I joined UKIP
(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 13 Jul 2020, 9:19, Reply)
Elton John stays in a hotel...
At breakfast, he starts crying when he is served.
"What's up, sir?" says the waiter when he sees Elton crying.
"This egg," says Elton, "It's a little bit runny..."
(zx4ever, Thu 2 Jul 2020, 15:29, 2 replies, latest was 4 years ago)
A horse walks into a bar...
The barman looks up and says "Hey, I know you! Didn't you eat my thesaurus?"
"Nope" says the horse.
(FieldingMellish, Sun 28 Jun 2020, 7:30, 1 reply, 4 years ago)
Why did the duck look down when he got a letter from the electric company?
He felt he needed to lower his bill.
(delurkrelurk, Sat 27 Jun 2020, 22:38, Reply)
How do you turn a tortoise into a turtle?
Flip it
(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 24 Jun 2020, 12:06, Reply)
What do you call a rented apartment that smells of farts?
A flatulent.
(I helped save b3ta! Brandy_Bumwinkle, Sat 20 Jun 2020, 18:48, Reply)
Why did Danny Dyer throw his wedding ring into Old Faithful?
Because he thought it was a diamond geyser
(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 9 Jun 2020, 6:43, Reply)
I dreamt last night that my partner had got me a joke telling seagull for my birthday
But when I woke up today I was disappointed to find out that I was just having a funny tern!
(Iawn Cont, Thu 4 Jun 2020, 20:53, 1 reply, 4 years ago)
TODAY IS:
Froggie's dyslexic cousin..
(Obese Illegitimate, Thu 28 May 2020, 13:35, Reply)
I say, I say, I say...
What do you say?
What do big monkeys drink when they're feeling posh?
I don't know, what do big monkeys drink when they're feeling posh?
KONGnac!
(Kindly leave the jungle)
(Obese Illegitimate, Thu 28 May 2020, 13:24, Reply)
femur: you think you're so hip
ileum: well at least i'm not a bloody cell-out
(ozof, Wed 20 May 2020, 9:39, Reply)
My doctor told me I was grossly overweight.....
I demanded a second opinion.
He said "Okay, your an ugly cunt as well."
(china_crisis R Tape loading error, 0:1, Sat 16 May 2020, 13:45, Reply)
Why do dogs lick their balls?
Because they taste great, trust me
(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 14 May 2020, 12:45, Reply)
Why did Her majesty go to the dentist?
Because she didn't 'queen' her teeth
(I helped save b3ta! claptonista ,the idiot boy.........., Wed 13 May 2020, 21:59, Reply)
Boris Johnson
lolpolitics
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Mon 11 May 2020, 11:50, Reply)

Doctor Doctor I feel like a spinning insect

It's ok, just a bug going round
(DaveO, Wed 6 May 2020, 18:10, Reply)
Did you see that film about the unrepentant cannibal misogynist?
Gladiator.
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Mon 4 May 2020, 12:28, 2 replies, latest was 4 years ago)
Who did Sade hire when she wanted to sleep in a bit longer?
snooze operator
(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 17 Apr 2020, 4:42, Reply)
i don't get why so few people know how to make a greek salad
i mean, it's not rocket science
(ozof, Wed 15 Apr 2020, 5:06, 1 reply, 4 years ago)
What is the good thing about staying home?
Nobody can arrest you for whacking off.
(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Thu 9 Apr 2020, 13:33, Reply)
Scientist say the virus has mutated into a more advanced form
CoDVD -20
(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 9 Apr 2020, 0:30, 2 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

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