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This is a question I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

Challenge: write a joke. As simple joke with a setup and a punchline.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT - IGNORING THIS COULD RESULT IN BAN

* Don't steal jokes - write them
* Don't flood post
* Just don't be a dick ok?

So join in and write a bad joke and apologise for it.

Read Latest | Highest Voted

(, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 9:00)
Pages: Latest, 21, 20, 19, 18, 17, ... 1

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What do you call quiet elves?
shelves
(, Thu 10 Dec 2020, 12:49, 1 reply, 1 year ago)
Why does Mr T insist on decorating every inch of his house with garish Christmas decorations and lights every year?

He ain't gettin' on no plain Yule!
(, Tue 8 Dec 2020, 22:37, Reply)
Last summer I went camping in France and ended up pitched next to a fucking gigantic tent occupied by an 80s British insipid dinner party soul singer
It was the marquee de Sade
(, Tue 8 Dec 2020, 17:02, 1 reply, 1 year ago)
What did popular West Country singer 'Boney M' say
when he was told that his illegitimate daughter is popular food television personality Mary Berry?

"Berry's Moi choild? Jesus Chroist."
(, Mon 7 Dec 2020, 14:18, 2 replies, latest was 1 year ago)
I did Nazi that coming!
Did you know all of Adolf Hitler's friends used to call him Richard Potato.

..Everyone else called him Dick Tater.

I'll get my coat then.
"Taxi"
*Leaves very quickly *
(, Sun 6 Dec 2020, 19:38, Reply)
I was walking down the street when this bloke started throwing animal skins at me.

I got pelted.
(, Sun 6 Dec 2020, 17:58, Reply)
What do you call a wine bar that only serves Sauvignon Blanc and plays endless noughties pop-soul/jazz in the background?

Samey Winehouse.
(, Thu 3 Dec 2020, 22:39, Reply)
Niche
I was tasked with making a remake of Starsky and Hutch, but it was to star light entertainers. So we got Les Dennis for the Starsky role, and we wanted Keith Chegwin to play the other one. We got him in to audition, and whilst he was there he said something racist, and I accidently called him the C word, and he went off in a huff, saying he wouldn't do it.

Moral of the story: NEVER CUNT YOUR CHEGGERS BEFORE HE'S HUTCH.
(, Wed 2 Dec 2020, 0:25, 1 reply, 1 year ago)
How does Jerome "Little Anthony" Gourdine of Little Anthony and the Imperials
know what the Coronavirus restrictions are, immediately upon waking up in the morning?

Tiers on his pillow.
(, Tue 24 Nov 2020, 14:54, 6 replies, latest was 1 year ago)
When Jamiroquai share a spliff, they call it a "Harry Potter"
because it was created by Jay Kay rolling.
(, Fri 20 Nov 2020, 23:56, 1 reply, 1 year ago)
What do you call a domestic pig who can curl up into a spherical shape so that you can play boules with him?
Pet oink!
(, Wed 18 Nov 2020, 15:27, 1 reply, 1 year ago)
What's the difference
between a black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks, and a black private Dick who's a sex machine to all the tricks?

Shift!
(, Wed 11 Nov 2020, 13:37, Reply)
What do you call a recently-deceased ex-bond actor who has had his bodily hair removed in order to be prepared for embalming?
SHORN Connery!
(, Tue 3 Nov 2020, 3:44, 7 replies, latest was 1 year ago)
Why did covid patient contain his rage with the government response
He was waiting to vent 'til later
(, Mon 2 Nov 2020, 22:32, 2 replies, latest was 1 year ago)
What's the opposite of Katie Hopkins?

Antonym Hopkins.
(, Mon 2 Nov 2020, 14:40, 2 replies, latest was 1 year ago)
What do you call a Bond actor who's tired all the time?
Yawn Connery!!!
(, Sun 1 Nov 2020, 9:31, 1 reply, 11 months ago)
What do you call a Chancellor of the Exchequer with eczema?

Rashi Sunak.
(, Mon 19 Oct 2020, 8:52, 19 replies, latest was 1 year ago)
What did Boy George order at his local curry house?
Korma, korma, korma, korma, korma curry meal eat in.
(, Fri 16 Oct 2020, 4:43, Reply)
Apparently the CIA have a vaccine
but you only get immunity once your negligence has caused the death of at least one innocent motorcyclist.
(, Wed 23 Sep 2020, 22:40, 3 replies, latest was 1 year ago)

My doctor is terribly boastful. Went for a prostate exam and he just had try and one up me.
(, Thu 10 Sep 2020, 22:02, Reply)
Which famous hairstylist was responsible for making longer hairstyles popular?
COVIDal Sassoon!
(, Tue 8 Sep 2020, 19:54, Reply)
this has been a long week

(, Sat 5 Sep 2020, 11:31, 1 reply, 1 year ago)
Best tennis player ever with bow legs
Bandy Murray
(, Fri 4 Sep 2020, 23:31, 1 reply, 1 year ago)
What's the difference between a cucumber and a balloon?
One floats to the sun and the other goes up your bum.
(, Fri 4 Sep 2020, 23:01, Reply)
How many E's in beer?
Just one. do you wanna dance? I wanna dance
(, Fri 28 Aug 2020, 10:03, Reply)
What does a cannibal have for breakfast?
Feetabix!

Sorry.
(, Fri 21 Aug 2020, 1:19, Reply)
How do you help a cannibal?
Give him (or her) a hand.
(, Fri 21 Aug 2020, 1:18, Reply)
I've written a three act ensemble piece about Roget's Thesaurus
It's a play on words.
(, Sat 15 Aug 2020, 20:28, Reply)

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