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This is a question I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

Challenge: write a joke. As simple joke with a setup and a punchline.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT - IGNORING THIS COULD RESULT IN BAN

* Don't steal jokes - write them
* Don't flood post
* Just don't be a dick ok?

So join in and write a bad joke and apologise for it.

Read Latest | Highest Voted

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 9:00)
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I wrote a musical about STDs.
All the songs are really catchy.
(Mr._Pickles, Wed 9 May 2018, 0:15, 1 reply, 7 years ago)
Where do policemen/women go for a working holiday?
Crimea.
(Ryja, Tue 8 May 2018, 22:02, Reply)
Waiter waiter!
I'll have a crocodile sandwich and hurry the fuck up!
(835Rocks, Tue 8 May 2018, 21:15, Reply)
What do you get when cheese explodes?
De Brie.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 8 May 2018, 20:57, Reply)
What did Sean Connery call a dangerous Irishman who dislikes Japanese heirarchy?
A Shaun off Shogun
(I helped save b3ta! thebear is thebear, Tue 8 May 2018, 20:16, 1 reply, 7 years ago)
What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! pxyzyzygy, Tue 8 May 2018, 19:15, 1 reply, 7 years ago)
There once was a woman from China
Who had a marble stuck in her 'gina
The doctor said cough
The marble flew off
And gave him huge blooming shiner
(I helped save b3ta! @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Tue 8 May 2018, 19:10, 4 replies, latest was 7 years ago)
A giraffe walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Why the long neck?" The giraffe says, "Well, that's not very funny, is it?"
(I helped save b3ta! The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 8 May 2018, 18:58, Reply)
Do Limericks count?
I don't know
Maybe they do
Maybe they don't
This one doesn't rhyme
(I helped save b3ta! thebear is thebear, Tue 8 May 2018, 18:41, 2 replies, latest was 7 years ago)
Q. How many members of the NRA does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. More guns!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 8 May 2018, 18:37, 3 replies, latest was 7 years ago)
Which hit Madonna song details her struggles with early onset dementia?
Vague.
(I helped save b3ta! Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 8 May 2018, 18:28, Reply)
Why is lighting a candle like going abseiling in an oil drum?
They're both incandescent.
(I helped save b3ta! Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 8 May 2018, 18:27, Reply)
What do you call a fish in a musical instrument?
A piano tuna.
(I helped save b3ta! Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 8 May 2018, 18:22, Reply)
MUSIC NEWS: Sting single-handedly foiled a robbery today
He said he didn't need any Police backup
(I helped save b3ta! The_cold_stare Coming here only when very, very bored, Tue 8 May 2018, 18:20, Reply)
I ordered some horse manure over the phone.
The girl taking my order said excitedly that I qualified for free shipping.

I curtly told her that means shit to me.
(Wanksock Crusty. Musty. Trusty, Tue 8 May 2018, 18:00, Reply)
I told my husband I wanted a personal trainer
So he stencilled “Your breath stinks” onto one of my Nikes.
(Ogginblog, Tue 8 May 2018, 17:20, 1 reply, 7 years ago)
Hear about the monk who kept going to sleep in his clothes?
He just couldn't get out of the habit.
(MattDP (Squiggle), Tue 8 May 2018, 17:19, 1 reply, 7 years ago)
Knock knock
Who's there?
Lucy
Lucy who?
Loo seat's broken, can I come in and borrow your bog for a shit?

(I wrote this to amuse my kids)
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Tue 8 May 2018, 17:07, Reply)
Which singer can you boot up?
Adele
(I helped save b3ta! The_cold_stare Coming here only when very, very bored, Tue 8 May 2018, 17:05, 2 replies, latest was 7 years ago)
I was going to tell you about my plan to add a third floor to my house
But that's a storey for another time
(I helped save b3ta! The_cold_stare Coming here only when very, very bored, Tue 8 May 2018, 16:59, 3 replies, latest was 7 years ago)
Sean Connery...
...is worried his distinctive voice is stopping him getting decent roles. He asks an Ear Nose and Throat specialist for an opinion. The Doc tells him he thinks the problem is with his sinus

Sean goes nuts...

"Shyness? I haven't got a shy bone in my bloody body!"
(I helped save b3ta! spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 8 May 2018, 15:07, Reply)
Which Matrix actor is entirely orange?
Baked Beanu Reeves
(Furious Eel, Tue 8 May 2018, 14:32, 1 reply, 7 years ago)
My girlfriend complained that my colander was too small.
She might think it's tiny, but I know is ma sieve.
(I helped save b3ta! Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Tue 8 May 2018, 14:21, Reply)
If weddings aren't depressing
why are the cakes always in tiers?
(greenycrimson I stole the from pyschotherapist, Tue 8 May 2018, 14:20, Reply)

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