Burns and breaks
I broke my brother's arm one year when he was about 5, round my nan's house playing WWF. He jumped on my back so I elbow dropped him. I bloody won though.

I also scalded his back through his shirt using a steam cleaner. I seem to remember yelling "Can you feel the force, Luke?!" and chasing him with it. He was wearing a checked shirt, and it left marks not dissimilar to those left on Hiroshima survivors.
( Calqhoon, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 21:10, Reply)

My bro? Oh, too easy.
Put his head through a window.

Split his head open after launching a brick at him, putting him in hospital.

Smashed a plate over his head.

These were all during 'games' we invented. My mum always said it'd end in tears.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 20:58, Reply)

Ha, bitch!
My big sis is 3 years older than me and was a complete cunt when we were growing up. Her and her best friend put me through many years of evil torture - until one day, when I was 13 and getting a lot stronger than her, I turned around and twatted her in the mouth. When she was wearing a brace. Mangled mouth and much blood spurtage resulted. Strangely she rarely started a proper fight again after that.
(si-mong, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 20:32, Reply)

Oooh Loads
Me and my big brother have had loads of fights, but I think the worst thing happened when we were 'playing' while we were little. The object of the game was that someone would lie on the end of the bed with their feet against the wall, forming a bridge. The other would then crawl under it. I was the bridge, bursting for the loo and having so much fun that I didn't want to go and spoil it. I tried to hold it in, but he crawled under me, reeaaallly slloowwwly until I couldn't hold it any more.

So yup, I pissed on his head.


Other occasions:

- When I was four he hit me in the head with a trowel - I still have the scar

- When he was 10 we were fighting and I bit a huge chunk out of his back

- When I was six I went through this stage of pulling his pants down in front of visitors, because it was really funny

- We played 'cardboard darts' which involved throwing my dad's darts into a cardboard box. He threw the darts, while I stood at the other end of the room holding up the box. He threw, the dart missed, and I had to go to hospital with a dart stuck in my hand, which was now pissing with blood

I luv my bruvva!
(Funty, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 20:03, Reply)

not an injury as such
but i did scare the shit out of my sister once. I had a bottle of glue and i picked of the dried glue in a perfect circle. Looked a bit like an old skanky verucca. So i put it in my sister's bag of quavers.
( moogy boobles, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 19:47, Reply)

brothers
i was responsible for breaking my brother's leg when he was a kid ... dared him to slide off this dome-thingy which all the older kids were doing (they were about 14, he was 4), i said i would catch him. i did not. :D

and when they were younger my two older brothers used to wind each other up a lot (so i'm told) - one such incident involved the eldest of us telling the next one down that if you grab hold of nettles really really hard they dont sting you. guess you have to find out the hard way sometimes.
(zenmeban thinks the weather could be better, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 19:40, Reply)

Pain is Pleasure...but only if it's someone elses' pain
I was a sadist as a child, carried on in the same vein as I grew into a violent youth, then joined the army where I hoped they would let me travel the world, meet interesting people....and Kill them!!

As the oldest brother it was my pleasure, nay, my duty, to torture my siblings. Dad was always working away, mum worked all the hours God sent to meet the bills while I was left to look after the kids. YumYum. Let's play.... It's amazing what you can persuade gullible kids to do in the name of 'having fun'. Look, Joe, I've built a nest of tyres, why not climb inside and hide? Then drop a car wheel down the hole and crack his stupid head!! Har Har!!

Or Chris, why not pretend to be a wild horse, gallup around the garden making weird 'neighing' noises, then I'll lassoo you with this clothes line, strangle you into submission, then heat up the pliers so I can brand you? Stop screaming, you pussy!

Or Yvonne, why not disobey my orders, run like fuck and hide in the house, then make faces at me through the door glass so I can punch straight through it and knock you out? (Cue badly bleeding arm, crumpled knuckles and wild stories about 'burglers' but it was worth it to knock that stupid grin off your face, bitch!!)

And Julie....Ah, Julie. Mental cruelty was my thing with Julie, I used to set fire to her dolls, call her names, promise to kill her pets and then drag her round the garden by her feet, ensuring any nettles or puddles got extra attention. Then tease her unmercifully about being a 'wet-arsed-little-pissy-pants'. It was a wasted day when I failed to reduce Julie to a crying mess. Such fun.

A magical childhood. Best years of my life.

(Can you hear me, mother?)

How I got away with it I'll never know.

It's a
(Conundrum, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 19:22, Reply)

My best mates younger brother.
Ok. Not actually my sibling but at the age of about 9 we thought it'd be fun to zip up his 6 year old brother in a suitcase. He thought this would be fun too until we pushed it off the top bunk of his bunkbed with him in it.

He was a little worse for wear after that. Sorry Greg.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 18:51, Reply)

Ahhh, good times....
When I was about 9 and my 2 older brothers around 17 and 19 they were playing football in the front garden. Cue me toddling out to tell them tea was ready when the oldest one said "Quick Anna, look up!" and I being the trusting sister I am did so just in time for a football to hit me smack in the face. Hard. All they got was a telling off. Bastards.

Another time my younger older brother (think about it) was swinging my little sister (around 7) around by her wrists _inside_ when he suddenly let go and she flew off into a wall, breaking her wrist. And as I watched on all I could say as they bundeled her off to the hospital was "Matt! My go! My go!!" Ahh such a loving sister I was.
(Chiligrrl WHERE'S MAH DUBLOONS, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 18:47, Reply)

My brother and I enjoy a fairly amiable relationship
So I don't actually have a story I would consider even faintly amusing regarding us putting each other in A and E. So, like I'm fairly sure quite a lot of people on this board do, I'm going to make one up.

Well, at least I'm being honest about it.

One day, whilst partaking of afternoon tea at our ex-pat uncle's mansion in Kuala Lumpur, my brother and I decided that upon returning to England, we would attempt to gather the necessary funds to mount an expedition to Enceladus, one of Saturn's many moons. We would use our top level contacts at NASA to secure the use of a rocket to get us there, but we would still need provisions, and they cost money. So, when we returned from our asian excursion, and set foot once again on the shores of good old blighty, we wrote a letter to the government detailing the plans of our mission and asking for funding. We pointed out that the purpose of the trip - to see if the prettiness of Saturn's rings has any affect upon the mating rituals of the great apes - could quite clearly be of benefit to all mankind, and awaited a respose, quietly confident of a response in the positive and Tony Blair's personal blessing of this vitally important escapade.

Imagine, then, our surprise when we received a letter politely but firmly refusing our request because 'sufficient capital was not available', although they did, at least, acknowledge that it was something that would need doing sooner or later.

This was something my brother and I could not stand for. For the sake of apes and humans everywhere, the truth needed to be discovered now. So, we hatched a plan. A plan whose cunningness was matched only by its bald-faced daringness. We would do no less than steal the crown jewels in broad daylight (for that's when they would least expect it) and then sell them at exorbitant prices to meglomaniacal South American drug lords.

But such a plan could not be carried off without help, and my brother and I knew it. We therefore enlisted the aid of an army of Killer Mooses that I had befriended during my travels through Siberia by performing a small service for their Archduke. We then went on a full frontal assualt against the Tower of London, where the jewels are kept, on a busy saturday afternoon.

The jewels were eventually taken and our party fled to the wilds of Norfolk. Many brave mooses died in the attempt, but were proud to have given their lives for such a noble venture, and we parted company on good terms as the mooses returned to the frozen wastes of northern Russia while my brother and I took our secret submarine to the NASA launch site at Cape Canavral via various drug cartels in Panama and Columbia.

Fuel and supplies bought, we boarded one of the new range of Saturn VI rockets and began our long journey to Enceladus. With great foresight, I had used some of the leftover money from the crown jewels to buy a veritable library of books to fend of the ennui our long voyage in space would surely bring, but my brother unfortunately can't read and had to occupy himslef by repeatedly humming through the entire works of J. S. Bach.

After mant tiresome years of space travel only occasionally brightened by the orbiting whelks that were sometimes visible from our capsule. We arrived at our goal, Enceladus, with one of the best views of Saturn's rings available in the entire solar system.
"Brilliant," I said, "now we can start the great experiment that has been our sole purpose for this soul-destroyingly dull adventure. Bring forth the great apes!"
"Oh shit!" replied my brother, sounding alarmed, "I forgot them!"

I was so ticked off I hit him repeatedly over the head with a convenient iron bar till he apologised in writing. It left him with a very nasty bruise.
(WarneMarsh My priority for frivolity begets quality jollity, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 18:45, Reply)

Mental Torture
I don't know why my little sis still talks to me, some of the things that i did to her:

Tied her to the banisters upstairs with every single dressing-gown belt that i could find. Mum then called us for supper so i went downstairs and told her that little sis was on the lo and wouldn't be coming down for a while. They had to cut her out in the end.

Once when we were looking after someones hamster for them while they were on holiday, we discovered that little sis was allergic. She came out in a red itchy rash. One day mum went out and told middle sis and myself not to let her itch her rash, so what did we do? That's right more dressing-gown belts and more banisters. But this time we felt that wasn't enough so we arranged out in front of her ( all opened ) a pack of crisps, a chocolate bar, a can of coke, and a slice of cake. After letting her look at the just out of reach food for a while, we then ate it in front of her. We untied her before mum came back of course.

Another one pulled with middle sis.
Just back from holiday we had finished unpacking and there was a large suitcase in the sitting room. At the same time through some sort of telepathy middle sis and i had the same idea.
"Lets play the suitcase game" said us.
"What's that?" enquired little sis.
So i duly climbed into the suitcase, they closed the lid, sat it on it's end, then put it back flat on the floor again and i climbed out exclaiming that it was wonderful. Middle sis then took her turn and did the exact same thing. Thinking that this sounded like great fun little sis climbed in readily. We locked the suitcase, turned it over a few times, took it upstairs, bounced it back down the stairs again, then left her in it for 30 mins. It's a wonder that she isn't claustrophobic.



Hmm really should say sorry for some of these things
(iamthedave, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 18:31, Reply)

I once shot my brother smack in the middle of the forehead with an elastic band,
somehow blinding him for fifteen minutes. It was hilarious.
(The Ghost of Stephen Foster, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 18:09, Reply)

Bong
I managed to knock my older brother out with a didgeridoo.... Class
(homochicken, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 17:26, Reply)

Darts'o'death
Aged about 10 and 8, my sister and I were playing "human dartboards", where you stand against a door and try to just miss each other with thrown darts. Hours of fun.

I had done pretty well, but when it was my turn to stand against the door, I realised that (a) my sister doesn't actually like me very much, (b) I've got two years worth of extra coordination and (c) she throws like a girl.

First dart comes straight toward me. I duck and get the dart squarely in the middle of the forehead. Luckily, the tip of the dart is no match for my concrete cranium and it bounces off with only minor damage.

If I hadn't ducked, it would have gone through my throat and I probably wouldn't be posting here.

To be fair, though, I did encourage her to jump off the outhouse roof, and to pick up capacitors charged up with 400 volts, so it wasn't all one sided.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 17:15, Reply)

I hit my brother in the head with a half brick
apparently, aged four ( he was two ). Parents were not amused for some reason. He suffered no lasting ill-effects, as far as I can tell...
( uncle bastard is twanging a dan moi, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 17:05, Reply)

pinz 'N needills
At the experimental age approaching 6 I took my mothers largest sewing needle and embedded the slightly blunter end in the landing carpet to see what would happen. Predicably, the needle alonr did nothing other than sit upright in the carpet. The interesting bit was when my big sis stepped on it and it went all the way through her foot. I have never heard another noise like it since, and probably never will. I told her it was me the other week, some 18 years later. She took it very well and I still feel fukin awful.
(The Ends Of Invention, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 17:02, Reply)

Brotherly love
In a fight for the front seat of the car about 15 minutes before the journey began i (11 years old) got in and locked the car doors but left enough room for my older brother (16 years old) to grab me through the window. As he grabbed hold and proceeded to beat me i managed to wind the window closed trapping him just under the armpits. Whilst pinned i gave him a slap on the face and then made my escape to the house leaving him there to struggle free about 5 minutes later. When he found me hiding in my wardrobe he grabbed me in a head lock and ran my head towards the wall... about a minute later i regained consciousness with my mum over me. She turned to my older brother and said what do you say, his response.... "Touche you little sod"
( cooler_king That's no moon!, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 17:02, Reply)

My brother...
..Jumped on my stomach when we were wrestling. I was in a lot of pain and began to piss blood. Lots of bright red "serious" blood.
I had a tumour on my kidney which he had cracked open.

Fortunately he saved my life by letting me know it was there. The doctors said I would have lasted about a fortnight longer otherwise.
(castro, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 16:57, Reply)

hmm..
little bro shot me in the eye with an action man gun miunted on the back of a jeep, bloody powerful spring. he's hit me on the head with a block of wood a few times.

i got pretty good at throwing things and hitting him on the back of the head. used to squash him under a large cushion too. plus the usual beating up things, cos i'm a few years older. bit ashamed about that tbh, but he can be a pain in the arse.

relatives from a few generations bak: two brothers, playing hide and seek or something. one put his eye to the lock of a door, the other was the other side of the door and poked a large hat pin through the lock, maybe blinding him but not sure.
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Fri 19 Aug 2005, 16:47, Reply)

Cousin rivalry
Although my sister did stab me in the face (not arse) cheek with a pen when I was 5, leaving a dimple to this day, we did do a number on our cousins.

They were both male, about 15 and have to better than the other. We get fed up of this over the years and decide the ultimate contest - who has the biggest cock? It takes some convincing by my sister and they have to be erect. Some hand slaps by them both later, they present. But my sister has a surprise for both of them - as they're proudly stood to attention, she showers the specimens with Brut 33. Then we watched an unexpected contest - who could get to the sink first with their burning member? Eeejits...
(minky_monkey, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 16:41, Reply)

I will burn in hell.
My sister is deaf, and once when she was hoovering I pulled the electrical plug out of the socket. This was unnoticed.

I am a bad person.
(Dr Slurkie Slurkie, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 16:40, Reply)

also
me and my brother joe who is 2 years younger than me tied my youngest brother who is 6 years younger than me to our office chair with thick insulation tape and left him in our office for about 3 hours untill our mum came home. we both got a bollocking but it was well worth it watching him try and get out of the chair when there was no way he could have with the ammount of tape we used. an elephant with razorblades for skin couldnt have got up out of that chair.
(fwack bang on it, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 16:36, Reply)

when i was about 12
my little brother was about 6 and he was pissing me off so i hit him in the face with a hockey stick. did the old it was an accident made it look like it upset me. nearly broke the little bastards nose shame i didnt.
(fwack bang on it, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 16:31, Reply)

Suffered much at hands of sister
She, being four years my senior, used to encourage me to get the toys from the bottom of our toy chest (cue me leaning over edge, "mysteriously" losing my balance and falling in) then sit on the lid...for two to three hours. How does a 8 year old girl have enough concentration to do that for that long ??? Am claustrophobic to this very day.

She also "accidentally" gave me a bottle of surgical spirits to drink when I was 18 months old. Being well prepared for studenthood some 17 years early I downed it. Stomach pumping memory thankfully non existent but I bet it hurt like buggery.

She also (vicious cow really) tied me up and herself (!!!) with my mothers sik scarf in the car (which my mother had left us in to get something from a shop (hey it was the 70's you could get away with that sort of thing)) and told my mother that a strange man had got into the car and done it to us. Little cow stuck to her elaborate story well into the police interview.

She used to wait until I was close enough to her to not get away, hit me, scream and then tell dad that I had beat her up. Cue arse slapping for moi despite the protestations of innocence. She got away with it every bloody time too, at least until I realised that I might as well hit seeing as I was going to carry the can for it anyway.

Once I achieved physical parity she became much more loving towards her "little bruv"....concidence?
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Fri 19 Aug 2005, 16:22, Reply)

I was the victim.
I was but 7 years old, my brother 10. We were at the crazy golf course and bro was swinging his putter around as though on a driving range. I was stood right behind him and was smacked in the centre of my forehead. The wound gushed. I have bad memories of Dad taking me to hospital with blood in my eyes. I was fixed up with those adhesive strip things that aren't as good as stitches.

I was told that they would come off naturally after 14 days or so, but bro stood me in front of the mirror and started picking at them after a few days "to see what was underneath". I remember crying and crying in agony and him just teling me to shut up. Cocking bastard.

The worst thing I did to him was when I punched him hard in the face at the age of 18 after he'd been acting like a git. He went quiet for a few days and then had an uncontrollable fit of temper which ended when he kicked a hole in a door. It was ace! He realised he couldn't bully me any more so took it out on my parents' home. They weren't pleased.

Apols for being inane. My brain hurts after scrutinizing NOESY spectra of quinine to find positive NOEs induced by slow tumbling in a viscous solvent.

Up the gays! 8==o - - -
(jokaah, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 16:18, Reply)

While sword-fighting
using pool-cues, I managed to stab my brother in the eye. It was ok in the end but he did cry blood.
(beerathon, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 16:04, Reply)

I shot my sister in the head
I would've been about 12 years old and my sister around nine.

We lived in a lovely big house in the country, surrounded by its own woods. Sis and me both had air pistols and we'd often go pigeon hunting in the woods. We never hit a single one as our pistols were pretty crap and the sights were no good.

One day, we were out with our pistols and I decided it'd be a good idea to shoot my sister. She was wearing a big puffa jacket, so I figured my air gun pellet would just bounce harmlessly off.

Lisa (my sister) stood about 20 feet from me, I took aim and fired at her torso. Half a second later, she just collapsed.

I ran over and realised that the crappy sights on my air pistol meant that I'd shot her in the head and not the body. These were only .177 calibre air guns and there was no entry wound or blood but the impact had knocked her out.

Being a kid, I just ran away. I ran home and shouted to my mum:

"Mum, if Lisa is laying on the ground somewhere in the woods, she might not have been shot; she might have just fallen over."

World's worst lier, me. And poorest shot with an air pistol.
( <>Dog www.stevelaker.blog, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 15:33, Reply)

Mr M@
you seem to have posted a picture of the top of a kiwi fruit.

:D
(nappy rash, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 15:29, Reply)

Mr. Nibbles, RIP
Our Mum always impressed on my sister how essential it was to keep the door shut when her hamster was having a run out of his cage.

So when I opened the dining room door, ahe shouted 'Shut the door, quick'.

So I did. It scrushed Mr. Nibbles, just as he made his bid for freedom.

He took three days to die, and screamed all the time. My mum had to wring his neck eventually.

I injured a hamster's body, and my sibling's soul.
(Tarabas, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 15:09, Reply)

Webster's Dictionary
No, I didn't smack my little sister with a dictionary.

I was probably about 10 and she was about 8 at the time, and she wanted to get the dictionary out of my room. MY ROOM! Well, we all know THAT wouldn't do, so I got over there before her and grabbed it. She then tried to take it out of my hands. I wasn't letting go, she wasn't letting go, and the struggle escalated toward my bedroom doorway. At the threshold, I decided to let her have it so I simply let go as she wound up for a gigantic tug, which sent her flying ass over teakettle across the hallway toward the wall opposite my room.

There stood for many years a hole in that wall about the general shape and size of my sister's ass, covered over by a poster commemorating the King Tut exhibit at the Met in New York. I wonder if my parents' friends ever wondered at why such a poster would be hung on the wall at such a low level?
( Heffrey wants to show you his wood at SmileMoon.etsy.com, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 14:55, Reply)