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This is a question Take my Mother-in-law...

There's a reason there are so many bad jokes about mothers-in-law. You don't choose them, they just come along as emotional baggage with your object of affection. I'm lucky, my m-i-l is lovely*, but don't let that put you off telling us how mad your in-laws really are.

*No, really

(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 9:48)
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This question is now closed.

Racism of MIL
Superdudes story reminds me of my brothers MIL who always asks where black, asian or any other non white british people are from and when told Sheffield, London, Birmingham or wherever thay are from, she replies but where are they really from? Ooonga boonga land?

Senile old bat.

Also I believe Jewish descendancy is always passed down via the mother - so if the mother is Jewish then so is the child regardless of the father.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 17:56, Reply)
I don't think my mother-in-law has really liked me that much. Perhaps our first meeting might have had something to do with it...

Greeted with a peck on the cheek by my future wife, I am ushered into the living room where my ears are assaulted by what can only be described as the worst kind of middle-of-the-road music, the kind I utterly despise.

"Christ on a bike, what's this crap?"

"Alexander O'Neil. It's my mother's favourite."

"Jeeez - so where is the tone-deaf old trout anyway?"

"Behind you."

(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 17:49, Reply)
I dont have a mother in law, so heres one on behalf of my mum:
My Dad's Mum threatened to hire a hitman to kill my Mum if they tried to turn up for my Dad's Dads funeral.

Yeah. Pretty bad as things go.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 17:45, Reply)
Shes a nice lady in all....
.... but she likes to read the Daily Mail and is also unbelievably racist. This often leads to classic comments such as "it was in the newspaper, therefore it must be true" and "Shit, the blacky won the tennis"

p.s It's my g/f's mum
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 17:38, Reply)
Not my mother in law
but my girlfriends mother, was kind enough to remind me that my girlfriends surname starts with a 'C' so that I'd know when to expect her to walk on stage at her university graduation.

Been going out for 4 years and I'm not expected to know her surname...
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 17:34, Reply)
nuff said
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 17:26, Reply)
Also, on behalf of my mother's mother in law problems
My gran is a total pain in the arse, and for many years made my mum's life a living hell. I'll get to why further down. She would come over in the holidays and iron items of clothing to within an inch of their existence, pout disapproval at whatever we were watching or were given as gifts at chrimbo, fully disapproved of the fact we weren't churchgoing, among many many many other bits. Generally, she's just an interfering old biddy. This is one of her less seriously offensive moments.

My mum's not the traditional 'house-proud' my nan would've liked. She was very busy, and foolishly relied on her messy children to tidy up. On arriving one christmas, my gran looks around, walks into the kitchen, and stage whispers to my dad

I found my mum in the bedroom throwing wooden spoons at the wall. Probably practising her aim.

Having said this, my gran in turn probably takes the prize for having the worst in-law.

After getting married to my grandad, her father-in-law turned up on the honeymoon. He then moved into their new home, and when her husband wasn't in the room he would mutter death threats and degrading comments at her, which her husband wouldn't believe. When she came in the room, he would remove the coals off of the fire, and insisted on them having separate rooms. He liked to hit her legs with a walking stick when no-one was looking, and tell everyone he met she was a whore.

She was quite glad when he corked it. But I think that's where she got the idea from.

Unlawful odour: good idea with the knee thing. At least my other half believed me as he could see how visibly freaked out I was. I've asked not to go to those barbeques unless there are more people I know attending so they can hold him down as i kick...
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 17:14, Reply)
simply have nothing to do with them. if he wants to he can, as for yourself; sod em. don't let guilt take hold, better you are free. no one says you have to spend any time with them. only society and thats hardly reason is it :)

walk away from the olds. i did and i had a new thing called 'relaxation' in my life. ahhh... now we talk but i needed that time away to be able to tell them to STFU and leave without getting upset if it starts again.

(if he tries tounges again slam that knee up... "sorry. instinctual reaction. do you need a doctor? etc..." hehe)
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 17:11, Reply)
I Think I've Done All Right
"His dad, however, remarried a total loon as well as being one already. They have pictures of their 'guru' all over the house, give thanks to 'the great spirit' before dinner, and attend Anthony Robbins talks (I live in the UK. Who does that over here??). "

I used to sell tickets to Robbins's UK conferences. Worst job I ever had. Bloody awful, it was.

Anyway, the mother-in-law...I met her at our wedding. She lives far away from us, so it's unlikely I'll see much of her. Lovely lady, though, and we email each other every now and again, as well as having brief conversations whenever she rings my wife. She wants me to call her "Mom", though, which isn't going to happen. I'm British, for a start, and I've already got a mum. We don't go in for all that calling your in-laws "mum" and "dad"...I couldn't do it without cringing.

Father-in-law is great. Stayed a few weeks with him, and he's a great laugh. He's one of my best mates. He emails me jokes all the time, and in return, I often send him choice cuts from B3ta threads, which he really appreciates.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 17:07, Reply)
am holding back the poison
will have to restrain myself here, as the other half's are pretty distinctive, and don't want to get on a bad side if I'm recognised...

my boyfriend has it pretty good in the MIL stakes, as my mum is lovely and quite eager to please. My dad, on the other hand, is a prize c**t. This can usually be counteracted though by my man asking nicely about how FIL's work is going. My man's issues are fairly light.

However, I have bigger problems.

His parents are divorced, after staying together MANY UNHAPPY YEARS CONTINUOUSLY DROPPING SPROGS. They both had affairs, one's attempted to do the other for kidnapping (when all that happened was they moved house), and ground massive neuroses into their children. Strangely, all the kids are kind of ok, but this is probably because they spent all their time cleaning up after their parents' emotional mess.

But I digress.

First meeting his mother, she had a peirced nose, tattoos, spikey orange hair and a face like shar-pei's arse. Basically, she looked like every joke dyke you've ever seen, crossed with chav mum. She's not, but it's an INCREDIBLY easy mistake. She's an angry lady, responsible for some HORRIBLE emotional torture on her kids, which they only admit to when very drunk. She moans continuously about being skint and wanting new furniture, but gives away items that I've pointed out to her are worth at least £1000, just so she can keep moaning.

His dad, however, remarried a total loon as well as being one already. They have pictures of their 'guru' all over the house, give thanks to 'the great spirit' before dinner, and attend Anthony Robbins talks (I live in the UK. Who does that over here??). And his father completely freaked me out to the point I'd rather never see him again recently, when after a birthday 'do' he decided it was appropriate to hug me rather too close and try and tongue me goodbye in front of his son.

I find my lovely other half's parents unbearable. Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

No apologies for length, I'm getting stuff off my chest here.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 16:53, Reply)
I have met my MIL twice in 4 years.
The first time she decided to pop round to our place to see us. Upon hearing a knock at the door, I opened it to find a rather unpleasant looking soul armed with numerous carrier bags.
Thinking it was a bokker scrounging for cash, I promptly told her to naff off. After a lengthy pause, she explained who she was, declined my apology and offer to come in and fucked off down the road with a face like a smacked arse.

2nd time she "nipped" round I chipped off down the pub sharpish.

Not seen her since

(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 16:47, Reply)
Not a MIL...
as she was only my girlfriend but screw it.

The 'MIL' was actually great. Really liked her. I'm gonna go playing golf with her soon. Now the FIL was quite another story. Controlling bastard and all the daughters were completely screwed up because of him. I hate that guy so much. Me and his daughter have broken up about a year and a half and I still wanna put my fist through his face. One of the main reasons why I broke up with her was cause her controlling dad drove me nuts. God I hate that guy.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 15:42, Reply)
My MIL is great
apart from the fact that she eats more than I do and constantly goes on about being on a Diet. Having a slim fast for breakfast and then half a dead pig for dinner is not the way to lose weight.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 15:10, Reply)
Spiritual Crocodile
I used to go out with this girl who was a Mormon WHICH IN MANY WAYS WAS A BIG MISTAKE but anyway she was fit and dirty so all other considerations went out the window. She was incredibly slutty for me - but obviously a shining, virginal pillar of her religious community. Anyway, we were round at my gaff playing a spot of doctors and nurses when all of a sudden there comes a hammering at my front door. Nursey flees into the kitchen whilst I see to the door and there is MIL - a short, pious little woman, very prim and well attired in something like 1950's garb - her face contorted with puritanical rage, she screamed at me


It was even more scary that she wasn't aware that Nursey was in the kitchen at the time, and had sought out where I lived in order to rain down God's righteous indignation that I should sully one of his flock with my non-christian ways. God knows what the poor woman would have said if she'd have known I was also sullying her daughter with my penis.

arf. religion is teh funny.
no apologies neccessary as we were forunately able to finish 'doctors rounds' when I shut the door in the mad old bat's face.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 15:09, Reply)
never met
I have never met my mother in law.

Her and the missus dont get on.

Something to do with her and her husband (misuse's stepdad) abusing her from the age of 3 till 10.

No, really..........
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 15:06, Reply)
Mother in laws... oh dear
My ex MIL was a complete psycho hose-beast. Not only was she horrible to her children, she hated me without reason, and also threw out her two eldest daughters (because they wouldn't put up with her bullshit). Also, she's married to a complete and total arse who wouldn't know child-care if Super Nanny hit him round the head with her book.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 15:01, Reply)
Nice M.I.L.
Can I swap my own mum and my mother-in-law? They are the wrong way round...the MIL is nice.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 14:55, Reply)
Ok - so I'm just looking for reasons to complain
My MIL is lovely, she's a short, rotund, highly religious lady who would do anything for you. But she does certain things that REALLLY annoy me:

1. Plays GOD SONGS on the piano to my children when I'm not there. My son started singing "Jesus Loves Me" and tried to teach me some other Happy Clappy Bible thumping claptrap the other day.

2. She tells my kids to lecture me about smoking.

3. She thinks I'm an alcoholic because I have an occasional glass of wine. When she makes dinner at her house, there is always a CEREMONIAL beer or glass of wine (from a bottle opened months ago), on the table just to make me feel REALLY uncomfortable. (She'd crap if she knew how much me and her son drink after the kids are in bed). I don't even want the beer or wine, especially when I'm the only one it was offered to.

4. She INSISTS on cleaning my kitchen and then putting everything away in the WRONG PLACE! She thinks she's helping - bless her - but I spend hours cursing her as I look for the measuring jug or the kitchen tongs. I secretly think she deliberately hides the corkscrew and beer opener - see complaint number 3.

5. She knows everybody by name on our street and she doesn't even live anywhere near us. And she knows everyone's business. (i.e. "Oh you know Mr. Scofield from number 10? Well his wife left him because she found out he's a fruit cake!"

6. She regails me with details about my father-in-law's incontinence problems that I didn't need to know.

7. At least twice a year she complains loudly that the kids are not Christened, and I take great pleasure in telling her that because I'm a heathen, unbelieving athiest that would make me a hyprocrite too. Not sure she understands all those long words, but she gets the point.

8. She's racist in a patronising ignorant way. "Oh that family at number 16, you know the BLACK ones, they keep their yard ever so nice. So clean." As if this would somehow be unexpected??
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 14:53, Reply)
Hampster Squared Will Witnesser
Well done HS, you were right..... that will be very comforting as you while away those long winter evenings wondering what you could have done with the money had she read the instructions in her "Stich-your-kids-up-so-they-don't-get-any-money" Kit more carefully :)

Oops, well off subject, apologies

Who Sir, Me Sir, Off the Subject Sir.....How VERY Dare You.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 14:53, Reply)
I think I mentioned that to her! Seeing as she plans on leaving everything to me, this may scupper her plans slightly, but then I don't know if she actually handed the damnt hing in, as it was from a 'make your own will' kit...

...I never knew you could get those!
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 14:46, Reply)
Think Hyacinth Bucket...and you're spot on.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 14:37, Reply)
Hampster Squared Will Witnesser
How pedantic would it be to mention that if you witness your mother's will you can't be a beneficiary of it under English Law..... hmm, I should probably shut up now.....
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 14:37, Reply)
Next MIL
Oh, and whilst I am on the subject, next MIL is far better.... apart from me nearly crashing the car when during the pre-MIL days I drove her to meet her daughter off the Ferry and as we passed a dodgy looking pub in Southampton she took a draw on her fag and said "Do you see that pub...... Shirley [my new girlfriend] was conceived in the alley next to it...standing up if you please". What was even more odd is that she had never told Shirley..... needless to say that was a good story during the wedding speeches....
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 14:29, Reply)
The Extraordinarily Ordinary Damocles
I have a Jewish mother and she perfectly nor...

*reads thing she's just previously posted*

(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 14:26, Reply)
Social Workers are Fab
My ex-MIL was a child protection Social Worker, you know, the sort that wander into a perfectly happy household and take all the children away so they can be pimped out to the local paedo ring by care workers. At least that's what I think she did, certainly its what I told my mates. Anyway, being married to her daughter was an experience. MIL seemed to fail to notice that whilst she was out saving children from having parents who didn't have enough O levels her daughter had grown up a complete psychopath. This, naturally, did not manifest until after the marriage (before anyone asks why I bloody married her).

Anyway, fast forward to me explaining that the slight bruise to her daughters wrist was as a result of me holding her arm away from my face.... this arm being attached to a rather nice kitchen knife which was being repeatedly thrust at my head....

And what did she say to that ? "Yes, she has always had issues with communication".

No shit.....
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 14:24, Reply)
my mil
first off, i love her to bits, just as i love even having one in the first place...

her best trick is her inability to say the word 'skewer' - instead, it comes out 'screwer'. It's always a laugh when we have shish kebabs on the BBQ.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 14:24, Reply)
There's something I should tell you....
I dread what my mum is going to be like as an M.I.L. - we've already decided that we have to live as far away as possible, but not so far away that it looks obvious :S

I have an 'interesting' family. Two weeks after meeting me, my b/f was mentioning me to one of his friends who then said:

"Oh, you mean the test tube baby with the lesbian mother?"

When we next met up, he told me this and then added:

"...is there something you should be telling me?"

"Yes, um actually there is!"

I'm not saying lesbians are bad, mad, or something to be ashamed of. Most people who know me already know, but it's not something you normally just mention like that.

However, my mum is also kind of odd. She's VERY over protective (more so then, oh so much moreso) and, well, can be very difficult at times. Her form or argument also leaves little room for counter-argument (my head teacher was a bit scared of her!)

Once when the b/f came round, she got out this document and got us both to sign it.

It was her will, and she made us both signatories! How bloody morbid is that?!
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 14:23, Reply)
You can't be half jewish and half british, as it's not a nationality, it's a sodding religion you tard...

Aaaanyway, I lack a story, I just felt it needed to be pointed out :|
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 14:23, Reply)

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