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This is a question Take my Mother-in-law...

There's a reason there are so many bad jokes about mothers-in-law. You don't choose them, they just come along as emotional baggage with your object of affection. I'm lucky, my m-i-l is lovely*, but don't let that put you off telling us how mad your in-laws really are.

*No, really

(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 9:48)
Pages: Popular, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

This question is now closed.

She likes a tipple
or maybe she has a drink problem, who knows, but we once had to pick her up for A&E after she went on a night out, this was about 5 months after I met my boyfriend. I had to accompany her to the loo as she was not too stable on her feet, she peed in front of me. Even my best friend of 25+ years has never done that.

Her daughter (my future sister in law) is kind of in the same mould. They went out together last Friday, the cab back was a bit more expensive than the one they got at the beginning of the night (about 2 quid), they did not like it. I do not know what hapened exactly but they are up in court in February, one of them for assaulting a copper and the other one for damaging a handset.
And my boyfriend wonders why I never go and visit them.
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 14:16, Reply)
Not technically strictly speaking...
My mother-in-law lives in our toilet, even our scary neighbours refuse to visit since she injured my sibling with some bad teenage poetry.

I gave her a crappy prize in an attempt to stop this wired tradition, that’s when I knew it was over as she demanded I attend her wedding to this stupid tourist she met. I don’t blame her though as he turned out to be a hidden treasure expert, but there was no need for the time he got drunk and bought her that psychotic puppy.

The best bit was being forced to meet his parents who turned out to be a pair of jobsworth parking inspectors who sabotage meters and skive of work to have great holidays that always seem to end with someone crying! I must admit my guilty pleasure out of shouting “I just don’t get it” numerous times during the best man speech whilst listening to my walkman and telling anyone who would listen about the beautiful moment when I lost my anal virginity to Richard O’Brian. “That’s my claim to fame” I would tell them, whilst explaining that it was the little things like his harmonica playing that turned me on.

Quite rightly people were also shocked when I showed them the newspaper cuttings of the 9” scare across Mr. O’Brian’s head from the time when I attempted to remove his brain with a ladle whilst singing the wrong words to that song from “Interview with a Blacksheep”. I was being ignorant and it was actually a song from Interview with a Vampire, a film I really wanted for Christmas but everyone in the office laughed and said it was just childhood bad taste. That’s when I lost it and gave my boss a near death experience when I told him about my premonition a movie star dragon fiercely hording a pile of obscure memorabilia.

The fact I am telling these stories must be evidence I am getting old. This one time when on the worst date ever I pretended I was an ex-gigolo just to get laid. I was out of my depth but I had no money to take her out for an expensive meal.

She was so impressed she paid me to buy her a present. I managed to get some shoddy crack from a local nuttier who told me a joke about babies being nailed to trees. He also told me he had only one bollock. I asked him why and he explained that the embarrassing injury was caused by Mr. Joe McCrapalot who projectile vomited a stream of his most hated food so powerful that it actually tore it off.

I found this all very arousing but unfortunately I was overheard by my date. She then proceeded to dump me by throwing a brick at my head just because she saw me wanking over the nearest mini cab. My real dilemma was an inability to decide between seeking revenge by taking a shit in her purse or just shouting a witty comeback at her about her foot shaped mouth.

Unfortunately, I later found out she was acutely a well known celebrity and I had been very rude not to tell her about my invention of “The Game”. It was all a booze related disaster caused when this old guy who introduced us by talking bollocks about this fire he started, he named it “his little bunny wabbit”. I called him a cockbadger (local slang) and then explained my irrational fear of my parents lying to me about laws broken by their clients, my dad jokes about this then plays that Barbie Girl song on the stereo on repeat for 4 hours. I then chased the music playing ice cream truck.

*cough* coat *cough*
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 13:59, Reply)
are aslo mothers, something's wrong, or somebody's lying
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 13:46, Reply)
I myself
would have loved to meet my mother-in-law.
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 13:37, Reply)
all i know is
mother in law is an anogram of woman hitler
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 13:19, Reply)
My girlfriend's mom always votes on reality TV show.
She decides which singer/housemate/celebrity she likes best, then rings up and votes for them.

Then she feels guilty and votes for everyone else.
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 13:14, Reply)
FAO Madrabbit
i've always called her the misuse, cant even remember why now.

But looking at it from the point of the reply i posted it certainly seems appropriate now...
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 12:23, Reply)
My mother in law got sh*t-faced on white wine one afternoon and decided to tell me that after she'd had her hystorectomy, she was hoping for a 'bit of fun' with my FIL, only his subsequent prostate operation mean't that he couldn't get a hard-on anymore and that had 'ruined her fun'.

I reckon he pretended he was impotent to stop her jumping on him.

She also commented to my wife (then my girlfriend) when she first met me "He's nice - if I were a few years younger".
I spent 2 hours in the shower when i got home brillo-padding myself down, but the dirt would not come off.
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 11:55, Reply)
my MIL isn't too bad apart from her annoying whining..... worst part is my other half is just starting to sound exactly like her...
I was woken the other morning actually thinking my M.I.L was actually in the house screaming at our son... may I hope the other half doesn't turn out like her completely..starting to think it might be too late!!

(she can inherit M.I.L.'s butt though, it's heaps better then hers!! )
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 11:23, Reply)
My mother-in-law?
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 10:16, Reply)
Just enjoying reading all the stuf about in-laws frome hell. My in-laws are really seriously alright. FIL likes beer and motorbikes and when we get together we always end up roaring pissed and swearing alot about rugby and motorbikes. MIL is like a little ginger dormouse and takes genuine pleasure in making sure Mrs N and me are alright for food/drink/trips to the pub/pretty much everything whenever we go visitng them. Which isn't often enough. But compared to some of you poor cunts, this is seriously boring. I;m actually sat here wishing for something bad to happen or for some mad uncle to come out of the woodwork and start some baness just so I can watch and enjoy... Sorry.
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 10:08, Reply)
nicest woman you could hope to meet
My nearly-MIL was sweet, funny, a wonderful person who made the most amazing tamales in the universe. There was only one thing I found unsettling.

There were two phone lines in the house. If one was busy (back in the dark ages before cell phone proliferation), you went into the parent's bedroom to use the other line-- everyone did it all the time, what with three teenagers in the house. And there on the wall was a five-foot-tall oil painting of my boyfriend's mother, completely nude.

Also, they (the b/f's 'rents) left a stack of photos out on an end table in the living room, and some of those were ALSO of her nude.

Anyway, mostly I just wanted to post to ask Aleister Crowleys Badger if the word "misuse's" is a typo, or a Freudian slip....?
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 9:35, Reply)
At this very second
My in-laws are here on holiday from Far Nth Queensland. They have been here for 2 weeks, and I was getting a bit over it, so I killed them and buried then underneath a banksia bush in the back yard. Now they will ALWAYS BE HERE!! I should have thought of that before I topped them.
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 9:32, Reply)
What could have been my
mother-in-law (but luckily isn't) spunked the £100,000 that her husband left her on Bingo, and plastered so much vaseline over her face every morning that by lunchtime you could still only just about gauge that it was her.

She thought that the internet was a place and that people went over to the 'web-side'.
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 9:21, Reply)
OK, I have no MIL as I am not married.

Ex boyf's mums though? First one: really cool. Has alopecia, so no hair. Brilliant woman.

Next ex- stepmum. (stepford wife stepmum). Used to get really narked with me as I would often refuse... to blow-dry my hair after we had been swimming, because we would go swimming a lot and I didn't want to fry my hair. Preferred it to dry naturally in the sun. This is Not Good Enough for her.

Next boyf's mum- I am Not Good Enough for her son, period. Especially as I didn't go to public school and I am not a Laura, Kate or Caroline. And I will never be seen in Tatler. Ergo Not Good Enough.

My sister's MIL? Terrifying. Nice woman but you wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of her... also she is about a foot taller than her husband.
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 8:59, Reply)
Methinks you need to invest in some locks for your bedroom doors. ;)
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 5:05, Reply)
Not yet, but possibly in-laws
They're really lovely, very lovely. They've lent me money in times of need and have actually bought me completely unnecessarily expensive gifts. And they're great cooks. Not to mention they made the greatest boyfriend ever.

That said, they are a bit, erm, smothery. I once counted five phone calls to our flat before noon. This is normal. My bf's brother went out to a movie with us one night, and when we came out, his mobile had fourteen missed calls from home. Fourteen. During a ninety minute interval. My bf and his brother find this completely normal, and don't understand why this is strange to me (I speak to my mother on the phone about once a fortnight).

This reached a dramatic denouement when my bf was out of town and I was sick- nothing life threatening, just a cold. I didn't want to get out of bed to answer the phone (which was ringing in regular ten-minute intervals until midnight), because I was tired and, well, sick. I found out later that this had panicked the well-meaning family so much that they had considering coming to the flat (about an hour's journey) and getting the fire department to hack down the front door with an axe. Yikes.
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 5:04, Reply)
You are sooooooooo, like, odd.

Yes, and after seeing your profile, that just confirms it.

I take it you were taking the piss?
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 4:50, Reply)
I'm not married, but I can think of them as in-laws. I'm currently living with them.

My mother-in-law, then, is great--she not only lets her daughter date a foreigner, but she also decided to allow us to live together, which is a huge taboo in Korean culture. Normally I'd say it's none of her business, but we paid for our apartment on a loan in her name.

My father-in-law is a strange guy though. He spent a few years in a Korean political prison for owning books on Marxism. Their home is filled with books along every wall, and I see the names Marx and Lenin everywhere. He's involved in a project to reveal the names of traitors who helped Japan conquer Korea a century ago. The right wing of the party says this project is controlled by North Korean spies. Also, he has been to North Korea a few times for conferences. Could I be living with a spy?
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 4:42, Reply)
I think it's disgusting
that you expect so many people to have mothers in law. I certainly don't, my parents are loving and caring and I take GREAT OFFENCE to this question.
(, Fri 9 Sep 2005, 3:38, Reply)
Not The MIL
but my exs mum.

went absolutetly psycho (like really of the rails) when she walked in on me and her daughter.

making the beast with 2 backs.

doggy style.

then to make matters worse, she did it again , twice whilst giving each other oral pleasure.

safe to say we split up, and i never saw either of them again.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 23:52, Reply)
not good.
I found her newly dumped floater in the bog, while she was staying with us. It simply wouldn't go away. Finally scooped it up in a ladel and put it down the drain outside while trying not to let her see what I was doing. Shudder.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 23:33, Reply)
Stupid mother in law
She is a very nice lady. Nice and simple.
She refused to valet park her car once at a restaurant with valet parking only because "They might not know how to drive this car" - it was a standard 5 speed automatic transmission on a 1990 car - if it had been a stick shift, then fair enough. As it was, she had me give her directions around a parking lot as she didn't know which way round to go!

Another time, she called as she wanted hubby to change a light bulb for her! If that wasn't bad enough, hubby was working so I popped round there laughing my arse off. When I got there she said "Where's Mr. WBM? You can't change a light bulb, you're a girl!". After sniggering and snorting I changed it for her. She then had hubby make sure I'd done it right.

The worst thing she did though, which I could still kill her for:
On my birthday in June, my grandad died. I decided he'd still have wanted me to have my party that night, as there was nothing I could do being in America anyway. Hubby invited her and said he'd drive us (as I would be drinking). She gets to our place, hubby is out on a job so I asked her to drive. "I can't drive, I get lost. Rick should be here. I'm sorry Sue, I don't care if your grandad just died and it's your birthday, you'll have to drive us". So I did. Scared the shit out of her, too, little cow!
Then, when hubby didn't turn up for the meal, I got pissed off. Very pissed off. So was swearing about what a wanker he is (as were my friends). The next day, she demanded I apologise for my behaviour, and drinking too much on MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY PARTY.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 21:55, Reply)
Don't get me started.....
My M-I-L... Words cannot describe her! But heres a stab. OK, the wife and I get seperated (long story). Being skint the M-I-L offers to help furnish my new flat. Great, she buys me a 28" widescreen TV, chairs, pots and pans and all the usual gubbins you know you need but forget to buy. All is good in the world until the night before a very important work related exam. She rings up about the fact she has to baby sit that night, when I'm at home alone (the ex is out with her new beau). She goes absolutley fucking mental! I mean M-E-N-T-A-L. When I explain about the exam, the fact it was her daughters decision to end the relationship and that her daughter had been shagging strangers she met on the internet in her car she then really flipped. I was threatened with all sorts of nasty violence. Her "beloved daughter would never do such a thing!". I slept fully dressed that night, with a metal bar next to the bed and my trainers on in case she and her alcoholic husband (who also rang a month later threatening me) decided to turn up for a pakka. Luckily for me the new place I lived in had a 100 ft drive with iron electronic gates and 2 nasty rottweilers prowling the grounds. Well, that was enough for me to decide to move oop north. Out of sight out of mind!
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 21:31, Reply)
a small explanation needed to start:I have a very strange family, my mother offed herself some years ago, and i hate (with good reason believe me) my father, who had another child (my very cool 30 yo half sister) with another woman before i was born.
while at the ex's (who i also hate now, even after a year and a half) one new years his parents were doing the usual "what's your family like?" thing. after 20 minutes of explaining, they still failed to get the concept of half-siblings, they looked horrified when i told them that my parents were never married, and when the subject of suicide came up they both looked not sympathetic, but repulsed.
needless to say they were very strict christians, and when told that i didnt go to church managed not to speak to me other than to ask if i wanted some tea for the next 3 days. miserable bastards. their son wasnt much better.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 20:56, Reply)
My mother in law
My mother in law is a complete mentalist. She also hears voices, usually the pesky Joan of Arc who frequently tells her to set fire to things. This has resulted in her being moved from her council flat which she gutted to another one in the same block which she singed, then to sheltered accommodation where she set fire to a bin before finally being sectioned. She then even set fire to the hospital curtains. Now she's having to stay in hospital because no where else will insure her or put up with her. I have to admit I quite enjoy telling people the saga, as I'm very proud of my final sentence: "She's literally burnt all her bridges".
She also p*ssed twice on my couch last Christmas day, and once threatened to stab me. But her son is lovely.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 20:02, Reply)
My daughters mums mum... She's a proper nut nut...
It hears voices in her head which she claims is the holy spirit talking to her, as opposed to her being a manic schizophrenic.
Oh yeah, she also talks giberish from time to time and claims to be speaking "in tongues".
I could write a book on her bizarre behaviour. She is either the chosen one or completely bonkers. Either way I am afraid.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 19:49, Reply)
My m-i-l is pretty cool.
In fact, she's just done something I would love to.

Walk out of gainful employment.

Just one (somewhat unfair she claims) complaint was made against her after several years of service. Directors took the customers side and gave her a real rollicking. So she walked, without saying goodbye, or showing anyone else how to do her job.

I hope the feckers miss her, 'cause it's unlikely she'll get another job anywhere else. But woo to her anyway!

I'm not married, but it counts. Trust me on this.
(, Thu 8 Sep 2005, 19:26, Reply)

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