My inability
to comprehend how a UNIVERSE fits into a space BILLIONS OF TIMES SMALLER THAN A GRAIN OF SAND!!!!

You're having a larf, so-called Professor Cox.
( Jabberwoc misses D.R. and Quinch, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 23:04, 4 replies)

Wayne Sapp
Because he's behaving like something that was invented here as a joke.
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 22:47, 1 reply)

regularly vs frequently
this is a personal bugbear of mine. I have a hope that it will be the next less/fewer or number/amount crusade, & I would toil ceaselessly to make it so. or at least I would if I weren't such a lazy arse

I *regularly* celebrate Xmas; but not very frequently

*regulars* in pubs are really frequents ffs
(weaselinajetengine, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 22:44, 5 replies)

People who are driving cars which don't seem to have indicators
especially on roundabouts. It's not complicated.

Going left? Indicate left.
Going straight on? Indicate left just before you come off.
Going right? Indicate right until you are about to come off, then indicate left.

I think I am the last person left alive who knows this.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 22:36, 11 replies)

I have a hat which is red.
Fuck knows why, I just do. No rhyme or reason to it.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 22:36, Reply)

tautology
fast speed. grrrrr
(weaselinajetengine, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 22:36, 2 replies)

Sheep!
Not fluffy lambs, but this guy.

I don't know why, but everything he posts makes me hate him more. I really can't justify it.

He's on the frontpage, now, the cunt.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 22:30, 2 replies)

socks
i don't even own a pair of socks, that's how much i hate them. just the though of those fluffy bastards on my feet is making my toes curl.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 22:30, 6 replies)

Not entirely to the script
but this made me laugh during the protests on Saturday. I was out and about on Oxford Street hoping to get some action shots. I came across some mob outside BHS which was being guarded by the police, when some guy grabbed a microphone and spoke to the protesters.

"I'm here from Liverpool. I'm here with my wife and my children." He pointed as his wife and his young children standing by.

"We came here to GO SHOPPING!" He emphasised the point; to a few murmurs of discontent

"But we can't because you lot are blocking the fucking doorway!" Further rumblings from the protestors; at which point I cracked up along with the cops guarding BHS from being being smashed to pieces

But I saw utter hatred in his eldest lad's eye being denied the toy department
( Jahled Three shades of black, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 22:06, Reply)

People who pronounce words ending in "ing"....
...with a "K". "Sumfink", "Nuffink", "Everyfink". Cunts.
(mcnelson, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 22:01, 1 reply)

And I fucking HATE April Fools day.
I got to about half an hour ago without getting caught out...and then this happened:

www.b3ta.com/links/610725
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 21:42, Reply)

Bloody ignorants.
What part of ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah' nagl fhtagn don't you understand?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 21:31, 2 replies)

Plant Pots
Twating Plant Pot blew behind the gate - and hid there.

I kick gate open on my way to bin with a handful of rubbish. Plant pot thinks "I'll ave this fucker" and bounces the gate back into my face.

Sore nose, rubbish all over my shoes and look like a twat.

Plant pot now smashed and in bin! 1-1
(Clit Ninja is having a white space party!, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 21:17, Reply)

There is only one STD code for London
I hate people who give out London phone numbers - especially in their email footers - claiming they start 0207 or 0208. NO THEY DON'T. There is only one STD code for London and it is 020. You can dial any 020 number from any other 020 number without dialling the 020 at all. BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL IN THE SAME AREA CODE - 020. So your number is 020 XXXX YYYY.

HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?????

BG
(beergut, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 21:12, 7 replies)

Green people
Always have, always will. Dont need a reason.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 21:11, Reply)

Frank Skinner said:
'People say to me "Now you've given up drinking, at least you always remember what you did the night before", Yeah, Nothing'.

I hate that I know exactly what he means and it's Friday night and I am on B3ta.

Still, better than the alternative.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 21:11, 3 replies)

Zooey Deschanel

....not the actress herself or any of her work, just her name, it's just.... weird

oh, and Mekhi Pfeiffer.
(Dildo Bugger destroyed a ring on, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 21:08, 1 reply)

Business jargon in general
But in particular, at the moment, 'Reach out', as in "If you need any more information just reach out to me". Say it again and I will reach out and grab you by the throat.
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 20:45, 1 reply)

hmmm, so many
1. Could of, should of, would of etc.
2. potatoe's tomatoe's and any other ridiculous signs at our local market, seriously WTF.
3. people who do that horrible scratchy plegmmy thing with their throat, I could throw up at the very thought of it.
4. Nose picking, really, do it in private or use a fucking tissue at least, and I mean you, bitch in Subway, I really fancied that Italian BMT until I saw you with your index finger 2 knuckles deep in your hooter.
5. LOL - really are you laughing out loud, you fucking tool.

Sorry for rant, feel much better now.

Long time lurker, first time poster, please be nice
(Dixie, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 20:42, 2 replies)

Dogs
No rational reason I can think of why I hate them, I just do.
Even the word 'dog' to me is a really ugly word.
I love cats though. Pity i'm allergic to the floofy fookers.
( underpont making all kinds-a-gains, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 20:34, 2 replies)

Companies that commission adverts in the 1980s or 90s
and for some reason think we've forgotten all about them so they can put them on the TV again in all their shittiness. Examples are Milky Way, Hellman's Mayonnaise Christmas one and Aquafresh that looks like The Snowman. I can't believe that raisen-eyed child was concieved by his dad whose blue-and-white striped PJs had all the sexual allure of a corby trouser press. At least his white bathrobed mum was concievably naked underneath the chaste outer exterior of flannelette.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 19:56, 1 reply)

Ray Mears
For some reason I hate Ray Mears.

I know I shouldn't, but I can't help myself. I realise he is an expert in his field, and very knowledgeable.

I think it's because my idea of an outdoorsman is someone rugged, sinewy, tough and resourceful.

Ray Mears is a chubby little man who speaks posh and looks soft. He looks like he learned his craft on Mummy and Daddy's estate, where he could roam the woods by day, and go home for a nice hot supper and hot water bottle.

I'm sure he's a very nice chap, so my hate is totally unfounded.

Someone pointed out to me that possibly the reason he is a bit chubby is because he is extremely good at survival, so good in fact that he can actually gain weight in a survival situation, and that my idea of a lean survivalist is someone who can only just find enough to survive on. Good point.

Now Bruce Parry, although more of an explorer, is more my cup of tea. Or nettle soup, or whatever.
(Strangechap I look normal on the outside..., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 19:50, 5 replies)

People who walk slowly
Which often seems to be EVERYONE! And what's even more annoying is when one or two people somehow manage to take up the whole pavement, so in order to get past them you have to walk on the road or something. It's like everyone in the world is deliberately trying to make me, and just me, late. The bastards.

It's particularly annoying when I'm trying to change lines on the subway, and the slowness of people causes me to miss my next train, and force me to have to wait a whole three minutes until the next one.

Wow I like this thread, it's like a massive episode of Room 101! :)
(sbtoronto, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 19:45, 3 replies)

People who refer to a night out as 'being messy', or people who want to 'touch base' with you. Fuck off and die in a house fire.
(Professor of Lesbonics remembered his password on, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 19:39, Reply)

Horses
Nope, not some 'I Love Horses' joke. I just fucking hate horses.
I'm scared of wasps and bees and heights and lots of other things*, but they are all fears. I have rational hates, also, like the guy at work who fucks everyone right off. But that's because he's a twat.

But horses? Fucking shit. All of them. They piss around acting like they're all that, with their fucking ALIEN HEADS and hooves(HOOVES! FUCKING HOOVES! What the fuck is a fucking hoof? It's a shitty massive toe, with a bastard huge lump of toenail on the end, that's what) and stupid-looking teeth that are about twice the size they ought to be.

How anyone could like these monsters is beyond me, because they are fucking abominations.


*For wasps, it's now becoming a mixture of hate and fear.
(TheCastrator, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 19:32, 5 replies)

phone numbers
Why can people not give their mobile number in the correct grouping? Given that the majority of area codes are 5 digits, then surely the mobile number should be given as a group of 5 and then the next 6 digits. What's this 4-3-4 arrangement?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 19:28, 11 replies)

I left claw marks on a table
at the unemployment centre, when one of the goombahs behind the dsesk asked me what kind of work I was looking for "pacifically".
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 19:03, Reply)

Advertisements for make up
that throw faux "science" at people to confuse them into buying moisturiser.

And now they're calling it face protector and flogging it to slack jawed males as well. There's nothing wrong with sticking a bit of grease on your face if you've got dry skin, but don't start making out it'll turn me into Bruce Willis.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 19:01, 9 replies)

What about people who say
Febuary
Libary
Reconise
and
Vunrable

All (and plenty others) annoy the living daylights out of me. I can't help it and when Mrs Tupper tells me to calm down, that makes me even worse.
( Ramsay Tupper, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:57, 6 replies)

when the media put "gate" at the end of a name relating to a scandal
eg: Sachsgate, Camillagate etc etc.
Watergate was one word, it was a name of a hotel. It wasn't a scandal about water.
Why do they do this, it makes no sense.
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 18:55, 7 replies)