"The Exception That Proves The Rule"
Actually it's quite funny, because it means the exact opposite of how the sheeple use it.

(In case you didn't know, "prove" in this context means "test", not "confirm". If there's an exception, the rule has been *disproved* - it's not a valid rule.)
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:23, 8 replies)

ironing
bear with me, it's not what you think.
it's not the tedium i dislike, it's not ironing something, only to find that a sleeve has got tucked underneath and is now creased to buggery.
it's the smell.
ironed clothes smell scorched, i just hate it!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:23, 11 replies)

People who talk about "militant atheists"
When really they mean "atheists who aren't in the closet" or "atheists who have the bloody cheek to point out what's wrong with religion"

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Militant
I don't think even the "shrill" and "strident" Richard Dawkins advocates violence against the religious, does he?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:19, 14 replies)

Failed Drama student "trying" stand up comedy.
You are not funny as a person and suck up stage time from the mental people who are compelled and addicted to it.
(waxdart hello., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:15, 4 replies)

This just begs the question...
No! No it doesn't beg the question! It raises a question!
A brilliant example I've found is:
"I think he is unattractive because he is ugly."
That begs the question.

"We know God exists because we can see the perfect order of His Creation, an order which demonstrates supernatural intelligence in its design."
That begs the question.

"There are lots of stupid people, which begs the question; 'Are schools effective?'."
Doesn't beg the fucking question. ARGH ARGH ARGH!

And breathe.
(TheCastrator, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:14, Reply)

Crisp Tray Bastards.
I've fucking had it with people who buy crisps in the pub and turn the bag into a little tray for all to enjoy. Oh hail your fucking benevolent generosity, providing crisps for the peasants. As if i want three fucking crisps off your 'tray' you total cunt. if i wanted crisps i would buy some, i'm not poor. Stop thinking your good just because you thought of others.

People who do this include students and smug pringle jumper wearing bastards.
( Neon Guru 's gonna booglarize you baby., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:13, 15 replies)

Of
Every time I see 'should of', 'could of', 'would of' I feel like tearing pieces of flesh from my own face. I know it's pedantry, but I really hate it
(outofbubblegum, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:13, 3 replies)

Language usage snobs and pedants.
Those fucktards who believe that language should be fixed at a moment in time and location and anything that deviates from this is a crime against humanity.

It’s the bovine stupidity that inevitably underlies these people's understanding of the world that's probably at the root of my antipathy.

See also;

Religion
Most alternative therapies
Belief in paranormal spookiness
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:12, 3 replies)

Those straws that come with a platypus style bill at the end instead of just being a straw.
I don't know whether I hate the fact that it is nigh on impossible to drink the last bit of a cool refreshing smoothie/milkshake/Coke etc. or the fact that someone, somewhere felt that a straw wasn't anywhere near efficient enough as a design.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:11, Reply)

I was gonna say NLP, Homeopathy and Hippies.
But it occured to me that there's nothing irrational about my hatred of them.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:11, 3 replies)

Cambridge, Rah Rah Rah Rah!
Posh girls in Cambridge. Posh girls that have a JCR/bar to drink in, but still go to my favourite bar and take ages ordering YAHGERBOMBS when all I just want is a pint.

Grr.
( The_Commander_of_Skips wears his sunglasses at night, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:09, Reply)

Shitting at work / generally being a messy fuck in the toilet
This really REALLY annoys me. Now I'm not saying if you have the squits hold it in, everyone gets caught short but those twats that come into work and take a crap EVERY FUCKING DAY. Everyone has to use those toilets, most of us don't want to stand/sit around in the air thickening stench of arse sweat and the take away you had last night and then decided to brew in your colon for a couple of hours too long. Then you don't even bother to spray the freshner or crack open a window so it heats up to stench levels that literally make people gag (it's currently hovering around the 28deg mark in the office).

Next up...People who piss on the floor...grown men, ones who live with real wives and everything just freely let rip all over the damnned place as if somehow between home and work they have forgotten what a toilet is for. In your own home you can do what you want, but at work if you make a mess FUCKING CLEAN IT UP, no one wants to stand in a puddle of your piss to go to the loo it's just plain lazyness and really REALLY stinks. Combined with the shitters it makes the bogs in my workplace almost unbearable....

Oh one more thing...If you use the toilet FLUSH IT. That is all.
(Bushcricket, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:04, 8 replies)

Those little signs in the back of cars...
"Baby on board" et al.

Aaarggh! congratulations you managed to reproduce - just keep the little fucker outta the pub.
( snee held his breath since, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:02, 12 replies)

HDR photos
They looked cool to start with but now every fucker with a shitty camera can make them and they're unnecessarily everywhere. No I don't want to see a picture of your fucking bins, even if they do look glorious.
( krang, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:02, 2 replies)

F*ck, sh*t, c*nt
This is probably my main pet hate and beloved by newspaper editors, journalists and copywriters the world over.

Fortunately you have all been saved from the horror and filth of this subject line by the clever use of the supernatural asterisk. It's amazing how just one simple * can instantly remove all aggression and profanity from a humble swear.

Sometimes they may even go the whole hog and just leave you the first and last letters like so, f*****g. Unfortunately the human brain is very adept at filling in gaps so the only point I can see for this is to give their readers a few hours amusement working out what the hell d******g is (copyright Daily Mail 2009ish).

What is the point?! If it's really that important for our innocent little minds not to be corrupted by a collection of letters why not just asterisk the whole word or leave it out of the quote altogether! I honestly have no idea why they feel the need to do this and it just fills me rage every time I foolishly leave my book at home and have to read the fucking M*tro in the morning.



Also the Daily Star - just stop pretending to be anything other than the Daily Sport sans-boobs and kindly piss off!
(Milo Minderbinder, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:58, 3 replies)

Reflexive pronouns.
I know it's a common usage and a common loathing, but people who say 'yourself' or 'myself' when the correct word is 'you' or 'me' results in my quite disproportionate ire. 'Oneself' doesn't seem to crop up quite so often.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:57, 9 replies)

In an effort to wring a story, rather than juts a list of hates, out of this thing.
When I was about 7 or 8 there was a pub near where I was growing up, it had a beer garden, a climbing frame and I spent many a happy summers afternoon there with my family and some of their friends. A warm glass bottle of coke with a straw and a bag of Chutney Flavoured Space Raiders (And why they don't make those anymore is a question up there with 'how did the universe really start? and 'Yeah, but HOW big IS infinity?' in terms of it's sheer unanswerability as far as I'm concerned) and I would be happy as Larry. They held Family Fun days (ah, the early 80's when taking a 7 and 5 year old to the pub for a day out wasn't seen as a sign of degenerate alcoholism) and barbeques and I loved that pub. And I loved petting the Donkey in field next door and feeding it dandelions and grass from the flat of my hand. The kind of memories where everyday seems sunny, even though it can't have been.

And in November, they had fireworks, a big crackling fire, potatoes wrapped in foil and thrown in the embers, games, sparklers, fancy dress competitions and a very impressive (at least to my memory) firework display with all the appropriate oohing and aahing and clapping and general appreciation. I loved it. At least the first year I did. The second year, I was there, wrapped up like a happy cute kid in my scarf and puffer jacket, munching on my food and waiting for the fireworks when I spied lonely Mr Donkey in his field. Why, thinks I, I am having fun and eating and Mr Donkey should be fed too, and wandered over, unattended and shoved my half eaten burger, clenched between my fingers through the fence. He sniffed, he nudged my hand and...nothing...he didn't take it. OK, Mr Donkey, I understand, you want soem nice Dandelion leaves don't you? And I picked a handful, shoved my hand out and...the fireworks started...and I started watching, absent mindedly holding the laves bunched in my hand rather than with my palm out as an impatient donkey clearly though 'fuck it, I'm eating' and bit down on a tasy mix of flesh, bone and greenery.

I screamed, I cried, I yelled and shook and snot flew and tears fell and people started and the fireworks were suddenly no longer the centre of attention. The screaming child whose parents clearly couldn't control was. I was in agony and the world was going to know it.

The irrational part? To this day, I hate fireworks with a passion, but have no problem with Donkeys.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:57, 3 replies)

I love my sister
But I REALLY hate when she puts her 2 year old daughter on the phone to me to "say hello to Uncle Penrose"

Especially when I'm at work.

Bitch


She's lovely really
(penrose your dog's got tits, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:57, 3 replies)

People making tea "the wrong way around"
It really irks me when I see someone making tea by pouring milk into the cup first, dropping in the tea bag, then adding the water - even more so when they have boiled the water, let it stand for a minute, then poured it in.

The tea bag goes in the (preferably warmed up) cup, add boiling water, allow to brew, then add the milk...

It shouldn't bug me, but it does.
( theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:57, 23 replies)

Dragons Den
Dragons live in lairs for fuck sake
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:56, 2 replies)

Breath/breathe
Hardly anyone under the age of 35 seems to know that breath is what you breathe (i.e. breath is a noun, breathe is the verb).

You cannot struggle to breath.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:50, 6 replies)

I worked with a bloke
who was startlingly racist. I don't know why, but his choice of ties used to make me seethe.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:49, Reply)

Johnny Phillips
I hate him.

No reason.

But when he pops up covering a game on Gillette Soccer Saturday I have to swear at the telly.

I hate him.
( Dervel OTBC, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:48, Reply)

People who don't drink
How on God’s green earth can you get through an event - such as a crap wedding, without said accompanying drink to lube you through the evening.

It's because you get stuck next to some boring twat who doesn't drink and has got all his/her faculties in order and can spend the entire night telling you why they don’t feel the need to drink or don't like it.

Just chill out and let’s get pissed!
(Clit Ninja is having a white space party!, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:48, 10 replies)

tea stains
on cups.
it's not clean. you didn't wash it, you just rinsed it. i don't want to drink tea out of a cup that is still stained with someone else's tea.
that's bad enough, but tea stains on teaspoons is even worse.
"oh, i just can't get the stain off."
YES YOU FUCKING CAN! just use a scourer, you fucking gyppo! i don't want your brown-stained spoons anywhere NEAR something i'm going to drink!
WASH YOUR SPOONS AND CUPS PROPERLY!

*seethes*
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:46, 12 replies)

Uptalking...(or the Australian inflection)
My wife is an Aussie and I want to strangle her at least 3 times a night.

"I'm just going to the shops?"

Are you telling me you're going or asking me if you're going???? Apparenlty "are you?" is not the correct response.
(penrose your dog's got tits, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:46, 6 replies)

Can I ask you a question?
You are asking me a question.
(FondaAccord, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:46, 3 replies)

William Shatner
he's an odd one. In some ways I quite like him, because of his ridiculous spoken word stuff but in other ways just the thought of him makes me want to cave in his face with a pipe wrench covered in angry wasps.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:45, 6 replies)

Fairly rational in my opinion, but
People who like their own Facebook statuses.
People who live in Clapham - I have never met anyone from there who wasn't a complete cunt.
(Milo Minderbinder, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:44, Reply)