Your average common or garden person in the street
Often elderly ladies though can be any age or sex.

I'm always polite and friendly and this can, and often does, lead to conversations with total strangers saying some crap or other about the weather or the price of cheese and though I'm feigning an interest there's a little voice inside me saying "Please kill me now".

I will normally attempt to politely extract myself from such situations by saying something like "Oh well, what can one do...nice meeting you...". If that doesn't work, maybe a quick glance at the mobile and an "Is that the time? Would love to stay and chat but I'd better be on my way".

However, some of these bastard, fucking, mostly old bags, have honed their art to perfection and can keep me standing there having a conversation that I don't want to have for 20 cunting minutes.

I'm sure they do it deliberately, to wind me up, to test me, to try to make me flip...
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:59, 9 replies)

Momentarily vs. In A Moment
People who misuse "momentarily"

Idiot: "Mr. Twatface will be with you momentarily."

Me: "Well, I was hoping to speak with him for more that just a second or two."

Idiot: "Of course you can, sir, as I said, he will be with you momentarily."

Me: "Oh, you mean he will be with me IN A MOMENT, you half-witted excuse for a tree-sloth's rectum."
(Maclir, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:48, 1 reply)

The people who put messages on motorway signs
Seriously, what sort of no-brain wank rag thinks the message "QUEUE CAUTION - 40" is useful when the traffic is stationary? Do these people actually use motorways?

Hey, I'm in Leicestershire and the sign says there's an accident on the M2 in Kent. Wonderful! Shame I'm not going anywhere near there, isn't it. They'll mention the one over a hundred miles away but not the one a couple of miles down the road until you're slap bang on top of it and looking at the rear end of some retard who's decided to stop and have a good look. All I get is "QUEUE CAUTION", "QUEUE AHEAD", or some equally useless message instead of what I really want is how far away and how long do I have to wait?
(An eejit passing by in a purple satin skirt with sparkly bits, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:46, 3 replies)

facebook status
people who feel the need to tell you absolutely everything that they are doing, no matter how bland, banal or trivial. Everytime I open Facebook, it's the same old Facebores draining me of the will to live with their status updates. For instance, do I care that x is eating a cheese sandwich? Or that they have just finished their ironing ("yay!")? Irrational I suppose because I dont have to read it, but I do read it cos its there. I think maybe an appropriate time for me to have a bit of a "friend" cull on FB.
(Freak Paw, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:45, 2 replies)

Hair twirling
Mrs D constantly twist her hair when watching TV, or on the laptop, or the bog, or pretty much anywhere at any time. She twists it until it goes "Crack!".

Really, really, gets on my goat.

Me finding the twisting part pushes me to a hatred of it is irrational. The hatred of finding long brown hairs in my food, tea, coffee, bog roll, Smarties tube, etc... is quite rational.
(dchurch bah, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:38, 1 reply)

The Halo video games
I can understand why I don't like the halo series of games, it's mostly down to personal taste, but I don't get why I hate it. The games are well made, have high production values and a good soundtrack. I've played far worse games and enjoyed them, I've struggled through horrible games just to sat I have, but I can't get more then 2 hours into a halo game before I decide it's shit and turn it off, send it back to the rental place and give a bad review.
(Mong goose, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:36, 2 replies)

All the pseudo-science words that the advertising industry foist on the world.
"Hydrated" used to have a very speficic meaning in chemistry which also had some applications in biology. Now it means "not thirsty", and it's supposed to be a postive thing we should all aspire to be in every waking fucking hour because some ponytailed fucknugget with £3,000 spectacles wants us to buy some of his bottled water/sweetened bottled water.

"Active Liposomes"?

My favourite was "Boswelox" which was clearly supposed to sound a bit like "Botox" (and L'Oreal got done by advertising law for the false claims they made about it). I liked it, though, because it sounded like "bollocks". Which was a much more accurate description of what was going on than anything coming out of the telly box.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:34, 4 replies)

I'm not keen on muslamic rayguns
www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIPD8qHhtVU
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:32, 3 replies)

"You're not a PROPER redhead."
^so, so many people have said this to me. My hair is definitely ginger, but apparently if it's not that dark auburn I have no right to make comments about being a redhead.

Also, people who ask "What's it like to have long hair?" Answer: like short hair, with a higher chance you'll sit on it. It's not one of the great mysteries of the universe.

And along the same line- hair extensions piss me off something awful. They look crap. If you want long hair, grow it long. Not only will it look natural, but you'll actually get used to looking after it and you won't end up with random fake strands invading other people's personal space.

Saying that, people who have long hair and don't WASH IT should have it cut off, by law. Nothing in the world smells worse than unwashed hair.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:25, 5 replies)

Text is a noun, not a verb.
Using it as a verb is not an example of the natural evolution of language, it's an example of your ignorance.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:23, 41 replies)

A disturbing trend
Now, I can quite accept that language changes – after all, if it didn't we wouldn't have delicious phrases such as arsebiscuit. But when visiting my local tavern, I've observed that within the last year or so a trend has emerged amongst the young barstaff to ask "Are you okay there?" as they greet you at the bar. Not a problem in itself, but if you answer "Yes, I'm fine thank you" they go away again, because what they really mean is "What would you like to drink?" or even "Worrayuhavin'" Likewise, I've noticed a trend among young people serving in shops and bars to tot up your total and then say "Er...two pounds ninety three, please". It's the "Er..." bit that gets me. Is there something embarrassing about just coming out with the figure? And on the subject of shopkeeping, I really really get quite stabby when shopkeepers hold out their hand for money before I've discussed my requirements with them. And if they hold out their hand for money but don't look at me when they are doing so, I make sure the money misses their hand. A small revenge, but a sweet one.
(Valentine_Sprake immanentising the eschaton since 1983, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:22, Reply)

People who walk around clutching bottled water
and sipping from it constantly all day, usually alternating with constant checking of their mobile

FECKIN IDIOTS
(wEEjOCKpOOpONGmCPLOP He is ugly though isnt he OOOH YESS!, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:20, 12 replies)

praying
i have nothing against people praying for themselves, but if i have a problem and badly need help, having someone say "i'll pray for you" really pisses me off. if you want to help me, do something useful and help me, for fuck's sake! don't beg some mythical sky genie for help, just so you can go home all smug in the belief that you've done something constructive! not only is it annoying, but i find it insulting, too.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:20, 8 replies)

"i think you'll find"
Anyone who starts a sentence with "I think you'll find" is a twat.
(dirtyotter Touch Me I’m Sick, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:11, 8 replies)

I have lots of rational hatreds.
As in, I understand why I have them.
The only really irrational hatred I've got is Lily Allen. She's #1 on my list of "People I'd like to set on fire" and I'm honestly not sure why.
(Big D, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:10, Reply)

Marmite!
It's Satan's anal butter.
For fuck sakes, if you really like the taste lick a dead badger's bum. I mean, there is no way that that brown sludge could provide enjoyment of any kind.
It's made out of discarded yeast from the brewing process, and having seen what that looks like there's no way you're going to tell me that concentrating it and adding salt will make it taste any better.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:07, 16 replies)

When people pronounce scones as "scoans" instead of "sgones"
There is no "a" in scones.
Saying "scoans" makes you sound like a posh twat. This really, really riles me up.
Stop doing it, please.
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:04, 14 replies)

I used to have short hair and thickos kept thinking I was a man
...even though I have an H-cup chest, a girlish face and a very feminine voice.

Some women have short hair. Some men have long hair. It isn't rocket science. It used to wind me up like fuck.
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:01, 6 replies)

Probably a lot of people's
...but I have a irrational hatred of religion, or to be more correct, the belief in religion.
I have no problems with bumders/gays/lesbians there's no skin off my nose (or rectum), so you carry on - not hurting anyone, so why is it my business? Black/Asian people - no problem whatsoever, in fact I probably wouldn't even notice unless someone actually pointed out the colour of skin.

To say that I'm generally a 'live and let live' type person would sum me up quite properly.

Yet, people who believe in something that cannot be proven, something that is quite obviously (to me) a massive fairy tale really riles me up.
Normal, intelligent people suddenly go to a massive building to 'talk' or 'listen' to some bloke dressed up in black who apparently can talk to an invisible, omnipotent, unseeable, unprovable being really winds me up.
I mean, when kids have an invisible friend, it's because they're lonely or something, so you can sort of understand it, but when adults do the same it's just odd and the fact that they're sucked in by it makes me fume at the ears.
(dchurch bah, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:00, 2 replies)

"...hence why..."
I think a (correct) use of the word "hence" in an episide of Friends helped to make this more of a problem.
For those who don't know: the meaning of "hence" is akin to "therefor" -- so the "why" is redundant.
I do hate things like "...shouldn't of..." and "It's to hot." -- but they can be forgiven as simple ignorance, misspelling or "progressiveness". However, if you use a word like "hence" you do so to appear clever, so to fail to use it correctly is willful ignorance.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:52, 6 replies)

Truly irrational
Smart cars. I get that they get good mileage, are easy to park and are reasonably reliable. I'm not the type of person who cares about how flash or powerful a car is, I drive a yaris myself, which isn't exactly big or powerful. I just hate smart cars, no idea why.
(Mong goose, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:51, 5 replies)

ah hah... another one that gets my ire is...
"for my sins"followed by a knowing chuckle.

ffs - I have obviously waited about 9 years as a B3tard to post all the millions of things that totally wind me up.
I have come to the conclusion I wouldn't need anger management classes if just some of those people out there could actually construct a sentence without using hackneyed phrases....
At the end of the day though, I guess we a all human....
(entropydave hates unnecessary commas on, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:43, 2 replies)

People who take pride in ignorance.
I don't want this to sound like I'm enraged by ignorant people... no. I'm enraged by people who KNOW they're ignorant, and take pride in it- to the extent of acting like knowing something is actually a bad thing.

Bonus points for, "Did you know that ---?" "No, I was out having a life when that was being taught. *smirk*" And I'm not talking about arcane snippets of knowledge here. One of my flatmates can't cook pasta. Like, dried pasta. She asked me how to do it and when I explained that she should put it in boiling water, she said, "Oh. I thought you'd know. It's not like you ever eat out or go on dates, is it?"*

Grrr!

*for the inevitable smart-ass: Yes, I do, and probably with your mum.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:38, 16 replies)

daylight savings time
It really is pointless but it does no harm so I shouldn't care.

But I loathe it.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:33, 5 replies)

Chimblies and skelingtons...
nuff said.

a perfect way to show your complete lack of a notochord and it's inherent advantages.
(entropydave hates unnecessary commas on, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:32, 1 reply)

There is a certain type of person
who will ask you a question, and just as you're about to answer, they interject with "and I'll tell you why I ask" before talking solidly for half an hour.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:28, 2 replies)

I have an irrational hatred of rationalism
but I can't really explain it.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:26, Reply)