I knew it was over when
..during sex (*during* mind) he said "I don't think this is going to work out".

And then 5 minutes later, in what I charitably assume to be an attempt to make me feel better, told me how attractive he thought my mother was.

UTTER twunt.
(EdnaWelthorpe, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 9:16, Reply)

Paraphrased slightly, but...
...I knew it was over when she threw me out the Rover at full speed.
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 9:10, Reply)

I was a racetrack groom
when I was 19. Got the job even though I knew nothing about horses, really- but all you really need to know is that they shit a lot, and you get to clean it up and take care of their racing harnesses. That, and that the guys who train the horses (and are usually your boss) are generally arrogant little fuckheads. Mine was no exception.

So one day my boss tells me to get one of my horses ready for training. This means that the horse will be doing basically a dry run for the race, rather than just a jog. No problem, I get her ready and he takes her out for her training.

When a horse has just done a training run, it's standard to give them a bran mash instead of just the usual grain feed. This means that you add a load of bran to it and add warm water until you get something resembling oatmeal. So I make this for my horse, only I add too much water so that it comes out soupy. The boss comments on this, and I ask how it could possibly do any harm. He snorts, makes a comment to the effect that I was a stupid college kid and walks off. I shrug and go back to what I was doing.

Next morning he wants to take that horse out for her jog, so I hook her up to the jog cart and send them off while I go take care of another horse. All is nice and quiet as I work...

What I didn't know, and obviously neither did he, was that the extra water in the bran mash acts like a laxative on the horse. I might as well have fed her a pound of Ex-Lax. Which is a vital piece of information when you're out exercising a horse by sitting in a cart with your feet on either side of the horse's arse and her tail directly in front of your face.

When the peaceful morning was shattered by my boss's voice screaming my name, when I came out and saw him with reeking green horse shit plastered all over his face, and when I had to hold onto a post to keep from falling over with uncontrollable laughter, I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that it was over. And sure enough, about two days later I was unemployed.

But goddam, it was worth it. More than twenty years later it still brings a warm glow to my evil heart.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 27 Jul 2005, 8:32, Reply)

Failed Nerd
She called me an asshole. That was OK: I could live with that. Then she called me a failed nerd. WTF? I'm a successful nerd. Took years of hard work. What would she know about nerd life anyway?
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 7:57, Reply)

While I was on vacation
and was away from my computer, I borrowed one to check my email. A friend wrote to see how I was doing. This being a very close friend, I confided that my relationship with my live-in girlfriend was not going well at all, and that I thought it was pretty much over. (Almost a direct quote- I didn't go into any detail.) My friend writes back and says that she's sorry I'm giving my girlfriend the boot, and asks if I'm going to be okay.

I read her reply at about 11:00, just before I was to take my kids to a museum. I decided to wait to reply until after I got back, packed the kids up and went.

About noon I stopped for gas, and while filling the tank the phone rings. I see it's my girlfriend, so I say, "Hey, I was gonna call you in a few minutes."

"FUCK YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" *click*

Okay, up until that point I was still vascillating about breaking up with her. But when someone breaks into your email, reads your correspondance with a friend (and deletes it afterward), and then screams at you because they don't like what they've just read, it's past the point of no return.

Evesdroppers seldom hear anything pleasant. Lesson learned, I hope- although probably not.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 27 Jul 2005, 7:24, Reply)

I look back on this and laugh...
I was dumped by text message on my 21st birthday, he assuring me(unprompted)that there was no-one else. Then I discovered from his best mate that he was now seeing his 15 year old stalker to whom he'd previously asked me to explain patiently that he wasn't interested in her. He was 21 years old.

Twunt.
(chrisdalby, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 7:02, Reply)

The moment that i realised i was complete twunt...
was when I was reading everyone elses misfortunate "thats when i knew it was all over" posts and found myself laughing as they made feel better about myself.
(GIbbonsrwild, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 6:27, Reply)

Welcome to Dumpsville No2
Last Valentine's Day (never a good start).

I returned home from Uni for the weekend to spend the weekend with my long-term long-ish distance 1st love gf. Her birthday being Feb 15th we went out on V Day shopping for her present, she bought some clothes she really wanted. On the way back happen to come across a text on her fone saying 'hope I didn't complicate things for you by introducing you to Nathan'. When we get back to hers I confront her about it. Turns out the weekend before she managed to trip and fall onto Nathan's fingers.. Somehow I do the whole leaving nicely thing, get onto the next train and flee back to uni in tears.

And the bitch kept the clothes!!!

Edit: In hindsight, THAT'S when I knew it was over. O'course it being 1st love an all and me being a dumb twunt I manage to convince us to give things another go. Cue another month or so of torture till she cheats again, this time with the guy she pulled on V Day (after I left that first time she decided to go into town and celebrate her new-found slutty freedom. Nice girl.)
(amasis, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 2:30, Reply)

I new it was over when...
At T in the Park she introduced me to some random bloke (read "NOB") behind my back as "her friend,"

bitch :(
(loverat, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 2:26, Reply)

I knew it was over when...
my girlfriend caught me scoring with her younger sister who in turn didn't know i was dating her older sister. A double fuck up!
(GIbbonsrwild, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 2:19, Reply)

Madness
I knew it was over when I uttered the immortal words:

"Come on you bastards, I'll have you all!"

It was the last serious kicking I got.

But to start the tale from the beginning. I was working for an R&D company in a sleepy market town in Northumberland doing research into Autonomous Mobile Robots. Interesting work. As I was a new face in town I was rapidly shagging my way through the local rocker and hippy-chicks (they’d all shagged each others boyfriends or had relationships with each other -it was a very incestuous social scene) and this one night I was out with a nice lass called Liz. Mad as a box of frogs but a good lass just the same. Anyway, we were in one of local pubs when a group of lads came in and sat at the bar and started drinking. Well these weren't the nicest blokes in the world and they started to take the piss out of the locals and I started to quietly boil. The final straw was when they started making evil comments about a disabled girl who worked in the kitchens. Liz, seeing that I was furious and wanting to avoid a scene, told me

"Come on, let’s go."

So I necked my drink and left with Liz. As I got to the door I heard this group yell something at me so I just put two fingers up at them without turning round and carried on walking. I'd gotten probably 15 metres across the cobbles when I heard them yelling at me. They'd all come boiling to the door of the pub and were yelling and shouting obscenities. Well that’s when I made the fatal mistake of turning and facing them and shouting:

"Come on you bastards I'll have you all."

They played football with me. I didn't even get one decent punch in before I was down and they were kicking 7 bells out of me. This went on for a while and I was getting a bit bored when they stopped kicking me and started to walk away. I struggled to my feet and through smashed lips yelled:

"Is that the best you can do? I've been hit harder by girls!"

Oh dear. I really ought to learn when to keep my big mouth shut. Still, I bet they were in pain for ages what with the bruised knuckles and sore feet. And I could have sworn one of them put his back out when he was stamping on my head.

Luckily I was
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 2:10, Reply)

What did it was when she said
"I've realized I'm a lesbian"

But the worst bit was that she played women's rugby, had just been to see KD Lang, and I hadn't twigged.
( MartinH, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 1:33, Reply)

Probably about a million occasions
but here's some of the better ones.

There was the job that I knew was over when I woke up 2 hurs late on a saturday, hence not making it in, fired on the monday, there's a premonition for ya.

There was my recent girlfriend of 4 years, whom I predicted (oddly about 4 years ago) would eventually realise she wanted to be more independant, guess waht words sprang from her outh only a few months ago.

Many years before that though there was the knock on the door, followed by forced entry, to find me in my living room surrounded by the hundreds of cartons of ciggies me and a friend had boosted from a corner shop the night before.

Then just this weekend, I get a call from my current girl while she was at the pub to say "did you really sleep with so and so?" I only told her the truth cos I'd been trying to figure out how to get rid of her for the past month, and was glad of fate offering me the opportunity to do it on my behalf.

Ahh, freedom.
( Beastmeter Small But Scrappy, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 1:32, Reply)

What is Easter anyway?
I was dating a very attractive young lady. She told me she had found Jesus and was very religious and that was very important to her. Although I am not religious I tried to remain open-minded and accepting (getting in her pants depended on it).

Making conversation one afternoon I asked "Do you have big plans with your church friends for Easter?" "No," she replied. "Really, why not? Easter is a big deal, right?"

"I guess," she said. She paused for a second then asked me "What is Easter anyway?" She didn't know what Easter was.

It was over.
(Stoobert, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 1:22, Reply)

I knew my youth was over.........
When my bride to be bought me ELO's greatest hits.... and i didn't laugh in her face, insult her obvious lack of taste in music, or use it as a coaster........ but gave her a big kiss, said "thanks gorgeous", and then sat down and listened to it while reading the sleevenotes. The dream is dead man.


First post. YAY!
(teamof82, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 1:11, Reply)

MY date with an Irish PE teacher with a v slim body.
I was out of my depth with a highly attractive woman. She was Irish and I find Irish women quite attractive due to their accent. So I was nervous. And so I started making mistakes. I drank a triple brandy and coke and two pints while speaking with her. Then I broke out into an Irish song about Galway to end an awkward silence. I then took her to another pub and said, does your dad tarmac drives? Has he got eyebrows on his cheeks? That's when I knew she wanted to leave. I hate having to date people. It just gets in the way.
(Master of Toss has piles, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 1:11, Reply)

I knew it was over when b3ta broke
and I had to do some work :D
(The Wigmeister, Wed 27 Jul 2005, 1:01, Reply)

FAMILY....
I am me,
not because of them, in spite of them.
(iluvtehfluffeh, Tue 26 Jul 2005, 23:50, Reply)

as i was on the job
giveing her a good seeing to when the only sound she made was "ive sleep with 5 guys this week, but i love you".
Afew days later she phoned me i told her "i never want to see you again" she replied "oh you dont want to come round to shag me then"

now im with a lovely decent lady
(funkie, Tue 26 Jul 2005, 23:47, Reply)

b3ta
I knew b3ta was over when every time I tried to access the b3ta website this week all I got was a "The page cannot be displayed" message. Not a funny one with kittens with large human teeth, but a bog standard one.

I desperately tried to get the joke by reading every line of text carefully in order to spot the funny bit. Couldn't find it so I decided that "Aah they're being ironic in a subtle minimalist kind of way!"

When I eventually realised the awful truth I knew that b3ta was no more.

edit: Until now.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Tue 26 Jul 2005, 23:41, Reply)

Over? We're talking crash and burn...
I had a final interview for a job, sales manager, and was asked why I wanted it above all else. I thought the guy had a sense of humour so replied, "Oh the free shagging and the cash!". I was young. Stupid. continued to be unemployed.
(DustyD, Tue 26 Jul 2005, 23:04, Reply)

Over before it really started.
Absolute horrible truth: I took a lady on a second date to see "Schindlers List". Way to go....
(DustyD, Tue 26 Jul 2005, 23:02, Reply)

I knew it was over....
I had my appraisal (some years ago), it consisted of the words, "Not good enough". Out the next day (and never looked back).
(DustyD, Tue 26 Jul 2005, 23:00, Reply)

I knew it was over....
When we started selling 'Crazy Frog' socks - for men.

T-Shirts I can kind of understand, but fucking socks?!
(Funty, Tue 26 Jul 2005, 22:53, Reply)

first date
cinema to see a film some romcom bollox, anyway drink before , all is well, witty banter is well received.

Into cinema, get tickets, into screen pre-trailer adverts start, 2nd advert is for Durex New DELAY condom, and it puts up a phone number and website for details.

Me (comedy nudge and stage whisper): have you got a pen ?
Her: .......................

nothing for the rest of the night and since. nevermind.
(Andy Pipkin, Tue 26 Jul 2005, 22:36, Reply)

I knew my job was over when...
I was working as a corporate executive for a company that was run by a gay CEO...he was a decent enough guy, but when he started EXPECTING me to work on the weekends (read 7 day week) to launch a new product/service, I had just about had it.

We launch said new co. and we discover we hadn't been APPROVED by the government regulatory body necessary to be allowed to DO what we were doing. Months of work blow up in my face and hundreds of deals dry up. (*double meaning NOT intended)

He is pissed. It is a Saturday and I was trying to get out of the office before he showed up...it was 7pm...I had been there almost the entire day.

He walks in and asks if I can come 'round to his office...I pop in and say "Napoleon (for he was VERY short), this might be your Waterloo, but this is one Marshall of France that is not going down with you." (*double meanings intended)

I then turned around, walked to my office and began boxing up my things. After a year working for that freak it was enough.

I'm NOT a homophobe, I was just uncomfortable when we were sitting in "Executive Level Meetings" and he would spend the majority of the meeting in front of all of us staring at our packages.

no apologies for length...though, in retrospect, mine might have gotten me a raise.
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Tue 26 Jul 2005, 22:23, Reply)

I can't put my finger on the exact moment it ended...
I'd been seeing this girl for a couple of months, we got on well - everything was good. Come August, we decide to go on holiday. One problem, we are both skint.

"No problem" says I.
"we'll go camping"

She was up for it, so between the two of us we got together everything needed. One very early, breakfastless start and we are at the camp site. The tent goes up about 30 sec before the torrential rain starts.

Inside in the dry I suggest something we could do to pass the time until the rain stops

"fancy a shag?"

A quick check of pockets and bags later and that idea is dead in the water. Neither of us brought condoms. "Fuck!" or no-fuck as the case may be.

We stayed in that tent for the best part of 3 days while the rain hammered down. All we had to drink was water and the food was just dry army rations. We'd planned to get decent stuff one we had got to the site.

After the first day there was nothing left to talk about. After the first night I knew she had farts that could strip paint. I'm sure she was equally thrilled about me.

In the end, at the first sign of the rain stopping, we gave up, packed up and headed back home in mutual silence.

I can't point ot the exact moment the relationship fell apart, but we've not spoken since we got back. It is 5 years this summer.
(ShedOfEvil, Tue 26 Jul 2005, 21:09, Reply)

No great "I knew it was over" stories
the only real relationship I was in ended quite amicably, we are still great friends.

Now, if you want to hear some pitiful over before it started stories, I'm your man!

edit - apparently I finally have another success story!
( Or is it?, Mon 25 Jul 2005, 5:05, Reply)

I went halfway around the world for this
Got told "I would only marry a man man who is Christian and a good person." Good luck finding one who is both.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Mon 25 Jul 2005, 4:33, Reply)

Goodbye friend, you manky whore
I found out that my best friend of 13 years was happy living with my ex of 6 years. They had always told me that they hated eachother - she being a skank fisted gothesque slag, him being a Hugh Grant wannabe... But they managed to find happiness in eachothers arms. Oh well, he'll soon find out that his fetish for arse banging shagging will never be delivered from her virgin cherry bottom. Am I bitter??? You bet!!!
( sheraloonytunes, Mon 25 Jul 2005, 2:23, Reply)